Fanfic Name / Nombre del Fanfic: maelström

Chapter / Capitulo: 4

Author / Autor: jo_anderson

Rating / Clasificacion: AP15 (For Teenagers = Para Adolescentes)

Alternate Universe / Universo Alterno

Angst / Drama

Fanfic: Maelström 
Disclaimer: I don’t own Robotech or any of it’s characters. This fic was written for entertainment purposes only. No infringement is intended. 
Author’s note: This is a Roy and Lisa fanfic, you are warned. If you don’t want to read this please don’t. I wrote this because I have always think that Roy is an awesome character and that he and Lisa will make a wonderful couple if it weren't for Claudia. And because Lisa deserves someone a little less confuse than Rick. In order for this fic to work Roy never died in the episode “Farwell Big Brother” 
Reviews: Please, please, reviews are what keeps me writing and is the only way I have to know if you like it or not this fic. So please try to send one even if it just one word. 
To: Carla, thanks for helping me to develop this idea and for giving me the courage to write this, thank you so much wicked sister. To Dwayne for being my beta again, without you I don't know what I'll do and to Feña thanks for listening to me little niece. 
Enjoy..... 
 
Maelström 
Chapter 4 
“Broken heroes” 
 
Lisa had her gaze lost on the horizon. She had been standing on one of the decks of the SDF-1 practically since sunrise. A month already had already passed by. She moved one of her hands to her side, running her fingers across the scar of her emergency surgery that was hidden underneath her uniform. But that wasn't the only scar she carried since that day. 
Her eyes suddenly were filled with tears and she fought them back. She wasn't going to give into her emotions. Because opening that door meant losing control and for her, a person who always had to be in control of every situation, a perfectionist who left nothing to chance, that was unthinkable. So she shut down almost all her emotions. Except two, guilt and anger. She searched for those emotions in her heart, those were far more manageable. So she clinged to them, to the anger she felt towards herself for not predicting that they could be targets, for failing as soldier, as a strategist... and the guilt she felt for surviving. 
Alarms took her out of her thoughts and she paid attention to them. 
“Combat stations, Combat stations. All personal report to their Combat stations. This is not a drill,” Sammie's voice was audible on the speaker phones. 
Lisa smiled to herself. Finally combat. She had been waiting for one ever since she got back to full duty; nothing better than that to keep her emotions at distance. She started to run towards the bridge, her work demanded her to be cold, emotionless, rational, to keep her mind clean of everything that wasn't related to the battle that was taking place. Nothing would make all the feelings that she had been hiding and fighting disappear faster than a battle. She quickened her pace.  
Roy took off, even though he wasn't on duty. He wasn’t even on call but it didn't matter. Combat had come at last and nothing would stop him from being in the air. He might even get revenge. He smiled and pushed the throttle and felt the acceleration of this VT in his entire body. It was just perfect. 
He fought recklessly, taking unnecessary risks and not caring about rules of engagement. He just fought hearing what the adrenaline that was running though his veins told him to do, and for a moment there was nothing else for him than to find the next target, nothing else than the interaction between him and his VT.  
“Captain Fokker, come in!” the angry voice of Lisa kept sounding in his earphones. He ignored it again and changed the channel, but her voice appeared again. She was on every channel! He decided to answer to her, maybe that way she'd shut up. 
“This is Fokker,” he said apathetically. 
“What do you think you're doing? Don't you know that the rules of engagement clearly said that...” she was saying but Roy cut her off. 
“I know perfectly well what the rules of engagement said, but you know very well that the enemy doesn't respect them.” 
“They exist for a reason Captain, you should know better,” Lisa said angrily, for some reason she expected nothing less than perfection from him. Especially after all that had happened. 
“Fine, whatever.” 
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked. Roy didn't even answer, he just rolled his eyes, making her lose her patience. “You weren't even supposed to be on duty, you are breaking more than one rule by being there Captain, so I suggest you better start playing by the rules or I'll...” 
“Or you'll what? What are you going to do? Come here and spank me?” Roy asked looking at her through the comm screen flirtatiously. “Because that would be quite sexy,” he teased. 
“Enough!” Lisa said raising her voice, hardly. “Return to base, Skull one,” she added. 
“I'm in the middle of a combat here, Captain.” 
“You're not needed there, the Vermilion squadron is taking care of the situation.” 
“You can't be serious. I'm still drunk and I'm flying better than them!” 
Lisa blinked a couple of times before reacting. She could not believe what she had just heard. 
“You're what?” she asked still in disbelief. 
“Actually more hung over than drunk...” 
“You're ordered to land immediately, Captain!” she said tightening her jaw.  
“Like I said...” he started to say but she cut him off. 
“I don't care what you said. You're endangering the life of every man out there flying in those conditions, not to mention a VT and your own life. If you want to keep breaking rules do it on your own time, but not while by doing so you can get one of my pilots killed. So you better land immediately or don't even bother to come back!” Lisa said and cut communications hitting the control panel with her fist . 
The trio, who were in the control room looked at her with surprise; only one person made Lisa that angry and today Rick Hunter hadn't even made Lisa raise an eyebrow. Captain Fokker was in a lot of trouble for sure. But they knew better than to open their mouths when storm clouds were hovering over Lisa and some pilot, so they remained in silence in their stations. 
“This is it!” Lisa thought. She had given him the benefit of the doubt. She had thought that his reckless behavior was a way to deal with the loss of Claudia, but this time he had crossed the line and she would not tolerate it. He was a Captain of the RDF, an example that other pilots followed and this behavior was unacceptable. She was going to put a stop to it and she was going to do it right now. She had made heads roll for a lot less than what he had done. 
Roy landed his VT unwillingly and he was upset. He felt at home in the air, in the middle of combat, something he hadn't felt on earth since a month ago. It was there, in the air, that the pain seamed to fade away, but now he was back on the ground and it was here that the weight of reality seamed to suffocate him. It didn't matter how much he tried to evade reality, it always caught him while he was on the ground. Apparently on solid ground he wasn't as fast to escape from it as he was on board his VT in the middle of the clouds. 
Everything he had tried here on earth only seemed to work for a couple of minutes, even less than that, mere seconds. The alcoholic stupor left him fast, only leaving a strong headache as a memory. That was the reason he kept drinking continuously, keeping himself drunk was the only way to avoid the hangover and facing what he had done while he was drunk. The sex only brought relief for a few seconds, while the climax lasted, and even then he always felt there was something missing... 
And yet it was all he had now to escape reality. He searched for the watter bottle of the emergency kit from his VT that he had filled with Vodka. He drank a gulp from it and started walking towards the lockers, knowing all eyes were set on him, but there was a pair of eyes that caught his attention. 
Lisa was walking with strong purposeful steps towards the hangars. She knew Roy had already landed, her anger against him boiling in her veins. She looked for him in the hangars but the mechanics told her he had left the place as soon as he had landed, without even checking out his VT. She asked for his whereabouts to several officers, and then the scared gazes of some of the crew members gave her the location of Roy. She didn't even bother to ask if he was actually inside a small maintenance room near the lockers. She just knew he was there. 
She opened the door, and froze. In front of her eyes was Roy, resting his weight against some shelves inside that small maintenance room, and a young ensign on her knees in front of him. Lisa turned her back to them, she had seen enough. 
The girl jumped to her feet but didn't know what to do. Roy slowly and unwillingly put his flight suit on again. 
“Get out!” Lisa yelled. “Get out of here right now if you don't want your life in the RDF becoming a living hell, because I will personally make sure that every single day becomes a nightmare for you!” Lisa said and the ensign ran as fast as she could away from the small room. Lisa entered into the room, slamming the door. 
“Do you always have to be such a sour puss?” Roy asked, pissed. Lisa just scoffed at him when she really wanted to slap him. 
“What the hell do you think you're doing?” She asked him but didn't let him answer. “You're an officer, a Captain. You can't act like this, you should be an example to follow.” 
“Not all of us live our lives according to the book,” he said and drank from his bottle of vodka. 
“You can live your life as you wish...” Lisa was saying but Roy interrupted her. 
“Exactly! This is my life, mine, so stay out of it.” 
“Well I'm sorry to inform you Captain, that the moment you put your uniform on your life concerns me, especially if you put the lives of my men in danger.” 
“I didn't put their lives...” 
“You were drunk during combat!” 
“And what you're going to do about it? Court-Martial me?” 
“Don't tempt me, Fokker.” 
“Well then you either do that or leave me alone, because quite frankly you're starting to annoy me.” 
“I won't cover it for you next time.” 
“I never asked for you to cover me. I don't owe you anything.” 
“No, you don't owe me anything. Because I wasn't doing it for you, I was doing it for her. Because to me you're nothing more than a drunk pilot, a pilot who can't keep his pants on!” Lisa said looking at him reproachfully and he held her accusing eyes defiantly. “It hasn't even been a month and you are already are sleeping your way around.” 
“Are you expecting me to apologize?” he said mockingly. 
“After this?” Lisa said pointing at the room. “After what I saw? The girl that you had on her knees was an ensign, an ensign for Christ sake! No, I don't expect you to apologize,” Lisa said and made a pause to add ironically. “You must have really loved Claudia, to honor her memory the way you do.”  
She had barely finished the sentence when Roy threw his bottle of vodka at the wall. It only passed a few inches away from Lisa before colliding against the wall and breaking into pieces. Lisa didn't even flinch. 
“Should I take that as a sign that you do care for her, Fokker?” Lisa said sarcastically. “Because your little tantrum here means no...” 
“There wouldn't be a memory to honor if it wasn't for you,” Roy said viciously, looking at her in the eyes. She had hurt him and he wanted to hurt her back, to hurt her deeply.  
“If it weren't for you she would have never been on that plane. So tell me Hayes, was getting her killed your way to prove how much her friendship meant to you?” Roy said. He knew he had succeed, the hurt was so clear in her face, her eyes filled with tears. He had hurt her deeply and yet he didn't feel any better. Finally he walked out of the room, leaving her inside alone. 
Roy had hurt her where it hurt the most; he wasn't only an ace targeting enemies in the skies, he was an ace too when he really wanted to hurt people. She felt her chin tremble, and a knot in her throat that made breathing hard. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, trying to collect herself together before leaving the room. She was going to leave the room the same way she had entered, as if what had happened in there hadn't affected her, that she was as cold as she always was. Even though Roy's words were still stabbing her. 
She was passing near the runway on her way back to the bridge when she heard someone screaming her name. 
“Lisa! Lisa!” The familiar voice of Rick arrived to her hears. 
“Rick?” Lisa said stopping in her tracks and turning to face him. 
“Are you OK?” he asked with concern. 
“I'm fine...” Lisa said but Rick interrupted her. 
“No you are not,” he said and stepped closer to her, putting one of his hands softly on her shoulder. “You don't need to pretend with me.” 
“I'm fine, I just had an argument with Roy, that's all.” 
“He can be quite hard when he wants to,” Rick said, when he noticed Lisa's sad eyes.  
“Yes he can,” Lisa said more to herself than to Rick. 
“He's just affected because of Claudia's death.. he needs some time.”  
“We're all affected because of her death and none of us are acting the way he is,” Lisa said upset and yet her eyes were missing the fire they always had every time she was upset by something, Rick noticed. 
“I should leave, I could be needed on the bridge,” Lisa said after a moment of silence. 
“Don't go,” Rick said and grabbed her by the arm. She looked at him surprised. 
“I feel like you keep running away from me, Lisa,” Rick said and searched for Lisa's eyes but she looked away. 
“I'm not avoiding you,” Lisa said unconvincingly. 
“Yes you are. Lisa you are my friend, and I'm so unbelievably sorry for what happened up there. I failed to you, I lost my perspective, I let my personal life get in the way of my work and if I could change what happened I'd do it in heart beat but I can't, and that’s something I'll have to live with every day of my life, knowing that if I had sent one of my men to help you none of this would have happened.” 
“I don't blame you for...” 
“Yes you do, and so does Roy...” 
“No, Rick. I don't blame you. I might have at first but I don't blame you now,” Lisa said and couldn't help thinking, “I don't blame you Rick, it was my fault, only mine.” 
“Then please stop shutting me out of your life,” Rick said and moved his hand that was still holding Lisa's arm to her right hand. “I know you withdraw to yourself when you lose someone you care about, you did that after your dad died, but please don't shut me out this time too.” 
“I don't... you don't have to worry about me.” 
“Yes I do, I care for you Lisa. I don't like to see you like this, I don't like to see you sad.” 
“I'll be fine, I promise.” 
“I know you will, but I still want to be there for you. You've always been there for me,” He said with a soft smile. 
“Thanks,” Lisa said squeezing Rick's hand. His words made her feel warm again, and softened the pain caused by Roy's words. 
“You have nothing to thank me for,” he said squeezing her hand too. “Now what do you say we get out of here, and go for a cup of hot chocolate and a slice of pie?” he said with a a bright smile. 
“I'm not sure.. I...” 
“Please,” Rick begged looking at her with his puppy blue eyes, those eyes that she had never able to say no to. 
“OK, but only a cup” she finally said. Rick only smiled to her sweetly and together they started to walk towards the officer’s lounge. 
The night had fallen and even though she shared a nice moment with Rick, she never was able to shake Roy's words completely away. She was seated on a small bench in front of Claudia's grave, the collar of her coat pulled up to cover her neck, the cold wind of winter piercing through to her bones, her hair floating untidily. She needed her friend tonight...she needed her forgiveness. 
The tears started to form in her eyes. Roy was right, it had been her fault. She never should have asked Claudia to go with her; she had nothing to do on the plane. But she, selfishly, had asked her to join her, to be there to help her deal with the fact that she was sending Rick directly to the arms of Minmei.  
A tear fell down to her cheek and she wiped it immediately as if by doing that she would stop them, but another one followed the first. She missed her so much, they had been friends since the first moment they saw each other; she was probably her closest and only true friend. Claudia had never judged her, never treated like everyone else did, like this super soldier everyone expected her to be or like her father's daughter who had only gotten to where she was thanks to him. Claudia treated her like an equal and dared to joke about her when no one else would even dare to think about it. She had always been there for her, and her ... well she had gotten her killed. 
 
Roy stared at Claudia's grave from the distance. He had chosen this particular time of the day to go there because he thought no one would be there. He had not come to the cemetery since Claudia's funeral, he hated cemeteries, but more than that it was the fact that coming here made her death so real that he could not deal with it. But tonight he faced his fear, tonight he needed his girl... he needed her embrace. 
To his surprise he wasn't the only one there. He saw Lisa, seated on a bench in front of Claudia's grave. At first he wanted to leave, but he knew Claudia would never forgive him, he could even feel her pushing him towards Lisa. “Apologize to her you thick headed flyboy. And don't make me make you!” Claudia's voice sounded in his head. 
He took a deep breath; he knew he had hurt Lisa but she had hurt him too. The difference was that she had only said the truth. He had been acting like a jerk, he had broke all the rules he could think of because, well, he preferred people to hate him than people looking at him with pity. Pity wasn't meant for him. 
So he had acted as if his life hadn't changed, because before he met Claudia there had been only three things in his life: airplanes, girls and booze. So he went back to those things, thinking that maybe by going back to the things that were always a constant in his life, the pain would go away and it would be replaced with the happiness he felt back then, when nothing really mattered to him. That was what he wanted, that nothing mattered to him again. But it didn't work. She mattered to him, she mattered too damn much and the pain of losing her didn't leave him no matter how much he tried to make it disappear. Claudia had entered into his life and became his constant, even when the world was falling apart she had made him see that there was still hope, that there was something to live for but now that she was gone he was hopeless. He took another deep breath. 
“I shouldn't have said what I said,” Roy said in a whisper when he was at Lisa's side, but the silence prevailing in the place made his voice sound louder, making Lisa jump in her seat. 
She turned to see him: he was only wearing his uniform, even though the night was particularly cold. He took another step closer to her, his hands in his pockets and he sat next to her. Lisa looked away, trying to hide her tears. Finally she stood up and walked closer to Claudia's grave. 
“You only stated the truth,” she finally said without turning to face him. “I got her killed.”  
Lisa felt she was losing control of her emotions and yet she needed to say what she had kept in her heart for so long. “If I hadn't ask her to come with me she would have never been on that plane, and if I hadn't cried her name she would have never been near the wing or the explosion. She died because of me,” a sob stopped her, and she stubbornly fought her desire to cry even when she felt tears starting to run down her cheeks. She tightened her jaw to stop her sobs, even when her chin kept trembling. 
“She's dead because she tried to protect me, to save me. I should have died there. I... I took her away from you.” Lisa couldn't keep talking. She just cried in silence. 
Roy looked at her. He knew that underneath that tough and cold image Lisa was a sweet and fragile girl, and yet it took him by surprise to hear what she had said, the pain those words carried and the guilt. Yes a part of him had blamed her for what had happened to Claudia, but now after hearing her, he understood that no one could be harder on Lisa than herself, that she would never forgive herself for what had happened and yet if there was something to forgive, he had already forgiven her. 
“Claudia was a soldier and she loved you, Lisa,” Roy said and made a pause. “Wouldn't you have done the same for her?” 
“Of course I would, if I could trade places with her I...” Lisa said turning to face him, he interrupted her. 
“And wouldn't you have been mad at her if she blamed herself for your death instead of enjoying life?” Lisa remained silent, and looked away again.  
“Like I said, Claudia was a soldier and she loved you. She gave her life to protect you and I know you would have done the same thing for her, so stop blaming yourself for what happened.” 
“But I put her there. I'm responsible...” 
“I don't blame you, and I'm sure as hell that she doesn't blame you. So please stop, or I'm sure Claudia will rise from the dead only to kick your ass.” Roy said and both of them shared a bittersweet laugh. 
They remained in silence, Lisa standing in front of Claudia's grave and Roy seated on the bench. Time seemed to run slowly, both of them remembering happier times shared with her. 
“Do you think she knew?” Roy asked out of the blue Lisa turned towards him, unsure of what he meant with that question. He was seated with his elbows resting on his knees, looking at the ground.  
“Do you think she knew how much I loved her?” Roy asked with a faltering voice. 
Lisa's heart shrank. Roy's voice was so full of pain, of melancholy, of fear, that she couldn't give him an answer; words didn't come to her mouth, they were stuck in the knot that had formed in her throat. He had taken her by surprise. 
“I was such a fool. I always thought that I'd be the one to die first. So I took her for granted, I let her love me but I don't remember ever telling her how much she meant to me, how much I love her...” He covered his face with his hands. 
Lisa was frozen; she didn't know what to do. For her, Roy had always been this tall, powerful, cocky man, who no matter what always stay cool, who broke in front nothing, a war hero that even though he wasn't perfect she admired. And now here he was, he looked so small seated on that bench covering his face, so fragile, so broken. She started to walk towards him, uncertain of what to do next. When she was close enough all she dared to do was to put a shaky hand on top his head, softly touching his blond hair. 
“Of course she knew, Roy,” it was all Lisa could say before Roy grabbed her by the waist and clenched to her as if she was a life preserver and started to cry. “Of course she knew.” 
For the first time since she had died he let his emotions run free. He had tried to avoid what he felt for so long, he just couldn't do it anymore. The pain was so strong that it made him shake uncontrollably, the tears running freely away from his eyes. He didn't want it to hide it anymore; losing her hurt him, it hurt him deeply, deeper than anything he had ever experienced before. 
“I don't know what to do... I don't ... she was my touchstone, she made me a whole man and now she's not here and I'm so lost... I miss her so much...” Roy said with difficulty between sobs. 
Lisa didn't say a word. She just remained there holding him, letting him cry, letting him be the defenseless one for once. She would protect him, at least for tonight she would be his shelter. 
 
 
to be continued.....

Continue / Continua: Yes / Si

Feedback / Comentarios: Yes / Si

Author email / email del autor: jo_anderson19ATyahoo.com