fanfic_name = The Mistletoe

chapter = 8

author = Dwparsnip

Rating = AP15

Type = Angst

fanfic =

Rick sat on the couch in his and Lisa's living room holding Lisa in his arms listening to her inhale and exhale. He did that a lot more than she knew, just listen to her breath. He had moved her into this position after he had finished telling her about his reaction to finding out about her night at the Setup. All in all it went better than he expected it would. She hadn't even lashed out at him for telling her a fib about how he wounded his hand. He was pretty certain she was saving that for future reference. Lisa didn’t forget things like that.

Lisa was enjoying the warmth and feeling of security that went with being in Rick's arms. She was relieved when he maneuvered them into this particular position at the conclusion his story. She had watched him intently as he spoke, and the look in his eyes when he told her about how his mind's eye saw her with Kyle was enough to suffocate her. At first she thought that perhaps his heart breaking reaction was as a result of his fear that it had in fact been Kyle, but as he spoke of realizing that it wasn't Kyle the look of anguish in his eyes didn’t lessen at all. No, the anguish was there because she slept with someone else…period. And maybe a little guilt…

As she listened to his heart beating once again the tears flowed. She didn't think she had any tears left, but they kept coming. She knew he was waiting for her to say something. They had told each other again that they loved each other and then he took her in his arms. While she appreciated immensely the feeling of his arms around her, she couldn’t help but wonder if the change in position was something other than affection, like maybe he couldn’t look at her any longer. She mentally shook herself out of that thought. She knew Rick better than that.

She wasn't sure what to do. The only thing left to tell him was her conversation with Claudia after the cab dropped them off at her place. It wasn't a particularly intense or explosive conversation, just a little chewing out by Claudia and a little discussion of the possible ramifications of her tryst with the blond haired man.

'He doesn't really need to hear it does he?', asked the part of her that wanted to spare him pain no matter the cost to herself.

'Yes he does', answered another part of her. 'He deserves to know it all, just as you deserved to hear it all from him.'

She closed her eyes tight, trying to sort it out when his voice broke through the thoughts and told her what she needed to do.

"What happened next, Lisa?", he asked quietly. She opened her eyes as he added, "I need to know."

She resisted the urge to cringe at the calmness in his voice. He was trying very hard not to sound hurt or affected by this night and the rehashing of that night years ago. She wasn't sure she even had it in her to try.

"What happened next", she repeated softly against his chest. She said it so quietly that the sound of his beating heart nearly drowned it out for her so she wasn't even sure that he heard it. "The cab ride home was quiet. Neither of us spoke. I guess what she had to say she needed to say in private, and I quite honestly had no idea what to say." She stopped and realized that she wasn't really sure if she could tell him the rest. She was just about to say exactly that when he, as though sensing her doubt, rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. She smiled at his intuition.

"Claudia paid for the cab and we went inside my house. I tried to tell her that I was fine and that she should go home. I felt bad enough that she had given up her night to coddle me, and she was supposed to go in the morning to visit with Vince and his family in Monument." Lisa laughed as she remembered trying to get rid of Claudia. "Needless to say she was staying and that was it."

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Lisa collapsed face down on the couch and really hoped the headache she was going to have when she woke up wasn't going to be as bad she thought. She knew better though. It was going to be a whopper.

And of course she had to volunteer to be on duty on Christmas Day. Well, why not? It's not like she had any family to spend it with. Claudia usually spent Christmas with Vince and the Trio was always with Rico, Konda and Bron. On the one or two occasions that they weren't with the three Zentraedi defectors, they always tried too hard to be cheerful which really irritated her.

When the duty roster was made up she was still furious with Rick, who had for a couple of Christmases been her company, so that counted him out. Her duty in the morning, along with Claudia's prodding, was part of the reason she went to see him earlier. She knew he had the next few days off so she wouldn't even get the chance to talk to him or wish him a Merry Christmas over the tac net. And of course, she missed him so much.

Oh well.

She turned her head to face the kitchen, where Claudia was making some God-awful noises while making some tea. Lisa wasn't really sure if Claudia was being deliberately noisy in an effort to further teach her a lesson, or if Claudia was just making tea and her condition intensified each and every sound making them that much more painful. Probably both.

Lisa winced and moaned loudly when one of the pots that Claudia had no business using was dropped onto the floor making a thunderous noise. 'A lesson it is then', she thought tiredly.

"Sorry", came the obviously unsympathetic call from the kitchen.

A moment later Claudia came out of the kitchen with two steaming cups of tea and some napkins. She placed the cups and napkins on the coffee table and stood over Lisa, trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation. After deliberating for a moment she decided on the soft touch approach. After all Lisa was completely devastated by Rick's actions and perhaps she had a right to get a little pissed. But still, she had gone way too far.

"Lisa…we have to talk about this." No response. Louder then. "Lisa! Come on, we have to talk about this."

Lisa opened her eyes, unaware that she had closed them in the first place and looked up at Claudia. She had her sternest 'you're in it deep' look on her face, but Lisa knew her well enough to see the compassion and even understanding in her eyes.

Knowing that delaying the inevitable would only irritate Claudia, she slowly pushed her self up into a sitting position. She gratefully accepted the tea that Claudia handed her and as the first sip of tea made it’s way down her throat, Claudia spoke.

"How are you feeling?" Her tone left no doubt that she knew the answer.

"I'm fine", lied Lisa. She took another sip of the tea. It had to be her mind but it actually felt like she was feeling a little better, although tea always did manage to help her when she needed it.

Claudia raised one eyebrow just enough so that it was noticeable to Lisa. "You don't look fine, honey. And I meant how do you feel about tonight?"

Lisa swallowed hard and tried not to think about it, but it became painfully obvious that Claudia had other ideas.

"Do you have any idea how dangerous what you did tonight is? Do you have any idea of the things that could have happened…and might happen?" Claudia looked to the floor for a moment, then looked back up to Lisa with fury burning brightly in her eyes. "He could have hurt you, Lisa. He could have taken you out there and really hurt you."

Lisa opened her mouth to protest even though she knew Claudia was right, but Claudia cut her off.

"And don't give any crap about you being able to take care of yourself! With the shape you were in when you pulled that stunt you couldn't have fought off a kitten!" A tear slipped from Claudia's left eye a worked it's way down her cheek. "What would I do if anything happened to you?"

Lisa's eyes opened at the raw emotion in Claudia's voice. She watched her friend nearly fall into the chair opposite the couch and look over at her. Her eyes were filled with tears and she had her hands folded together on her lap.

"Lisa…you, Vince, Jean and Bowie are all I've got left. What would I have done if he had hurt you? I was terrified when we looked to the bar and you were gone." Claudia used one of the napkins to clear the tears from her eyes and just looked at Lisa. "You've helped me through the hardest times of my life, Lisa. I need you."

Lisa felt the sting of embarrassment in her cheeks. She wasn't embarrassed by Claudia talking so openly about their relationship, after all they both knew how much they meant to each other. She wasn't embarrassed by the raw emotion in her voice. She was ashamed that she had hurt her friend by acting so recklessly, and hurt her deeply.

"I know you're right, Claudia", said Lisa softly. "I made a terrible mistake." She looked at Claudia, and when their eyes locked together Lisa gathered all the strength she had left and said, "I'm so sorry." She held Claudia's eyes long enough to see them soften and then she broke down. She hid her face in her hands and cried like she had never cried before.

Claudia was next to Lisa in an instant. She put her arms around Lisa and hugged her tightly, letting her do what she needed to do. Several minutes passed by before Lisa's crying diminished to intermittent sobs, and several more minutes passed before the sobs diminished to a bunch of sniffles.

"I know you're hurting, Lisa", whispered Claudia as Lisa cuddled into her. "You of all people know that I've been there." Claudia hugged Lisa tighter. "But you can't let him do this to you. You can't let him make you do this to yourself. You just can't."

"I can’t help it, Claudia. It just hurt so much when I heard him tell her she could stay." Lisa took a couple of shallow breaths. "It’s like something inside me just died, and it hurt so much."

"I know", said Claudia quietly. " I know you love him, Lisa, but you can't let what he says or what he does run your life." Claudia gently tightened her hug. " Don’t let his actions control you. Promise me you won’t let this happen again, Lisa. Your word."

Lisa sat up straight and looked at Claudia. In all their years as friends she couldn’t remember Claudia sounding so desperate for her to do something. It didn’t help that she was totally right about the seriousness of the situation. "I promise, Claudia", she said solemnly. "Never again."

Claudia could hear and see the sincerity in Lisa's voice and in her eyes. She smiled at her friend and looked at the clock. Realizing the late hour and the fact that Lisa had been through the ringer she said, "You should get some sleep." She stood up and added, "I'll call the base in the morning and tell them that I'll take your shift." She started towards the bedroom but was stopped when Lisa grabbed her hand.

When Claudia looked at her Lisa shook her head, ignoring the pounding in her head as she did so. "No, Claudia. I'll go in. I can't miss work. Besides you, it's all I've got." Claudia narrowed her eyes in argument but never said anything. "Please, Claudia. It's Christmas Day. Go spend the day with your family. I'll be fine."

Claudia still didn't look convinced. "It's Christmas Day, Claudia. How bad is it going to be? You know working Christmas Day is like working the twenty-four hour graveyard shift. Nothing will happen and the girls will keep me out of trouble." She squeezed Claudia's hand." Please…I need to go in."

Claudia sighed. "Well you better get your behind in bed then." She helped Lisa up and when she was upright Claudia hugged her fiercely. "I'm staying on the couch and I don’t want to hear a word about it."

Lisa laughed as she returned her friend's hug. "I wouldn't dream of it." She released Claudia and headed towards the closet. "You take the first shot at the bathroom…I may be in there a while. I'll get you a pillow and some blankets."

Claudia nodded and went into the bathroom. When she came out a while later Lisa could see a pensive look on her face though she never made anything of it. She said good night to Lisa and headed for the couch while Lisa went into the bathroom. When Lisa came out ten minutes later, she found Claudia sound asleep.

Lisa stood at the end of the couch and looked lovingly at her friend. "Thank you, Claudia", she whispered. She smiled and went to her bedroom. She changed into a pair of pajamas and sat on the edge of her bed for a moment, contemplating everything that happened that night. She started to feel her emotions rise up in her chest and she shut them down as quickly as she could. Claudia was right that she needed to get to bed. She moved to a sitting position on the bed and pulled the blankets up to her waist. She took a deep breath and lid back onto the pillow, though she wouldn’t even remember her head hitting the pillow when she woke the next morning.

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Lisa made her right hand trace random patterns across Rick's chest, letting it slightly distract her. "I felt miserable when I woke up, but I managed to get ready without waking Claudia. I left her a note thanking her for everything and asking her to let me know when she got back from Vince's." Lisa smiled and said with amazement, "I don't when she did it, but she arranged for a jeep and driver to pick me up. He was actually waiting for me outside." It was then that it hit her and she added softly, "I never did thank her for that."

"Then the attack happened. So much for my quiet day", she added ruefully. "After the clean up I was so tired, I just wanted to go home and collapse onto the bed…" She stopped as his hands pressed into her back.

"But I stopped you in the parking lot and ripped into you about not calling me." His voice was venomous and for an instant she thought it was at her because she hadn't called him, but the look in his eyes told her it wasn't her he was angry with.

"I'm so sorry, Lisa." He shook his head as he remembered. He could see it now in hindsight. The resigned look on her face as he all but yelled at her as they stood next to the ship. She stood there and took it without moving a muscle and only just barely blinking. He could hear the pain in her voice as she told him how she knew about Minmei staying with him, and most of all he could see the shattered look in her eyes when she turned and walked away from him as the Christmas lights lit up around the SDF-1. "You were going through…you were so hurt and I did that…I'm so sorry."

"You couldn’t have known, Rick." She looked up at him and added, "And I should have called you. We needed you out there…you were right to be angry."

'Poof…you're forgiven.' If only he could forgive himself as easily.

"I went home that night and found Claudia waiting for me in my house. She headed back when she heard about the attack, but I could see that there was something else on her mind besides that." Lisa felt the breath catch in her throat and she couldn’t help but cuddle into him more. "Claudia noticed something the night before in the bathroom. She said she wanted to ask me about it, but she didn’t because I wanted to go to work and she didn’t want to get me upset or…"

Rick's worry level jumped up into his sinus cavity even as his stomach fell into his slippers. The way she broke off was eerie. He felt her take another deep breath and then she continued.

"She asked me if…Claudia saw that there weren't any…I don’t know how to tell you this."

Rick swallowed the lump in his throat and answered. "It’s easy. Just tell me."

He felt her tense up as though she were about to receive a blow to the body. "Claudia…she noticed that I didn't have any contraceptives in my bathroom. I remember laughing and joking that I didn’t need them because…because I wasn't…well there was no need to have them. I was still laughing when I caught the horrified look in her eyes. She asked if he had used anything and I said no." She fought back the tears that appeared in her eyes, just as she had that night. "I stopped laughing and nearly collapsed when it hit me a few seconds later. I…I don’t remember the rest of that night, except Claudia saying that everything would be fine and her putting me to bed. It hadn't occurred to me that I might have gotten pregnant."

'Pregnant', he repeated to himself. The thought scared him out of his wits even now, years removed from the event itself. Not even Max knew of the agony he went through the day after he found out as he thought about the possible ramifications of Lisa sleeping with the guy. True it had been months after the fact and there was no sign of Lisa being pregnant or sick, but it sill didn’t keep him from thinking about it. It didn’t keep him from wondering about it. What if she had been pregnant? What if she had been and didn’t want the baby? What if she had wanted to keep the baby? What ifs galore.

Eventually, after hours of soul searching and contemplation, he reasoned it out for himself. Lisa couldn’t have been pregnant, she wouldn’t keep that from him. She couldn't. If she had been pregnant she would have told him. She hadn’t told him so logically she hadn’t been pregnant. After he reached that conclusion he figured that it hadn’t even been a real possibility. Lisa was smarter than that and under no circumstances would she allow herself to be put into a position where an unwanted pregnancy could happen. By the time Lisa got home the next day he had the idea of her being pregnant totally forgotten about. It just didn’t seem real.

Now though, hearing the fear and anguish in her voice as she spoke about it, he realized that it could have happened after all. In fact, she was lucky that it didn’t happen. They were lucky it didn’t happen. His heart sank another few inches into his stomach. Only for Claudia being there, Lisa had gone through the fearful anticipation and the worry by herself. He couldn’t imagine what she had gone through. He simply couldn’t fathom it.

Rick closed his eyes and wondered not for the first time in his life where Lisa managed to find the strength to go on after receiving hit after hit after hit. He opened his eyes and kissed her hair, resting his lips against the top of her head. It wasn't much in regards to support at a time like this, but he hoped she could understand what it meant. Now he understood why she avoided him for the next week or so.

Lisa looked up at him and his heart broke at the sadness reflecting in her eyes. "Lisa, I'm so sorry." He shook his head. "I seem to be saying that a lot tonight."

She got up quickly and moved to the window, as she had done earlier.

It was still snowing.

Lisa hugged herself and watched the snow fall down. "Claudia wanted me to go and see a doctor right away to get checked over. To make sure I was okay, to see if…but I knew it was too early to know that. As it turned out a couple of days later something happened to tell me that I wasn't pregnant. With everything that was going on I never even realized that it was that time." She turned to look at Rick who had gotten up and stood by the couch watching her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks falling onto her robe. "I was so relieved that I almost fainted", she said hoarsely through the emotion of the memory.

In two steps Rick was to her and put his arms around her waist, gently stroking her back and holding her tightly. Her hands rested against his chest and he could feel the wetness from her tears soak through his shirt and wash against his chest. He felt…he didn’t know how he felt. The first and strongest feeling that hit him was guilt. He could not deny his role in everything that happened to Lisa. He couldn’t deny that his ignorance, his blindness, his inability to believe that Lisa had feelings for him, his inability to realize how much she meant to him, and his infatuation with Minmei all caused Lisa to suffer. Rick Hunter never hated himself before in his life as much as he did at that moment.

She cuddled her face into his chest and tried to stop crying, succeeding a few seconds later. "I…I went to see him…the guy."

Rick's jaw muscle tensed and he took a slow, deep breath to keep the hatred he had developed for that person in check.

It didn't go unnoticed by Lisa either. "I went back to the Setup and talked to the waitress who was there that night. She knew who I was talking about right away. She said he was a kind, soft-spoken man who talked to her a lot that night. He told her that he had recently become single and didn't have many friends or any family around. He told her was that he had recently moved to New Macross from New Detroit and worked at the protoculture factory."

She paused for a moment and continued. "I went down there to find him…to apologize for what I did and…well just to say I was sorry." She closed her eyes as she remembered. "I walked into the factory and ran into one of the managers who I knew. He had been the liaison between the SDF-1 and the factory from the beginning so I worked with him often. He asked what I was doing there and I told him I was looking for a friend. He had just asked me who when there was a loud commotion. It was a party actually. We walked over and saw what looked like an impromptu bachelor party going on. The manager explained that one of the guys had just recently gotten back together with his long time girlfriend and they had decided to get married." Lisa looked up to Rick. "It was him."

Lisa saw the surprise in his eyes and cuddled back into his chest. "Alex, the manager, explained how his girlfriend had left him for another woman a week before Christmas. He was really hurt by it, and I guess that's why he was at the Setup on Christmas Eve, for the same reason I was. He came in that morning and announced to the factory at large that his girlfriend realized she had made a big mistake and came back to him, and that they were getting married."

Lisa smiled against Rick's chest. "Alex was very happy for him, saying he was the nicest guy he had ever met and he deserved to be happy. He did look very happy and I didn't want to remind him of something he might have regretted so I left without saying anything to him, and I never saw him again. I couldn't even if I wanted to." Her smile faded. She took another breath and whispered, "He died in Khyron's last attack."

Rick closed his eyes, suddenly feeling sympathy for the man who just a few seconds earlier he despised with all of his being. 'Cruel times', he thought morbidly.

Lisa leaned back to look at him. "I wanted to see you, so badly." Her left hand came up to caress his cheek. "But I knew you were with her and I couldn’t bare to see that." Lisa slipped her arms around his waist. "I'm so sorry, Rick. You must be so hurt…" It was just barely audible.

Rick released her and put his hands on her shoulders, looking her directly in the eyes. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Lisa", he said forcefully. He let his grip on her shoulders loosen and his voice softened. "My feelings for you never changed, with the exception of getting stronger. They didn't change when I found out the night John told me and they didn't change when you told me a little while ago. Like I said, nothing will change how I feel about you." He was happy to see understanding in her eyes at what he was trying to say.

"If anything I should be apologizing to you for being an insensitive jerk", continued Rick. "I honestly don't know why you still love me, or why you never gave up on me. I don't know how you could ever forgive me for doing what I did to you."

Lisa opened her mouth but no words came out. What could she say to that?

Rick brushed the tears from her face with his thumbs and sighed. "I've caused you so much pain and grief, while I was home with Minmei." He saw the stab of pain in her eyes and he stopped before he said anything else. He had always feared her asking about what he did during that Christmas, but he realized now that that should have been the least of his worries. He should have worried for her instead of worrying about her.

Besides, now he had a gut feeling that she knew a lot more about his Christmas than she let on.

"You had a wonderful Christmas, Rick", she whispered, confirming his thoughts. Her right hand reached up to touch his cheek as she added, "As you should have…as you deserved. I can't fault you for that. You were happy to have Minmei with you and you know what, knowing that you were happy helped…a little bit." She smiled a wry smile.

"I deserved to have my ass kicked", said Rick not all that jokingly. "I'm so sorry."

"I never gave up on you because I loved you, Rick…and I still do. I always will." Lisa smiled genuinely for the first time in what seemed like ages. "I'll forgive you if you forgive me."

He smiled back at her. "Deal."

He hugged her to him, tightening his embrace around her waist as her arms slipped up around his neck. "I'm so glad we talked about this", she whispered. "We needed to do it, didn't we?"

"I think we did", he whispered back. "It's been hanging over us for so long. I mean we were fine I think, but imagine how fine we'll be with it out in the open."

She leaned back and laughed a very short laugh. She was definitely feeling better about it all and it was showing. She felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. "Since when did you get to be so sensitive and understanding?", she asked teasingly.

He smiled at her tone. She looked like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. He responded with, "It's been an agonizingly slow process, but it started the day you came into my life."

She laughed again and kissed his nose. "Suck up."

He nodded eagerly and looked to the clock. "It's late, Admiral. Maybe we should head to bed?"

She nodded and led him into the bedroom. They stood by the bed looking into each other's eyes for several moments. Finally Rick, without taking his eyes off of hers, reached over and undid the belt to her robe. He opened the robe and slipped it down over her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.

His hands reached up and cupped her face and she brought her hands up to hold his. "I love you so much." He said it like a man whose life depended on her believing what he was saying. It did.

Her eyes bore into his, green meeting blue setting off a two-tone fireworks display between them. For the first time that night Lisa felt a warmth spread throughout her body, the chill caused by those terrible memories finally vanquished. "Show me, plea…"

He kissed her with a passion and was immensely pleased when he had to tighten his embrace around her waist when her knees buckled slightly. She recovered quickly and began to give as good as she got, even better. Their lips craved each other and only milliseconds passed before their tongues began searching for each other as well.

He gently pushed her back onto the bed, and when they both landed safely he moved his lips from hers, letting her take in the air she needed. His right hand snaked under her pajama top and gently rubbed across her abdomen as he kissed her right cheek, and kept kissing, making his way to her jaw, then to her ear and onto her neck. He just placed a kiss on her collarbone when she said seriously, "Don't think that I've forgotten that you lied to me about how you hurt your hand."

He stopped cold, his lips frozen onto her collarbone. Her words were like ice-cold water being dumped on top of his head, and other places, and he wasn't sure if he was in trouble or not. His lips moved a fraction of a millimeter but it was enough to make her body tense underneath him, and that was when he knew she was fooling around with him.

It was so good to know that after the exhausting, terrifying and serious night they had spent they still loved each other so much that nothing really changed between them.

Well, if that's the way she wanted to play it…

His lips formed a smile against her skin, and before she could ask him what he was doing he clamped down and sucked very hard on the skin covering her clavicle.

"Rick!"

He looked up to see the smoldering look in her eyes, then down to see the fresh and rather bright mark on her neck.

"I'm so going to get you for that", she said menacingly, "starting now."

With that she pulled him up to her and kissed him deeply driving all of the mischief and humor out of him.

She did get him back…several times.

State = Continuará/To Be Continue

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = dparsnipAThotmail.com