fanfic_name = The Absurdly Mysterious Origins of Scott Bernard

author = aragonvaar

Rating = AP

Type = Humor

fanfic = Rick: Well, Lisa and I are reconciling, Minmei. Thanks for letting me crash

at your place after she kicked me out.

Minmei: But Rick-snif-I'm carrying your baby!

Rick: Uh, well, marry and divorce someone real quick so the kid'll have a

father...that Bernard guy who handles your public appearances would work.

I'll do anything I can to help you out, as long as I don't end up with a

scandal on my hands...

Twenty years later:

Scott: Dangit, Mom, why couldn't you have told me he was my real father

sooner?

Minmei: Sooner?

Scott: Like before I fell desperately in love with his daughter Marlene

Hunter?

Minmei: Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Scott: !?!?!?

Minmei: The Hunters' marriage was on the rocks when she was conceived...and Lisa was seeing A LOT of my cousin Kyle right about then....

************************************************************

Azonia: Um, as the micronians would say, I think I'm carrying your child.

Khyron: Whatever. Micronize it, stash it in a test tube somewhere, and

prepare for the final battle.

Nameless Zentraedi Spear-carrier: Does anyone but me find this pointless

Oedipal casting stunt kinda disturbing?

Khyron: Are you feeling suicidal, Nameless?

Some months later:

Dr. Lang: Jah, is odd...late-term unborn micronian with DNA similar to

Khyron's and Azonia's.

Lang's sister: Poor thing. Can you imagine the hatred it will face growing

up?

Dr. Lang: Jaaah-is why I propose to falsify its medical records and give it

to one of my assistants to raise.

[Bernard drops a heavy piece of equipment on the Doctor's foot.]

Bernard: Sorry sir, it won't happen again.

Dr. Lang: Thank you Bernard, for volunteering to give poor little Zentreadi

a home.

************************************************************

Max: Hello Azonia, I've been macronized as a sort of goodwill ambassador to

your fleet.

Azonia: You're hot. No wonder Miriya defected. <smirk>

Max: Ulp...

Some months later:

Miriya: No, Max I don't blame you, I blame her.

Max: Kinda figured that- otherwise I'd be dead by now. But what do we do

about the kid?

Miriya: Take it in and raise it, I guess. But it can't have the Sterling

name-call it Bernard, or something....

************************************************************

Marlene: I would never have guessed you were Tirolian, Scott. Even at your

most uptight, you're very human.

Scott: I have McDonald's to thank for that.

************************************************************

Lisa: fighting this war against the Robotech Masters sure takes a lot of

manpower...manpower that we don't have.

Exedore: Might I suggest cloning?

Rick: I guess it's ok-so long as we treat 'em like individuals-vary the

facial-appearance genes, raise 'em decent, and so on.

Lisa: I have a bad feeling about this...

Twenty years later:

Marlene: Hi Mom and Dad! Meet my new boyfriend.

Rick: Honey, that's not a boyfriend, that's a clone.

Lisa: Sigh. I KNEW this was a bad idea.

************************************************************

Dana: Sit down, son, I'm gonna tell you about your father.

Scott: Does this have anything to do with why you use Bernard instead of

Sterling?

Dana: Yeah- my mom disowned me when she found out I was gonna have Zor

Prime's baby.

Scott: Ack. My hair is so doomed.

Dana: Quit whining.

State = Fin/The End

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = aragonvaarAThotmail.com