fanfic_name = Two Sides

chapter = 4

author = Dwparsnip

Rating = AP15

Type = Angst

fanfic = His eyes were closed but he still heard everything that was going on. He could here the frantic calls of his best friend Max over the communication channel, as well as the calmer but equally concerned calls of Miriya. He could tell she was frustrated at being so close to him yet unable to do anything to help him. He couldn't speak, even though he tried with everything he could muster, and as he felt the lurch as his Alpha hit the hangar floor, his mind shut down completely.



Rick was sleeping peacefully, that is until he heard someone yelling, very loudly. He couldn't pick out what the voice was saying, but he recognized the voice as Max's. 'I don't think I've ever heard him be so serious', he thought amusedly.



Rick concentrated and the first thing he realized was his helmet was gone, followed quickly by the fact that he thought his flight suit was very wet. 'How the hell did I get wet?' He also realized that he was being handled rather roughly, and he thought for a moment that he was drunk, had passed out somewhere and was being taken home. That thought was quickly dispelled when he felt a searing pain in his left side, and it all came back to him in a bright flash. He had taken a hit, a very palpable hit, as Shakespeare had put it. 'I was in space, how the hell did I get wet?', he asked himself again.



He gathered up all of his strength, opened his eyes and found himself looking up into the concerned eyes of Jean Grant. He realized he was on a stretcher, and as he felt the safety straps go around him, he looked for Lisa. She was standing off to one side, and she looked as though she was being supported by Max on one side and Miriya on the other. She looked so pale and worried. 'Lisa!', his heart screamed to get her attention. He heard Jean tell them to get ready to move, and with whatever strength that he had left, he grabbed Jean's arm and pulled her close so that he could tell her something. He wanted to talk to someone.



"Max." His throat felt constricted, and he found it difficult to breath and talk. Jean looked at him and he repeated, "Max."



He watched as she looked over to them and say something, and a moment later his friend was by his side. Rick held up his hand, which Max took in his own, and as the stretcher started to move, Max went with it, not loosening his hold on Rick's hand. Rick noticed with surprisingly little concern that his hand was covered in crimson and Max didn't seem to mind. 'Of course.', he thought calmly, 'blood. That's how I got wet. I'm bleeding.' They went through the hangar bay doors and waited at the elevator to take them to G deck, where the operating rooms were located.



"Max.Lisa.look after.Lisa." He took a painful, deep breath, at least as deep as he could. "Not her fault.Max.don't let her blame.herself.Promise me. Don't let her.blame herself."



Max looked at him and said reassuringly, "Come on, Rick. Don't talk like that. You'll be fine."



Rick shook his head and squeezed Max's hand. "No.Max. Not this time. You tell Lisa.I love her.Promise me you.will look after her.and Roy."



Max looked at his friend and said, "Of course, Rick. They will never be alone. I'll take care of them."



Rick nodded. He could see that Max understood the gravity of his request. They had both seen enough death and injuries over the years to know that Rick's injuries were very severe. "Not her fault, Max.I was.too stubborn.Tell her."



He saw a tear roll down Max's cheek. "I will Rick. I promise."



The elevator doors opened and they moved inside. Rick felt the coldness creep into him, and he was finding it really hard to keep his eyes open. "Max.old friend." He squeezed Max's hand again, and he saw the concern in Max's eyes when he realized that Rick's grip was getting weaker. "I was Roy's little.brother.you are mine.Max." He took a sharp intake of breath as a wave of pain hit him, and he forced himself to finish his thought. "My little brother.take care.old friend.remember.promise.Lisa."



He closed his eyes and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get them to open up again. He heard the doors open and Jean yell for them to move, and as he felt the gurney start to move out of the elevator, Rick felt Max's hand release his.



'I just need to sleep for a few minutes', he thought tiredly. 'Just relax.and think of Lisa.'



And he did think of her. 'We've been through so much', he thought. He dreamed of the first time they kissed of their own accord moments after Minmei left them beside the burning hulk of the SDF-1; the first time they made love after days and days of needless analyzing about whether or not they were ready; when she told him she was pregnant, and the radiant look on her face as she held their son for the first time; when she kissed Stevens.



'No!', he cried into the darkness.  Rick felt like he was lying down on some sort of bed, but he felt awake. He got up, and when he tried to walk he felt like he was in fact walking. He looked up into the darkness as he heard a steady high pitched whine, but he couldn't see anything that could be causing it, and he was suddenly very, very cold. He looked down again and he found himself in front of a door, with a dull light above it illuminating the immediate area. 'What the hell?', he thought. 'Where did that come from?'  The last thing he really remembered was talking to Max about Lisa and Roy, though flashes of other memories came to him. He reached down and cautiously took the door handle in his hand. He paused to look at his hand, and he realized it was no longer covered in blood. He looked himself over and found that he was totally uninjured and that he was in his regular uniform, not a flight suit. 'Weird!'



He opened the door and stepped into a dimly lit room, and as he stepped away from the door it closed, trapping him inside. He was about to turn and try to open the door but something, a feeling, told him to stay.and wait.



He didn't have to wait long. A football field distance away, a door appeared and opened up. Just as he thought about making a run for the door, a tall, slender figure stepped through, and as the person started walking towards Rick, the room became bright, though Rick could see no light source of any kind. Rick shielded his eyes with his hand to give his eyes a few seconds to adjust, and by the time they did, the person who entered the room was almost to him. Rick watched the person get closer, and he could see that the person wore an old style, purple and black RDF uniform.



Rick's eyes opened wide in amazement as he noticed the mane of unruly blond hair, and finally the piercing blue eyes that were sparkling in mischief. 'It can't be.', he thought as he ran his hands over his head looking for any head injuries that may have escaped his attention earlier.



Roy Fokker looked at him and said jovially, "I've really missed you, Little Brother, but I was hoping I wouldn't see you for a long time yet." Roy looked at Rick with an amused expression, and when Rick didn't say anything for a minute Roy said, "After all these years, don't you have anything to say to me?"



Dumbfounded, Rick nodded his head and said, "You're looking pretty good for a dead guy." Roy looked shocked at first, but only for a moment and his face broke into a mile wide grin.



"That's the spirit!", Roy exclaimed. "No pun intended." He gave Rick a serious look and said, "You really put your foot in it this time, didn't you Little Brother?" He wagged his finger at Rick and shook his head back and forth. "If I taught you anything about combat flying it was not to get distracted in a fight. Shame on you."



Rick was embarrassed by that, but only for a moment. "Hey, I did all right. I got them all didn't I?" He looked off into the distance and said quietly, "Besides, what do it matter?"



A chair appeared out of nowhere, and Roy took it, turned it around and sat on it, so that his arms rested on the back of the chair. "What's the trouble, Rick?"



'I'm sure he already knows what's going on.but what the hell.' He looked at Roy. He looked exactly the same as he had looked the last time Rick saw him alive back on the SDF-1, when he was in the hospital after being shot down by their own missiles. "What do you want to know? The ship is nearly in pieces, the fleet is unorganized, I don't get to see my son as often as I want to, oh what else.let me think for a second.I caught Lisa cheating on me with a younger guy from Engineering, I have way too much work to do.you know what, I think that's pretty much about it."



A knowing look came to Roy's face. "Do I have to ask which one of those is responsible for getting you in here?"



Rick didn't answer him. He just stood there looking around, and noticed for the first time that no matter which way he looked, all he saw was a bright white.



"Do you really think Lisa is cheating on you Rick?" It was a straightforward question, and for a second it caught Rick off guard.



He glanced at Roy and then looked at the floor. "I saw it with my own eyes, Roy."



"Saw what, Rick?"



Rick looked at his Big Brother. 'Never any beating around the bush with you, was there?' Rick took a deep breath blew it out. "I don't want to remember.it hurts too much."



"Come on, Rick. I've been out of the loop for years, at least fill me in on this."



Rick almost smiled.almost.



"We've been busy lately, and I missed her, so I took a Battloid up to her office window to surprise her."



"Damned romantic.must have learned that from me", Roy commented.



Not missing a beat, Rick went on. "And when I looked in I saw her kiss a guy from Engineering."



"Did she kiss him or did he kiss her?"



"Does it really matter, Roy? She didn't stop it, either way. Then she pulled him over onto her, and he started undoing her uniform."



Roy contemplated this for a second and asked, "Did they.ah .you know?"



Rick shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, Roy.I couldn't take anymore and got the hell out of there as fast as the afterburners could take me."



Roy rubbed his chin in apparent deep thought, and then replaced his arms on the back of the chair. "What did she say when you asked her about it?", asked Fokker. Rick just stood there looking at the floor. "You did talk to her about this, didn't you Rick?" Again, Rick didn't answer. "You've grown up and come a long way, Little Brother, but you're still an idiot when it comes to women." As Rick turned to face him Roy added, "Or is it just when it comes to Lisa?"



"I saw it.", Rick began and Roy finished it with, ".with your own eyes, yes so you've said." He looked up at Rick and asked, "Come on, Rick, you know Lisa better than anyone. You know she isn't the type of person to do something like that. There's got to be more to it. She loves you, Rick.for some reason." After a sour look from Rick and a few moments of silence Roy asked, "Why didn't you talk to her?"



"Why would I want.", he said angrily, but his voice softened suddenly and he continued with, "I was so hurt, Roy, and pissed.but mostly hurt. You're right. I never thought Lisa would do something like that. But things have been kind of.I don't know.not bad, but not great between us lately, with all the work to be done and all that rot. We haven't been clicking like we used to. And when I saw her kissing him, I've never felt a pain like it before in my life. Ever. The last thing I wanted to do was see her and talk to her."



"Nice to see your stubborn streak is still intact after all these years." Roy looked thoughtful as he summarized. "So you saw something, made an assumption as to what had happened, made up your mind, refused to listen to her side of the story and let her explain, you left her alone, and on top of all that, nearly got yourself killed." He shook his head and said as he laughed, "You're in deep trouble, Rick. Don't you know by now that assumption is the mother of all foul-ups?"



Rick was having his own bout of thoughtfulness. "You said nearly got myself killed. You mean I'm not dead?"



Roy looked up and shook his head. "Not yet. The jury is still out on that matter. You took a lot of shrapnel in the lower abdomen and lost a ton of blood.you better hope they don't take the cleaning bill for the cockpit out of your salary. You're in the OR right now, and that high-pitched noise you heard a little while ago was the heart monitor go flat line on you. They brought you back and you're hanging on by the proverbial thread." Roy saw Rick's skepticism and explained. "As with many things in life, Little Brother, some things in death depend on what you do or don't do.how much you want to live.or die." He paused for a second. "Don't get me wrong, usually you don't have a choice. When you're number is called, that's it. But there are times."



Rick interrupted him by saying, "So come on already. Let's go." Rick started walking towards the door that Roy had come in through, and when he turned his head to see if Roy was following him, the chair was empty and Roy was nowhere to be seen. Rick stopped walking, turned to look at Roy's door and got a fright when he looked into the chest of his Big Brother.



"How did you.?", Rick asked, only to have Roy interrupt. "It doesn't matter, Rick."



Roy sat down in the chair, which again appeared out of nowhere and looked at Rick. "Not quite yet, Little Brother. Let's take a few more moments to think this through. What about Max and Miriya, your friends and the soldiers and pilots that respect you so much? They all need you. They look to you, along with Lisa, for so much, just like you used to look to me, and like we all used to look to Gloval."



As Rick thought about what Roy had just said, Roy spoke again. "And what about Roy?" Fokker's chest swelled with pride when he spoke the boy's name. "You're being kind of cavalier about leaving him without his father aren't you?"



Rick hadn't really thought about his son, much to his chagrin. "Max will be there for him. And he loves his mother, and despite everything she loves him like nothing else. He'll be okay. He's tough like his Dad."



Roy grunted, shrugged his shoulders as he said, "I don't know, Rick.his Dad isn't acting so tough right now." Rick opened his mouth to respond, but Roy beat him to it. "He needs you, Rick. He needs his father. I know Max would look after him, and do a fine job, but Max isn't his father." Roy pointed his finger at Rick's chest and said forcefully, "You are."



Roy folded his arms across his chest. "Then of course, there's the woman you love and owe so much to."



"I don't owe her.", Rick began, but he knew it what he was going to say was a blatant lie, and the bemused look on Roy's face told him that he knew it too.



"She loves you, Little Brother, and if you gave her half a chance to explain what happened, you'd see that."



Rick was getting tired of the conversation. "If you know what happened, put me out of my misery and tell me already." As he finished speaking, the coldness he had been feeling since he heard that steady beep was replaced by the warmest feeling he had ever felt. It was as if someone flicked on a switch.or entered the room. 'I've felt this before', it occurred to him.



Roy shook his head. "No can do, Rick." A glint came to Roy's eye. "I think I'll let your wife tell you that. She's about to talk to you."



Rick was confused. "Talk to me? A minute ago I was flat lining on the operating table, and now she's going to talk to me?" Rick held his head as if he were holding it onto his shoulders and said, "My head hurts.I think."



Roy laughed. "Time is a funny thing where we are right now, Rick. A second here can be an hour out there, or an hour in here can be a second out there. Out there, many hours have passed since we started talking, in fact right now it's early the next morning." He fixed Rick with a sympathetic look and said, "As an update, you pulled through surgery and you're in a room hooked up to.well, you're hooked up to a few things, and Lisa just sat down by your side." He cocked his head to one side as if he was trying to hear something when he said, "If I know the old sourpuss, she's going to start any minute telling you what happened."



"She's not an old sourpuss, Roy." Roy looked at Rick, who was also trying to hear what Lisa was going to say and Roy smiled.



He felt his right hand tingle with a warm electricity, and he looked down and flexed the hand. The only time he ever felt that feeling was when Lisa held his hand, or he held hers. He brought his hand up to his heart and held it there as he listened.



They both waited attentively, and a few seconds later, 'Or is it minutes or hours', thought Rick, they heard her voice whispering in the distance. Rick concentrated hard, trying to hear what she was saying. He instinctively took a step towards where Lisa's voice was coming from, and then another and another until he could easily pick out what she was saying. He glanced next to him to see Roy, still sitting in the chair, also paying attention to what Lisa was saying. 'How'd he move without getting up?'



Finally, he could hear Lisa's sweet voice telling him what the doctors did and what Jean had said to her, and despite the pain and anger he was feeling, he smiled at hearing her voice. As she spoke though and he listened, his smile slowly faded. 'I've never heard her sound so afraid and in so much pain', he thought. He felt a pang of guilt, but pushed it aside to concentrate on what she was saying.



'Rick, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened. Please forgive me.'



'So much for her not blaming herself', he thought guiltily.



"She sounds heartbroken", Roy observed. Not wanting his Big Brother to see the guilt on his face or hear it in his voice, Rick ignored his comment. He felt a small jolt in his hand and flexed it. 'It didn't hurt', he mused, 'in fact it felt so nice.'



He looked to Roy in askance. He smiled and said softly, "She kissed your hand, dummy."



Rick smiled, and he knew it wasn't because of Roy's banter, but because Lisa had kissed his hand.



'Rick, what you saw was.Rick it was an accident.No, that sounds so stupid.'



He heard her clear her throat and he could tell that she was struggling terribly to find the words. 'It was.Rick I don't know what it was. I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't want it to happen.I never asked him.'



She stopped and Rick narrowed his eyes and said to Roy, "She's babbling. She gets like that when she doesn't know how to say something. If I know her at all she's probably biting her bottom lip right about now."



Roy cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "Just tell him already! We don't have all year, you know!" He put his arms back on the back of the chair and grinned. "Actually, I do have all year.but you guys don't."



Rick shook his head in amazement and turned back towards Lisa's voice.



'I was thinking of how much I missed you. I locked myself in my office so that I could finish my work and get home to be with you.'



Rick closed his eyes and smiled. 'Forsythe said she threatened to court martial anyone who disturbed her.'



'The damn communicator kept going off. First it was Jean, then it was the galley, then it was.Oh my God.then you called, and I was so frustrated at being interrupted again that I snapped at you and cut the channel.'



He felt the sting of her rudeness again, but it began to fade almost immediately as she said,  'I was going to call you back, Rick, I swear, but I decided to get through those reports so I could make it up to you in person. you have to believe me.'



He wasn't sure what to believe anymore, but he knew for sure by her tone of voice that she was feeling miserable. He looked at Roy, who was listening as intently as he was.



'I even turned off the communicator on my desk so that I could get through the reports I had after you called.' She laughed.a sad laugh he could tell. 'Do you believe that, Rick? I actually turned it off.'



The tingling in his hand intensified, and as she spoke again he brought the hand up, laid his chin upon it and closed his eyes. 'I got through them and I started thinking about you, daydreaming about you really. I called the Sit. Room to see if you were going to be going home soon but you were gone. You were gone out in the Alpha.of course."



'She only just realized that', it came to him.



'That's when Stevens came in to give me his report on.I can't remember. I was so tired, Rick, and I actually dozed off sitting up on the couch with a report in my hand.'



Rick opened his eyes wide in shock and lowered his hand to his side. It certainly wasn't like her to do something like that. He looked to Roy, who whistled and shrugged his shoulders. They both looked up as she said, 'I only dozed for a second, and when I did I dreamed of you. I kept seeing those blue eyes that always make me feel so safe and happy, and then I dropped that report. I woke up and reached for it, but so did he and his hand landed on mine. When I looked at him, Rick, it was your eyes that I saw, and when I felt his hand it was your hand I felt.'



Rick shook his head slowly as she paused to take a deep breath. He was beginning to appreciate the toll this was taking on her, and he was feeling awful for what she was going through, for what he was putting her through.



'When he kissed me, I thought it was you. I knew that something didn't feel right, but I assumed that it was because it had been so long since we had kissed and been together like that.'



He felt another jolt in his hand. 'Another kiss', he automatically registered.



'I.when I felt his arms it felt so wrong, and I stopped the kiss and looked at him. I was horrified, Rick. I.I jumped up, managed to get to my desk and did up my uniform. I was so embarrassed for falling asleep in the first place, and flabbergasted by what had happened, by what I had done.I apologized.I just wanted him to leave.'



He could feel her touching his cheek and he reveled in the warmness of the feeling. 'I went home and after I pulled myself together, I called the Sit. Room, but you had asked not to be disturbed. You knew. I waited and was going to call your office.but I was so damned tired. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until almost 7. When I read your note, I ran to flight control to talk to you.'



Rick looked to Roy, who gave him an 'I told you so' look and said, "What are you thinking, Rick?"



As Roy stood up and moved to stand beside him, Rick struggled to control his thoughts and feelings. When Lisa started talking about it, he felt the anger and pain he had felt when he saw her with Stevens, but as she went on and he heard the sincerity in her voice, the anger melted away. He knew she was telling him the truth. Besides the fact that Lisa was one of the honorable people he had ever known, he could tell from years of practice and familiarity when she was telling him a lie.



And her voice.it was so sincere and so full of regret and sorrow.



He hated hearing her voice sound so sad.



'I'm sorry, Rick. Please believe me.please come back to me. Miriya says that the Zentraedi believe that wounded warriors can hear people who talk to them. Please hear me, Rick.I don't know how to live without you.'



She paused and Rick could hear a sniffle. 'She's crying.Lisa.'



He could hear her voice take on a softer tone. 'I recognized your flight path. You were going to Planetia Colony.' The soft tone turned into a desperate on. 'Rick, I have never begged you to do anything in my life.but I'm begging you now. Don't leave, Rick. Please.'



Beside him, Roy cleared his throat, and Rick looked over to him. "Well, Rick. Do you believe her?"



Rick felt a solitary tear roll down his cheek. "I.I don't know what to believe."



Roy put his hand on Rick's shoulder and said, "It all boils down to trust, Little Brother."



Rick shot Roy an annoyed look and said, "I trust my senses, Roy."



"Are you saying you don't trust Lisa, Rick?" Roy sighed and raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "I think we both know better than that." He thought for a second and asked rhetorically, "How many times while we were aboard the SDF-1 did you trust your life to Lisa? How many times have you trusted your deepest secrets and feelings to her? Has she ever, before now, given you any reason at all to think she has betrayed that trust?"  Roy patted Rick's shoulder, folded his arms and said, "Come on, Rick."



"I didn't say I don't trust her, Roy", Rick said harshly. He looked into his friend's eyes and whispered, "But I just..."



".Can't get past what you saw", Roy finished. Rick nodded his head.





Rick watched as Roy paused to figure out how to say what he wanted to say.



"Do you love her, Rick?"



Rick threw his arms up in frustration and exclaimed, "Of course I do, Roy! I can't remember what life was like before loving her.do you think I could turn that off with the flick of a switch?" He lowered his voice and added, "She means the world to me"



"Did she sound like she was trying to pull the wool over your eyes just now?"



Rick lowered his gaze to the floor and said softly, "No."



"In simpler language you believe her.so what's the problem?"



Rick felt an electrical charge hit his lips, and he brought his hand up to touch them. He staggered backwards at the love he felt through he shock.



Another shock to his lips rocked him again, and it shook him so deeply that it seemed to knock all the doubt from his mind. He smiled, took a deep breath and said with supreme confidence, "No problem." He shook his head in agonizing realization. "I've been a fool."



"Hunh", grunted Roy, "that's an understatement."



Rick turned to face Roy and couldn't help but smile at his comment. "I've really missed you, Big Brother." Rick held out his hand to Roy, and as they shook hands he said, "Thank you."



Roy said, "I've missed you too, Little Brother, and you can thank me by not coming back here for long time."



Rick laughed. "I'll try my best." He was about to say good-bye when he heard a familiar voice coming from the direction of the door that Roy had come in through.



'Roy, it's time.', the voice called.



Rick looked at Roy and smiled as he realized whose voice it was. 'Claudia.'



"You go to Lisa, Rick." Roy pointed his thumb towards his door and said, "The old ball and chain is calling me."



As Roy started walking to his door, Rick called out, "What do I do?"



Roy stopped, turned around and said, "Go through the door and concentrate on her. You'll find your way. Now get out of here before I get mad at you and give you a kick in the seat of your pants like you deserve."



Rick gave Fokker a salute and turned to face his door. He walked up to it, and to his immense relief the handle turned when he tried it. He walked through the door into the darkness, closed his eyes and concentrated on the one thing that could bring him back to life right now: Lisa...

State = Continuará/To Be Continue

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = dparsnipAThotmail.com