dedicate = Everyone who takes a moment to review it.

Rating = AP15

Type = Angst

fanfic =



The drive home from the Sterling’s was too short for any substantive conversation. Ordinarily they would have walked to Max and Miriya’s, but the snow and bitter winds made it necessary for the car ride. For the entire three-minute drive Lisa looked out the passenger side window watching the wind whip around the snow that had already fallen. A quick glance towards the sky told her more of the white stuff was on the way and for reasons that escaped her, she recalled that the Christmas of 2013 was during a very mild winter with very little snow. That is until the day that Khyron destroyed the SDFs 1 and 2.



Rick constantly glanced over to check on Lisa. He didn’t like the way this was heading, but he had made up his mind to make her talk about this. Get it out in the open once and for all…no matter how much the wound in his chest would open up because of it. The wound had been healing nicely, thanks to their unspoken agreement not to talk about it. It occurred to him that perhaps that was a mistake. Lisa always told him that talking about it helped. When Roy died it was her mantra to him and Claudia. She was right, and he regretted now how he was too afraid to talk about something that would hurt, hoping that it would go away. He should have known better, and he should have known the longer they waited the more it would hurt them both.



He pulled the car into their driveway and got out to open the door for Lisa. She accepted the hand he offered with a small smile, and they hurried up the path to the door. Rick opened it and rushed into the warmth of their house



He took their coats and put them away. When he was finished he looked to where Lisa had gone. She was standing in the middle of their living room looking out the window. She hadn’t even bothered to turn on the light, but he could see by the light filtering in through the window that she was hugging herself as though she were cold, though the house was more than comfortably warm.



He walked over to her and gently turned her to look at him. When her eyes met his the conversation began…their eyes telling each other that everything would be all right.



“Lisa…”, began Rick, but Lisa cut him off.



“What do you know about that night, Rick?”



Her voice was barely above a whisper and the shame and despair in it cut him to the deepest recesses of his soul. Her eyes were beginning to tear up, and the light glistened off the gathering water like diamonds.



Rick brought his right hand up to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch and the built up tears spilled down her cheeks. He gently wiped them away and answered her question. “Everything that happened at the Setup.”



“Until the Setup closed”, she said as though trying to get the timeline straight in her head.



He shook his head, and when she looked at him questioningly he elaborated. “I know everything that happened at the Setup, Lisa. From the time you got there until the time you left.”



“How? I mean…”



“Why don’t we sit and I’ll tell you everything.” He took her hand and led her to the couch. She sat down first and Rick sat to her left. He was relieved when she cuddled into his side. He put his arm around her and began.



“It was May 6, 2014, and I was just getting ready to head out on patrol…”

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“Hey Captain, did you hear the news?”



Captain Rick Hunter looked towards Commander Keith Monahan. The Tomahawk squadron commander was just coming in from what was being described as a more boring than usual patrol. More often than not, that meant that the next patrol was going to have a busier than usual patrol. That axiom was troubling for Rick…he was getting ready to lead the Skull on the next patrol.



Monahan was young for a Commander, and Rick always laughed when he thought of that…after all, wasn’t he young to be a Captain? ‘A sign of the times’, he told himself. The Earth was nearly destroyed and the once abundant population of humans had been all but obliterated. People had to step up and fill the void, no matter their age. Besides, Monahan had proven that he had what it took to command a veritech squadron dozens of times. He was good.



Rick picked up his red and white helmet and headed towards Monahan, who just happened to still be by the exit. When he reached the younger man, Rick replied to the query.



“It depends on what news you’re talking about, Commander.” Rick was a Captain after all, and leader of the Skull, which gave him a little more access to information and news than most others. Then of course, there was the widely known fact that he and Lisa were a couple. While Lisa wouldn’t break any rules in regards to divulging classified material, even to him, there were some things that she knew before anyone else, and sometimes that meant that he knew before a lot of people. Rick was always careful when he got a question like the one Monahan asked. He couldn’t know if it was a legitimate question or someone on a fishing expedition.



Monahan began to unzip his flight suit. “They’re opening it downtown, next door to that sports shop on Main Street. I can’t wait!”



Monahan sat down on a bench and began to take off his boots. Rick had no idea what he was talking about. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He knew where the sports shop was, but he was clueless about what was going next to it.



“They’re putting what next to it, Keith?”



“The Setup, Rick. They’re going to reopen the Setup!” Monahan leaned back and looked to the ceiling as he remembered what it was like to go there in New Macross. “Man, I really miss that place.” He looked to Rick and smiled. “Sorry, sir. It’s been a long day.”



Rick laughed and patted Monahan on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Keith. When it opens I’ll be right behind you to get in. I spent many hours in that place. Any idea when it’s going to open up?”



Monahan shook his head. “All I heard was soon. Can’t be soon enough for me though.”



From outside the open door to the pilot’s locker room Rick heard the voice of his best friend tell him that it was time to go. “I’ll be right there, Max”, he said loud enough for Max to hear. He turned to Monahan. “If you hear of when they’re opening let me know will you, Keith? I’d appreciate it.”



“Of course, Rick. You do the same.”



Rick smiled and said, “Deal. See you later, Commander.”



“Safe flying, Captain.”

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As luck would have it, or faith or karma or whatever one would want to call it, the patrol had gone without incident. As was the custom that had developed in the Skull, Max and Rick were the last to deplane and the last to head into the locker rooms. It was common for the both of them to hang near their planes as the flight crews descended upon Skull One and Skull Two, normally waiting to hear the flabbergasted utterances of the Chief as he sized up battle damage on the aircraft. When no such entertainment was forthcoming, they milled about watching the goings on or just chatted about whatever patrol or mission they had just come back from. Such was the case this time.



Finally they headed to the locker room. Just as they were about to enter, a voice stopped Rick in his tracks.



“Captain Hunter, sir”, said the young female base communications officer. She walked up to the two men and saluted. After they returned her salute she looked to Rick and held out her hand which held a sealed envelope. “This is for you, sir…from Admiral Hayes.”



Max saw the expression on his friend’s face change several times in a very short span of time. First there was confusion etched on Rick’s face at being stopped and approached by someone he obviously didn’t know. Then there came a look of peace and love at the mention of Lisa’s name, a feeling Max knew very well. It was the same for him when he heard Miriya’s name. Finally, there flashed on Rick’s face, and particularly in his normally carefree and lively eyes, a look of fear and uncertainty, and Max could understand why. In the time that Rick and Lisa had become a couple, it had become common for her to leave messages for Rick if anything happened or if their plans changed, which happened often as she was so busy.  It wasn’t even unusual for Lisa to be waiting for them to return from hard patrols or dangerous missions. But this was the first time that she had someone hand deliver a letter to him.



It was then that Max realized that no one was moving or speaking. In fact, the comm. officer still had her hand stretched out waiting for Rick to take the envelope. He looked to the comm. officer, who in turn was looking to Rick expectantly. He looked over to Rick who was looking at the envelope as though it were the harbinger of the apocalypse.



Max brought his right hand up to his mouth and coughed loudly into his hand. The desired effect was achieved and Rick shook himself out of his stupor, finally reaching over and relieving the young woman of her burden.



“Thank you, Lieutenant”, was all that he said as he turned and went into the locker room.



Max nodded to the comm. officer and followed his friend inside. He found Rick on the bench by his locker, his elbows on his knees with his hands stretched out in front of him. In his left hand he held the still unopened envelope.



Rick looked at the envelope in his hand with a fear so deep that he didn’t know it existed…a fear that perhaps Lisa had discovered that life with him wasn’t at all that she had hoped it would be. He gently waved the envelope in the air, and when he heard Max shuffle his feet a short distance away, he tightened his grip on the letter. A whirlwind of thoughts roared through his mind…not all of them rational. ‘If she wanted to talk to me all she had to do was get the tower to patch it through. Maybe she didn’t have time. Didn’t have time…she’s an Admiral. Why didn’t she talk to me? What if she…’ That thought was unbearable. Even after such a short time together he couldn’t imagine his life without her.



Max could read his friend pretty well. Rick wasn’t as confident about some things as he let on. With flying for example, Rick was genuinely confident in his abilities. Whatever you saw in regards to his demeanor about that was the real deal. His exhibits of confidence in Lisa’s feelings for him sat at the opposite end of the spectrum. He felt that he screwed up and hurt Lisa badly, and because of that he always had in the back of his mind the idea that perhaps she would never get over it and leave him. Of course it was ludicrous. If only he could see that.



Rick forced himself to think. ‘Come on, Rick. Lisa loves you. She never had time to call and that’s it. She had to leave in a hurry and couldn’t wait.’ He took a deep breath, sat up and carefully opened the envelope. He slid the note out and unfolded the paper. Before his eyes focused on her elegant handwriting, he swallowed the lump that had grown instantly in his throat.



He read the note, finally, and as the words filtered though the haze of fear he began to feel a wave of relief wash through him. He looked to Max, who hadn’t moved and reported the note’s contents to him. “She had to leave Monument for a few days…she couldn’t tell me where she was going though. Classified.” The last word left a bitter taste in his mouth as he said it, and from the look on Max’s face, Rick could see that Max knew just how he felt.



Rick let his body relax, unaware that he had been holding himself so rigidly in the first place. ‘I feel like an idiot’, he mused. ‘Getting all worked up over a letter from a woman who loves me. I’ve known Lisa for years. I know better than to think that she’d leave me without talking to me, she’s too honorable…too kind-hearted for that. ‘



“Oh well”, said Rick resignedly, “looks like I’m on my own for a few days.”



“You’ll live, Boss”, responded Max cheerfully, trying to bring some sort of levity to the situation. Rick and Lisa had barely been apart in the few months since Khyron’s last attack, and Rick obviously didn’t relish the thought of being without her for any amount of time. “Being a bachelor is like riding a bike…you never forget how to do it.”



Rick looked at Max, and couldn’t help but laugh at his tone of voice and the genuinely honest expression in his face. “How would you know, Max? You’ve been married for years.”



Max shrugged his shoulders as he headed towards his own locker. “It’s what I’ve been told”, he responded finally, and joined in laughing with Rick a moment later.

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Half an hour later Max looked to Rick as they strode through the parking lot of the Monument Base. “Need a lift home, Boss?”



It was getting late. Darkness had fallen and there was a very slight chill in the air, though it wasn’t cold by any means. “No, but you can drop me off at the market. I was supposed to pick up a couple of things.”



“Sure thing, Rick.”



As they drove to the market, Rick was eerily quiet, and Max didn’t like it one little bit. When he pulled the car into the parking lot, he took a shot. “Why don’t you come to my place for a while, Rick? Dana loves it when you visit.”



Rick smiled at his friend. “No thanks, Max. You haven’t seen Miriya or Dana all day. Go home and be with them. I’m going to get what I need and stroll home, let the air knock me out.” He opened the door and got out, leaning back inside when Max called to him.



“Are you sure you don’t at least want me to wait for you, Rick?”



“Positive”, responded Rick with an appreciative smile. “Go on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”



He closed the car door and headed into the market, waving when Max blew the horn.



Max sighed heavily and reluctantly drove the car off the parking lot. He really didn’t like the idea of leaving Rick like that. Max knew what it was like after all, finally finding your soul mate and then having to be separated for a while…even a short while. It could be unbearable. Max remembered the empty feeling he had when Miriya had been questioned by the Intelligence staff aboard the SDF-1 after they got wind of who she was. Max had missed a patrol flight because he was going insane with worry and had a terrible empty feeling. He could only imagine what Rick was feeling right now. He and Lisa had been all but inseparable in the last few months, the only real exceptions being when he was on patrol or when she was in meetings, but both of those exceptions covered only a number of hours…not days.



‘He’ll be fine’, he thought. ‘I’m sure I’ll find him home tomorrow morning sleeping like a baby.’

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It didn’t take Rick long to get what he needed. He was in and out of the market in short order and taking the scenic route home. Walking in downtown Monument at this time of night was relaxing for Rick, and he and Lisa did it a few times.



Rick thought about Lisa and his mind went over the words in her letter.



‘My darling Rick. I have to leave Monument for a few days to take care of something that apparently only an Admiral can take care of. Where I’m going and what I’m doing is classified, but don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous. I promise. I should be back in a few days, earlier if these Admiral’s stars are worth anything at all. I will miss you, Rick. I love you. Lisa.’



He still couldn’t get over the way he reacted to receiving the letter. For a time, a short time, he actually thought she might be leaving him. He shook his head at the thought as he turned the corner onto Main Street. He was still having feelings of doubt about his worthiness to receive the love of a woman like Lisa. No matter how much she loved him and despite Max’s assurances that he was deserving of Lisa’s affection, the doubt lingered.



He was just about to moan her name aloud when he heard a small crash and a muffled curse ahead of him. He looked up and saw someone struggling with a rather bulky looking box. He ran up to the older man and laid his bags on the ground next to the building the man was trying to enter, and grabbed the box. “Let me help you with that, sir.”



Rick took the weight of the box and though he couldn’t see the man on the other side, he heard a most definitive sigh of relief. He heard a mumbled thank you and then heard the rattling of keys as the gentleman tried to unlock the door. Finally the door opened and Rick carefully took the box inside. He never really noticed where he was or what was in the box. Once inside the man tapped something and said, “You can put that here young man.”



Rick did as he was told and gently placed the box on the table. ‘It’s not table’, he realized. ‘It’s a bar!’



Rick straightened up and looked around. There were obvious signs of renovations and construction…pieces of wood, tools of all shapes and sizes, paint cans and ladders for example. He looked to the far wall and immediately recognized the booths and tables. It was a perfect replica. “It’s the Setup!”, he exclaimed loudly.



“Actually, Captain Hunter, it’s the Setup II.”



Rick whirled around to see who had spoken his name, even as he realized it was the voice of the older man. Finally Rick got a good look at him. He was an older man of average height with a slightly blocky build; upper middle age maybe, with a gray crop of short hair, complimented by a neatly trimmed beard and mustache…also gray in color.



Rick recognized him immediately and started walking towards him with his hand outstretched. When he reached the man, he shook Rick’s hand. “How have you been, John? You look great!”



John smiled at Rick. “You’re a terrible liar, Captain.” He released Rick’s hand and pointed to one of the stools in front of the bar. “Have a seat and I’ll get you a drink.”



Rick did as he was told and sat down. A moment later John placed a scotch on the rocks in front of him. As John poured a drink for himself, Rick thought about the man. He was the bartender/owner of the Setup in New Macross, though he had been the bartender of various establishments dating back to God knew when. He was a very good friend of Roy and Claudia, which is how he became a good friend to Lisa, Rick, Max and Miriya. He was a friendly man who never had a bad word to say about anyone. He was always full of humor and good spirits, and like all truly great bartenders he was always willing to listen and keep what he heard to himself. It’s a big reason as to why the Setup was missed so much.



When John joined Rick both men held up their glasses in a salute. “To absent friends”, said John solemnly, and both men took a gulp of their respective drinks.



Rick looked at the bartender. “I’m glad to see that you made it through it all, John. Really glad. And the Setup II eh?”



“Thanks, Captain. I was relieved to hear that you made it too.” He nodded his head in the direction of the tables and booths and said, “I salvaged what I could and rebuilt the rest. I missed it too much I guess.”



Rick smiled. No matter how much everyone asked, begged, and ordered John to call them by their first names, he never did. He always greeted them and addressed them by their ranks, out of respect he always said. He couldn’t join the service himself, but he knew from listening to those he served at the bar that the military sacrificed more than enough for him and everyone to earn his respect.



“Yeah, I made it”, said Rick. “A lot of us did, a lot of us didn’t.”



“That’s the way it is with war, isn’t it?” John shook his head and smiled. “I hope things are a little better these days, Captain. Still flying with Commander Sterling?”



Rick took a sip of his scotch and nodded. “Yep. I’m still leading the Skull and Max is number two. Miriya’s in the squadron too, so they get to work out their shifts and such.”



John nodded his understanding. “And how’s the little fireball doing?”



Rick couldn’t help but laugh at John’s nickname for Dana. “Dana is doing very well. Growing like the proverbial weed and still a fireball.”



John smiled and said, “That’s great.” He hesitated and tilted his head downward, but his eyes looked up to Rick. “And Captain Hayes?”



Rick felt himself smile at her name before he could even think about doing it. “She’s great, John. She got promoted to Admiral and she’s busy as hell.”



“Good for her”, said John affectionately, then hastened to add, “About the promotion I mean…not about being busy.”



Rick nodded his head. “I know what you mean, John. She had to leave Monument for a few days. I don’t know what to do with myself.”



John looked confused and when he spoke his voice sounded it as well. “How do you mean, Captain?”



“We got together after…well, we got together.”



John slapped the bar, causing Rick to jump on surprise, and began to laugh. “Well that deserves another drink!”, he exclaimed as he reached for Rick’s glass. A moment later it was refilled, as was John’s and he held up his glass. “To you and Capt…I mean Admiral Hayes. I hope you have nothing but love and good times in your lives.”



Rick mimicked John’s gesture and took a sip from his glass. “Thanks, John. I really appreciate that, and I’m sure Lisa would too.”



“So how’d it happen?”, asked John a little excitedly, but when he asked the question he calmed himself and added, “That is if you don’t mind me asking.”



“Of course not, John”, replied Rick truthfully. It was easy to talk to John. As a matter of fact John knew more about Rick’s life in New Macross than anyone, with the exception of Max of course. Rick told John things that he hadn’t even been able to tell Lisa, mostly because they involved her or Minmei…or both.



“The day of the attack”, began Rick, “Admiral Gloval gave her command of the SDF-2, which meant that she would be leaving.” Rick took a deep breath as he tried to suppress the shudder that ran through him at the thought of Lisa leaving. “She came to my place to say good bye, and she told me that she loved me.” Rick smiled as he remembered those words coming from her sweet lips for the very first time. “She told me that and then she ran away from me, John, right into Khyron’s attack. I thought…I thought I’d lost her in the blink of an eye, especially when I found her lying on the ground. But she was fine, and I admitted to her that I loved her too.”



John’s eyes opened wide, but he kept silent.



Rick noticed John’s surprised look but forged ahead. “I went to my plane and she went to the SDF-2, then Khyron’s ship fired on the SDF-2 and crippled her. I couldn’t reach Lisa, and the ship started to sink.” He felt the tears come to his eyes as he remembered the horrible sickness that enveloped him as he sat in Skull One, followed in short order by the dire thirst for revenge. He looked to John and could see that he understood. “Anyway, when it was all over, we went to each other, held each other, and have been together since. It took her leaving and the thought of losing her to make me see how much I love her.”



“I’m very happy for you both, Captain”, said the bartender softly. “I admit I never thought it would happen, especially after Christmas Eve.”



John fell silent and Rick took a sip of his drink. As Rick placed his glass on the bar, his brows knitted together as he thought about what John said. ‘Christmas Eve?’, Rick asked himself. ‘What about Christmas Eve? What happened…Oh...Minmei.’ It hit him like a Zentraedi boot to the midsection, which oddly enough he had some experience with. ‘But wait a second…’



“Captain…are you all right?” John became concerned that perhaps he said something that he shouldn’t have, and a moment later his fears were confirmed.



“What are you talking about, John?” Rick leaned forward looked into the bartender’s eyes. “What happened on Christmas Eve?”



John could see the need for the information in Rick’s eyes, but still…how was he supposed to tell him what he witnessed? “It’s nothing, Captain.” He started to turn to refill his drink, which he was really beginning to feel that he would need.



Rick would have none of it however. He reached over and grabbed John’s forearm, and when John looked at him again, Rick said a single word. “Please.”



John could see the fear in the younger man’s eyes. He nodded once and when Rick let go of his arm, he went about the task of refilling their drinks.



As John did that, Rick went over what he remembered. It still made him sick to his stomach every time he thought that night. The jumble of feelings he had when Minmei asked him if she could stay; the death and destruction the next day; and the thing that hurt the most, the utterly destroyed look in Lisa’s eyes when he talked to her. He never did ask what she did on Christmas Eve or after they both left the ship on Christmas Day…not out of a fear of hearing what she did, but more out of a fear of her asking him what he did. The flashes of memories reminding him of what he did for Christmas caused him to shudder.



He looked to John’s back as the bartender fixed their drinks. ‘We were talking about Lisa and our getting together. He didn’t think it would happen, especially after Christmas Eve. It has to do with Lisa, but what…?’ The thought vanished as John placed a drink in front of Rick and he noticed with a sense of foreboding that the drink was a double…straight up.



When he looked inquisitively at the bartender, John looked at him with sympathy in his eyes and said quietly, “I think you’re going to need it, Captain.”



Rick put his hand around the glass, more to keep his hand from shaking than needing a drink. A moment later John moved a stool over so that he could sit across from Rick.



John sat down and looked at Rick Hunter and sighed inwardly. He hated to be the one to do this. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “The only reason I’m telling you this, Captain, is that Capt…I mean Admiral Hayes is a very special lady. She apparently didn’t tell you this, and I guess she has a good reason, but perhaps it’s important that you know. But you have to promise me, Captain, that you will not let her know that you know what happened on Christmas Eve.”



“Okay, John.” Rick took a sip of his drink and just as he placed it back on the bar, John spoke again.



“Rick…you must promise me.”



The use of his name brought Rick’s fear and anxiety level to a place that it had never been before, not even when he thought Alaska Base had been destroyed with all hands or when he thought Lisa died on the SDF-2. A sickly feeling began to grow in his stomach. “I promise, John”, he said sincerely.



Satisfied, John nodded and took a sip of his drink and began, “Last Christmas Eve started out like any other Christmas Eve…”