Fanfic Name / Nombre del Fanfic: A Year to Forget

Chapter / Capitulo: 2

Author / Autor: Dwparsnip

Rating / Clasificacion: AP15 (For Teenagers = Para Adolescentes)

Angst / Drama

Fanfic:  
Well, here it is…another chapter. Perhaps my little muse is here for a longer visit this time and I’ll get some more done in short order. 
 
Thanks to everyone who has read it so far and has waited so long for this update. 
---------------------------------- 
Rick’s eyes opened wide in disbelief and shock. He tried to speak, to beg Jean to tell him that he didn’t hear her say what he thought she said, but no sound passed his lips, save for the whisper caused by his rapid intake of breath. He knew he heard her correctly. Their baby was gone; in the proverbial blink of an eye a precious innocent baby was lost due to the actions of a traitorous madman.  
 
Rick’s legs turned to jelly, the normally solid mass of muscle and bone reduced to near nothingness by Jean’s overwhelming announcement. He staggered forward and as his left hand grabbed onto the balcony rail for dear life, his right hand went up to his head in a vain attempt to stave off the horrifying reality of his loss. He felt Jean and Vince’s hands settle on his back in a show of support, but the gesture was lost on him.  
 
Lisa was going… 
 
Lisa! 
 
Rick turned sharply to Jean, who started in surprise at Rick’s sudden movement towards her. 
 
“Jean,” he said in a way reminiscent of how a thirsty man would beg for water, “Lisa? Does she know?” 
 
Jean shook her head sadly. “She hasn’t woke up yet.” Jean took his right hand in hers and held it supportively. “Her body, Rick, has been through…through a very intense traumatic experience,” she closed her eyes and added in a whisper, “even more so now.” She opened her eyes again, and though they were moist with tears she managed to keep from actually crying. “It could be a while before she wakes up.” 
 
Rick looked at his friend through his own tear filled eyes. “How…how long?” 
 
Jean shrugged her shoulders slightly and sighed in frustration at not being able to give Rick the answers he wanted and needed to hear. “It’s hard to say, Rick.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “It could be hours, but it’s more than likely to be days, and it could even be weeks.” 
 
Rick wriggled his hand out of Jean’s grasp and moved with a care that betrayed his unease to the balcony. He placed his hands on the railing and stared out over the Tirolian capital city of Tiresia. The city’s lights were beginning to come on with the Tirolian sky switching slowly from day to night. The numerous specks of light gave the alien landscape a serenely beautiful countenance that for once failed to bring any sort of peace to his mind.  
 
Seeing such beauty when he felt so dead inside simply didn’t seem right to Rick, so he closed his eyes and lowered his head, bowing before an alien people, bowing under an alien sky. 
 
“How am I going to tell her this?” he asked. He wasn’t expecting an answer, either from Jean and Vince, or from any deities that may have existed. “She’s going to be so incredibly crushed by this. She...” He hesitated and corrected himself. “We… we wanted this baby so badly it hurt.” Rick opened his eyes and gravity compelled the salty water gathered in his eyes to fall downward to splash upon the Tirolian stone balcony. “And now it’s gone.” 
 
He screwed up his nose at the comment he’d just spoken. He turned to face Jean who was looking at him worriedly. “Boy or girl?” he asked. 
 
Jean had to work very hard to swallow the lump that filled her throat when she heard Rick’s heartbreaking question. “Rick…” 
 
“Please, Jean,” pleaded Rick. “I can’t call the baby ‘it’, Jean. I need to know if we were going to have a son or a daughter.” 
 
Jean hesitated, torn between answering a question that she herself would want answered if their roles were reversed, and sparing Rick any more pain than he was already in.  
 
She did know, of course. A routine cellular scan and DNA workup told her the sex of the fetus. The scans quite clearly showed the presence of both the X and the Y chromosomes in the genetic material. 
 
“A son,” she said, unable to meet his gaze. She spoke so softly that she wasn’t even sure if Rick could hear her. She knew he did in fact hear her when she finally looked up and saw a very small and melancholy smile on his tired face. 
 
“A son,” repeated Rick in an awestruck voice, oblivious for a blissful second to the fact that he smiling for son that he would never see or hold. 
 
But only for a second. 
 
Grief enveloped Rick as he staggered back until his back hit the rail. His arms hung lifelessly by his side as he shook his head slowly, muttering something that neither Vince nor Jean could understand. They didn’t need to comprehend the words… the gut wrenching tone more than told them what he was feeling. 
 
Vince and Jean looked at each other worriedly, then focused once more on Rick. It was Vince who spoke. 
 
“Rick?” 
 
Rick looked up to Vince though he never really saw anyone or anything. “A son,” he whispered. He cleared his throat and said, “Roy. If we were going to have a son his name was going to be Roy. If it was a girl, her name was going to be Claudia.” Rick’s vision cleared and he looked into Jean’s eyes, now free of tears as they had begun falling freely from her eyes, and then to Vince. “Roy would have been my son’s name.” 
 
Jean, unashamed by the tears streaming down her cheeks, didn’t trust herself to speak. The knowledge that Rick and Lisa were going to name their child after either Roy or Claudia was heart-warming and heart-rending at the same time: heart-warming because it would have been a wonderful legacy for the child to be named after either one of them; heart-rending because now she knew that Rick and Lisa would never know the enjoyment of calling out that revered name to garner the attention of their son. 
 
Seeing the unfettered and profound emotion in Jean, Vince reached over and took her hand, then looked to his friend. “That would have been…I don’t know what to say, Rick.” When he finished Vince simply held onto Jean’s hand and tried to be strong enough for her and Rick. 
 
Rick folded his arms across his chest, took a deep breath and said a little shakily, “It’s okay, Vince.” Rick gave the bigger man a sad smile. “I wouldn’t…know what to say either.” He looked up to the stars again. “There was no doubt in our minds, you know.” He returned his gaze to his friends and explained. “When Lisa and I found out, we got caught up in the excitement of it all and talked about names.” He smiled at the memory, and despite the circumstances, the smile was a happy one. “We both looked to each other at the same time; I blurted out Roy and she blurted out Claudia.” Rick raised his right hand unsteadily to his face and wiped away the built up water in his eyes. As he lowered his hand again he said, “And that was it. There was no discussion, let alone argument. Roy would be the name for a boy and Claudia would be the name for a girl.” Rick shrugged his shoulders. “It felt so right, so perfect.” He shook his head again as he said in a continually decreasing volume, “There was no doubt…” 
 
Jean gave Vince’s hand a gentle caress and then let go. She walked over to Rick, and when he looked to her with the eyes of a man who lost so much in so short a time, she reached over and put her arms around his neck and pulled him into as heartfelt an embrace as she could muster.  
 
Rick took a moment, but he finally put his arms around Jean’s waist and buried his face into the crook of her neck. 
 
“A son, Jean,” he whispered. 
 
Though the sound was soft and muffled against her, Jean could easily discern the anguish in Rick’s usually sure and happy voice. Her tears continued to fall as she raised her right hand to the back of Rick’s head and said, “I know, Rick. I know.” 
 
Rick valiantly held the pressing tidal wave of grief at bay for a few moments longer, but in the end it was simply just too much for him to bear without some sort of release. The barriers broke down and his will gave out as the tears left his eyes to soak into Jean’s uniform, and when Jean pulled him even closer and whispered that it was going to be all right, the first of many sobs ripped through his chest and escaped his mouth. 
 
Vince, not wanting to intrude on the very private moment and not wanting anyone else to witness Rick in such a fragile state, walked quietly to the door. Luckily, the few people who had been milling about had already left the balcony. Once inside the building, he positioned himself in the door frame, his massive size easily filling it, in a bid to discourage anyone from attempting to go out onto the balcony. 
 
No one even glanced at him, much less approached him. 
 
He couldn’t blame Rick for taking it hard. God knows if it were him he’d react the exact same way. He didn’t envy Rick at all, having to go through it by himself for a while, only to have to go through the agony of telling Lisa when she comes out of her unconsciousness. 
 
No, he didn’t envy Rick at all.  
 
Vince folded his arms across his chest and adopted a stern expression as Jack Baker and his wingman walked towards him. When the two of them made eye contact with him, he shook his head once. The two younger men immediately and completely received the message and turned around on their heels and began walking in the opposite direction. 
 
Vince scanned the immediate area and found no other approaching bogeys, allowing him to relax a little.  
 
His thoughts drifted back to Rick and Lisa. He couldn’t even begin to fathom the pain they were experiencing, and going to experience, the sense of loss that would be with them for the rest of their days. The ‘what ifs’ and the ‘could have beens’. 
 
They were lucky, he and Jean. Bowie had been conceived and born with relative ease, that is to say without complications. He couldn’t have asked for anything more from his son. 
 
He sighed and leaned back against the door. Then of course, there was the fleet to add the already sizable load on Rick’s shoulders. With Lisa unable to perform her duties for the foreseeable future, those duties fell to Rick. Besides organizing the combat units and formulating attack plans, he would now have to deal with the day to day running of the SDF-3, which was complicated at the best of times, and even more so now that the ship required massive repairs and reconstruction. 
 
No, he certainly did not envy his friend. 
-------------------------------------------- 
Rick had lost track of how long he’d been cuddled into Jean, letting all of his grief, anger and pain pour out onto her uniform in the form of his tears. He’d lost track of the number of times he’d asked her why it had to happen. He’d lost track of how many times he wished his son had lived to see him and his beautiful mother. He’d pretty much lost track of everything. 
 
When he finally lifted his head from his friend’s soft shoulder, the sun had disappeared below the cityscape, bringing darkness to the physical world around them, a darkness that echoed within Rick himself.  
 
Rick looked into the eyes of his concerned friend. “I’m sor…” 
 
“Don’t be sorry, Rick,” admonished Jean softly, “you needed that, and I’m glad to help in any way I can.” She placed her right hand upon his shoulder in a gesture of support. “Take your time.” 
 
Rick shook his head. “No…I have to go and see her, Jean. Now.” 
 
Jean nodded, understanding that being with Lisa was as essential to him now as much as breathing was. “Let’s go. I want to check on her too.” 
 
Rick took a deep breath and started for the door, and when Jean looped her left arm through his he patted her hand appreciatively. They walked through the door and Vince fell into step behind them. Rick’s mind was focused on trying to get to the building’s main exit, though he did hear Vince speak into his communicator and call for transportation for them to the infirmary. 
 
The trip was a short one, the base infirmary being relatively close to the main building. Rick was oblivious to everything external, so focused was he on what he was feeling. He had never before felt such a sense of loss, not when he lost his parents, not even when he lost Roy and Ben. 
 
Up to now, Rick didn’t think anything could hurt so badly. 
 
Before he knew it he was standing next to Lisa’s bed. Jean moved in and checked the monitors, then checked Lisa’s bandages. Her face was concerned, noted Rick, but no longer anxious as it had been when Lisa had first been injured, which meant that she believed Lisa to be at least a little better. He took some comfort from that, but not much.  
 
“If you need anything, Rick,” said Jean quietly. 
 
“Thanks, Jean,” replied Rick as he sat down in the chair that had been placed next to Lisa’s bed. 
 
Jean left without further comment, and Rick looked to Lisa’s face. She was still pale, though not as much as she had been. He didn’t know if her color was actually getting better or if he was imagining it, but either way she looked beautiful to him. He sighed and leaned forward to take Lisa’s right hand with his left. 
 
He glanced around the room, not surprised at all by the spaciousness of or sparse decorations in the room, nor was he surprised to find a cot set up along the wall opposite of Lisa’s bed.  
 
He looked to Lisa again, and this time his eyes found her stomach, her stomach that was now devoid of the life that they had created together. The whole thing was amazing to him really, how a man and a woman could create another life from parts of themselves, the best parts he liked to believe. But now what he had helped to create was gone, thanks to Edwards and the Regent. 
 
He reached over and placed his free hand on her belly, taking some solace in the fact that it was rising and falling with her steady inhales and exhales. 
 
Rick looked up to Lisa’s face, still peaceful despite the move from the SDF-3 to Tirol. Lisa was going to be devastated. She had wanted a child for so long. It was easy to see that, especially when she was around Dana and Bowie, and later Maia. Of course, as the Admiral, she was a mother to the fleet in a way, and she always made it clear that if anyone needed someone to talk to, if they needed an outlet, she would be there for them. 
 
But, despite that need of hers to have a child, that desire, she waited until the time that she could devote her time to the child and not have to worry about war and battles.  
 
At least, that was the plan. The campaign against the Invid had taken much longer than had been initially anticipated, as had the reforming of the REF and the preparations to retake the Earth from the Regess. It had taken so long that time was running out for them to have a child. As Jean had explained, the later in a woman’s life that she gets pregnant the more risks that are involved.  
 
So they tried, and tried, and tried again. They tried very hard to conceive a child, and when they found out that they had finally succeeded, they were both ecstatic. They had just barely closed the door to their quarters after leaving Sickbay when they started talking about names. It had happened just as he had explained to Jean and Vince, with them saying the names simultaneously. It was followed by hasty protestations by them both that it didn’t matter to them if it was a boy or a girl. They were so relieved, so happy and so excited. 
 
Rick’s eyes drifted to his hand as it rested on Lisa’s abdomen, and as the first tear slipped from his eyes he whispered, “Why, Lisa?” He shook his head gently and asked again, “Why?” He looked up once again to the face he grown so accustomed to seeing. “Why couldn’t you just give it up?” The tears were falling freely as a bubble of anger worked its way up through his chest towards his mouth. “Why couldn’t you just…” 
 
Rick slammed his mouth shut and closed his eyes tightly, allowing the anger to expand and spread throughout him. Just when he felt as though it was going to swallow him, his conversation with Vince halted its progress. 
 
‘But then she wouldn’t be the Admiral, Rick.’ 
 
‘No…no she wouldn’t. And she wouldn’t be the woman I fell in love with.’ 
 
The love that accompanied those words and thoughts broke the expanding bubble like a needle sharp pin, and Rick sighed shakily as the anger dissipated. 
 
‘How could I even think like that?’ Rick asked himself in disgust. ‘Lisa is lying there, bruised, battered and broken. How dare I even think of blaming her?’ 
 
He looked back up to Lisa’s still face and said with all the love he felt for her, “I’m so sorry, Lisa.” He took her hand in both of his and brought it carefully up to his lips. He kissed her hand gently and spoke against her skin. “It isn’t your fault, Lisa…none of it.” 
 
He knew his Lisa. She would be devastated, and then she would blame herself for their loss, saying that it was her decision to remain on active duty, that it was her choice to be on the bridge of her ship. It would take a long time for her to accept that it wasn’t her fault, if ever. And then the grief would come, and knowing Lisa as well as he did her grief would be inconsolable. Still, he would try his damnedest to console her, to help her through it all. ‘I swear it!’ he vowed to himself. He kissed her hand again and repeated to her, “I swear it, Lisa.” 
 
With the type of care that one would use with the most delicate of porcelain, Rick laid Lisa’s hand down on the bed by her side and placed his left hand over it protectively.  
 
He was so tired. 
 
He should lie down and try to close his eyes and try to recharge his severely depleted batteries, but he didn’t want to be away from Lisa. His eyes drifted shut and he felt sleep calling, so he put his right arm on the bed below Lisa’s hand then rested his head upon it and fell asleep. 
---------------------------------- 
“Take us for a quick fly-by of the SDF-3, Lieutenant,” ordered Miriya from the cockpit doorway as she peered out through the cockpit window in search of the big ship…or what was left of it. When the pilot of the shuttle responded in the affirmative she walked back into the cabin and made her way to her seat next to Max, who was looking out his window, craning his neck for any glimpse he could get of the ship. 
 
“The pilot is going to take for a look at the ship, Max,” she said as she sat down heavily.  
 
Max grunted his acknowledgement and continued to stare out the window, unaware of his wife’s concerned gaze. 
 
Lisa was her friend, her best friend in every way that counted. In most ways she was so much than a friend. She was Max’s friend too, and Miriya always thought that even if Rick hadn’t been friends with Max that Lisa would still be his friend anyway. 
 
“I’m sure she will be all right, Max,” assured Miriya somewhat stiffly. She was unaccustomed to being the positive one in their relationship, as Max could usually be counted on to always find the bright spot in any situation. But the near destruction of the SDF-3 and Lisa’s serious injuries had left Max a little dazed and uncertain. So it fell to her to try to be the uplifting one. The problem was she didn’t feel even close to being as positive as she was trying to sound. 
 
Vince hadn’t tried to sound the least bit positive when he called to inform them of the Regent’s attack and the condition of the SDF-3. In fact, Vince had been brutally honest about the ship’s condition, and when he spoke of Lisa he had been cautiously neutral. 
 
That troubled her, and she could tell that Max was just as worried. 
 
Despite the fact that he warned them that he knew very little of Lisa’s condition, she couldn’t help but get the feeling that it was very serious. Max seemed to get the same feeling as well, for he ordered immediate transport to Tirol, leaving those around him no room for failure and no room for delay. He wanted to go faster than as soon as possible and she could not recall him ever- how did the saying go?- pull rank like that before. 
 
She reached over with her right hand and grasped Max’s hand as it rested on the armrest of the shuttle seat. He turned and gave her a pained smile and turned his hand so that their fingers could wind around each other. 
 
She was about to reassure him again that Lisa would be fine when the comm. panel on the back of the seat ahead of them beeped. Max reached over with his free hand and punched the activation button. 
 
‘Sir, ma’am, Commander Grant is on the comm. requesting to speak to one of you. Should I put him through?’ 
 
Max glanced to Miriya with a concerned look and then said, “Affirmative, Lieutenant. Make sure the channel is encrypted and secure.” 
 
‘Yes, sir.’  
 
Max and Miriya waited impatiently until Vince’s voice filtered through the speaker.  
 
‘Max, Miriya…can you hear me?’ 
 
“Yes, Vince, we read you. What’s wrong?” Max looked worriedly to Miriya and tried not to lean forward in anticipation. 
 
‘Is this line secure?’ asked Vince.  
 
Max swallowed the lump in his throat and reflexively tightened his grip on Miriya’s hand. “Yes, Vince. Vince is Lisa…?” 
 
‘Jean says she’s going to recover,’ announced Vince. Max and Miriya both sighed in relief and moved to hug each other, until Vince’s voice cut through their euphoria and brought them crashing back to reality. ‘But she lost the baby.’ 
 
Max and Miriya froze in their tracks and turned to look at the comm. channel as though it were the most evil thing in the universe.  
 
When Max was able to speak a moment later the first thing from his lips was, “Say again.” 
 
‘The trauma was too much,’ Vince explained, hesitation and grief making his voice lower and heavier than usual. ‘It was…it was just too much for the baby.” 
 
This time Max and Miriya did hug, but it was anything but celebratory.  
 
‘Rick is,’ Vince struggled to find the right words they could tell, ‘he’s in bad shape. How soon will guys be here?’ 
 
Max only just heard what Vince was saying, lost as he was in his own grief and trying as hard as he could to be a consoling presence for Miriya. “Soon,” he replied after a moment. He leaned back and looked at Miriya. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his right thumb and rested his forehead against hers. “The pilot was going to take us for a flyby of the ship, but we’ll come down now.” Max leaned back again and said towards the speaker, “We’ll see you soon, Vince.” 
 
They heard Vince clear his throat and they became even more nervous, if that was even possible. ‘There’s more. The baby…Rick knows it was a boy. I thought…I thought it would help you to be prepared…’ 
 
Max could hear the pain in the big man’s voice. “Understood, Vince. See you soon. Sterling out.” 
 
Max reached over and cut the channel, then pressed the intercom button for the cockpit. “Change of plans, Lieutenant,” he announced. “Take us directly to the planet at your best speed. We need to get down there now.” 
 
‘Understood, sir.’ 
 
Max cut the line and collapsed back into his seat. He turned his head towards Miriya and saw in her beautiful features the same things that he knew showed on his own face: concern, grief and worry.  
 
He didn’t know what to say to her, which was extremely disconcerting. If he didn’t know what to say to the woman he loved and had spent most of his adult life with, how the hell was he going to be able to talk to Rick? 
---------------------------------- 
He was wide awake when Jean walked in to check on Lisa. In fact he’d been up for a while, thinking, thinking and thinking some more about Lisa and what their lives were going to hold for them from now on.  
 
And so it was he couldn’t miss the concerned look that came across his friend’s face when her cursory glance at the cot told her that he hadn’t slept in it. 
 
“I did sleep Jean,” he said. It wasn’t a lie; he actually had a good rest, despite the cramped nature of the way he slept and the situation. He released Lisa’s hand for the first time since he took it in his own hand the night before and stood up to allow Jean better access to her patient. 
 
“I’m glad you did,” said Jean as she moved past him. She began what had become over her many years of being a doctor her routine: touch the patient’s hand, check the monitors, check pupil dilation, adjust any tubes and or wires that were connected to the patient, adjust the bedclothes around the patient and then touch the patient’s hand again. 
 
She tried with all the strength she had amassed over the years to think of Lisa as a patient who needed her to remain objective and professional, but there was no way she could. Lisa was so much more than a patient to her and her family. Lisa was the sister she never had, much as Claudia had been. It was with that thought in her mind that she was able to forgive herself a small outward sign of emotion in the form of a tear when she turned to face Rick. 
 
“She’s resting comfortably,” said Jean in her usual calm voice, though she had no idea how she was managing it. “The readouts I looked at from the nurse’s station tell me she had a peaceful night, which is a good sign.” She looked away from his intensely hopeful gaze and sighed. She turned back to him after a moment and said, “We’re going to run some more tests in a little while to check on a few things.” 
 
Rick’s eyes immediately narrowed in concern. “What things?” he demanded, forcing himself not to take a step towards her. 
 
She’d been practicing for nearly an hour to tell him the small white lie she’d concocted to tell him, about how it was routine and just to make sure that the previous scans had been accurate. But looking into the clear blue eyes of Rick Hunter, she knew she had to tell him the truth.  
 
“I want to see just how much damage has been done internally,” she finally said after an eerily silent moment in which even the monitors seemed to silence. She glanced at Lisa and then took Rick by the arm and led him to the side of the room opposite Lisa. “I want to see...” she swallowed hard and tried again. “We need to make sure that…damn!” 
 
Rick sighed and gave Jean a sad smile. “You want to see if she’s going to be able to conceive again. Right?” 
 
Jean hid her shock at his perceptiveness well. Or at least she thought she did. She realized she hadn’t done as good a job as she thought when Rick looked past her to Lisa and said softly, “I’ve been thinking about that all morning.” He sighed and looked to Jean again. “She’s going to be so…distraught, that I was trying to come up with anything at all that may make it even the slightest bit better. The only thing I could come up with is that we can still try to have a family.” He smiled wryly at her. “Then it hit me. You never said one way or the other whether or not we’ll be able to have a baby.” 
 
“I still might not be able to tell you after I do the tests, Rick,” she replied, trying to sound as neutral as possible. “It may just be too soon to tell.” 
 
Rick nodded. “Understood.” He stood there for a moment, Jean still holding on to his arm, not knowing what to do or say next. “Jean…” 
 
He stopped and both he and Jean turned towards the door as it started to slowly open inward. When the door was half open a bald head peeked around it to look to Jean and Rick. 
 
“Sorry to interrupt, sir, ma’am,” said one of the orderlies to Rick and Jean. 
 
“Come on in, Gary,” said Jean as she moved to Lisa’s bedside. She reached over and connected Lisa’s IV stand to the bed for transport as Gary moved in and did the same to the monitors. By the time they were finished, the bed had become a mobile hospital unit. 
 
But Rick saw none of it. He couldn’t- he didn’t dare- take his eyes off of Lisa. He didn’t know why, she was safe in regards to being on the base and she was going to recover, but for some reason he simply couldn’t look away from her. 
 
Jean stepped back to allow Gary to move to the head of Lisa’s bed. He reached down and released the brakes that had been on and gently moved Lisa forward towards the door.  
 
Rick had to resist the intense desire to take over and personally take Lisa where she had to go. And he probably would have if Jean hadn’t stepped up beside him and put her hand on his arm. He wasn’t sure if it was meant to tell him to stay where he was and let them do their job, or if it was simply a reassuring gesture of one friend to another. 
 
Either way he appreciated it. 
 
“Sir?” 
 
Rick reluctantly tore his gaze from Lisa’s face and looked to Gary who was regarding him sympathetically. 
 
“We’ll have her back as soon as her tests are finished,” he said. He gave Rick a sure and confident nod as he added, “We’ll take good care of her, sir.” 
 
Rick, despite being immensely grateful for the sentiment, could only nod in response. He looked back to Lisa, and as she passed by the door and out of sight he couldn’t help but feel that she was slipping away from him. 
 
“It’s okay, Rick,” assured Jean. She squeezed his arm and applied enough pressure to turn him towards her. “I know you want to be with her, but she’s perfectly safe and she won’t be gone long.” 
 
“I know, Jean,” said Rick quietly. He glanced to the door and then looked back to her. “I don’t know why…” 
 
Jean nodded and smiled at him. “You almost lost her, Rick, that’s why, but you didn’t, and that’s what you have to remember.” 
 
Rick managed a small smile. “Thanks, Jean.” 
 
“Anytime,” his friend said sincerely. She stepped away from him and pointed to the cot. “Why don’t you relax for a while? Max and Miriya should be here soon and I want to go and stay with Lisa, make sure they get the tests done as quickly as possible.” 
 
Rick glanced at the small cot and then back to Jean. “I’ll try.” 
 
Jean debated trying harder to get Rick to try to rest for only a second before abandoning the idea. She could understand and appreciate what he was going through. She gave him a smile and moved to the open door, hesitating only a second before going through. 
 
Rick stood still for a moment, trying not to think of Lisa being hauled through the infirmary corridors on a gurney. 
 
Without him. 
 
He turned and walked slowly over to where her bed was, the empty space the perfect metaphor for the emptiness he was feeling without Lisa near him. Fortunately he never had a lot of time to stew in those morose thoughts as a voice as familiar to him as Lisa’s called to him from the doorway. 
 
Max stood there with as serious look upon his face as Rick had ever seen on his friend. 
 
The two men stared at each other for a moment, saying everything that needed to be said with their looks across the open space between them. In Max’s eyes Rick could see his friend’s deep sympathy, his profound grief and his unwavering support. And Max could easily see Rick’s own grief, his sincere appreciation of Max’s presence and his gratitude for the support he offered so freely and unconditionally. 
 
It was so much clearer and simpler than the awkward words of sympathy that some would try to use, but then it was what the two of them expected, for what else could two men that were more than brothers do? 
 
Max glanced to the cot. He wasn’t surprised to see that it hadn’t been slept in. 
 
“You need to get some sleep if you’re going to be any good to her,” he said bluntly and with a stern look. 
 
“I have been getting sleep,” Rick responded quietly. He took a step towards the chair he’d slept in the night before and placed his right hand on its back. “Right here, next to Lisa where I belong.” Max opened his mouth to say something but Rick added, “It’s the only peace I can get, Max, when I touch her.” Max closed his mouth and listened. “When I can’t touch her, Max, I…it feels like she’s gone. I know it doesn’t make any sense, I mean I know she’s here, but when I can touch her…”  
 
“It makes all the difference,” finished Max. He nodded, and as he moved towards the cot he said, “I understand what you’re saying.” He sat down on the cot and leaned back so that his back was against the wall. Rick took a moment and then turned the chair so that it faced Max and then sat down. “What can I do, Rick?” 
 
“Rebuild,” said Rick almost immediately, as though he had anticipated the question. “I need Vince to supervise the repairs of the SDF-3 until…until I can get my head into it.” He shook his head slightly as he added, “I don’t know when that’s going to be…” Rick shook his head again. “Anyway, I need you and Mir to work with Lang and his teams to figure out this shadow tech and get us ready to use it. It’s going to mean new mecha and new training. You and Miriya are the best…” 
 
“Done,” announced Max. 
 
Rick smiled, already aware what Max’s answer would be. It was then that something hit him and he stood up a little straighter and looked to the door. “Where is Miriya?” 
 
At that Max smiled a little. “We passed Jean on the way in and she said that she was going to be with Lisa. Miriya asked if she could go too, and Jean said yes.” 
 
Rick nodded his head and smiled as well.  
 
“What happened, Rick?” asked Max after a moment of silence. “How did this happen?” 
 
“Edwards played us,” replied Rick through clenched teeth and with a clenched fist. He took a breath to try to ease the anger that enveloped him at the thought of Edwards. “He played us from day one. He found and studied this shadow tech and managed to hide it from us. There are a lot of questions to be answered, I just…” 
 
Max nodded as Rick trailed off into silence. “We’ll figure it out, and we’ll get the bastard, Rick. I promise.” 
 
And that meant something to the both of them.  
 
“I know, old friend,” said Rick quietly. “I know.” 
---------------------------------- 
“I have never seen her in such a state,” whispered a shocked Miriya. 
 
She had entered the observation area behind Jean and waited for Jean to tell her to approach the window when the scanner had engaged its progression over Lisa. When she stepped forward and saw her friend she nearly screamed with rage, but she didn’t. The rage boiled and seethed within her Zentraedi blood, but she would not let it boil over, not now. Before, in the shuttle, what had been done to Lisa seemed remote and unreal, and she had been unsure about how to feel or what to think. Now, looking at Lisa on the bed with the med scanner passing over her casting an eerie green glow upon her, it hit home just how close she had come to losing her best friend and how hurt she had been. 
 
And that just pissed her off. 
 
“Neither have I,” said Jean quietly from beside her. “She always seems so strong, even when you know she’s hurting or feeling anything but strong, but she finds strength somewhere.” Jean sighed. “And she’s gong to need to find it somewhere now more than ever.” 
 
“She WILL prevail,” announced Miriya resolutely. “She will overcome this…this butchery at the hands of a traitor and she will prevail.” She turned to look at Jean. “There is no doubt.” 
 
Jean smiled as she turned to look at Miriya. She gave the green haired ace a nod and turned back to the window separating them from Lisa. “No doubt.” 
---------------------------------- 
“Easy does it guys,” said Jean as a cautionary. The orderlies eased Lisa’s bed back into its original location in her room and disconnected the IV unit and monitors from it. When they finished and left the room, Jean moved in and performed her routine once again. When she was satisfied that Lisa was okay, she turned and faced Rick. “I’m going to go and look over the test results,” she said to him. “It may take a while…there’s a lot of data to go over, and I want to bring in a couple of colleagues to take a look as well. It may be tomorrow before I know anything.” 
 
Rick tore his eyes from Lisa’s face and looked to Jean. “Take whatever time you need, Jean,” he said before looking back at Lisa. 
 
When Jean nodded and moved towards the door Rick stepped towards Lisa’s bed, reaching out and taking her hand in his when he was close enough. He heard the chair being pushed towards him and turned to give Max a nod of gratitude before sitting down. He moved his gaze up and down his wife’s body, looking for any sign that her condition had changed, but she looked exactly as she had when they took her.  
 
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he sighed. “I would give anything for her to open her eyes, Max,” he said.  
 
“I know,” said Max with a reassuring squeeze of Rick’s shoulder. “And she will.” 
 
“It can’t be soon enou…” 
 
Rick’s was sure he heard himself gasp, though he had no recollection of actually doing it. He stood up quickly, so quickly that his legs sent the chair flying backwards towards the center of the room. He heard Max and Miriya both ask him what was wrong, but he ignored them and concentrated on Lisa’s right thumb, the thumb that was currently caressing the back of his hand. 
 
Through the increasingly loud pounding in his ears that he realized was his racing heart he heard Max tell Miriya that he was going to get Jean. He leaned down towards Lisa and whispered, “Lisa. Lisa it’s me.” He reached his free hand over and caressed her cheek. “Come on Lisa,” he implored. “Open your eyes…I know you can do it.” He leaned in closer. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Lisa…you can do this.” 
 
All of her fingers were moving now and Rick could feel the rush of adrenaline enter his bloodstream. “It’s okay, Lisa. I’m here…open your eyes please.” His voice had a hint of desperation to it, but he didn’t care. 
 
Jean rushed in and stepped up next to Rick, her eyes glued to the monitor. 
 
Then it happened. 
 
Her left eye fluttered open for a second and her mouth opened a centimeter and closed again as though she were trying to say something. 
 
“Come on, Hayes,” he said, using her maiden name and a voice that was stern as though he were giving her an order. She always hated it when he did that. “Open your eyes!” 
 
Her left eyelid lifted again, but this time it stayed halfway up and was followed in short order by the right one.  
 
Rick had to work very hard to keep his overwhelming joy in check. “Hey there,” he said softly. “Welcome back.” 
 
Lisa’s eyes closed and for a second he thought she’d gone back to sleep, but they opened again and then moved towards him. They focused in on him, did those beautiful green eyes, and after a second a smile, small and weak but a smile nonetheless, formed on her lips.  
 
He tore his eyes away from hers long enough to glance down to their joined hands to make sure with his own eyes that her hand was squeezing his. He brought her hand up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss, then carefully settled it back down by her side on the bed. 
 
When his eyes found hers again he said, “I thought I’d lost you this time.” 
 
Lisa’s smile widened for a second. In her weakened state it was as good a hearty laugh, he knew. He saw her swallow hard and she managed to whisper hoarsely, “Not…yet.” 
 
He smiled at her and once again caressed her cheek. He was just to tell her how much he loved her when her eyes narrowed for an instant, and she then looked down the bed. Rick followed her gaze and felt his throat tighten when her left hand flexed over her now empty stomach.  
 
For what seemed like an eternity but was only mere second, Rick was overcome by a reliving of the emotional rollercoaster that he’d been riding for the last few days. 
 
The emotions ran through him, emotions such as the utter shock he felt at finding Kyle dead; the sheer panic that enveloped him when the SDF-3 was gutted open in space by the Regent; the helplessness that he felt as he could only sit and watch Lisa struggle to live; the profound sorrow that nearly drowned him when Jean told him of the loss of their son; the joy that went through him like a jolt of electricity at seeing Lisa open her eyes; and, of course, the unabated fury he felt towards T.R. Edwards and the Regent for causing it all.  
 
Rick swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and slowly turned to look into her eyes and tell her the awful truth, to tell her that their baby was no longer within her. His mouth opened to say the words, but something stopped him cold. 
 
A tear, glistening brilliantly against and in stark contrast to Lisa’s pale skin was had built up in the corner of her eye as she continued looking down at her stomach. He could see the tear slowly grow bigger and bigger until it threatened to spill out onto her cheek. 
 
Her eyes moved slowly towards him and the movement, even as minute as it was, caused the buildup of sadness to overflow and escape the confines of her eye. As the tear blazed its heartbreaking trail down her cheek, he knew that he had no need to say anything. 
 
She knew. 
 
He didn’t know how she could know. Perhaps a bond had been in place between the woman he loved and his son from the moment of conception, or perhaps it was simply woman’s intuition, or maybe she even saw his hesitation for what it was, but the tear and the look of loss in her eyes was unmistakable. 
 
She knew. 
 
Rick moved in closer and wiped her tear away with his thumb, and nearly cried himself when it was immediately followed by another.  
 
Suddenly everything he had prepared himself to say fled his mind. All he could do was move up and, after gently pushing her hair back he kissed her forehead as tenderly as he knew how. 
 
Her hand tightened around his and he whispered against her skin, “We’ll be okay, Lisa. We’ll get though this together.” He kissed her again and said, “I love you.” 
 
And as the first sob escaped from Lisa’s lips, Rick tried very hard to believe the reassuring words he just said to her. 

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