Bittersweet Destiny Home

Chapter 4: Burning up.

A new day had come to Lisa Hayes and she couldn't stop thinking of all the little things she did the day before and how mundane and unimportant they looked at that moment, but now she would give anything to have them back again. Those little meaningless things like stopping in a random coffee shop in the middle of a random street and just stay there, not needing the company of anyone. It wasn't like she was shutting people out, but after so many years looking for solitude, she was a lonelier person, and she was used to that. In some moment, being alone and being independent were synonyms, and maybe that was the reason why was so hard for her to accept all of this. Of course that, and the fact that she was getting married.

The thought of that made Lisa shudder when she was looking outside from her bedroom window to the now sunny day. She took a big breath and closed her eyes, letting the sun warm her skin and giving her part of the energy that she so desperate needed right now. What was she thinking when she agreeed to this!, well…exactly that was the problem, she answered herself, "you weren't thinking at all, because in the moment that Rick looked at you and the both of you start that staring contest, you couldn't think again, Hayes" said sarcastically that little voice inside her head.

Lisa nodded her head trying to shut up the voice and just opened her eyes to see the green and blue outside. It was ironic that in such a beautiful day she was stuck in her house, thinking of her wedding….her wedding…how odd sounds that!, specially because of all of her confued emotions right now. She was getting married with the man she loves with all her soul, but for all the wrong reasons. Lisa sighed and started playing with her fingers, looking lost. Why did her life suddenly transforms into this? She was a lonely person with a platonic love for someone who was younger and full of confusion. That was something she knew how to handle, that and thousands of soldiers, military personal, ranks and weapons. But this?

Lisa didn't notice Claudia looking at her from the doorframe of her bedroom. She had her arms crossed and her head support in the frame. She thought about her best friend there, almost like a sister, a very stubborn sister. Her temper was something that had two sizes, she thought. In some angle, her stubborness plus her intelligence were what made her survive all these years and with her survival, almost everyone in the SDF 1 and why not to say? The world. She was the unknown heroin who worked in silence for the well been of everybody. But in other even as much good that side of her temper was, wasn't enough to compensate the negative aspect of it.

She closed herself to everyone, she even try to shut out her closest people. She did it with her father, even he apparently didn't say anything for try to change that behavior, but even all that, he was her father after all. And she tries to keep Claudia and Roy out, but luckily, they were as stubborn as her. They just didn't let her do that, they almost kidnapped her every weekend for a couple of hours to make her "live", as Roy liked to say. Almost nobody knew about this, that was one of the implicit conditions that Lisa expressed, just with her eyes every time they looked at her.

Every Saturday morning, Roy knocked on her door at 8 AM and made her go out with him and run. That was a routine they begun after Lisa's father died. In his logic, Roy thought that a good way to keep out bad memories and just the excess of thoughts was to get tired with physically activity. Of course, at the beginning Lisa complained or just didn't open her door at all. Sadly for her, Claudia gave Lisa's key to Roy once and he made his own copy. Those days were funny, Claudia thought smiling to herself for a second, remembering when Lisa called her and screamed and curseed telling her that Roy not just scared the hell out of her when he enters her house making noise, but getting really angry when he splashed some water on her and making her jump from her bed. Claudia laughed her lungs out from the phone that time when Lisa told her this, and even she was screaming angry and Roy was obviously running away when she threw a shoe into his direction, Lisa couldn't hide the fact that she was glad. After the jogging session, where Roy made her talk all the way, even if he had to bother her, they'd come back to Roy and Claudia's place. When they arrived, Claudia always have sweets for breakfast, knowing that Lisa's couldn't say no to certain cakes and candy's. After breakfast, Lisa and Claudia got back to her place, she showered and changed and Claudia push her to the mall or the movies or any activity on town. True to be told, mostly every single piece of clothing that wasn't a uniform in Lisa's closet was because Claudia make her buy it or bought it herself. Those moments between the two friends where most appreciated for both, because Lisa opened up easily (specially because she ended up telling more of what she thought to Roy when they were running) and Claudia could talk about things that Roy just couldn't understand. After lunch, Claudia and Lisa go to each home. Lisa knew that even though they were her step family, they needed time to be alone, and just on rare occasions she agreed to meet them on Saturday night. That dynamic transformation into a catharsis that kept Lisa, in some ways, alive.

Claudia nod sadly for a second. Today was Saturday.

Lisa felt the presence of Claudia and turned around to meet her. They looked at each other for a second, without words. They were alone, Roy went with Rick because they needed to change, Roy was going to bring some clothes to Claudia on the way back.

- You should go home Claudia, I'm going to be alright.

- I Know - said Claudia and walked next to her - but it's not wise to be alone right now, we don't know if Jake is around here.

- Yeah, he could be anywhere - said Lisa looking outside.

- Hey, cheer up a little - Claudia turned her around and made her look at her - try to look on the good side, you are going to marry the man you love - she wink at her.

Lisa looked down and sighed and nodded a "no" to her.

- He doesn't love me Claudia, he's just doing it for pity, and I don't know why I'm allowing this.

- Well, ok, you have a point - said Claudia walking to the edge of the bed and sitting there - but you must be blind if you think Rick is not attracted to you.

Lisa sat next to her and looked at the ceiling, blushing a little.

- Oh well, maybe, but that's not enough for get married.

- No, but in the situation, it's the only option.

- True, but what I can don't understand is why is he doing it…

- Oh well, who knows? There are confused people and Rick Hunter.

Lisa giggled a little and after a while she turned serious again.

- I'm afraid I'm going to make his life miserable. He doesn't love me, he loves Minmei.

- He "believes" he loves her. I can put my hands on the fire on that, he just has the crush of the century for her, but he doesn't love her, he still don't know what love is.

Lisa looked at her asking a silent why. Claudia let herself fall onto the bed, looking at the ceiling.

- Can you still describe what you felt the first time you saw Karl?

Lisa thought for a moment, remembering those times, now so far away.

- He was the most handsome man I ever saw. I specially remembered his eyes, the intense way he looked at everything. He own the place when he entered a room, no matter which one was or who was there. I remembered that my hear jump and I felt like there was nobody except we on the room…and we he looked at me, I felt so…precious, so special…

- Well honey, is that the way Rick made you feel now?

- Oh no! - and she laughed a sad laugh - Rick makes me feel so different. He challenges me, it's like every time I'm with him I have to be ready, and even if he's not around, I remembered what he said, what he make me angry. In some way, when I'm with him, I feel alive, because it's like….I don't know….it's like he is capable to bring out my best and my worst. He is…I don't know exactly…is…is like he makes me feel like my skin is alive, that every nerve in me is awake…

- So, what you are saying is when you meet Carl for the first time, you were concentrated mostly in what he did or not, in extreme words, he was a god and you were just lucky to have his attention -

Lisa raise an eyebrow at that

- Hehehe, well…not exactly that but that's the idea, and now, with Rick, you are most amazed of what he's is capable to do to you. You fancy him intellectually, mentally and physically, but after all this time, he's capable to make you feel alive, right?

Lisa nodded.

- Well, in my book, the first one is a crush, and the second one is love. Because when you have the first crush, you realize for the first time how wonderful can be someone else, for the first time you feel and discovered what the opposite sex is, or in some case the same sex - and Claudia winked at her and Lisa laugh - The first time your senses are full of the exquisite feeling for the other, but after that, with time, you realize not just the good and bad of the other person, but you find out what the other is capable of doing to you everyday. Sometimes even after a while you discovered that the guy you choose, even if he is good and nice, don't make you feel anything, well…all depends of your temper, and thinking in yours, I think feeling alive is exactly what you need…I really think that, when people say opposites attract each other is because we are looking for that someone that make you whole.

Lisa looked at her friend for a long moment, and then smiled a little.

- Now I understand what you mean with the "crush of the century".

- Yeah, he's is Mister Crush.

Lisa fell onto her bed next to Claudia, looking at the ceiling thinking.

- I just hope that changes, and I hope that I am what he needs to be whole.

- I know that you are what he needs to be complete. I just hope he finds out soon now.

- What happens if he doesn't?

- Well…if we catch Jake, you two can get a divorce..

Lisa couldn't stop a sudden shudder and she open her eyes wider, still looking at the ceiling, and Claudia notice and look at her.

- Think of this as an opportunity Lisa, I'm pretty sure you are meant to be with each other…

- But what if we are not? What if he can't stop feeling for Minmei and I'm just going to make him and myself miserable? What if Jake we never find Jake? What…?

- That's a lot of "what ifs" I don't have the answer to sweetie, I just think we have to hope for the best, the rest? Well…we will figure it out...But what I really think you should do right now is go and take a

shower, the guys are going to be here soon anyway…-she rolled her eyes.

Lisa laughed and got up.

- Yeah, and you better leave me some hot water for me!

- All right, all right…- and Lisa walked to the bathroom she stop when Claudia talked.

- Hey, don't underestimated Rick, you know? He could say no, but he didn't. Nobody made him agree, and he's not a baby… not anymore.

She just look at her and nodded, then disappeared into bathroom.


Rick's walked into his house and closed the door behind him, trying to leave behind everything that happened the past few days. One part of him wished he never brought those reports to Lisa, that part wanted to stay home and forget everything. Another part of him said the complete opposite, that it was more than all right to go through with this, that he can make a big difference in the life of someone he cared about. But wasn't that a lot to ask for himself? He wasn't giving money or time, he was giving, literally, his life for this!. Rick sighed and sat on the cold floor and stayed there. Why did he agree? What was Minmei going to think of all this!. Minmei, that was a subject that was going through his mind since he left Lisa's house. Curiously, she wasn't on his mind when he was there. Why was that?, why when he looked at Lisa's eyes he simplly stopped thinking anything and he started just to feel that he wanted to hold her tight and kiss her? Why sometimes when they were arguing with each other the idea to kiss her just to shut up jumped suddenly in his brain?

Rick shook his head and breathed hard, this wasn't the moment to think about those things, then he realized suddenly that it was exactly the moment to consider those things! He was going to marry her after all!. He stood up and walked to his bathroom, a good shower was what he needs right now.

When Rick entered his little bathroom the first thing he noticed was how empty it was, just what was necessary. When he ran to Lisa's bathroom, he stayed there, hiding for a while, and looked around, even if that wasn't a very nice thing to do. He was surprised when he found a lot of bottles of salts of different, bubbles bath, lotions, sponges and a lot of nice bath products. His first thought was that was strange for someone like Lisa, but on second thought he remembered how much she worked and that was normal for someone to look for some relaxation. Then he notice the bathroom, very clean, but very comfortable: a nice bathtub, really soft towels, some candles. Everything what you need for a nice bath. Her bathroom wasn't fancy at all, and was very welcoming.

Rick stood there and then look at his own, almost…blank. For a second, he made a face and wished to be able to take a shower in her bathroom and spoil himself with those products, even if was kind of girly…maybe he can find some fun in it…then he thought about the kind of fun…and he blushed furiously. He gulped, walked to the shower and turned on the hot water. He picked up some clean clothes, and when he came back in, the steam was everywhere.

When he was ready, he went into the shower and left the water do the magic, specially on his sore neck muscles. Sleeping in that chair was really uncomfortable, but he didn't sleep that much either. He felt asleep a lot time after Claudia and Roy. From his point of view he saw Lisa and couldn't stop wondering about everything about her. The situation was far away from odd, it was almost unbelievable, but what shocked himself most was his own behavior. Rick sighed in the shower and closed his eyes for a second, and let the water wash him from everything. He turned around and put some shampoo on his hand and washed his hair, but didn't notice that he left it there when he begin thinking again. Did he like Lisa in the first place? A voice inside his head told him that he liked her more than what he wanted to admit, that he wanted her badly mind, soul…and body. That was one truth that be must confronted in the morning, when Claudia just said aloud what Lisa felt for him and what he felt for her. Did she really love him as she said? He wasn't sure or maybe he didn't accept that fact right now, told him again the little voice in his head.

The water ran against his body and he didn't notice it at all, he was against the wall, looking from the ceiling to the floor and couldn't manage a single line of thoughts. In some way, what happened in the morning left him wondering, mostly, about his own behavior. He felt so…so…so complicated when he was around Lisa, and so simple at the same time. When he was with her, he couldn't stop feeling the challenge, that he always could do better, that he was almost lazy in some issues, which was true, spoke again the little voice. When he was with her, he always discovered something new about himself, and that scared him the most, because he realized that he was just a in a journey of self discovery. When he was with her he felt that he was almost a kid, that he was immature and stupid. But at the same time, been with her was synonym of go further, of and unlimited possibilities for him and for her, because every time he discovered something new about her. And in some point, he started feeling more than physically attracted to her. When he listened to her story, he felt angry and pain. Why pain? Because he was supposed to be the hero after all. And she was closer to him, he was angry with himself. Maybe that's why he agreed to do this, because deep down, he felt that she was him.

When Rick let this thoughts speak to him for the first time, he panicked. He couldn't deny that he was feeling more and more for this women than he want to admit. He shook his head and tried to recover those simple thought of two days ago, when the most important thing was Minmei. Minmei…OH God, he realized…what he was going to say to her! She wasn't going to understand, and she neededs him!…Oh well, maybe not that much, the voice said again. Last time what she needed from you wasn't "you" exactly, but was what you can bring with you, an excuse to run away for a couple of hours.

She wasn't the same girl he met. Well…it wasn't fair either to complain about this, because he wasn't the same boy she met him. They both grow up in different directions, and even though they tried to get through this, it was an impossible task, specially because Rick was doing mostly all the work to keep that relationship. But still…he needed to talked with her and…try to make her understand.

In that moment, part of the shampoo of his hair fell into his eyes and he cried aloud. He sprayed it away with the water and started with the soap.

What he was going to do with her, he didn't know. Minmei was so simple that sometimes it was difficult to get along with her. Everything was black or white with her, good or bad, love or hate. He shuddered a little, that was going to be more annoying than difficult. Then he thought about all the people they needed to informed of the real situation, Max and Miriya, Gloval, Sammie, Vanessa and Kim. They were important people in both of their lives, and they couldn't lie to them. No way…Lisa never would let him lie to them, and then he chuckled a little. In some ways they were already married in so many ways. He stopped and stood straight, letting the water rinse him while he kept thinking… there were some "aspecst" they needed to talked about, things that married couples do...

The moment Rick thought about this, his eyes grew wider and images of a couple of dreams come to his brain in a second, pretty good dreams actually…Oh no…no, no, no, Rick turned around with all his willpower and turned the cold water on very fast.


Disclaimer: BITTERSWEET DESTINY is a fanfiction written by Carla Aguilar (nickname Carla “Fox”). ROBOTECH and all other related characters, names, and indicia are trademarks of Harmony Gold USA, Inc. This fanfic was written for noncommercial purposes. Any other popular private references, belongs to their owners. No infringement is intended. Santiago de Chile, Online since 2003.
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