fanfic_name = But Love, Hate On / Coincide

chapter = Chapter 1

author = Clo

Rating = O18

Type = Angst

fanfic = LISA

But, love, hate on,

for now I know thy mind;

Those that can see thou lovest,

and I am blind.

William Shakespeare

I can remember all about that day in which I bought that small William Shakespeare’s Sonnets book, it was in a record store in my beloved London the day before I left it for good due to my assignment in the SDF-1, at the moment I could not imagine what would it come to mean in my life the closure sonnet of the immortal bard’s “Shall I Compare thee to a Summer’s Day?”. I was looking for the latest U2 CD, which after a few weeks end up in the bottom of my drawer, yeah despite anyone can think, me Lisa Hayes, love music, it does not matter the gender, well except for that by the little “dawn princess” Minmei…

I was doing some shopping for my moving, necessary stuff and I remember a song that was playing almost all day long in the radio those days, and I wish to take it with me to Macross, and in the least possible way next to the cashier, while I was waiting for my turn to pay, I saw that little yellow book including William Shakespeare’s Sonnets, my favorite writer, and by an impulse I decided to buy it, along with a CD with a song in Spanish about how coincidences marked your life that was being played at the moment. I read the book, well at least I tried, during the flight that took me away from all I knew as home, towards that that changed my life, and as I latter found out, all human kind.

Yes another discovery about “Ice Queen Hayes”, behind my rock exterior, there is a romantic woman with the heart in a block of ice to avoid to be broken again, and if you do not believe, my behavior at Sara Base proved it, when I was more than willing to die for a lost love, but I was rescue by another, that at the distance I can see is stronger than my teenager fantasy for Karl Riber, but less tragic, I can dare to say that the pain I felt for him is so much worst than the one I felt for Karl’s lost. At least Karl loved me as I loved him.

I was in a bar, trying to draw my sorrow in a Vodka bottle, after escaping as fast as my legs allowed me from his house, again yes the woman that had shown her courage in a thousand battles, and in whose the lives of thousands of lives – civilians and soldiers – depend on, ran away from something more powerful than a Zentraedi float, hearing her, the big international star, woman wanted worldwide, in the house of the only person I care, Rick Hunter. And inside my head I could hear those words written by an English more than 400 years ago “Those that can see thou lovest, and I am blind”, and I was blind to think that having the fantasy of every men, human or zentraedi, to the calendar girl by excellence, at his reach, he would prefer to be with me, the ice queen.

Dammed – I thought – not even here I can run away from you Minmei – while I heard on of her hits, I couldn’t do anything else but smile and say very low:

- I’m the poster girl for the pathetic

- No, you are not, if you continue with that attitude, soon you will be

I was not that drunk, not to hallucinate that Claudia was standing next to me, watching me with a sad and mad mixture in her eyes, besides for hallucinations, the one that should be in front of be would be Rick and he wouldn’t be talking, but taking me in his arms and kissing me… once more I smiled.

- Lisa, or do you share the joke or I’ll think that you are really drunk

- Claudia, I left being drunk two shots ago approximately, I’m wasted…

- Lisa, I think is better if we go home

- No – I said while I took a bid sip of Vodka – I want to continue celebrating

- Celebrate what?

- My crowning

- What the hell are you talking about Lisa

- My crowning as a queen, yeah believe or not, I’m also a queen as the little wonder, queen of idiots

- Lisa, what happened? – asked Claudia while she tried to comfort me

- You know, this is the last time I followed your advice – I said with my eyes full of anger, not against her, or Rick or even Minmei, but against myself – I went to see him and you can imagine who was with him, the love of his life, Claudia I’m a moron – I started to feel how the tears starting to fall through my cheeks – I’m so stupid for having all this illusions, for having…

I only felt how Claudia hugged me, while she started to say that it was ok for me to cry, to take it all the pain I felt out of me, when I finally controlled my tears, I rose my face and saw Claudia, the only support I have always had, the only person that since day one stood by my side, she was seeing me with infinitive kindness.

- Well silly, let’s go my place and talk some more, besides your makeup is totally ruined and we cannot let your fans see you like this – she said winking her eye.

At Claudia’s place and after several cups of coffee, I finally manage to think straight, my mind returned, but my soul continue standing outside Rick’s, listening everything I thought was happening, he was kissing her, caressing her, saying her name full of lust “Oh Minmei”, and I thought “I’ll never hear my name said in that way, not by him”… I could see him going through her porcelain skin, “dammed you perfect witch, I hate you”, I could see him licking, kissing every inch of her with his desirable lips… I slapped myself, exactly when Claudia was returning from the kitchen, she smiled…

- I can imagine what was going on in your mind, a movie, in which the lead man is your love and you are not the leading lady

- How can you joke with something like that Claudia, you don’t know what I’m going through right now, I know you also had your share of doubts regarding Roy, but at the end everything work for you two, me and Rick is not lost, it never existed.

- What happen, really?

- Minmei was in his house and…

- No Lisa, between you and Rick, I know there was that sore of date and he dumped you to run to his fantasy, but Lisa you must understand that exactly that’s Minmei for him… a fantasy, and Mr. Hunter is a mature as a walnut, he haven’t figured it out, but if you don’t help him, he will never to… have you ever kissed him, and please don’t say in Dolzar’s ship, I mean really kissed him with passion, to allow him to see how much you love him.

- No Claudia, I’m sick and tired to fight lost battles, he does not love me and never will, all that what I fantasized about us is gone for good… he wanted a friend, I misunderstood friendship with love.

- I don’t think so… and I’m never wrong, he never sees you as a friend, not as with the trio or me, in his eyes there is something else.

- Maybe once he thought we could be something else, so many times I felt he was about to kiss me, to tell me, but there was always something between us, but it was because he believed he was through with Minmei… now she is here, by his side, all his dreams will come true.

- Come on Lisa, you cannot know that, what is the worst could happened if you stand in front of him and say just like that “hey fly boy I love you”

- Having him answering me “good for you, but I’m not in love with you”

- Better, at least you will confirm all your fears

We continue chatting, I understood everything Claudia said, but inside my head “But, love, hate on” continue playing… and then I made a decision.

RICK

If life is just a few instants

And an instant in the moment to exist

If you life is another instant I do not understand…

So many centuries

So many worlds

So many space and we coincide

Luis Eduardo Aute

My first day in the barrels after accepting to be part of the army, after I say my farewells to Minmei and getting accustomed to the idea that even my life was not taking the path I planned, maybe it was not wrong after all.

I was taking possession of my small closet they assigned me and beside me there was a Mexican private named Eduardo, Macross City was kind of the ONU offices with people from different countries speaking the same language, but maintaining their roots, he was singing a song in Spanish, I couldn’t understand a word, but I thought it was beautiful, after the introductions I asked him about the song… he answered that it was “Coincide” by Luis Eduardo Aute, it is an oldie but I love it.

Eduardo became a very good friend during training, he was one of the millions that died during Dolzar’s battle, and despite the fact we were in different squadrons, when we met he always were happy to do it, he was a person I was thankful of knowing, and one of many I missed while I was lying in my couch trying to sleep, as a I missed Ben, but most of all Roy, brother I really needed his advice.

Minmei was in the other room, lying in my bed, she arrived as a storm with the snow, begging me to help her, that I was his only support, hysterical and she was in my bed, I knew her intention was to share it, it would be the first time we made love, but for an odd reason, despite the love of my life was at my reach, I didn’t fancy.

I thought about the old song of the two Eduardos “So many centuries, so many worlds, so many space and we coincide”, I coincided with Minmei during the first SDF-1 transposition into space, we coincided so many times… but even tough she was in my bed and maybe waiting me to join her and make love to her, I couldn’t stop thinking about the other big “coincidence” of my life… Lisa, always Lisa, bossy and grumpy Lisa, lovely and smiling, beautiful Lisa.

After Dolzar’s attack, and me rescuing her from Alaska base, all changed, the coincidences with Minmei stopped, she forced them, while Lisa waited for them, I guessed it was easier for her because we worked together, and Minmei owes herself to the fans, yeah right, them and Lyn Kyle…

I couldn’t stop thinking how could I be such an idiot and stood her up for a Minmai’s wimp, how could I not stop for a second and think about my friend’s feelings, in sweet Lisa hiding herself behind her Ice Queen, how can I thought that she was in loved with me “because she is in love with you, that’s why” Vanessa’s voice kept repeating that in my head… “she loves me” I thought “could it be true, her pictures, the shared coffees, the 1001 occasions she listened, that time… shit, did she show her love in that moment o we only went along for the sadness we both felt” I remember the song “so many space and coincide”… Minmai was coming; I had to pretend I was sleeping; me having sex with her would be a mistake…

“She is so sweet” I thought while she put a blanket over me, “she has the voice of an angel, she is a sweet angel that must be protected, besides she has a killing body and a beautiful face… well Lisa is not Cuasimodo, in fact she is really attractive if you think it, you can loose yourself in her green eyes, and you can imagine that beneath her uniform she has an spectacular body… dammed it Hunter, not even you libido knows what to do, you are so screwed”

Minmei returned to the bedroom… and I tried to sleep but all I managed was to remember that rainy night before our stupid date… I really heard what I thought I did. I picked her up at Claudia’s, I remembered she was a little drunk, after having Vanessa’s voice in my head during all the afternoon and part of the night “because she is in love with you, that’s why”, and we end up in my place to have a cup of tea

- I don’t know how to start Rick, I think that maybe this is not the moment – she said while I was putting some water to boil for the tea

- Come on Lisa, we are friends and I think we can tell each other everything.

- I know that, but sometimes I don’t know how to react with you, most of the time we are at each other’s throats and the rest as our mutual crying shoulder

- I don’t see the problem in that, honestly Lisa I… - I hesitated so much, I was not ready to hear from the horse’s mouth what Vanessa said in the morning “because she is in love with you” I lost all the courage I manage to obtain during the day – Lis I care for you, more than I let it show – I hated myself in that moment, for being so week, I remembered me thinking “great stupid go to your place when you have Minmei’s pictures in the toilet paper, when all kind of memories could block my judgment, nevertheless she answered in a very low voice

- I know it Rick, I also care for you, a lot – I think my confession freighted her, even more than I was and decided to close her mouth, I felt so relieve

We sat to drink tea, while we talk about everything and nothing at the same time, at the end we started talking bout Roy and how much I missed him, she never talked about her own feeling, I guess she was afraid of being betrayed by them.

- You know, you should talk more often with Claudia, you both loved Roy, in different ways, but you loved him and it would be very helpful to share al memories with someone who share the same or look alike feelings

- He was your friend also, you cried a lot when he died

- Of course he was, he was my best friend’s special one and a good friend, and well… I felt your pain and I…

In that moment I thought in nothing else but the tenderness Lisa caused me while she confessed that the pain she felt for Roy’s dead was mainly a reflect of my own pain, I felt a urge to kiss her, and did.

- What are you doing? – shed said in a sight when I finished the kiss, and I put my forehead on hers

- I don’t know, Lisa – I answered keeping the position and holding her face with both my hands – I swear I don’t know

- Please don’t do anything we might regret

- I wont’ – and I kissed her again, this time with passion

This time she kissed me back with a passion that not in a million years I could think Lisa was capable of, and put the blame in the wine, we were a while just kissing us in the couch, the same stupid couch I was trying to sleep, until I wanted more, my hands started to slowly caress Lisa’s body, she didn’t say a thing or do something to stop it, she continue kissing me and at a certain point she started to do the same thing, in a more shine way.

We were just making out, until I started to caress her legs, beneath her skirt, and she understood where I was leading the situation.

- No Rick, stop – and she pushed me a bit

- I’m sorry Lis, I – I said my I got up, I was lying on her

- Look, I don’t think none of us is ready for this

- You are right, but – I approached her with the intention to kiss her again and she stopped me, there is something in Lisa’s lips I just cannot explain they taste so good, besides she is an excellent kisser, the way she puts her soul in a kiss, is just unbelievable

- We need to know each other Rick, I think is better if we take a rain check for other day, when we will not be nostalgic or in my case a little bit drunk

I walked her home and when we said good bye at her door, I kissed her on the lips again.

- I’ll never regret today, Lisa, that I can assure you

She thought I didn’t hear her, but when I was turning to walk away, she said in a sight “Me, I will worship this day all my life”, I didn’t want to believe my ears, I blamed the wine, the nostalgia, the rain… everything except Lisa’s love for me, for a second I wanted to returned and tell her “dido”, but I remember “to be in love” and I erase that feeling… Minmei was in my bed, she could sing that and other songs in my ear, and do so much more, I was thinking about Lisa’s touch and lips… "Oh Roy I really desperately needed your advice, Minmei is in my bed, and all I want is to have Lisa here in the couch with me".

State = Continuará/To Be Continue

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = del_valle03ATyahoo.com