fanfic_name = Girl's Talk

chapter = 2

author = Jo_anderson

dedicate = To Carla, Lela and K71, thanks for be my beta.

Rating = AP15

Type = Angst

fanfic = Lisa, took a huge breath before knocking on the apartment door. She knew she had to be strong- she had to be strong for her friend. But Lisa didn’t know if she could be strong enough to comfort her. After all, she missed him too.

“Hi,” said Lisa softly when the door was opened.

“Hi,” said Claudia on the other side of the door, giving Lisa a sad smile.

“I thought that you might need help,” said Lisa, trying to sound casual.

“I’m fine, but thanks,” said Claudia and stepped away from the door so Lisa could enter the apartment.

“You know that is not a problem for me to help you pack,” said Lisa when she closed the door.

“I know,” said Claudia and took a picture frame in her hands and looked at the picture. She then put it in a box fast as if she didn’t want to see what was on it.

“You don’t need to do this alone,” said Lisa and put her hand tenderly on Claudia’s shoulder.

“I do, Lisa,” said Claudia, looking at her with sadness, “I have to do this alone.”

“Claudia,” said Lisa softly.

“I’m fine Lisa,” said Claudia and shrank her shoulders, “after all, I always knew that this was a possibility. He was a fighter pilot; he risked his life every day. It was just matter of time,” she finished and tightened her jaw so she wouldn't cry.

“Yes, it was a chance. But you can never be prepared to lose the one you love,” said Lisa from the bottom of her heart.

“No, you don’t. But there’s nothing that I can do, either,” said Claudia with hopelessness as she continued putting things inside the box.

“Because no matter what you do, he will not come back,” said Lisa with sadness.

“No, he won't. So there’s nothing to do about it,” said Claudia and made a pause to catch her breath, “I just have to start to get used to the idea that I’m alone.”

“You are not alone,” said Lisa and grabbed her friend's hand.

“But I am Lisa, I am alone,” said Claudia and took her friends hand in return. “I know that I have all of you, but I have never felt more alone than I feel right now,” said Claudia. Her eyes where full of tears, but she held them.

“I wish there was something I could tell you, but there’s nothing I can say…” said Lisa and made a pause. “I can’t tell you that I know what you are going through, because no one can truly understand how you feel and what you have lost,” said Lisa honestly.

“The only one that could understand is gone,” said Claudia and her chin started to tremble, but she fought it back.

“Sweetie, It’s OK if you cry for him,” said Lisa softly, holding her own tears.

“I’m not ready for that yet,” said Claudia, shaking her head in denial.

“You are not ready to let him go?” asked Lisa.

“I’ll never be ready to let him go,” said Claudia with a sad smile.

“I can only imagine how much you miss him.”

“It’s not that I just miss him…there just so many things…and I feel so…” Claudia began, but she didn’t know what words to use because there were no words that could describe how much it hurt to have lost him.

“Lonely,” Lisa finished the sentence for her.

“And broken. He took a piece of me with him and I…I just don’t have him.”

“You have the time that you two were together.”

“And somehow it doesn’t seem enough. The time that we were together was not enough, it just wasn’t enough,” said Claudia and let herself fall onto a chair.

“I know and it’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not fare,” said Claudia, looking at Lisa in the eyes with so much pain, “And I want to hate someone. I want to find the one who shot him and hurt him. I want revenge. But nothing will bring my Roy back to life.”

“Claudia,” was all that Lisa could say.

“They took him from me, and there were so many things undone… no, it’s not fair,” said Claudia and breathed slowly to hold her tears. “You know, that day was the day. It was going to be the day that I was going to propose to him…I just never got the chance.”

“I’m sorry,” said Lisa and stood in front of her friend.

“I never got the chance to tell him how much I truly loved him…I lost so much time and now he’s gone forever.”

“He loved you.”

“And I loved him…so much,” said Claudia and cleared one tear before it could fall from her eyes.

“There’s something you should have,” said Lisa softly and reached in her pocket, pulling out a small box and giving it to Claudia.

“What is this?” asked Claudia curiously.

“I should have given you this sooner, its just that I was so…I just didn’t have the heart,” said Lisa and her eyes started to fill with tears. “It breaks my heart to give you this now that he has died, but I know that he wanted with all of his heart for you to have it,” said Lisa and cleared the tears that had started to fall from her own eyes.

“What?” Claudia was saying but she went silent as she opened the box.

“Roy and I talked the day before his death……

************************flashback***********************

Lisa was looking at the sunset from the observation deck. She tried to fix her attention on the soft colors of the sun over the pacific ocean and tried not to think.

She just wanted to remove his image from her head. She had went to visit Rick at the hospital and saw him there. He looked so pale, so fragil, so weak...and everything was her fault. She had given the wrong order and he had been the victim. It was her fault that he was in the hospital.

Lisa took a deep breath. It hurt her to think that she almost lost him and that if he had died there would have been no one else to blame but her. She felt her heart beat heavily in her chest.

She took another deep breath and looked around and something caught her attention. Her friend was there, with a troubled face, leaning against the banister. Lisa smiled and started to walk toward him.

“A penny for your thoughts flyboy,” she said softly when she was next to him.

“Hey Lisa,” said Roy and turned toward her quickly and smiled at her.

“Are you ok?” asked Lisa with concern.

“I’m fine,” he said smiling at her.

“You know, you should never try to play poker,” said Lisa with a smile.

“What?”

“You are a terrible liar Fokker,” said Lisa with a funny grin.

“What do you mean?” asked Roy, both confused and nervous.

“There’s something bothering you,” said Lisa and stood right in front of him. Then she just smiled and rested her own weight against the banister. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” asked Lisa, looking at the sun that was about to disappear.

“Yes it is,” said Roy and they both remained in silence looking at the sunset until the sun finally disappeared.

Lisa looked at him. There was definitely something worrying him. But she knew Roy Fokker, he would not talk until he was ready.

“Well, it’s getting cold so I better go,” she said and smiled at him.

“Do you have a shift tomorrow?” asked Roy.

“It’s my day off,” said Lisa.

“Lucky you,” said Roy.

“After a month, I think I deserve it.”

“Good point,” said Roy and smiled at her.

“Take care flyboy,” said Lisa and put her hand on his shoulder, “and if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me,” she said and then started to walk away from him. She hadn’t gone ten steps when Roy was by her side.

“Actually, there’s something that has been bothering me,” he said without looking at her.

“What is it?” asked Lisa in a soft maternal tone of voice. She knew that Roy was strangely shy at times.

“Have you talked to Claudia?”

“Of course, I work next to her,” said Lisa with a grin.

“Hayes,” said Roy pissed off.

“Talk about you, you mean?” asked Lisa.

“No, about the milk man,” said Roy, raising an eyebrow.

“Fokker,” said Lisa, now pissed off.

“Yes, about me,” said Roy finally, still not looking at her.

“No, we haven’t, not recently,” said Lisa as she remembered her conversation with Claudia a couple of weeks ago.

“I see,” said Roy and remained in silence.

“Why? What’s going on?” asked Lisa with concern.

“I don’t know,” said Roy and started to look at the ocean again, “she is different.”

“What do you mean?”

“She has become distant lately.”

“We have had a lot of work lately.”

“It’s not that,” said Roy and made a pause, “she just doesn’t look at me in the eyes anymore,” said Roy with sadness.

“Roy, I’m sure that it’s not what you think,” said Lisa and stood next to him.

“It’s like she has something to say to me but she doesn’t have the courage,” said Roy softly.

“And what do you think it is?” asked Lisa, trying as hard as she could to hide her smile.

“I think that she has gotten tired of me,” said Roy tightening his jaw, “I think she wants to break up with me.”

“Roy come on!” said Lisa in disbelief.

“I’m serious Lisa, she looked at me and was about to say something and then she changed the subject. And she has been avoiding me since we arrived on Earth; avoiding any talk about us,” he said.

“It's probably something else Roy. I don’t think that she wants to break up with you,” said Lisa, looking at him tenderly.

“I keep saying that to myself,” said Roy and rested his weight against the banister, “But maybe it’s for the best,” he said bitterly.

“What? What do you mean?” asked Lisa with concern.

“Maybe the best thing for us- for her- is that we break up,” he said coldly. Lisa was frozen by his words.

“Are you serious?” said Lisa, almost afraid. She couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Yes,” he said and remained in silence, “She deserves something better, something I can’t give to her."

“And what’s that?” asked Lisa.

“She deserves a husband, a family... stability. That’s something I can’t give to her,” said Roy with sorrow.

“Why?” asked Lisa and then she looked at him straight in the eyes, “Because you don’t love her?”

Roy just smiled at her and then he said, “I love her Lisa, more than I ever imagined I could love anyone,” then he laughed out loud, “Actually, I love her just like the stupid love songs says, "she gave me peace, she made more happy than anyone, she is my air…she completes me,” said Roy finally.

“Then what’s the problem?” asked Lisa, confused.

“The problem, Lisa, is that I’m not good enough for her,” said Roy with grief.

“Why?”

“I’m a pilot and that’s the only thing that I have ever been good at in my entire life. Claudia deserves more than that. Haven’t you thought that some day I could get killed?”

“Roy, come on!” said Lisa, not wanting to think about that.

“It’s the truth, Lisa. I deal with death every day and I don’t want Claudia to become a pilot's widow. I can’t put her through all that my mother had to go through.”

“Don’t you think that she is big enough to make that decision?”

“Yes she is,” said Roy with a sad smile, “But I can't ask that of her. It’s not just that Lisa, the time is passing and we are at the same point that we have been the last couple of years. I feel I’m losing her.”

“Then do something.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because do something means to take a step forward and I can’t.”

“You mean that you are scared.”

“Yes,” confessed Roy softly, without looking at her.

“Of what?” asked Lisa, grabbing her friend's hand.

“Of myself. What if I’m not what she expected? What if I fail her?” he asked her with concern, “She deserves a good man Lisa. That's just not me.”

“How can you say that Roy. You are a great man,” said Lisa tenderly.

“I wish I was,” he said with a bitter smile.

“Haven’t you thought that all that she needs is someone that loves her?” asked Lisa.

“I have thought about our lives together, you know,” said Roy almost embarrassed. “I even bought this,” he said and took something from his pocket and handed it to Lisa.

“What is this?” she asked as she opened the box.

“I bought it almost a year ago, I thought it was a good idea then,” he said and put both his hands in his pockets, waiting for Lisa to say something.

“Oh my God, it’s an engagement ring,” said Lisa with surprise when she saw the most gorgeous ring. It was perfect for Claudia.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with her,” he said.

“What made you change your mind?”

“I’ll be a terrible husband. I spend hours with my plane, I’m a mess, my clothes are thrown all over my apartment, I never put down the toilet’s top…” he was saying when Lisa raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t you think that she already knows all that? Even that you always squeeze the toothpaste.”

“I’ll be a terrible father; I’m no good with kids.”

“You hang around with Rick all the time,” said Lisa and they both laughed, “Don’t you think that the fact you are concerned about what kind of father you will be makes you a candidate for a good father?”

“It’s just that I look at her and… I can’t explain it, she makes me so happy. God, there’s nothing that I wish more than to spend the rest of my days with her; to start a family with her. I want her to become the mother of my children,” said Roy and then he softly added, “maybe I’m selfish, because I want her for myself. I want to keep feeling as complete as I feel when I’m with her but I don’t know if I can make her as happy as she has made me,” said Roy and his eyes where filled with tears.

“You two complete each other Roy,” said Lisa and put her hand tenderly on his shoulder, “I know that.”

“She is all that I have ever dream of. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just look at her and wonder what did I do to deserve her? And then I’m scare to death just to think about what I would do if I ever lost her. Then all I want is to hold her, to let her know that I love her, that I love her so much…” said Roy, becoming silent before his voice started to break.

“I hate you, Fokker,” said Lisa as she cleaned her tears. Roy looked at her and smiled and looked away so he could clean his own tears without Lisa noticing.

“Then tell her,” said Lisa finally, “Tell her what you said to me. Tell her how much you love her.”

“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Of course she feels the same way,” said Lisa with a smile, “She loves you with all her heart. Even a blind person can see that.”

“What makes you say that?” asked Roy with curiosity.

“Because Roy, she cares about you. She talks about you until we have to force her to shut up. Because of the way she looks at you and because of this silly smile that she wears every time that you kiss her.”

“Really?” asked Roy and smiled widely.

“And don’t forget the time that she broke that pilots nose just because he said that you were a bad pilot and had earned your rank sleeping with Admiral's daughters,” said Lisa raising an eyebrow as they started to laugh.

“That might be true, don’t you think Lisa?” he said, looking at her with his charming grin.

“You wish Fokker!” she said and they laughed again.

“It’s always worth a try.”

“Get serious,” said Lisa and she looked at him, “So you have me here freezing, listening to you and you still haven’t given me a good reason why you haven’t given this to Claudia,” said Lisa and showed him the ring.

“Lisa I’ve told you…” Roy was saying, but Lisa interrupted him.

“All that you have said to me is that you are scared,” she said in her flight operator tone of voice. Roy just looked at her with a puppy face. “You love her, you didn’t even have to say that to me because it shows. So, why don’t you do what your heart is screaming at you. ”

“It’s not that easy,” said Roy with confusion.

“Yes it is. You love her and I know that she loves you. All that is getting between your happiness is your fear,” said Lisa softly.

“I know… its just that...” Roy was saying, then he went silent.

“Roy, look at me,” said Lisa and put her hand tenderly on Roy’s face, “You are a great man and any woman that caught you would be so lucky. So don’t say that you don't deserve Claudia. I just have to look into your eyes to realize that you love her deeply and that’s all that she needs; all that anyone needs, to have someone that loves you for the rest of your life.”

“You think?” asked Roy shyly.

“I know,” said Lisa securely.

“You think that she will like this?” asked Roy, looking at the ring.

“It’s like her mother's wedding ring isn’t it?”

“How do you…?” asked Roy surprised.

“Girl thing,” said Lisa with a smile.

They both remained in silence. Lisa observed Roy while he was looking at the ring as if he was waiting for the ring to answer a question.

“She will say yes,” said Lisa confidently.

“I wish I had your confidence,” said Roy.

“You really question her love for you?” asked Lisa seriously.

“Actually no,” said Roy, flashing Lisa a surprised smile.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“I…”said Roy cluelessly, “I don’t know.”

“You know, I truly don’t understand this problem that pilots have facing what they truly feel,” said Lisa rolling her eyes. Roy just laughed out loud at her statement.

“Thanks,” said Roy finally.

“For what?” asked Lisa with surprise.

“For listening to me. For opening my eyes,” he said and shrank his shoulders.

“Yeah, well what would you do without me?” asked Lisa and pushed him softly.

“Too bad I found Claudia first,” said Roy jokingly.

“Yeah, well in case she says no, you know where to find me,” said Lisa, playing his game.

“Of course I do,” said Roy and winked at her, “We would make hot couple. Everyone would be jealous.”

“Yes we would,” said Lisa and laughed.

“You and me together,” said Roy with his seductive voice and Lisa raised an eyebrow, “Why is it that my sexy voice has never had the right effect on you?” protested Roy.

“Because I know you too well,” said Lisa and they both laughed.

“But really, can you imagine us together?” asked Roy.

“Yes, but one of us would end up dead,” said Lisa.

“But our kids would be perfect. I mean, with your brain and my looks...” he said with a flirty grin.

“That’s a good point,” said Lisa and they laughed as Roy hugged her.

“Thank you Lisa, you are a great friend.”

“You are a great friend, too,” she said tenderly, “But if you ever made Claudia suffer, I would kill you in the most painful way that I could find. Is that clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” said Roy and saluted her.

“Just make her happy, OK?” said Lisa.

“I’ll do my best,” he said with a smile and suddenly his smile became wider and brighter.

“What are you thinking?” asked Lisa.

“She will look so gorgeous in her wedding dress,” he said with a dreamy voice.

“You are such a dead man,” said Lisa and punched him tenderly, “Who would have thought that you would be saying that,” said Lisa laughing.

“Yeah, just the thinking of it makes me sick,” said Roy with humor and they both laughed.

“You deserve it Roy. You and Claudia deserve to be happy,” said Lisa honestly.

“And you too, Lisa. You will find the right guy, I know that. He might be closer than you think,” he said and put his hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah, who knows?” said Lisa and shrank her shoulders.

“I know, I know that you will find a guy that makes you as happy as Claudia makes me.”

“Yeah, well I’ll he happy to be the aunt of your kids,” said Lisa with a smile.

“Lisa,” said Roy and rolled his eyes.

“It’s the truth,” said Lisa and then she got closer to Roy, “Now I better go, I’m freezing out here and I have no plans of spending my first day off in a month in bed with a cold.”

“Why do I have the feeling that now you are the one that is avoiding something?”

“Yeah, right,” said Lisa and looked at him in the eyes, “Take care, and don’t keep that ring in your pocket for too long,” said Lisa and hugged Roy.

“I won't,” said Roy and hugged her again, “But you have to promise me that you will deal with this fear that flight operator's have to say what they feel.”

Lisa looked up at him and punched him lightly.

“I love you too, Hayes,” he said with amusement.

“Very funny,” she said pissed off.

“I wasn’t joking.”

“Whatever, I have to go,” said Lisa, avoiding the subject, “Take care.”

“You too.”

“I will,” said Lisa and started to walk away from him with a smile on her face.

“He never had the chance to give it to you,” said Lisa softly.

“But how... what happened?” asked Claudia, still confused and looking at the ring.

“Do you remember when we were at the hospital?” asked Lisa.

“Yes I do,” said Claudia and her eyes where full of tears.

*********flashback****************

Lisa was walking to the exit of the hospital. She had went to see Rick, but once more she hadn’t the courage to enter his room.

And suddenly someone pushed her. It was a nurse that was running next to an entire staff of doctors with a stretcher towards the entrance of the hospital.

“It’s Commander Fokker,” said the nurse, speaking to the doctor that just joined them.

Lisa was frozen. She prayed that she had heard the wrong name; that it wasn’t him. But when the entrance door was opened and she saw Claudia get down from the ambulance, she knew that she had heard the right name.

Lisa ran to the entrance and saw how the doctor started to examine Roy. He looked so pale. He could barely keep his eyes open and even though he was almost to big for the stretcher, he still looked fragile.

“Ma’am are you hurt?” asked a nurse to Claudia.

“No, I’m OK,” said Claudia.

“Ma’am you have blood on your clothes, are you sure that you are OK?” asked the nurse again.

“It’s his blood,” said Claudia softly and then she looked at her hands, covered in Roy’s blood.

It was just then that Lisa finally reacted. She ran next to her friend.

“Claudia what happened?” asked Lisa with confusion.

“I don’t know. He collapsed in the apartment and suddenly started bleeding,” said Claudia and looked at Roy.

“Prepare the O.R. and get me a unit of O negative stat!” said the doctor as he ran into the examination room. He was followed closely by Lisa and Claudia.

“You have to wait outside,” the nurse told them.

“I’m his girlfriend,” said Claudia.

“I’m sorry,” said the nurse as she entered the exam room, leaving Claudia and Lisa behind the window.

“He’ll be fine,” said Lisa.

“I know,” said Claudia without looking at the exam room. The time seemed to move in slow motion until finally the nurse came out of the room.

“We managed to stabilize him for the surgery,” she said with a smile.

“Can I go in?” asked Claudia almost with fear.

“Yes, you can, but he is barely awake,” the nurse warned.

“Thank you,” said Claudia, going into the room. She sat next to Roy and tenderly took his hand. He managed to smile at her.

Lisa stayed outside; looking at them and praying for him to be okay. She saw the doctor enter the room and then Claudia get up and tenderly kiss Roy on the forehead. Claudia walked outside with the doctor.

“I need you to sign some papers, Miss Grant,” said the doctor.

“Sure,” said Claudia and looked at Lisa on her way out. She looked so worried, so scared, Lisa thought. She had never seen Claudia so scared in her entire life.

Lisa got closer to the door, but didn’t have the courage to enter the room. She didn’t know if it was right to go in, but then Roy waved to her and she entered the room.

“You should not move,” said Lisa when she was by his side.

“I’m fine,” said Roy almost in whisper.

“I know,” said Lisa and took his hand.

“There’s something I have to ask you,” said Roy with difficulty.

“What?” asked Lisa.

“In my jacket... get the ring. It's in the ambulance,” said Roy so softly that Lisa had to bend down to listen to him.

“Why do you want it now?” asked Lisa. She was scared and she felt tears well in her eyes.

“I can’t lose the chance,” said Roy.

“Come on Roy, you will be fine and you can ask her in the right way,” said Lisa and squeezed her friend's hand.

“Please,” said Roy and looked at her in the eyes.

“Sure,” said Lisa and then got closer to him, “but you have to promise me that you will ask her this in the right way when you get out of the hospital,” she said and tears started to fall down her cheeks.

“I promise,” said Roy and smiled at her.

“Fine, because I will kill you myself if you don’t,” said Lisa with a smile and cleaned her tears.

“I know,” said Roy and smiled again.

“I’ll be right back,” said Lisa and when she turned around, Claudia was at the entrance.

“Where are you going?” asked Claudia when she saw Lisa leaving the room.

“Take care of him,” said Lisa and left the room, running to the ambulance.

When she got back from the ambulance with the ring in her hand, she found Claudia outside the room looking trough the window. A nurse ran by her side with a resuscitation kit. Lisa ran to her friend's side and looked through the window.

The doctors where around Roy, trying to resuscitate him. Everything happened so fast; Lisa put the ring in her pocket and all she could do was to grab her friend's hand and pray.

Then suddenly everything was over. The doctors stopped their work and slowly started to walk outside Roy’s room, leaving him alone inside.

Lisa looked at Claudia, but she seemed to be frozen. She didn’t move; all that seemed to move were the tears that were running down her face. Then a doctor came to her and took her inside the room. Claudia grabbed Roy’s hand and started to cry while Lisa looked on from outside. She was unable to move, unable to understand what was going on.

Finally Claudia sat peacefully in the chair next to Roy’s bed and a nurse entered the room and covered Roy’s face. The nurse began to move the stretcher and Claudia followed her in slow motion as if she was numb.

Lisa and Claudia looked into each other eyes and all that they could do was hold each other.

“Please forgive me, I should have run faster. I failed him, he should have been the one to give this to you,” said Lisa and cleaned her tears.

“It’s not your fault Lisa,” said Claudia honestly and put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” said Lisa.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, at least I got it and I know what it means,” said Claudia and looked at the ring.

“He loved you so much. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you,” said Lisa with sadness.

“At least we spent his last moments together,” said Claudia with a broken voice.

“But you two deserve to spend a life time together.”

“But now he is gone,” said Claudia and her chin was trembling, “and I keep thinking that somehow I will wake up and he will be next to me.”

“Honey,” said Lisa.

“And it hurts so much, so much more than I could ever imagine,” said Claudia with intense pain.

“I’m here,” said Lisa and took her friend's hand.

“And people keep telling me that I will get over it, that I’ll be fine…how can they say that,” said Claudia angrily, “How can they think that I will get over him? How can they think that they can understand my pain, it’s my pain,” said Claudia, fighting to hold her tears, “And they keep looking at me. Just because I didn’t cry at his funeral doesn't mean I don’t love him and miss him…” said Claudia and finally she broke down. “And I miss him so much, and he should be here; he should have given me this.”

“I know Claudia,” said Lisa and she held her friend.

“It’s so hard to be without him; it’s so hard to accept that he has died,” said Claudia between sobs.

“I know,” said Lisa who remained there holding her friend and crying with her. It was all that she could do.

The end.

State = Continuará/To Be Continue

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = jo_anderson19ATyahoo.com