"Robotech - To The Stars: Aftermath - The First Year"
Chapter 19

February 18th, 2015

Lisa opened one eye and saw that the clock read 2am. She had slept longer than she was planning to and put it down to the lingering effects of the medication she had taken several hours before. She closed her eyes and tried to get back into a thinking frame of mind and started remembering bits and pieces of what had transpired earlier. She had been in quite a bit of pain and had taken some medication the nurse had left, then Kim came over and they had an argument. It had something to do about the medication but it took Lisa a few minutes to remember the conversation.
Kim had pulled off a little act to try and get Lisa to see what effect the medication had on her. Lisa hadn't realized it then, but she realized it now and was grateful to Kim. Lisa could feel the throbbing in her back but was determined to keep away from any painkillers. They made her feel strange and she knew that she had taken more than was prescribed to help her deal with her personal problems and that was a very bad and dangerous thing to do. Kim had accused her of being an addict, but Lisa wasn't really, but it was Kim's way of making Lisa realize that she needed to stop now, and that's what she was going to do.
Lisa got up slowly and made her way to the living room where she found Kim snoring on the couch. Lisa chuckled at the scene and went back to her room to get a blanket then brought it back to the living room and placed it over Kim, who snorted and then mumbled and woke up.
"I'm sorry I woke you," said Lisa quietly.
Kim stared at Lisa for a moment, Kim's hair looking like she had stuck her finger in a light socket. "Huh? Where am I? Oh...oh hey. Are you ok Lisa?"
"Yes I'm fine," answered Lisa.
Kim looked at her suspiciously then asked, "Are you sure? You haven't taken anything you're not suppose to are you?"
Lisa smiled, "No ma'am. I haven't taken anything. I'm going to stay away from that stuff from now on. Your little act worked."
Kim was surprised for a few seconds then said, "Oh well, yeah, I needed to figure out a way to make you realize it."
"I did. Thank you Kim," replied Lisa.
Kim waved her hand, "Hey no problem."
Lisa smirked, "I'll make sure you get some type of raise."
Lisa had meant it to be a joke, but Kim took the comment seriously and spoke up quickly, saying, "Lisa. I didn't mean it, really. You know that I don't expect anything in return at all. I would consider myself a terrible friend if I didn't help you, and I'd do anything to help my friends."
"Kim, please don't worry. I was just joking. I know your dedication to your friends and that's why everyone loves you and respects you so much," said Lisa calmly.
Kim, touched by Lisa's comment, but on who hated to show her sentimental side, thought of something to change the subject away from herself and said, "By the way, I thought you might want to know.... we can send outgoing transmissions. Nothing coming in though."
Lisa thought for a moment and was about to say something when Kim added, "There's... there's something I have to tell you."
Lisa knew that tone to be Kim's confession tone and felt apprehensive as she waited to hear what it was Kim had to say.
"Lisa...after the meeting, in Monument..." started Kim pensively.
Lisa held her breath, she suspected it had something to do with Rick and was scared to hear what it could be.
"I was outside the conference and I heard what Rick said to you. And after you left the conference room, Rick came out, and I...I lost it I guess, and...I slapped him," said Kim, looking down at the floor.
"You slapped Rick?" asked Lisa, not sure she had heard correctly.
Kim grabbed Lisa's shoulders and said, "I'm so sorry! I...I was just so mad at him, I wasn't thinking. I slapped him and told him I hated him." Kim's eyes were a bit watery and she waited for Lisa to react.
Lisa tried to picture the scene and she actually found it rather amusing. Maybe that's what Mr. Rick Hunter needed, a wakeup call delivered via I'll-Crack-Your-Head-Open-If-You-Piss-Me-Off Kim Young. Lisa started to chuckle and Kim was caught off guard by Lisa's reaction.
"Aren't you mad?" asked Kim.
Lisa chuckled again then said, "Actually, no. It sounds pretty amusing actually. I wish I had seen been able to see it."
Kim scratched her head and then asked quietly, "So, is it ok if I send him a note...I wanted to send him an apology. I mean, I still am very mad at him, but I think I went too far when I slapped him. I had no right to do that."
"Sure, you can apologize to him if you want. You don't need to ask my permission," said Lisa.
"Do you...do you want to say anything to him?" asked Kim cautiously.
Lisa sat perfectly still for a moment and thought about it. She had already tried once, was she going to try again? She thought that maybe this separation was what was needed to let them both cool off for awhile.
"Um...no, actually, as much as I would like to talk to him, I think it's best if I let things cool down for awhile..." Lisa looked as if she were lost in thought and Kim could think of nothing else to do except put her hand on Lisa's shoulder and say quietly, "I...I think, I know that this must be a difficult time for you, and maybe it seems that Rick doesn't care, but we all know that's not true. I know things will straighten out, and that big dopey teddy bear will come to his senses eventually. I'll...I'll say a prayer for you."
Lisa looked at Kim with surprise and Kim shrugged her shoulders and explained, "Shocking eh? I guess what Vanessa's been trying to tell me all these years finally started to sink in. And there's a particular reason why, but it's still something I can't bring myself discuss right now. But trust me, pray, and it does work. I've found that out first hand."
Lisa shook her head and didn't press Kim for details. Lisa suspected that it had something to do with what happened the day Khyron attacked the SDF-1 and SDF-2. Lisa stood up slowly and said, "Kim, you go ahead and go back to your quarters, I'll be alright by myself tonight."
Kim was going to ask Lisa if she were sure, but she saw the old Lisa that she remembered well; the one that was confident and in control, and she canceled her question, gave Lisa a salute, then picked up her stuff and went back to her own quarters.

* * * * * * *

Rick couldn't fall asleep so he turned on the radio and tuned it to an oldies station, hoping and figuring that there would not be a Minmei song played on there. Thirty minutes had passed by and the music had been nice and mellow.
Throughout the thirty minutes he had been thinking about what it would be like to be an Admiral; what responsibilities would be demanded of him. He hadn't been thinking of Lisa but a song came on that hit him right between the eyes and all the other things he had been thinking about took a backseat to Lisa.
From the sounds of it, the song was very old, but the words were ageless....

There was a time when we were down and out
There was a place when we were starting over
We let the bough break
We let the heartache in
Who's sorry now
(1)

Rick thought about how he and Lisa had seemingly finally built up something good between them, but then he let it all come crashing down.

......
What , what kind of fool
Tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
(1)

Rick thought about what Lisa must be going through right now, on the satellite, injured and thinking that Rick didn't care about her.

.......
Was there a moment when I cut you down
(1)
Rick remembered the words that he had said to Lisa, those horrible words he said, that nothing was more important in his life than flying.

......
What have I done
I only apologize
For being as they say, the last to know
(1)

Rick remembered the countless times when he was blinded by his own selfishness, oblivious to the needs of people around him, especially Lisa. He remembered that his blindness and selfishness had nearly destroyed Lisa.

........
What, what kind of fool
Tears it apart
Leaving me pain and sorrow
Losing you now
How can I win
Where will I be tomorrow
(1)

As the song faded out Rick had had enough and quickly went to the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. He couldn't stand it, the realization that he had been a fool for the past 4 years and was still a fool now. He had believed he had changed and matured over the past few years, and he actually had, but when it came to the one person who was the most important person in his life, he was still the same old selfish jerk. Rick was so angry at himself he felt like beating his head against the wall but he knew it would do no good. He looked at himself in the mirror again and remembered what Vanessa had told him, to stop being a selfish jerk and be the man that everyone knew he could be, the man that Lisa knew he could be and needed him to be.
After letting this resolution sink in for a few moments, Rick found himself calming down, so he splashed some water on his face and headed to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of tea to help him further calm down.
When he walked into the kitchen he found Sammie putting the tea kettle on the stove. She quickly said, "Oh Rick, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? I tried not to make any noise."
Rick shook his head and grinned, "Nah. I was already awake, in fact, I was heading over here to put some water on the stove but I see you beat me to it."
Sammie put her finger to her chin and said, "Ohhhhh, we both headed to the kitchen almost at the same time. One of us must be psychic!!"
Rick laughed and walked to the cupboard to pick out a teabag and said, "Maybe, but then that's not a bad thing is it?"
Sammie smiled and answered, "No it isn't! In fact, as far as work goes, it could be a big help."
Rick fixed his cup then sat down at the table and Sammie joined him.
"How come you're up so late?" asked Rick.
Sammie wrung her hands a little bit, a sign that she was nervous about something. "Well, this is nearly the first time in a long time, at least that I can remember, when both Vanessa and Kim have been gone at the same time. It's something I'm not used to and so I couldn't sleep and decided to try some tea. What about you?"
Sammie waited for Rick's answer although she knew and pretty much expected that Rick wouldn't be sleeping very well for awhile.
"I don't think I'll be able to get a good night's sleep until I talk to Lisa," said Rick quietly.
Sammie nodded and remained quiet.
"I just can't stop thinking about her, the promotion, what is expected of me, what's been happening these past couple weeks...it's all so overwhelming," said Rick with a hint of despair in his voice.
Sammie nodded again and said, "I know. I mean, if I'm stressed out, I can only imagine what you must be going through. I...I'm going to talk to the Chaplain tommorrow. Vanessa, and my grandmother for that matter, always told me that when I feel overwhelmed and nothing seems to be going right, instead of getting depressed and angry about it, to go to church and pray for help." Sammie was going to continue but the tea kettle started to whistle and she got up to turn it off and fix the cups of tea.
"Here we are," Sammie said as she set Rick's cup down in front of him.
"Thanks Sam," said Rick with a small smile.
Sammie sat down and grinned, "It's good to see you smile Rick, you look so cute when you smile."
Rick shrugged and thought of Sammie's previous words and asked, "Does it work? I mean, when you don't know what to do and feel so frustrated and pray, does it work?"
Sammie shook her head adamantly, "Oh yes, it does! Sometimes, we forget and get caught up so much in what's happening to us and how we're feeling that we forget that all we need to do is take a moment to stop and pray about it. I'm not saying that everytime you pray for something you get your wish, because sometimes, what you want is not what the Big Man intended for you to have. But there are many times when you see that your prayers are answered. At least, you find some comfort and peace of mind. Do you want me to tell you a couple of stories about it?"
Rick nodded, intrigued and eager to hear Sammie's stories.
"Well, the best example I can give you happened during the end of the first year of reconstuction. That was when they were making those major re-assignment plans. You remember how upset and afraid me and Kim and V were about being reassigned?"
Rick shook his head, starting to remember the time period.
"We were all so afraid we were going to be split up, and me and Kim were really at our wits end," continued Sammie.
Rick chuckled, he remembered that time. Both women were walking around so grouchy and touchy that even Claudia was afraid to approach them.
Sammie smiled and continued, "You remember huh? Heehee, well, we finally got on Vanessa's last nerve and blew up at us and yelled, 'If you crybabies would just stop moaning about this and walking around biting everyone's heads off and instead, help me pray about it, then maybe things will turn out well.' Well, she got us to shut up for awhile and made us go and apolgize to everyone we yelled at. So we did. And instead of sitting at home depressed about something that was out of our control, we went out and had fun with friends. After a couple weeks of not knowing where we'd end up, finally, finally, we got our assignments and we were so relieved to find that we would be staying in New Macross. But it seemed touch and go for awhile because remember, Vanessa was requested for in New Detroit, but she called the guy over there and pleaded her case as to why she was needed in New Macross and the guy dropped his request.
Now, on the opposite side, Kim, Vanessa and I are all split up, and you know, it's not really of our choosing, we'd rather be together, but we had talked about it, and instead of praying that we wouldn't be split up, we realized what we needed to do and what was needed of us and prayed that we'd have the strength to do our jobs the best we could. If we had all decided we wouldn't be split up this time no matter what, that would be very selfish of us. And my grandmother told me that one of the worst things to be is a selfish person. So, even though we know it will be difficult and really not something we want to do, we agreed to our new assignments. Kim knows that Lisa needs her help. I know that I have the experience to be Chief of Air Logistics, even though I'd rather not be, and Vanessa knows that her expertise is needed aboard that sub, even though we all know she'd rather be anywhere else but there. But we've accepted what is needed of us and we will try and do the best we can."
Sammie looked at Rick and then sipped some of her tea, knowing that things took awhile to sink into Rick Hunter's brain most of the time.
Finally, after what seemed like a rather long time to Sammie, Rick looked at her directly and said, "Aren't you girls afraid of having so much responsibility?"
Sammie tapped her cup with her finger and thought for a moment then said, "Yes, we are Rick. With responsibility comes stress, no doubt about it, but you see, we are not alone. We have our friends to turn to for support and advice whenever we need it. So even though it seems scary to be responsible for so much and for so many people, we know that we were given these jobs for a reason, and we know that we can turn to any of our friends at anytime for help. Now, if you consider the situation with Maistroff... waita minute...you know what? How could I be so stupid! We all were! Here I was whining about Maistroff and Antell and trying to take care of the situation all by myself that I haven't once yet prayed for help. Well, I'm going to fix that!"
Rick looked at Sammie blankly, "Do you think it will work?"
Sammie gave Rick a determined look and said, "I don't know, but I'll do it anyways!"
Rick started slowly, "Sammie, what you were saying about being selfish..."
"Yes?"
Rick looked into his teacup, "I'm pretty selfish aren't I?"
Sammie cleared her throat and said, "Well...uh...I'm afraid that I have to tell you yes Rick."
"But I'm afraid Sammie, I don't think I have what it takes to be in charge of so many people, be responsible for so many important decisions," said Rick.
"Rick, I think you're the only person who thinks that way. Everyone else believes rhat you do have what it takes," said Sammie with conviction.
"You know Rick, when I first filled in for Lisa on the SDF-1 that very first time, I was so scared I wanted to run off the bridge and hide. I was afraid I'd make a mistake and someone might crash or get shot down because of me. But Claudia was there ready to help me out at the first sign of trouble. Captain Gloval was there also ready to help, as was Kim and Vanessa. And the pilots were trying their best to help me too. At the end of the shift, things turned out ok. Things got kinda scary once in awhile but I had everyone there helping me. And then when I reported for duty the next day, I wasn't so scared as I was that first day, and eventually, I had enough confidence in myself and my abilities that I didn't need Claudia to be watching over my shoulder. It's sorta like riding a bicycle. First you need the training wheels, then the training wheels come off and then you need someone there to help you keep your balance, and then eventually you learn how to balance and you can ride the bike on your own without anyones help. And of course, whenever you hit a pothole or get a flat tire, all you need to do is call someone and they'll help you."
Sammie waited to see what Rick's response would be. She waited, and waited, and finally Rick looked up at her with an unreadable look and shook his head. Sammie didn't know what he meant and asked, "Yes?"
Rick leaned forward a little bit and said, "I think I'm beginning to understand Sammie."
Sammie was pleasantly surprised and asked, "Really?"
Rick nodded and Sammie clapped her hands in delight, "I'm so glad Rick, really I am!"
Rick smiled at Sammie and could see tears of happiness in her eyes and it made him feel good to know he had made her happy.
"...Be the man that Lisa needs you to be, that everyone needs you to be, that I need myself to be..." said Rick quietly but firmly, more to himself than to Sammie.
Sammie wiped her eyes and smiled and Rick, after his epiphany, remembered that he shouldn't be so self-centered and quickly said, "Thank you Sammie, you've really helped me. Now, how can I help you. You also weren't sleeping well. Go ahead and tell me whatever you want, I'm all ears."
Sammie stared blankly for a moment, then said, "You know what?? By helping you, I helped myself too! I feel better now!"
Rick and Sammie sat there smiling at each other for a few moments then Sammie announced that she was going to try and get some sleep. Rick escorted her to her room and waved goodnight from the doorway and went back to his, Lisa's, room.
He turned on the radio again and hoped there was a song that would come along to further help put him at ease about his situation with Lisa. After a few songs, he seemed to have gotten his wish.

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do

You're my dream come true
My one and only you
(2)

Rick couldn't help but smile as he stretched and laid back on the bed, determined that tommorrow was going to be the start of a brand new, hopefully positive, chapter in his life.

=============
NOTE: I'm very very very behind on the story, so I will just post this part (what I've been able to get finished in the past... 5 weeks?!) and post other parts as I get to them, then when the chapter is finished, I will re-combine it all into one chapter.

Songs used:
1. Barbra Streisand & Barry Gibb : "What Kind of Fool"
2. Lonestar : "Only You (And You Alone)"