chapter = 17

author = Dwparsnip

Rating = AP15

Type = Romance

fanfic =

He looked into her sparkling green eyes and couldn’t help but feel her love. Those eyes had helped him through many trying times over the years, from the early days on the SDF-1 to now and all points in between. He could always count on those radiant eyes to lift his spirits with their glow, and failing that, he could count on them to guide him through the tough waters like green lighthouse beacons. One way or another, he knew those eyes had saved him from any number of disasters. He knew they had saved his life.

But now…

But now, when he faced the greatest challenge he had ever known in his life, those eyes were only to be found in his memory, and while he found some solace in that, it wasn’t the same. The sparkle wasn’t the same, the radiance was dull and the glow was faded. They couldn’t help him through this devastating time, because their absence in his life was the challenge that now faced him.

He watched her eyes close, as if in slow motion, and he knew that he would never see them open again.

Just when he thought that, they opened rapidly and had the most desperate look of helplessness in them, as though they were trying to tell him something important.

Rick’s eyes flew open and he jumped off the bed only to slam hard against the wall. He was sweating profusely and his head hurt, and as he slipped down the wall onto the floor, he cried harder than he ever had before. “Lisa”, he moaned in a heart wrenching tone, realizing that seeing her eyes this time was nothing more than a dream, and that he would never see their glow again.

“Rick!”, he heard someone exclaim. He looked up to see Max coming toward him. When Max reached him, he got down on his knees beside him and as Max put his arm around his shoulder Rick said in between sobs, “She’s gone…Max. Just like that…she’s gone.” Rick hid his face in his hands and let it all go.

Max looked at Rick and his heart ached for him. He’d spent the three hours since he had arrived at Rick’s quarters grieving for Lisa himself in between dozing off. Just as Rick was the brother he never had, Lisa was the sister he had always wanted. He hadn’t been able to figure out how to deal with his own feelings, how to deal with the pain of losing someone so close to him. His own grief paled in comparison to what Rick must have been feeling, and as such, he didn’t have the slightest clue as to how to help Rick.

Rick raised his head up quickly as if he thought of something. “Oh my God, Max! What am I going to tell Roy? How…how can I tell him his mother is… gone forever?”

He tried to get up but his legs didn’t want to support him and he fell back to the floor. He leaned his head back against the wall and took a deep, shaky breath.

“It’s okay, Rick. Just stay here for a few minutes”, said Max in a comforting voice. “We’ll deal with it, and he’ll be okay, I promise. He’s a tough kid, just like his parents. Kids are resilient, Rick.”

Rick looked up at him, and Max saw for the first time the utter despair in Rick’s eyes. Max had seen Rick hurting before, emotionally that is. Like when Roy Fokker died, when Ben Dixon died, when the Earth was nearly destroyed and countless other times, but he had never seen Rick like this before.

“He’s just a boy, Max.” Rick shook his head and said, “Just a boy who needs his mother. How do I tell him, Max? How do I explain to a four year old little boy who adores his mother so much, that he’ll never see her again?”

Tears filled Max’s eyes as he thought of that. “I don’t know, Rick. I just don’t know.” Max sat down next to Rick on the floor with his back against the wall, his arm still around Rick’s shoulder, and said, “But we’ll figure it out. You’re not alone, Rick. We’re here for you, and we’ll figure it out.”

Rick lowered his head and said in a whisper, “I need her, Max. I need her so much. A part of me is gone, but…I can still feel her Max. I can see her everywhere…I can smell her when I lie down on our bed…I can hear her laughter…I can…I don’t know.” He shook his head in resignation. He put his hands over his eyes, as if trying to block out the truth, and said, “She’s gone.”

Max opened his mouth to say something reassuring, but he knew it would be lost on Rick, so he did the only other thing he could: he held his friend and let him grieve.

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Captain Miriya Sterling walked through the corridors of the cruiser Icarus, on her way to the Captain’s office just off the main bridge. Captain Matt Browne had sent a message to her asking her to go to his office as soon as possible. She had only met the Captain the day before, when she arrived aboard the Icarus for her inspection tour. He was young to be a Captain but as she talked to him, she could sense that he was more than capable of commanding the cruiser. She found the ship and the crew very capable as well. Icarus was a new ship, with an inexperienced crew and she really didn’t know what to expect, but she admitted to herself that she was pleasantly surprised. The fighter squadrons were more than adequately well maintained and organized, and the other areas that she visited appeared to be what Max liked to call ship-shape.

She arrived at the office and knocked on the door. The door opened a short time later, and Captain Brown motioned to a chair as he said, “Please Captain Sterling, have a seat.”

She moved inside and sat in the chair that Browne had pointed to in front of his desk. After closing the door, he moved around to the other side of his desk and sat in his own chair.

Miriya noticed with some interest that he didn’t really sit down in his chair, it was more like he fell into it. Miriya took a moment to study the young Captain. He didn’t look like the same young man she met yesterday. His hazel eyes had gone hollow and his face looked as if it had aged by a dozen years overnight. Something terrible had happened.

Fearing that something had happened to Max she asked, “What is wrong, Captain? Has something happened to Max?”

She felt immense relief when Browne shook his head and said quietly as he looked at her, “No Captain, Captain Sterling is fine.” He looked down to his desk at a piece of paper. When he looked up his eyes were moist, and he tried twice to say something, but twice he failed.

He looked at her, and instead of trying to speak again, he picked up the piece of paper and handed it to her.

She took the paper from him carefully, as if it would bite her at any moment. She had a strange feeling in her stomach, a feeling she had only realized she got after living among the Micronians. Still, she very rarely had the sickly feeling, and for some reason, this time was the worst it had ever been. She read the note.

‘PRIORITY ONE MESSAGE.

To: Captain M. Browne, CO, REF Cruiser Icarus.

From: SDF-3 Communication Center.

CAPTAIN’S EYES ONLY.’

She looked up at him and was about to say that she wasn’t authorized to read the message, but before she could say a word he said, “Go ahead, Captain.” She could tell that it took a great effort on his part to keep his voice steady, and she began again.

‘PRIORITY ONE MESSAGE.

To: Captain M. Browne, CO, REF Cruiser Icarus.

From: SDF-3 Communication Center.

CAPTAIN’S EYES ONLY.

Captain,

It is with profound sorrow that the SDF-3 informs you of the accidental death of Admiral Lisa Hunter..."

She stopped reading and mumbled, “No. It can’t be.” She looked at the young man sitting across from her and he nodded. When he spoke, he wasn’t able to keep his voice from cracking. “The message…it has been verified, Captain.”

Miriya’s grip on the message tightened, wrinkling the paper. Her vision became blurry, and she realized it was because tears were forming in her eyes. She didn’t often have that happen, and when it did it always annoyed her terribly.

She read the rest of the message, only barely registering the facts contained in it. Lisa was aboard a shuttle and it exploded in space. There were no survivors. Along with Lisa, the shuttle pilots and two Alpha pilots were lost. There was also some information about Base Alpha and an explosion there. When she was finished reading the message, she saw strange little marks on the paper that weren’t there when he had passed it to her. She handed it back to Browne and said, “I’m sorry.” The marks were tear stains.

“No apologies necessary, Captain.” He leaned back into his chair and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. “We received that message about an hour ago, meaning that the… incident… occurred about four hours ago. The investigation is already underway. They don’t know when the…funeral service…will be yet.”

Miriya just looked at him. She heard what he was saying, but she wasn’t listening. “I will return to the SDF-3 immediately.”

He nodded and said, “Your Alpha is fuelled and waiting for you, Captain.” He stood up and moved to the door. Miriya got up out of her seat and moved to the door as well, and when she got there he said, “You’re cleared to leave as soon as you’re ready.”

He opened the door for her and said quietly, “Please give Admiral Hunter my condolences.”

She nodded and began to walk towards the hangar deck. She realized she had to go to her temporary quarters first to retrieve her flight suit and other things, so she turned around and headed in that direction. After she arrived at her quarters, she changed into her flight suit, packed her gear and headed for the flight deck again. As she approached her Alpha, the flight crew chief fell in along side her and said, “She’s all set, ma’am.”

Not wanting the chief to see the tears in her eyes and hear the pain in her voice, she simply nodded and kept walking to her Alpha. She put on her helmet and climbed up into the cockpit of her red Alpha. After closing the canopy, she said into the mic, “Skull Two requesting permission to depart.” It took all of her strength and control to keep from breaking down as she spoke. Part of her said that she wasn’t emotionally fit to fly, but it was quickly over ruled by her need to be with Max, and her need to help Rick. Finally the controller replied, ‘Permission granted, Skull Two.’

Miriya eased the throttle forward and seconds later was on a heading to the SDF-3. After confirming her course on the navigational computer, she hit the afterburners. Skull Two zipped through space at speeds that would make most pilots lose their lunch, but Miriya wanted to go faster. Even this fast, the trip would still take close to an hour.

‘Lisa is dead. My best friend is dead.’ Next to Max, Lisa was the Micronian to whom Miriya felt the closest. It was Lisa who had helped in her in so many ways over the years, especially in areas that Max, as a male, could not help. It was Lisa who gave her sage advice about her relationship with Max, about female physical problems, about cooking and many other areas. ‘What would I have done without her? What will I do now?’ It was Lisa who helped her so much through the most fearful time in her life: being pregnant with Dana.

She focused and checked the gauges to make sure she was still on course, and with that done she let her mind wander back to that time in her life.

It was around the end of February, and she had become extremely sensitive and belligerent. There was no telling what side of the line she was going to be on at any given time, and Max was at a loss as to how to deal with her. It was so bad that even his famous patience was wearing thin…very, very, thin. One day in the first week of March, after an incident involving her and a flight crew member aboard the SDF-1, Lisa called her into a conference room to talk about what was wrong with her. She knew Lisa, but not well enough to have much of a reason on a personal level to trust her. That day she was in an extremely combative mood and at one point she pinned Lisa to the wall of the room and threatened her with severe physical harm. She released Lisa, only to have her step in front of her as she went to the door. Just as she was about to take a swing at her, Lisa narrowed her eyes in determination and said in a commanding voice that rivaled Breetai’s, “Stand down.”

Miriya smiled in the cockpit as the memory came to her. She had known Lisa to be a worthy soldier, but it was at that moment that she realized just how valuable a commander she was.

Lisa just stood there looking at her with fire in her eyes, and Miriya was awestruck at the authoritative presence she generated. Lisa told her in a tone that she took to mean that she wouldn’t take no for an answer, to sit down. She did, and Lisa sat across from her and waited. After a few moments, Lisa said soothingly, “Miriya, I know that living with us has been confusing sometimes, maybe even frightening. Max has done a wonderful job helping you to adjust. I know that you wouldn’t want to hurt him, but your attitude lately can’t be helping him very much.” Miriya looked at Lisa and could see the same look in Lisa’s eyes that she saw in Max’s when he was concerned about her. She was right. Max was getting more and more frustrated with her because of her moods and outbursts.

She still didn’t feel comfortable telling Lisa Hayes her problems, but in the end she decided that she needed to tell someone, and Lisa seemed to be willing to help, the only human besides Max to offer. Miriya reluctantly opened up to Lisa and told her everything. She told Lisa how she felt tired all the time, how her breasts felt tender, how she felt sick sometimes and how she wanted with a vengeance foods she used to dislike.

Miriya looked down at the table. ”I do not know what to do, Commander. I have never felt such things before, such fatigue, not even after a long battle. And never before have I felt so unwell. It takes all of my energy, so much so that I do not wish to move across the room. I am beginning to worry that maybe…that maybe I am not fit for Micronian life.” She looked up and saw that Lisa appeared to be thinking. Lisa asked her when all of this started, and after thinking about it she responded that it had started almost a month earlier. Lisa smiled. She told her it was fine, and she wanted to take her to the infirmary to confirm her suspicion. Miriya became wary. She distrusted doctors and scientists, especially after the battery of tests they put her and other Zentraedi defectors through aboard the SDF-1.

Lisa promised her it would be fine, and that she would stay with her the whole time. For some reason, Miriya felt that she could believe her. After letting the doctors do their job, Lisa talked to the doctor, and when their conversation ended, Lisa walked up to her and gave her a hug. Miriya was baffled.

Miriya noticed a light blink on the computer screen and entered the appropriate course correction. She remembered what Lisa told her:

“Miriya, you’re pregnant. Congratulations!” The smile on her face was brilliant. She had no idea what Lisa was talking about. “I’m…preg…pregnant?” She looked at Lisa mortified. “Is it contagious?”

Lisa almost doubled over as she laughed, and when she calmed down she explained, “No Miriya. You’re going to have a baby.” She still didn’t understand Lisa’s meaning, and for the next thirty minutes Lisa explained to Miriya what was happening, how it had happened and what was going to happen.

After she heard Lisa’s explanations, she became suspicious again. “You lie!”, she exclaimed. “It is not possible!” Lisa calmly explained what the doctors had told her about Human/Zentraedi reproductive compatibility and Miriya eventually realized that she was speaking the truth. She was terrified and a little disgusted, but Lisa assured her that she would be there to help her, and the soothing tone of Lisa’s voice told her that everything would be fine.

For the next eight months, Lisa was there for her when Max was away, day and night, and everything turned out to be fine, just as Lisa said it would. And on that glorious October day when Dana was born, the first person to see her after Max and Miriya was Lisa Hayes.

She checked the navigational computer and realized she was only three minutes away from the SDF-3. She felt the tears gather in her eyes again, and though it bothered her as it always did, she realized that there was a reason she couldn’t stop it. She cried for Lisa as she would cry for Max, Dana and Aurora.

She didn’t lower her speed until she could actually see the hangar bay doors of the SDF-3, and then only slightly. She heard the panic in the voice of the Flight Control officer as he told her that she was coming in too fast. She didn’t care, and only at the last second she hit the retro thrusters just enough to keep her from going right through the hanger bay and crashing into the far wall.

She opened the canopy and was on the deck before it had risen all the way up. She took off her helmet as she quick marched to the hangar bay door, not even bothering to change out her sweaty flight suit. She was a couple of paces into the corridor when she realized she still had her helmet in her hand. She walked back to the door, opened it and hurled the helmet back into the hangar bay with all her might. She barely registered the crash her helmet made or the exclamations of surprise and anger from inside.

She started her journey again and instead of heading to her own quarters, she headed for the place where she knew where Max would be. He would be with Rick.

She approached Rick’s door and she noticed a couple of security personnel standing guard outside the door, and she knew Max was responsible for them. He would do anything he could to ensure that Rick would not be disturbed, even if it meant evacuating the entire deck.

The guards saluted as she got to the door, and she just nodded in response. She knocked on the door and moments later the door opened to show a very tired looking Max. The anger her tears had caused melted away as she jumped into his arms, and he held her with a strength that neither of them knew he had. He moved them into Rick’s quarters, and Miriya noticed that one of the guards took the door handle in her hand and closed the door.

“Max”, she whispered lovingly. “I’m so sorry.”

She could feel the wetness of his tears against her cheek and she didn’t care one little bit since they were probably mingling with her own. They stood there for a couple of minutes, just holding each other, supporting each other. As they held each other, Miriya contemplated how she would feel if she were to lose Max. He had been much more to her than just a husband. He was her teacher, her friend, her conscience and much more. Just by thinking about it, she felt a terrible emptiness in the pit of her stomach. She held him tighter, trying very hard to rid herself of that void.

She finally leaned back to look at Max. She didn’t have to ask how he was doing, his eyes and face said it all. He looked exhausted. His eyes were red and hollow behind his glasses, with little bags underneath them. “How is Rick?” she asked quietly.

Max closed his eyes for a second, and then opened them again. “He’s hurting, Miriya, badly.”

She nodded her head. “What can we do?” She had lost subordinates, even acquaintances and friends, but never anyone so close to her as Lisa was.

“I’m taking him down to Tirol in a few minutes to talk to Roy”, he said quietly. “Rick wants Roy to hear it from him, if he hasn’t heard already. Jean called down and told the counselors to try to keep him from finding out until Rick got there; hopefully they were able to do it.” He looked past her head to the bedroom door to make sure that Rick wasn’t there. Satisfied that he wasn’t, Max said quietly to her, “When we’re ready to leave, excuse yourself and run down to the hangar deck and clear everyone out that don’t absolutely need to be there. I don’t anyone to see him like this.”

She smiled and caressed his cheek. “You are the best friend he could have right now, Maximillian.” He smiled weakly as he brought his forehead down to touch hers.

“I’m ready, Max”, interrupted a hollow voice from the bedroom door.

Miriya turned around, looked at Rick and nearly stepped back in shock at his appearance. ‘What is it Max says? He looks like death warmed over.’ She walked over to him and as she approached him, she could see that he was fighting very hard to keep the tears from falling out of his eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and she felt his arms go feebly around her waist. She didn’t know what to say to him, so she just held him until he wanted to let go.

A few moments later, he let go and she stepped back from him. She looked into his eyes and said, “Anything we can do Rick, you need only to ask.”

He tried to smile and said, “Thank you, Miriya.” He put his hand on her cheek in gratitude and said to Max, “Let’s go, Max.”

Miriya nodded at Max and said, “I will go and change and perhaps come back here and wait for your return, if that’s okay with you Rick.” As he answered, she went to the door and opened it.

Rick nodded and said quietly, “Of course, Miriya. We…we won’t be long.”

She went out the door and hurried down the corridor. When she thought she was out of sight she started to run and moments later she was back on the hangar deck. She explained to the chief what she wanted done, and he attempted to get everyone’s attention, but he couldn’t. Miriya put two fingers in her mouth and let out an ear piercing whistle, just as Max had taught her.

Everyone turned their attention to her, and they all saw the look of seriousness in her eyes. She scanned the bay and announced loudly, “Clear the deck!”

When she saw that only a few people moved she took a step forward and yelled, “I SAID CLEAR THE DECK! NOW!”

This time everyone scurried off the hangar deck at break neck speeds, and seconds later the only people left in the hangar bay were the chief and Miriya. They stepped aside when they heard the door open. The chief looked at Max and said quietly, “Trainer One is ready, sir.”

Max responded with, “Thanks, chief.” They all went to the aircraft, and as Max climbed up into the cockpit and the chief gave the Alpha one final check, Rick went up to Miriya and gave her a kiss on her cheek. He looked around the empty hangar, then brought his gaze to her eyes and said, “Thank you, Miriya.”

She hugged him and whispered, “I would do anything for you, Rick, as would Max.”

He stepped back and smiled at her and then he joined Max in the cockpit. A minute later, they were gone and her hand came up to touch the cheek he had kissed.

Miriya went to her quarters, showered, put on a fresh uniform, and headed back to Rick’s quarters. Grief wasn’t something that she was used to dealing with, and she didn’t know what to do. Max told her that people deal with grief in their own ways. Some people remember, some people cry, some people lash out and some people just go on.

When Max told her about that, she figured she would be the type of person to lash out… but lash out at who? Lisa taught her that sometimes problems didn’t have a concrete answer, and that sometimes, you just had to sort things out yourself.

Miriya decided that this was one of those times she couldn’t just lash out. She sat on the couch and, as she thought about Lisa again, her tears flowed.

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Trainer One landed at Base Delta and taxied to a complete stop. Max got out first and met the base commander, Captain Fredrickson, who was waiting to see Rick. As Rick got out of the Alpha, Max said to Fredrickson, “I would prefer that he not be bothered any more than necessary, Captain. As you can imagine, he’s taking it pretty hard.”

Fredrickson nodded his understanding. “Of course Captain Sterling. When he’s ready I’ll escort you both to where his son is waiting.”

“Thank you, Captain”, said Max appreciatively.

When Rick walked up to the two men, Fredrickson said, “Admiral, I’m so sorry about Admiral Hunter. If you’ll follow me I’ll take you to your son, sir.”

“Thank you, Captain”, said Rick. He and Max followed the Captain into the nearest building. Only three doors down the corridor from the main entrance stood a lone security officer, who saluted as they approached. Max nodded to the security guard and Fredrickson, and they politely moved farther down the corridor.

Rick stood in front of the door, and his raw emotions kept him from taking the handle. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this, Max.” He felt the reassuring hand of Max on his shoulder and he took the handle in his hand and turned it. The door opened and he took a step inside.

“Daddy! Uncle Max!”, came the excited cry of his son. He ran to Rick, who picked him up and hugged him.

The counselor who waited with Roy quietly left the room and Max turned to leave as well. He stopped when he heard Rick say, “Max.” He looked at Rick and said, “I’ll be right outside if…”

“No, Max”, interrupted Rick. His eyes were already filled with tears. “Please stay.” Max didn’t answer. Instead, he stepped back from the door and closed it. When he looked at Rick again, he saw him mouth the words, “Thank you.”

Max smiled and sat down on a chair that was by the door. He watched his friend struggle to maintain control, and after a couple of minutes, he got up and went to Rick and Roy. He looked at Rick first, then at Roy and said in a playful voice, “How have you been little man?” He eyed Roy suspiciously and asked, “Have you been keeping out of trouble?”

Roy giggled. Max held out his arms to Roy and said, “Why don’t you come up with me for a few minutes and give your Dad’s arms a break?” Roy held out his arms and Max took the boy over to the window as Rick sat down and tried to find the strength to tell his son that he would never see his mother again.

Rick looked at Max and Roy as they watched an Alpha come in a landing. Roy was so excited and happy, and Rick’s heart felt heavy with the knowledge that he had to ruin that happiness.

He cleared his throat and called out to his son. Max put the boy down and he ran over to Rick, who picked him up and placed him on his knee. “Roy”, he began softly, “I have something very important to tell you.”

Noticing the tears in his father’s eyes, Roy kissed his father’s cheek and said, “It’s okay, Daddy.”

Rick smiled despite himself. He brought up his right hand to move the hair out of his son’s eyes, and as he tried to arrange the hair so that he could see Roy’s eyes, he looked at the color of his hair and started as though he had just realized for the first time that his son’s hair was the same color as Lisa’s. He shook his head to try to organize his thoughts. “Roy, what I have to tell you, well, it’s about Mommy. She was…she was in an accident Roy… a very bad accident.”

Tears began to form in his son’s eyes and Rick felt like his heart was cracking. “Is she okay, Daddy?” Rick looked into his son’s blue eyes and said very softly, “No, Roy, she isn’t okay. She…she…”

Rick broke down and brought Roy into a tight hug, and as he sobbed his son asked, “Is Mommy gone to heaven, Daddy?”

Max marveled at Roy’s insight. Rick didn’t want to let his son see him so upset, but he leaned back to look at his son anyway. A single tear rolled down the boy’s cheek. He knew that he should tell Roy the whole truth; that Lisa was dead and she wouldn’t be coming back. But he just couldn’t. He smiled for his son’s benefit and replied, “Yes, Roy. Mommy is gone to heaven.”

Roy wiped his eyes, hugged his father and asked, “Is heaven a nice place, Daddy?”

Rick held onto him and replied, “Heaven is the nicest place, Roy.”

Roy sniffed and Rick felt his little hand go up to rub his eyes again. “Is Mommy going to like it there?”, the boy asked quietly. Rick answered, “I’m sure she will, buddy.”

Roy asked, “Will we see Mommy again, Daddy?” Rick hesitated. He wanted to tell him yes, that someday they would see her again when they joined her in heaven, but he knew Roy wouldn’t understand that at his young age. Not wanting to confuse his son, he replied, “No, Roy. We won’t…we won’t see Mommy again.”

Roy tightened his hug around his father and whimpered against Rick’s neck. Rick closed his eyes, wishing with all of his might that when he opened them again he would wake up from this terrible nightmare, but when he did open them a few seconds later he nearly screamed as he realized it was all really happening. He looked at Max, who could no longer hold back his own tears. They all stayed where they were for a few minutes and no one spoke. When Roy’s sobs ceased, Rick looked at his son and asked, “Are you feeling okay, Roy?”

Roy nodded slowly and wiped the tears out of his eyes again. “I’m going to miss Mommy.” The only thing that kept Rick from going over the edge was Roy’s gaze. “I know buddy”, he said quietly. “I’m going to miss her too.”

He put Roy on the floor and turned him so that they stood face to face. Rick wanted him to come up to the ship so he could be with him, but he knew that he could barely take care of himself right now, let alone a rambunctious four year old. Besides that, there would be a lot to do in the coming days, and where would that leave Roy? Roy had spent the last number of weeks in the care of the camp counselors and in the company of his friends. ‘Perhaps it’s better that he stays here, where he can have a chance to be a normal child. He can’t be a happy child on the ship at the best of times, what chance would he have now?' He looked at Roy and admired his strength. 'He seems like he’s so much older than four years. He has all the best parts of you Lisa for sure, your strength, your wisdom….’

As if reading the thoughts in Rick’s mind, Roy asked, “It’s not going to be fun on the ship, is it Daddy?”

Rick smiled. ‘Maybe he’s not reading my mind at all. Maybe he just knows what comes next.’ He answered truthfully, “No Roy, probably not.”

“Is it okay if I stay here, Daddy?”

Rick nodded and asked, “Are you sure, buddy?” Roy said, “Sure.”

Max took that as his cue and picked Roy up, and Roy threw his arms around Max’s neck. Max hugged Roy and said quietly, “Way to go, little man. Is it okay if I take you out to the counselor?”

Roy looked at Max and his heart skipped a beat as he saw Roy’s blue eyes so full of hurt. He nodded and said to Rick, “I love you, Daddy.” Rick stood up and went to his son, and after he kissed his forehead he said, “I love you too, Roy.”

Roy cuddled into Max again, and as he took Roy outside, Rick collapsed back into the chair and listened to the sound of his heart shatter in his chest. He whispered, “That’s one brave little boy you’ve got there, Lisa…”

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Forty-five minutes later, Trainer One landed safely on the hangar deck of the SDF-3. When the chief knew that Rick and Max were almost back, he contacted Captain Sterling to let her know, and moments later she appeared on the deck. She let out a shrill whistle, as she did before, and was about to yell when everyone scampered off the hangar deck.

She looked at the chief who laughed. “Would you mind coming to my next staff meeting, Captain? I could really use someone with your crowd control abilities.”

Miriya smiled for the first time in hours and said, “It is a gift.”

Only a couple of minutes later, Max and Rick were on the deck. When they approached Miriya, Max smiled and explained, “Roy preferred to stay on the planet, where he would have more fun.”

Miriya took Rick by the arm, and as she led him to the door she asked, “Are you okay, Rick?” Rick patted her hand and replied, “Surprisingly, yes. He took it a lot better than I thought he would. Or maybe it just hasn’t totally hit him yet, I don’t know.” He thought to himself, ‘Or maybe he’s just stronger than I thought.’

They walked the corridors of the ship, and when they got to Rick’s door he said to the guards, “You guys can go home. I’ll be fine.”

They looked to Max for confirmation, and when he nodded they saluted their superior officers and left. Miriya opened the door and they all went in. She led Rick to the couch and when he sat down, he looked at Max and said, “You look like hell, Max. Go home and get some rest. I’ll be fine.”

Max shook his head. “No dice, Boss. I’m not leaving.”

Rick appreciated what Max was saying and doing, but he needed some sleep. “Captain, I’m giving you an order. Go and get some sleep.”

Max swallowed. He had never disobeyed an order from anyone before, especially not one of Rick’s orders. He looked at his friend to gauge how serious he was, and Max could see that he meant business. “Fine. I’ll be back first thing in the morning.”

Rick smiled and said, “Fair enough. You too, Miriya. Scram.”

Miriya took Max’s hand and they went to the door. They both looked back at Rick, who closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the back of the couch. Max opened the door and they stepped outside, but before he could shut it, Miriya spoke up. “I do not think he should be alone, Max. I will stay. You go and get some rest.”

He was about to protest, but the sternness in her green eyes stopped him. Instead, he leaned over and kissed her tenderly. “I love you. If you need me, call.”

She smiled and said, “I love you too. And if you are needed, I will call.”

She watched him walk away and when he was out of sight, she went back inside and closed the door. The noise of the door closing startled Rick and he opened his eyes. “I thought I told you to go home, Miriya.”

Miriya took a seat next to him on the couch, looked at him and said, “I think it would be better if you were not alone, Rick.” Rick opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say a word she said gravely, “And giving me an order to leave would upset me more than I already am, Admiral, so I would advise against it.”

Rick knew he lost the battle. He sighed and said, “I’m not going to be great company, Miriya.”

She smiled and said, “You don’t have to be.” She went silent for a moment, and she put her arm through his and put her head on his shoulder. “Max always tells me that people have different sides, Rick. I knew Lisa, and I think that I knew her well, but can you…would you tell me about the Lisa you knew.”

Rick thought for a second. ‘My Lisa…’ He looked at the green haired woman attached to his arm and realized that he wasn’t the only one who was hurting. Miriya and Lisa were very close. He couldn’t remember the Zentraedi word that Miriya used to describe her relationship with Lisa, all he could remember was that roughly translated Miriya considered Lisa to be her sister soul. Lisa was more than a friend, more than family, even more than a mate would be to a Zentraedi. Max told him once that the closest thing to it that he knew of in human society was the blood brother relationship, but even that didn’t encompass everything that Miriya thought of Lisa.

Rick brought his hand up and held Miriya’s, and as he spoke about his wife, he smiled. “My Lisa, had the most tender touch I have ever felt…”

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Max did as his friend had ordered. He went home, showered, changed and went to bed. Sleep however, was a dance partner that didn’t want to dance with him. Every time Max closed his eyes, he saw Lisa and her bright green eyes. He never admitted it to anyone, but he thought she had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

‘I’ll never see those eyes again’, he lamented.

He went over his long relationship with Lisa Hunter. For the most part, Max’s memories of Lisa were intertwined with Rick, for obvious reasons. Their on again off again relationship meant that he ended up being the go to guy for the both of them, especially after the destruction of the SDF-1 and the deaths of so many of their friends.

Max remembered the many times that Lisa had been there for him. She always had a way of finding solutions to problems, especially some of the more complicated ones that can arise from being married to a Zentraedi. He remembered with some embarrassment that it was Lisa who figured out that Miriya was pregnant with Dana, while he was almost ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing.

Max got up out of bed and walked into the living room. He turned on the light, sat down on the couch and contemplated calling Jean to get something to help him sleep. He decided against that, and figured some exercise would do him some good. He went to his room and changed into some sweats, went to the closet and picked up his boxing gloves with the intention of throwing some punches at the bag. He turned off the lights and left his quarters.

As he walked down to the ship’s recreation room, he remembered the day, not long before the SDF-3 left to find the Robotech Masters that the biggest threat to his marriage came back into his life. She was Max’s first love, and she had broken his heart. But when she walked onto the tarmac at Fokker Base, all Max could remember was the love that they once had. He never meant for anything to happen, and nothing really did. They went to dinner a couple of times, but even to this day he knew something would have happened if it hadn’t been for Lisa.

He entered the rec room and found with relief that it was empty, except for two female crew members walking on the treadmills. He put on his gloves, did some stretching and took a couple of soft punches at the bag. He punched and punched, and as he got into his usual rhythm, he thought about Lisa some more.

He had gone to their home looking for Rick. The situation was killing him. He really needed to talk to someone about it, and Rick was his best friend. Lisa answered the door, and she knew immediately that something was bothering him.

She smiled and said, “Come in, Max. Rick had to go to the base for a little while, but you’re welcome to come in and wait for him.”

Max looked at Lisa and nodded. She stepped aside and he walked into the living room. He stood there, not knowing what to do next. Lisa put her hand on his arm and said quietly, “Why don’t you have a seat on the couch, and I’ll get us something to drink. How about some tea?”

He nodded absently and replied softly, “Thanks, Lisa. Tea is fine.” He could see the concern in her eyes, and he felt bad for adding to her already plentiful worries.

He heard Lisa turn on the kettle and get the things ready to make the tea, and a few minutes later she came back into the living room holding two cups of tea. Max took the cup she offered him and placed it on the coffee table. He just sat there watching the steam slowly rise up from the hot liquid.

“Max, if there’s something you’d like to talk about, I’m more than willing to listen.”

He looked up and saw her looking at him intently. He didn’t really want to talk about it at all, but he had realized that he had to. His first choice was Rick, his best friend, but then he thought, ‘Maybe a woman’s view wouldn’t be a bad thing.’

He cleared his throat and began. “I don’t know where to begin, Lisa. I… well, there’s someone…”

“You met someone”, she finished for him. He was shocked that she knew, and he looked at her with panic written all over his face. If she knew, what did everyone else know?

Flustered, he asked, “What…how did…Lisa…” She smiled. “I didn’t really. From a few things that Miriya told me and from what you just tried to say, it was a guess.”

It was when she smiled that Max realized she wasn’t upset or angry. He looked at her as she calmly sipped her tea, and when she looked up at him again, her eyes were full of support. Despite his anxiety, he felt himself relax. She wasn’t judging him before knowing everything, which was his fear. “Well”, he said calmly, “it’s not that I met someone, it’s more like I found someone that I lost a long time ago. She’s an old flame. My…my first love, really.” He told her the whole story of their previous relationship, how they fell in love and how she broke his heart, and by the time he was finished Lisa had moved from her chair opposite him to sit beside him on the couch with her arm around his shoulder.

“She showed up a couple of weeks ago, Lisa, and all of those feelings came flooding back. I couldn’t stop it.” He looked at the floor and said, “We’ve gone out to dinner a couple of times, but…I think if I wasn’t careful things would have gone farther.”

“Do you love her, Max?”, she asked directly. “Forget about what you had years ago and what she did to you, and think about how you feel about her right now. Is it love, or is it the memory of a love long gone?”

Max hadn’t thought of it like that. He assumed that what he was feeling was the resurfacing of a love that he had buried deep within himself. “A memory?”

She nodded. “When you see her, do you see her as she is now, or as she was when you loved her?” She hesitated and said softly, “When I first saw Kyle, I had strong feelings for him, Max. But I realized that it wasn’t him those feelings were about. They were about the memory of my love for someone that he looked and acted like.”

Max thought for a second and a small smile came to his face. “When I first saw her, she didn’t look any different than she did years ago, but when I saw her after I did notice changes in her.”

Lisa asked suddenly, “Do you love Miriya, Max?” Without hesitation he said, “More than anything.”

She smiled at him and said, “So what’s the problem? You had to think had about whether or not you love your old flame, but you didn’t hesitate for a millisecond when I asked you about loving Miriya.”

He perked up, and when she saw that she said, “It’s that simple, Max. Now stop bugging me and go home to your beautiful wife. She misses you when you’re gone, you know.”

He stood up and asked, “What did you mean about some things that Miriya told you?”

Lisa stood up and walked him to the door. “Just that you’ve been a little distant every once in awhile. You have to tell her, Max. She’s worried about you.”

“I know”, he admitted, “and I will.” He hugged his friend and whispered gratefully, “Thank you, Lisa.”

“Anytime, Max”, she whispered back, “anytime.”

There had been many times over the years, and true to her word, Lisa was always there anytime he needed to talk to someone.

His punching rhythm increased as he remembered, faster and faster. Punch...punch…punch…punch.

“Captain Sterling…”

He stopped punching the bag and realized suddenly that he was drenched in sweat, out of breath and his arms felt like rubber. He looked up at the source of the voice and recognized her as one of the women who were walking on the treadmills earlier. ‘Ensign Sinclair’, he recalled.

He bent over, put his hands on his knees for support and said breathlessly, “What can…I do for…you Ensign?”

She hesitated, not quite sure as to how to say what she wanted to say. “You looked like you were overdoing it, sir, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Sir.”

Max smiled inwardly at her nervousness. He usually evoked calmness in the people he met. As he caught his breath he stood upright and said, “I’m fine, Ensign. Thank you for your concern. You’re right, I was overdoing it just a bit.” He smiled his boyish smile and quipped, “I’m not as young as I used to be.”

The relief on her face was evident. She smiled and said, “No sir. Neither am I. Good night, sir.”

“Good night, Ensign.” He took off his gloves and walked out of the rec room towards home. When he got there, he got in the shower again, and as the hot water hit him he thought of Miriya. He had noticed the redness in Miriya’s eyes and the puffiness underneath them. She didn’t cry often, but when she did, it was easy to tell. She was putting up a brave front, but he knew that she was hurting just as he was. He smiled as the irony hit him. He would have expected Miriya to be the one killing the punching bag while he would with Rick.

He got out of the shower, put on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and went to bed, and as he stared up at the ceiling, he remembered Lisa’s eyes again. He thought of never seeing them again and he felt a tear run down his cheek.

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All through the night, similar scenes were played out throughout the SDF-3. The announcement concerning the accident and the death of Admiral Lisa Hunter was made reverently by Captain Forsythe, and almost immediately a pall fell over the usually activity filled ship. The REF had lost its brightest star, the person they looked to for inspiration and leadership, and they felt loss. Of course, everyone who thought of Lisa also thought of those she left behind, namely Rick and Roy.

In cabins on all decks, people grieved for Lisa Hunter. Some people cried alone in their quarters, while some people couldn’t stand to grieve alone and sought comfort with friends and loved ones. Some people refused to cry or feel saddened by the loss, instead preferring to celebrate the rich life that Lisa had lived.

In the ship’s Botanical Garden, the tears of Commander Amanda Fraser fell onto the soil as she gently tied emerald green ribbons around the red lilies that had survived Rick’s raid.

In the male pilot’s locker room, the usual cheerful banter and boasting about something or other was replaced by silence out of respect for their fallen leader. The female pilot’s locker room, usually filled with gossip and talk of relationships, was filled with the sharing of memories of Lisa.

The flight crew chief, as a sign of respect, created a pattern for a decal to put on the Alphas. The design consisted of a silver star, representing Lisa’s rank and her place in their lives as their shining star. In the center of the star was the red outline of a heart, representing the respect and love the men and women of the Alpha squadrons and flight crew had for her. Inside the heart was a golden letter “H”. Satisfied with it, he assembled the pilots together on the flight deck, and when he asked if there were any objections to the decal, there was complete and total silence. By morning, every Alpha aboard the SDF-3 had the decal painted on it.

The officers on the bridge of the Super Dimensional Fortress worked in silence out of respect for their Admiral, speaking only when necessary. Captain Forsythe, by right and necessity now commanded the ship, and while he accepted the responsibility, he stayed at his station and never thought once about sitting in Lisa’s chair.

Jean and Vince Grant stayed in their quarters. Jean had fallen asleep in Vince’s arms as they sat on the couch reminiscing about their good friend. Jean had taken Lisa’s loss hard, but so had Vince. Lisa was his sister’s best friend, and as such, he had the honor of getting to know her very well. When Claudia died aboard the SDF-1, their friendship solidified even more.

Grief permeated the great ship, except of course, around the quarters of a certain Fleet Intelligence officer, where Sue Graham and Andrea Grace lifted wine filled glasses to celebrate the success of their plan.

State = Continuará/To Be Continue

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