And they where happily ever after?
Chapter five
“This is not happening”
Disclaimer: of course I don’t own Robotech, I wish I do
Autor’s note: well all of you know that this is a translation of the fanfic that I wrote in Spanish, so please be nice with me English is not my native language, so I’m sure that I had made a lot of mistakes. Any way I hope you enjoy this and please review.
To: well of course to my dear friend Carla and for Sphersian (thank you so much for helping me in this and for give me the courage to do it), oh and for all the members of the forum J


Lisa

I got up, I just couldn’t stop tossing and turning and it was clear that I couldn’t fall sleep until I made a decision about the idea that was rounding my head.

I walked through the hallway of Max’s house in the direction of the room that connects with the terrace, I needed to feel the cold sea air in my face, maybe that would calm me down a little bit. Just like it did when I was little in Australia

I opened the window and let the cold air of the sea refresh me and my thoughts seemed to fly away and the calm arrived to me apparently, just the cold was to much, then I close the window, not before I took a deep breath and confirmed the decision that I had made.

Then I went into the room and stayed there look the piano that was in front of me, I stay looking at the piano with curiosity, almost with admiration and came closer to it slowly. I put my finger tips softly over it, and follow its shape slowly, until I finally sat in front of it and opened it, it’s been years since the last time that I played a piano, but today I felt like playing, maybe because I had remembered things of my past by calming down with the air of the sea, the thing was that my fingers start to run through the piano’s keys and started to emit sounds that filled the room, melancholic sounds just like what filled my heart, but for some reason didn’t cause me the same pain that I felt before. It’s not like it doesn’t hurt, because I still could feel my heart oppressed and that knot in my throat that hadn’t leave since I saw the images of Rick and Graham, but the pain was starting to go away and it wasn’t so strong. Maybe with time the wounds finally start to heal and I could look Rick straight into his face and not feel like I’ve been stabbed or maybe someday that I could forgive him from my heart, but everything at this time I think and continued playing the piano.

I was playing a sad song, I couldn’t think of any other thing to play and whispered the lyrics, for my self, only for me.

There are people that say what you wanna hear
Even on a raining day they'll tell you the sky is clear
When you really really love someone
Am I right when I say that you want them near?
And if you can't even tell them things that they wanna hear

Always, forever
All things he said
Never say never
Those simple lies that he fed
I will never leave you
All the love I thought he had
But can you blame me, no
Cuz that's what he said
That's what he said
he told me we'd see forever
That's what he said, he said, yeah

And there are people that say what they really mean
he said he'd always be there
he said he'd always care
But just when you think that you can
Trust that someone you love
Tell me why, or do you know
How stars can fall from above?

Always, forever
All things he said
Never say never
Those simple lies that he fed
I will never leave you
All the love I thought he had
But can you blame me, no
Cuz that's what he said
That's what he said
He told me we'd see forever
That's what he said, he said, yeah

Cuz you made promises
That you couldn't keep
But you're not hurting yourself
You're only hurting me (you're only hurting me)
Why would you say things that you really didn't mean? (you really mean)
Oh how can I make you see
Just what you did to me?
Oh, you said how much you really cared
Just when I thought I was in love
Boy, how could you do it?
If I were you I could not lie even once
To the face of the one
That I love so much

“That’s a sad song don’t you think?” I heard somebody say behind me and jumped from fear and found Max standing there in the doorframe of the room

“Max you scared me to death” I said putting one hand on my heart, that was jumping crazily

“Sorry” said Max and came closer

“Did I wake you up?” I asked when I notice how late it was

“No, I was awake for a long time, the truth is that I couldn’t sleep”

“Me neither, that’s why I came to the room”

“I haven’t heard you play the piano since you were teaching Aurora how to play it”

“Well since then I hadn't played the piano” I said and looked at the piano again

“Are you ok?” Max asked tenderly

-“I’m better” I said and smiled “I couldn’t sleep because of something that I've been thinking about”

“Can I know what it is?”

-“In fact I need to share my decision with somebody, its not that I’m not sure about it but It would be good to have somebody's opinion”

“I’m all ears,” said Max with curiosity

“Ok, but first you’ll tell why you couldn’t sleep”

“that seems fair to me” said Max and sat next to me

We talked until it was really late, almost until the sunrise. Talking about Max's problems and of course about the decision that I had made. I needed to tell somebody what I had decided and Max seemed the right person, the most neutral person that I could talk to and even if we don’t agree at 100%, I have already made my mind i[ and it hasn’t been an easy decision, it has been a hard one, one of the most hardest and painful decisions that I have ever made, but the decision was already made and nothing would make me change my mind, nothing, not even when if regretted it later.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rick

I woke up early, I couldn’t sleep a wink all night, the entire house and especially the bedroom felt so empty with out Lisa by my side, with out her body next to mine, I missed her too much. But today I could see her, today was the ceremony to welcome the SDF-5 and obviously she will be there to give the welcome to the ship and to give the speech.

And I was scared, I was afraid to see her, to see again the pain in her eyes, of seeing all the pain that I caused, I had to talk to her and I don’t want to make her suffer, but on the other hand, maybe it was my chance to ask for her forgiveness, to tell her again how much I loved her and how much I missed her, but I don’t see a way that I could do that in middle of all the formalities of the ceremony, maybe I’ll have to be happy with the chance of only seeing her, of feeling her close to me. If only I could turn back time and made Graham disappear.

I took a deep breath as I finished putting on my jacket, well I was doing something about it, I had signed the order that today Graham would be transferred to a surveillance station that was in the most farthest away corner of the galaxy and by that I’ll take her out of my life and Lisa’s life for good, if only I had done that before.

But I had already made the biggest mistake of my life and I had to accept the consequences, as painful as they were. What other things could I do to prove Lisa how much I cared for her? To show her that Graham meant nothing to me.

There was only one more thing to do and that was to fight for Lisa, fight to bring her back to me again, I’ll fight for her like I never had done before and with that resolution I left the house, I went out ready to find Lisa in the ceremony and this time even when it hurts me to see that she suffers with only looking at me in the face and seeing all the pain that I caused her I will tell her that I love her, that she was all that I have and that I won’t let her go away.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

I left Max and Miriya’s house, who will also be at the ceremony to give the welcome to the sdf-5. I had my hands on the speech that I should be giving and that I was sure now that it won’t serve much, I had my heart oppressed, I knew perfectly well that I had to see Rick, and it was almost obvious that we had to sit together, but I won’t let that effect me. last night I made a decision and I’ll stick to it and that caused a knot in my throat.

The three of us arrived to the place and Miriya and Caroline didn’t leave my side and I was completely thankful to Caroline's finesse, she had found a way so I could sit with the members of the council and not with the army, allowing me to not be seated by Rick’s side.

I listened carefully to all the speeches of people that came before me and finally it was my turn, I was the last person in the list of speeches, I stood up and walked to the podium, Caroline followed me from a few steps behind and when I was at the podium she gave me the speech

“Here is your Speech admiral” said Caroline

“Thank you Caroline, but I don’t need it, today I’ll speak from my heart” I said with a smile and climbed to the podium, cleared my throat and took a deep breath

“Today we are here to give the welcome to this ship, that has been built with the effort of hundreds of people, that following a crazy idea of mine, had come true one of the most important dreams of human kind and that with out them it would have never come true. This ship will bring the peace message of the human race to the most farthest away corners of the universe, in hands of new generations, generations that had known the horrors of war and that appreciate as a few the goodness of peace. These new generations are the ones in charge of taking us into the future, of making up for all the mistakes that we have done and I know that they’re able to do it and that they won’t let us down” I said and looked at Jack, Scott and Aurora to continue “I heard one time a song and the lyrics stayed in head forever, maybe it’s not the time but I read you some parts of the lyrics

After all of the battles are over,
After all of the fighting is done,
Will you be the one
To find yourself alone with your heart? (Looking for the answers...)
When it feels like tomorrow will never come,
When it seems like the night would not end,
Can you pretend
That you're really not alone?
You're out here on your own.
Lonely soldier boy.
With all the glory, without the joy,
A lonely soldier boy...

And now when I look at my life I realized that I fought all my battles and fought all my fights and that if I don’t want to be a lonely soldier boy, I must now fight my personal demons, and I discovered that now it’s the right time to pass the torch to younger hands, more capable hands and that’s why I’m taking the freedom today to tell the council that I can not accept the rank of Supreme Commander of the army and the reason is just one and a simple one, my time here has come to an end, and it’s time for a younger person to take my place and the moment that I leave this institution that I always have in my heart” I said and my voice start to break “because it’s here in the army, where I have lived the most happiest moments of my life, where I had known my best friends, it was here where I knew the true meaning of loyalty, of friendship and love, of that commitment in what you give your life for another person and also here I know the sadness, sadness that stays in your heart, but that reaffirms the commitment done. I have served here with the best people, people that will always be in my heart, it’s because the army that I got to the stars by the hands of amazing people and I’ll be always thankful for that, because you made my dreams come true and it’s here in the army where I let the most loved for me, my son” I said and the tears had already fill my eyes “the goodbye is not easy, but I promised my self that I will not cry, after all this is not a goodbye, it just for the time being, a Farwell because I could be not wearing the uniform, but I will always carry you in my heart, like I heard one that one of the great heroes said this robotech thing is so exciting I couldn’t give it up! It just gets in your blood or something you will always be here” I said and put my right hand on my chest and even when I had tried very hard the tears had started to fall “you are my family, all of you are my family, you always have been, you’re the only thing for sure in my life and the one thing that I could always turn when I’m in trouble and that’s why its so hard to say these words” I said and made a pause, cleared my throat and wiped my tears, then I lift straight my forehead and with the most martial voice that I could I continue “for the time being, farewell“ I said, saluted militarily and got down off the podium in the middle of general commotion, my escort took a few seconds before following me and finally I left the place of the ceremony at high speed

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rick

I was about to go out running after Lisa in the same moment when she left the podium, I couldn’t believe what I just heard, Lisa was quitting the army and for sure it was my fault and I wouldn’t let her do that, if there was somebody who had to go, that was me, not her. But suddenly I found Miriya, there standing in front of me like an Iron wall that I couldn’t cross.

“Don’t you even try Hunter” she said a defiant voice that I haven’t heard before

“But I need to talk with her”

“I wont let you, how can you be so heartless? Don’t you see how much you have hurt her?”

“But I…” I was saying but Miriya interrupted me

“But nothing, you are going to hear me and you better hear me well, I won’t let you get close to her, you hear me? I won’t let you keep hurting her, have you any idea of what have you made her go through?” ask me Miriya angry, looking at me with eyes that reflects anger and disdain “you broke her heart Hunter, you broke her soul, but of course you don’t have any idea of what that means? Because you have never loved anyone but yourself, you are so selfish that you don’t even think about Lisa when you got involved with that b****”

“Mir” said Max trying to calm down Miriya, but she ignored him completely and continued

“You don’t even bother to think how much you hurt her, well I’ll give you an idea, I had never ever seen so much pain in somebody’s eyes, so much disappointment, you” said Miriya and stick one of her fingers in my chest “you broke all her dreams, her illusions, you took away all she had. Do you know how it feels to hear your best friend said that she prefered to be dead to keep feeling the pain?” and when she said this her eyes where full of tears

“Mir, it’s enough, let’s go” said Max taking Miriya’s arm softly

“I’m not done yet” said Miriya looking at Max out of the corner of her eye and then she looked at me again “you presence causes her pain and I won’t let you come closer to her, I won’t let you keep hurting her, And you know what? Maybe you and that b**** of Graham are meant for each other, because the only thing that you two think about is your selves, you are selfish and self centered and don’t look at me with that face Hunter you know perfectly well that you are damn selfish, only could hurt that way the person that has loved you more in this world, Tell is with betray that you are going to pay all the love that Lisa has given you in all this time? You are evil Rick Hunter, you are the most worthless human being that I have ever known, and poor you if you get close to Lisa, because the Imperative will take control over me, and I’ll forget that once we were friends, I’ll forget that you were my superior and I’ll forget that you have saved Max and my life and I’ll kill you, I’m going to…”

“Miriya” said Max, louder this time and Miriya said some insults in Zentraedi and tight her jaw and then she continued

“I hate you Rick Hunter, because of what you have done to Lisa has no forgiveness and for me you are dead, all the good things that we have lived together are gone and I only tell you this, get away from Lisa or you will feel the Zentraedi power and you will known what is a Quadrono warrior” said Miriya with fury in her eyes and then turned and left, Max look at me for a moment and the looked at the floor and followed behind Miriya

I stood there, in the middle of the place, with out knowing what to do or say, the words of Miriya had been so certain that only had left a deep pain in my chest and one question didn’t leave my head, How can I have been capable of all this? How could I do all this to Lisa?


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

I arrived to my office followed by my escort and I picked up a lot off stuff that was there

“Caroline make the arrangements that are necessary to give this letter to all the members of the council and to all people that are necessary” I said and gave an envelope to Caroline

“Yes Ma’am” said Caroline with a sad voice

“Also take care that the unit commander gives Roy the day off”

“I'll call him immediately”

“Thanks and after that can you watch that my personal stuff are packed and send it to the Sterling’s House”

“I’ll pack them my self”

“Oh and please don’t let admiral Hunter know that I’m at the Sterling’s house”

“He won’t Ma’am, not from us” said Caroline and she looked to the floor

“Caroline don’t be sad, sooner or later this must happen” I said and put my hand on Caroline shoulder

“We are going to miss you a lot ma’am, you had been a great inspiration for all of us and certainly more than a superior officer at least to me”

“And you have been more than just an aide and believe me when I said that I’m going to miss you too” I said and gave a sad smile and then hugged Caroline “don’t be sad Caroline I’m not going to leave for ever, we could see each other out side of work”

“I know ma’am” said Caroline when we separate and she wiped her tears

“Now, don’t cry because you are going to make me cry” I said

“Don’t worry ma’am, I’m fine now” she said and then added “I’ll take care of do everything you asked”

“Thank you very much” I said and put my hand on her shoulder again and then Miriya and Max came into the room

“Are you okay Lisa” Miriya asked when she was by my side

“Yes I’m fine”

“I can’t believe that you have quit, does Rick has something to do with this?” Miriya asked a little bit angry

-yes and no, but I don’t want to talk about that here”

“Lisa is right, why don’t we go home” said Max

“Yes you are right, let’s go home” said Miriya and we went to their house, followed by my escort, that still refused to leave


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Roy

As soon as I could I left my command station and ran to my mother office, I couldn’t believe what I had heard, I couldn’t believe that my mother had quit, this just couldn’t be happening and the only thing that I could think of was that all this was my father's fault.

I arrived to my mother office and I only found Jenssen there

“Lieutenant, Where is my mother?” I asked

“She left” she said with a sad voice

“Damn it”

“But don’t worry, I mean don’t worry Sir”

“Forget the formalities with me Caroline, I’m older than you in rank by only a year”

“Okay” she said with a smile “she left with the Sterlings”

“That’s good, at least she didn’t leave alone”

“Oh, and she asked me to tell to your superior to give you the day off”

“Really and what did McGill say?”

“He said that of course that you can have the day off and if you want I could order that one car take you to the Sterling’s house”

“I will be grateful all my life” I said and took one of Caroline’s hands

“I just have to make some phone calls” said Caroline and walked away from me

I arrived to the Sterling’s house and there I found my mother in the living room, also there was uncle Max, aunt Miriya and Aurora, sitting there drinking coffee

“Mom, Why did you quit” was the first thing that I asked when I was by her side

“Hi son” she said

“Hi mom” I said a little ashamed feeling like a seven year old kid

“Do you want something Roy?” Aurora asked

“No thanks” I said and couldn’t avoid smiling at her, but then I turned my sight to my mother who was smiling at me “What happened mom, why did you quit?” I asked serious

“Because it was the time to do it” she answered me seriously and at the same time all the Sterlings left the room so we could talk alone

“Mom, I can bet that this has something to do with my father”

“It has nothing to do with your father”

“Oh come on mom, I bet that you are doing all this to avoid him”

“Of course not” she said trying to sound convincing but her look betrayed her “maybe a little but that’s not the main reason, listen Roy it was about time for me to quit, I’ve in the army since I was 17 and I think it’s time to rest”

“And just now you realized that, Now that my father..?”

“No, maybe that triggered it all, but why do you think it took me so long to make a decision about the council nomination?”

“Because you were checking the good and the bad of the nomination” I said trying to not look at her

“Yeah right, as if doing that took 6 months” she said sarcastically “look son, I’m tired, I have been doing the same thing for too many years, for too many years I had been the admiral Hayes and I’m tired of that, besides the army needs new people, a new air”

“But you are the best, the army needs you”

“I don’t think so son, nobody is indispensable” she said with a smile

“But what are you going to do now?” I ask worried

“I don’t know, maybe travel”

“Maybe?”

“You see” she said and stood up “I… want to take a trip, I need to be alone for a while to think”

“What? Alone?” I said in panic and stood up “But mom what are you talking about, you can’t be out here alone”

“Roy please” she said a little bit angry “I’m not child and I know how to take care of my self”

“I know, but it is dangerous”

“Listen Roy, I really need to take this trip, I need to think about my life”

“Think about what?, and Why do you have to take trip?, you can think about your life perfectly well here”

“Because I feel that I have to, as I said you before I have been the Admiral Hayes for so long, for so many years I have only been an army officer and the wife of admiral Hunter, I need to remember who Lisa Hayes is, bring back the Lisa that I was before I got into the army, the young girl fresh and dreamy”

“This is all his fault, if he hadn’t…..’” I said and tightened my jaw, I knew that mom didn’t like that I talked bad about my father

“Roy” she said angry “this has nothing to do with that, this is something that I need to do for my self and for me, this has nothing to do with your father, or with what he did or did not do”

“I’m sorry mom” I said and bent down my head, a few moments later I felt my mother's hand caressing my hair

“Listen son, I feel like I need and want to take this trip, maybe this change in my life is good for me, and maybe it will help me to heal the wounds”

“Then you are all decided”

“Well not totally, but I’m almost sure of what I’m going to do”

“Where are you going?” I asked

“I don’t now, the truth is that I want it to be secret”

“Then I won’t tell anybody”

“It will be a secret for everybody, besides I think that if I want to make this trip work I have to be alone”

“But mom” I protested

“Roy, I can take care of myself and beside I’ll be in touch, it just that I don’t want that you know my destination”

“I don’t agree with that, I think it’s dangerous” I said nervous

“There’s nothing to worry about” said my mom and then smiled “You sound like Max"

“That’s because I’m right”

“You worry too much, I’ll be fine”

“When do you leave?” I asked fearful

“A day before the take off of the SDF-5”

“But mom, you built that ship, you deserve to watch it take off”

“I didn’t built that ship, I just helped and I won’t be missing much I have seen many other SDFs take off”

“I still think it’s not fair and that it’s not right, but if you feel like it is so necessary to do this trip then you have all my support” I said finally taking my mother hands between mine

“I knew that I could count on you” said my mom smiling

“You always can count on me mom”

“I love you so much” said my mom and hugged me

“I love you too mom” I said

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

I had everything set for my trip, my suitcases were done and all the documents for the travel were done too. I had made some calls and I had the destination of my trip ready, I was going to go to New Praxis, to see Bela and reunite with the sisterhood and I would visit some of the planets that I had visited during the REF campaign, on my travel back I’d spend some days on Mars, at the new Sara base and finally I’d come back to Earth and I had already decided that I’d live in Australia and I had asked Max to do what was necessary to buy me a house lost in the mountains, a small house to rest, from where I could watch the ocean.

I was sitting on Dana’s bed and for some reason I felt uncomfortable, I knew that there was something to do, but I didn’t know what exactly it was, I look to the ceiling for a moment and then I started to play with a pencil that was on the night table and when the pencil fell from my hands I knew what was that thing that I needed to do, I need to write a letter, a letter to Rick.

I guess that knowing that I’m going on a trip I needed to tell him some words, explain to him all the pain that he caused me and maybe tell him that I was trying to forgive him, if I wanted that this trip of self discovery and healing to really work I believe that I couldnt leave so many unfinished things with Rick, certainly I haven’t forgive him yet, it was impossible to do that so soon and maybe I’ll never forgive him, but I needed to explain him my decision. Why I felt that I needed to explain to him my decision? I don’t know, maybe because after all that he had done to me, I still felt something for him, it’s like I said to Roy, love doesn’t end over night.

I had to write him, because I wasn’t capable of looking at him in the face and telling him all the things that I had to tell him, I knew that all my resolution and all my intension would disappear if I stayed watching for to long his baby blue eyes, begging for forgiveness. Because even when the hard pain of the first days was disappearing, I wasn’t still able to face him and I would never have been very good telling him what I felt face to face.

When I finished the letter it was late, too late to ask somebody to give him the letter and certainly I wouldn’t go, but whom can I ask to go to give the Letter? the mail will be to slow. Finally I decided that tomorrow early, and before oboarding the spaceship that will take me to Praxis, I will go to the house and leave the letter, with out Rick noticing.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rick

I was laying down, my uniform of the day before still on, I didn’t have the strength to get up, I didn’t want to do anything. I was still shocked by Lisa’s decision of leaving the army and the words of Miriya still hurt me.

Lisa, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, about the pain that I caused her, about all the things of her that I didn’t know how to treasure, about how foolish I have been letting that the passions take over me and not remembering the greatest woman that I had by my side and betraying her in the way that I had done, so cold and shameless. I remember how I had lie to her, looking her in the eyes, I had used her to satisfy my passions, passions that meant nothing, that once that are consumed leave nothing and that was so different to our marriage, that has let me so many things, all the time with Lisa has made me rich and made me grow up like only a few things in life had done, and I had thrown everything away and as I think more that, more I think of the pain that I had caused Lisa, of how hurt she must be feeling and I was afraid, I was terrified for her reaction, I knew perfectly well how self-destructive Lisa could be, how depressed she can get and the words of Miriya sounded in my mind over and over “You don't know how it feels to hear your best friend say that she preferred to be dead than to keep feeling the pain?”. If something happened to Lisa because of me I’ll never forgive myself for that.

And then a suddenly pain squeezed my heart and in a jump I stood up and left the room running, “Lisa” was the only thing that repeated in my mind and it was what was moving me to run with urgency to the house entrance and then I saw an envelope on the floor near to the door, I took it slowly in my hands and I could see there Lisa’s handwriting, her beautiful handwriting had written my name

I opened the door immediately, but it was too late, Lisa’s jeep was leaving at full speed and even when I ran as fast as I could behind the jeep, it was impossible for me to catch it. I looked again at the envelope and walked back home, I sat on the living couch and opened it slowly, with fear, with anxiety, with worry and with a little bit of hope.

“It hard to write you something in this moment, but I guess that now that I’m going into a travel and I’ going to try to start a new life, there are some things that I need to tell you and that I can’t keep for my self if I really want to leave all this behind and start to heal.

There are so many things tat I need to tell you and I think that the best way to do it is in this letter, I don’t have the courage to see you, don’t have enough courage to look at you in the eyes and tell you this, the wounds still hurt too much.

I guess that you never knew how much you hurt me when you fell into Graham’s arms and I don’t blame you for that, now I’m completely sure that you never were in love with me, I don’t say that you don’t love me, I know that you do I don’t see any other way for you to stay with me all this time, but you aren’t in love with me, or are least not in the way that I love you, because if you really were in love of me you wouldn’t have fallen into her arms. Maybe there was something that I didn’t know how to give you, something that I missed, I don’t know, there are so many questions in my head to try to explain why you acted the way that you did. Right now I'm just trying to not think about that and just accept the fact that finally, we weren’t meant for each other, that all these years were just a dream, my dream and as all dreams have an end, Graham was what put an end to my dream.

Maybe I’m the one who should ask you for forgiveness, for forcing you, all this years, to live my dream, for tying you to my side and not letting you be free, be happy, for not letting you be what you wanted to be, for not letting you be happy with who you wanted. But I really believed that we could be happy together, I really believed that we were destined to be together, I guess I was wrong and really wrong, because all these years that we lived together none of us was really happy, you because you were attached to somebody who you really didn’t love and I because I have always been afraid, I was always scared of wake up from my dream, my fairy tale, just like I do today. But I have to tell you that you gave me the most precious gift that you could give to another person and one of the greatest joys of all, you gave me Roy, our son that was the only true happiness that we shared.

And now that I am going on this trip I guess that I’m going to take with me all these bittersweet memories of what we lived together, I hope that this trip will help me and I can heal the wounds a little bit more, because only when they are healed can I start to try to forgive you, because more than forgiving you because you were involved with Graham I think I have to forgive you for betraying me, because finally that was what hurt me the most, that you lied to me the way that you did.

I know that you think that I’m wrong, that you do love me and that you need me, but we both know that I’m not what you need, that I’m just the stability and the good sense that you need in your life, your right choice, but not the person you love, I’m not the woman of your dreams or your ideal woman. I want that you know that I, from the bottom of my heart and even when it’s hard to accept I do want that you find the love that you didn’t find in me, I want you to be happy, that life treat you good and that finally you find the love of your life. Because there’s only one thing that I see clear, we can’t be together again Rick, I just can’t, I can’t be by your side, it’s too painful for me, if it’s hard to me look at you at the face, I think I couldn’t resist the pain of living with you again or delude my self again to discover that all of it was a hallucination, I can’t, I can’t keep hurting my self.

So I guess this is some kind of goodbye, even when I’m sure that we will see each other again, but we will never be together again.

Take care and even when I think its not necessary to say it my heart guides my hand now and I believe I had to say it one more time, I love you and I don’t think that this is going to change, but there are people that are destined to be alone, peoples whose soul mate just gets lost and I think I’m one of those people, but don’t worry I’ll be fine, of that I’m sure, I'll find a way to be fine, I always do.
Good bye”

By the time that I finished reading Lisa’s letter, the ink with which she had written the letter was completely smeared with my tears, I had lost her, I had lost her for good and there as nothing that I could do but cry, I was crying bitterly and I felt like my heart broke in two, I felt like with out her, my life just ended and I repeated in my mind every word of Lisa’s letter and I felt the pain that she had in every word that she had written.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

We arrived at the air terminal, since that was where my spaceship would take off, and with me there was Max, Miriya, Aurora and of course Roy, we left the suitcases in the luggage terminal and we started to walk to the take off area. We were there standing, a few moments, until we heard the call to get on board in less than 3 minutes.

I took a deep breath and turned to them with my best smile, the first person that I said goodbye to was Miriya

“Mir, my friend, thank you for everything, I don’t have words to thank you for all that you have done for me” I said and held Miriya

“Lisa you have nothing to thank, you have always been there when I have needed you”

“Mir, you don’t know how much your friendship and your support has meant to me in these last days, with out you I don’t know if I would have been able to go on”

“You would have done the same for me, wouldn' you?” said Miriya with her eyes full of tears

“Of course I would” I answered, smiling even when my eyes were full of tears too

“This is why I don’t like goodbyes, a Zentraedi shouldn't cry” said Miriya a little upset, trying to hide her tears

“This is not a goodbye Mir, I’m just leaving for a while, but soon I’ll be back” I said wiping my own tears

“And we will be here waiting for you”

“Thanks Mir, and please take care of this little stubborn guy, while I'm gone, won't you?”

“Of course I will, I’ll take care of him as if he were my own son” said Miriya and grabbed Roy by the arm

"Well then Bye Mir, we'll be in touch” I said and hugged Miriya again strongly and then I walked in Aurora’s direction

“Bye Aurora, take care ok?” I said hugging her

“You too aunt, take care”

“Don’t work too hard in the council, but try to keep an eye on all those old men”

“Don’t worry aunt, I’ll do that, and I’ll take care of accomplishing our goals”

“Thanks Aurora and would you once in a while see how this flyboy behaves” I said and came closer to Aurora so Roy couldn’t listen to us “for some reason you are the only one that he listens to” I said and smirked to her

“Aunt” said Aurora a little embarrassed

“Mom, What did you tell Aurora?” asked Roy a little nervous

“Nothing Roy, nothing” I said and smiled

“Don’t worry aunt, I’ll keep an eye on this young man” said finally Aurora

“I hope that when I get back you will tell me all his bad tricks”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll give you a full report”

“That’s the way I like it” I said and took Aurora’s right hand “bye Aurora”

“Bye aunt, take care” said Aurora and hugged me

Now it was Max who came closer to me

“Lisa” he said taking me by the elbows

“Max, thank…” I tried to say but I felt like something squeezed my throat

“You have nothing to thank” said Max and hugged me “you can always can count on us”

“And you with me” I said when I finally could control my tears “Max, take care of Roy”

“Of course I will”

“And…” I made a pause, I needed to “ and also take care of Rick, he is very lonely now and if Roy is still angry with him, then he won’t have anybody and you know Rick”

“Couldn’t leave him alone Lisa, after all Rick is my best friend”

“Thank you Max, you are the best man on Earth- I said and held Max again

“And you are the woman with the best heart” said Max before letting me go

“See you soon”

“Sure, take care and come back soon” said Max

Now I had only had to say goodbye to Roy and I knew it would be hard, I came closer to him slowly

“Roy” I said and tried to look at him in the eyes

“There’s nothing that I could say that would make you stay?”

“I have to take this trip Roy, I need to do it for my self”

“And is there a chance that you can take me with you?”

“Son” I said and caressed his face tenderly

“It’s not fair that you have to go through all this alone”

“But I have to”

“I’m going to miss you a lot”

“And I’m going to miss you”

“Promise me that as soon as you feel that you are ready you will let me know and you will come back”

“I promise you that” I said and pushed his unruly hair from his eyes “Roy, son”

“Don’t ask me to forgive him, I can’t”

“He is your father, honey, you can’t hate him forever”

“Why not?”

“Roy” I said a little bit angry and hurt, I took his face in my hands “because I know that you loved him and beside because this is not good and also because if I’m trying to forgive him then you also can”

“How can you forgive him? How?” Roy asked with his eyes full of tears

“I don’t know” I said and shrugged and looked straight into Roy's eyes “Roy at least promise me that you are going to try to make peace with him”

“Mom” said Roy trying to protest

“Roy” I said firmly “just try to talk with him, I don’t ask you to forgive him, just to try to make peace with him before I came back”

“Okay” said Roy almost in a whisper

“I didn’t hear you”

“Okay, I’ll try to make peace with him” said Roy louder this time

“I love you so much· I said and gave him a kiss on his forehead

“Me too Mom, I also love you very much, you are the woman that I love the most”

“My little boy” I said and we hugged each other tightly

“I’m going to miss you a lot”

“Me too honey” I said and took his face in my hands again “take care Roy and don’t do any crazy stuff ok?”

“I never do that” said Roy trying to look innocent

“Are you going to blame Anderson now for crashing the last alpha that they gave you?”

“Well you know, she is….”

“Roy” I said faking an angry voice

“Ok Mom, I’ll promise you that I won’t do any crazy things”

“Good, now give another hug to your mother and quick because my ship is about to take off”

“Take care and come back soon ok?” said Roy and hugged me tight and gave me a kiss on the cheek

“You take care too and I’ll do all I can to come back soon”

“I love you”

"I love you too” I said and gave him a kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair

“Mom” said Roy protesting and trying to comb his hair

“Bye” I said smiling

“Bye”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rick

I was laying on the couch, I didn’t have any more tears to cry, I was so numbed by Lisa’s words in her letter that I wasn’t able to do a thing and suddenly like a violent flash the anger overtook me, how I hated my self, how I hated everything that I had done, I hated my self more than any thing in this world and every second that passed I was more aware of what kind of bastard I had been, of how bad and evil I had been to the woman that I loved the most, with the one that even with all the bad that I had done to her, she wished me happiness, she wished me good things and didn’t hate me. How can I have let her go? And for that b****, How can I have been so blinded? And what am I going to do now with out Lisa? What is left for me with out her?. Nothing, there was just me and I’m not even capable of looking at my self in the mirror, I couldn’t.
Anger, rage, that was all that is left for me, I was alone and it was because of what I had done, nobody had made my destiny but me.

Lisa, if you only heard me, but you wont, you have decided to runaway this time, that is how much I had hurt you that you preferred to leave than face me. Once, I just needed to see you one more tome, I think and I ran, I ran as fast as I can to my car and I left the house.

I was driving on the highway at full speed and suddenly I realized that I didn’t know where you were, that you had decided to runaway from me, that I hurt you so much that you just had decided to leave and how can I be so selfish and go to look for you just to see you one more time when I knew that to see me hurt you, cause you pain, How can I even think of keeping on hurting you?

I had already lost you and there was nothing else for me, absolutely nothing and suddenly a sound came to my ears, slowly it came to me the sounds of a truck’s klaxon that was moving in full speed right along in my direction or was I the one that went in it's direction? I didn’t know anymore.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Roy

Mom said goodbye and started to get on board her ship, an old ship that had several windows for observation for the passengers. Mom was leaving and she wasn’t telling anybody her destination, she had set diversions in all the stops that the ship would make so we couldn’t figure out where she was going to stay. She wanted to be alone and we had to respect her wishes, after all mom’s will has always been sacred.

We went into an observation deck of the air terminal, to see the ship take off, it was some kind of crystal dome located a few meters away from the platform and since where we were we could see clearly the window section of the B-32, where mom will go.

And there she was next to the window when the engines stared, all of us looking at her and suddenly I noticed a figure a few steps away, but I couldn’t see his face, something had called my attention to him, but that didn’t matter now, now I had to wave a goodbye to mom.

And suddenly my blood froze and I stayed paralyzed, with out being able to breathe or move, no, no, no…., this can’t be happening, please God no. I screamed inside of my head, but couldn’t make a sound and I only start to run to the exit desperately.

“No!, no!” I screamed and waved my hands but no body understood me and suddenly there, there she was with her long air floating, waving at me, the image of my dream and now the strange man was running to me, like in slow-motion and then I recognized him and tried to run faster and she was still there with her hair floating, waving at me, mom was there at her window waving at me and I couldn’t run faster and dad was running after me.

“Stop! Don’t take off the ship is going to…” I was frozen, I was paralyzed, there was nothing else to do, I felt the heat of the explosion and the force of the same explosion made me fall onto the floor backwards, but nothing hurt me, it was impossible to feel anything else than the impotence that filled me.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rick

I saw Roy run after the ship trying to stop it and suddenly the light, a light that blinded me and when I opened the eyes the terror invaded me, the terror filled every cell of my body and for a second I was frozen.

Until suddenly I heard my self screaming “LISA! LISA!” I felt that I was running, running like a crazy man in the direction of the ship, I had to find her. Roy a few meters ahead of me stood up and we ran as fast as we could to the ship, we needed to find her.

The heat was unbearable, but that didn’t matter, I needed to find her, we started to move some pieces of the ship with Roy, but something seemed to guide him and now more than ever before I trusted in his mental abilities and prayed that we find her.

Suddenly Roy screamed something like 'this is the section' and showed me a piece of metal that said B-32 and we both started desperately removing the hot pieces of steel, pieces that covered the entire zone and suddenly I saw some light brown hair, my heart started to beat crazily, I felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and I was dizzy, very dizzy but the only thing that I could think of was to remove all the pieces of metal, get Lisa out of there, I couldn’t even talk, but I guess that the craziness of my movements alerted Roy and when both start to removed pieces, and suddenly in front of us appeared the bloody face of Lisa

“Mom!” screamed Roy and fell to the floor next to her, it took a few moments for Lisa to open her eyes and she smiled at Roy, in that moment I felt as if my soul had come back to my body, like if I could breathe again.

“We are going to get you out of here, I promise you” said Roy and stood up. I didn’t have the courage to come closer, I just didn’t have it. We only looked at each other for a few moments and then I turned my attention to Roy, Lisa's legs were trapped under very heavy pieces of metal. with Roy we did all we could to move them, but we couldn’t

“Damn it, damn it, damn it” yelled Roy desperately with tears in his eyes

“Go for help Roy, we need to get your mother out of there soon” I said trying to calm down Roy even when I was completely desperate

“I won’t leave her alone” protested Roy

“I’ll stay with her”

“No” said Roy angry

“Roy” said the soft voice of Lisa, softer than ever

“Mom I won’t leave you alone” said Roy

“You are faster than I, you can get help more easily”

“I won’t, I won’t leave mom alone with you”

“I’ll be fine Roy” said Lisa

“But mom” said Roy and took one the Lisa's hands

“Roy” said Lisa and Roy gave her a kiss on her forehead

“I’ll be right back mom, you’ll be out of here before no time” said Roy and he left running

I stayed there looking as Lisa as Roy ran as fast as he could for help, I tried again to remove the metal piece that had Lisa’s legs trapped, but it didn't budge, finally I bent down next to her and took one her hands in mine

“What are you doing here?” Lisa ask me trying to sit up

“Don’t move” I said and took off my jacket and put it behind her neck

“Thanks” said Lisa and smiled

“I couldn’t let you go, I had so much to explain to you”

“Rick Listen…” said Lisa but she started to cough, I took her in my arms to help her to sit up

“We are going to get you out of here I promise”

“I know” said Lisa and looked at me quickly in the eyes and then looked away “you always find a way to rescue me”

“Because I love you” I said as I held one of Lisa’s hands, she looked at me, with her beautiful green eyes wide open

“Rick I know that you love me, but you are not in love with me”

“Of course I’m in love with you, I have always been, its just that I’ve been too stupid, but you have always been the only one that I love and when you get out of here I’m going to prove that to you” Lisa started to cough again and this time a few spurts of blood came out of her mouth

“Maybe I won’t get out of here this time” she said with a bitter smile

“Don’t say that, of course you’ll get out of here” I said and my voice started to break and the fear started to take me again “You are a fighter Lisa and you’ll not surrender now, Do you hear me?” I said and Lisa just held my hand

“I have been with you in worst situations and we have made it through, you are not going to let me down now Lisa, I won’t let you”

“Our lives have been quite an adventure eh?”

“And they’ll keep on being an adventure, Roy must be near with the help and we will get you out of here and we are going to make true all the dreams that we have, do you agree?”

“The dreams that we have” said Lisa with a slow voice

“We are going to get you out of here and we will live in that small house lost in the mountains, just the two of us, and we’ll have a big fireplace” I said and the tears started to fall from my cheeks

“And we’ll have dogs”

“Of course we will and in the summer Roy and our grandchildren will come to the house”

“And we'll tell them all adventures that we lived together”

“Always together” I said and looked at Lisa, Lisa was pale and her hands were more cold as the time went by “Lisa come on, don’t, don’t close your eyes, look at me, please look at me” I said begging her and she opened her eyes and looked at me

“Why are you crying?” she ask me and raised one hand to my face

“Because I don’t want to lose you, because I don’t want you to die, because I love you”

“Rick” said Lisa and brushed away my hair from my eyes

“Forgive me Lisa, please forgive, I….” I was saying and made a sob “I don’t…-I couldn’t keep talking, the sobs wouldn’t let me

“I’ve already forgave you Rick, I love you too much”

“I love you too, you are the only woman that I have ever loved in my entire life” Lisa only looked at me and came a little more closer and whispered something

“What?” I asked and bent closer to her face

“Hold me please, I’m cold” said Lisa and I felt my heart start to shrink

“It’s the cold wind from the Artic” I answered and the tears ran down my cheeks

“You know it’s not the wind”

“Yes, it’s the winds, you are not going to leave me, you can’t die, you have to fight, Do you hear me?, How am I going to raise our grandchildren alone? Who am I going to kiss in the morning when I wake up? Who’s breath am I going to listen to when I fall sleep? Who am I going to make angry only to look how her eyes sparkle and later make up?, With who am I going to watch old movies and eat chocolate cakes?, no Lisa, you must live, you can’t die” I looked at Lisa and the tears had start to stream down her cheeks. “I’m the one who deserves to die, I’m the one who should be in your place, I ‘m the one who don’t deserve keep living” I said.

“Don’t say that”

“But it’s true”

"Rick” said Lisa and her eyes started to close

“No, no, Lisa open your eyes, don’t leave, please don’t leave!”

“I can’t keep them open”

“Of course you can, we have too many thing to do and with out you I just don’t want to do them, come on Lisa hang on, PLEASE!!" I screamed begging and holding her tighter

“You have to take care of Roy”

“I need you to do it, he needs you, please Lisa don’t talk like that, don’t give up now, not now, I love you”

“And I love you, I always will” said Lisa and held me

“We are going to get you out of here Lisa and I’m going to take care of you, and I’m always going to be by your side and I’m going to show you how much I love you and we are going to renew our wedding vows Do you hear me? we are going to make the party of the century, no better we’ll do an intimate party, only with our friends in our little home lost in the mountains and this time we will have a really honey moon just like the law says and I’m going to carry you to our bedroom and do all those rituals of weddings that I didn’t want to do the first time What do you think? Do you like the idea?” I asked after kissing Lisa’s hair, but she didn’t answer “I'll even take the garter with my teeth, how does that sound to you?” I said and looked at Lisa, but she had her eyes closed

“No, God don’t do this to me” I prayed and moved Lisa a little, but she didn’t respond “Lisa wake up, Lisa, please open your eyes! don’t leave me, please!” I held her tight, she was so cold, maybe if I held her tight enough I could give her some of my warmth and she'd open her eyes “Lisa” I tried to say something else but my throat was so tightened and the uncontrolled sobs didn’t let me continue talking, I was only able to cry and to hug Lisa in my arms. I was suffocating, I felt in pain, dizzy, I couldn’t move, or breathe, I just held her and cried and suddenly I felt that somebody was shaking me, it was necessary that I was shook a few times so I could finally start to hear what I was being told

“Sir please let her go, we need to examine her” said one of the guys, a paramedic I guess

“No, no, I won’t let her go!”

“Sir, we need to examine her”

“Rick” I heard a voice and a hand took my shoulder, it was Max and with him were Roy and Aurora

The paramedics rush impetuously over Lisa the moment that I let her go and I stood there , paralyzed, unmovable, terrified.

They examined her for a few moments, that past slowly to my eyes and suddenly one of them looked at the other with fear in his eyes and the other shook his head, then they took off all their instruments from Lisa

“But what are you doing?, Why did you take the instruments off of her?” asked Roy furious, coming closer to the paramedics

“I’m sorry, there’s nothing more that we can do” said one of them

“No, that’s a lie, you can’t leave her this way!!” yelled Roy with anger but the tears started to fall across his face

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

I got onto the ship and went immediately to my section; as soon as I was there I left my handbag on the bed and came closer to the huge window that was looking at the observation Deck. If I was lucky enough I could see Roy there with the Sterlings.

After searching a little I finally found Roy in the crowd, he was next to the window of the observation deck and Aurora was by his side.

Saying goodbye to Roy had been hard, but deep in my heart I knew that this trip was the best for me, I needed to escape from all this, from all this pain and let Roy solve his own his problems with Rick, I know that Roy loved Rick very much but he is stubborn as I am and I also know that what Rick did to me hurt Roy a lot.

I came closer to the window so Roy could see me and as I did that I released my hair from the chignon that I always use, it was a funny thing but for some reason I felt like letting my hair free was a way of starting to let free myself as well.

I was waving goodbye to Roy when suddenly I lost him from my sight but a few moments later he appeared on the runway waving and running in the ship direction, I couldn’t stop a laugh as I remember him when he was like 6 years old and ran after the ships that took me out to some place that I had to visit, he always escaped from his nanny’s hand and ran after the ship trying to stop them from taking off. It was a sweet memory, and as he ran to the ship I waved him a goodbye with more enthusiasm but I was also worried that he was too close to the ship when it took off, because the engines had already started.

I put my hands in the window to watch Roy better and I notice that someone was running after him, probably some security guy, but some how he looked familiar to me.

And suddenly a strong noise filled the air and all grew dark, I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t see a thing, all was black and I felt a deep pain in my chest, it was hard for me to breathe and I felt like if something was smashing me and I tried to move but I couldn’t I was trapped there unable move or breathe well, finally I closed my eyes, I do not have the strength to fight.

As time went by it was harder for me to breathe, it was like if that with every breath that I breathed something burning my throat and caused me a deep pain in the chest, I was starting to fall sleep when I heard a whisper, a voice that came from very far away and the pain in my chest started to disappear and I was able to open my eyes, slowly and could see Roy’s face, he was right there standing next to me and I couldn’t do anything else but smile at him, I noticed immediately his worried face and I smiled to calm him down. I noticed that someone was with him and when I looked at the person I found out that it was Rick, Rick was there looking at me scared, ashamed, he probably had read the letter that I left at the house, I noticed immediately the pain in his eyes, and the fear a fear that I’ve never seen before in his eyes, but he didn’t come closer to me, he kept his distance and helped Roy to try to remove the ship’s pieces that still kept my legs trapped.

They tried for a long time but they couldn’t and I could hear the desperation in Roy’s voice, if there were just one thing that I could do to avoid him to feel the fear that he was feeling, I tried to move my legs but I couldn’t, the metal was too heavy. Roy and Rick argued for a while, until I gathered enough strength to speak, finally I was able to convince Roy to leave me alone with Rick and that he go to find help, he bent down and promised me that he would come back with help and kissed me on the forehead, and left running.

Rick tried again to remove the metal pieces that kept my legs trapped, but he couldn’t only then did he come closer to me and took one of my hands between his, the touch of his hand felt so warm, so soft, but it hurt me so much at the same time, I knew that he was here only out of pity, because he couldn't handle the guilt that he felt

Finally I asked him what was he doing here and tried to sit up, but he wouldn't let me and with so much tenderness he took his jacket off and put it behind my head, looking me in the eyes with the same fear that was in Roy’s eyes that I couldn’t avoid smiling

Rick said that he wouldn't let me go, that he had so much to explain me, so I tried to stop him from what he was about to say but I started to cough and he took me in his arms to help me to sit up, being in his arms again made me so happy and so sad at the same time, all I wanted to do was hold him, feel him closer to me, but it hurt so much, it hurt me to know the fact that he did not love me, that he was with somebody else. But Rick was doing his magic and being in his arms made me feel so secure.

“We are going to get you out of here I promise” said Rick with such a conviction

“I know” I answered him from my heart, I know that no matter what if I was with him I’d be safe, he always found a way to save my life and I tried to look at him in the eyes, but I couldn’t, not yet, I was afraid that to look into his eyes

“Because I love you” said Rick and held one of my hands as a way to confirm what he was saying, his words took me by surprise and I couldn’t avoid looking into his eyes, trying to find there the confirmation of his words, but it wasn’t there, it just wasn’t, the only thing that I saw was guilt, not love, not even when I tried to find it

“Rick I know that you love me, but you are not in love with me” I said trying to hide the pain in my voice, trying to find the strength to say that, it hurts me to have said that out loud, the wound was too fresh still."

Hearing Rick saying that he love me with such a conviction, God how much I wanted to believe him, how much I wanted that he love me in the same way that I loved, and as Rick said again that he loved me and that he would prove that to me I felt as if my heart was being squeezed, it was the pain of knowing that it wasn’t truth and at the same time it was so hard to breathe. I started to cough again and this time some blood came out of my mouth and then I thought for a moment that maybe this was the right time to give up, I had nothing here to fight for, I had lost Rick even when he still don’t realize the truth.

“Maybe I won’t get out of here” I said and made a bitter smile and realized of the ironies of life. I’d make my trip, but this probably was a trip with no return

Rick started to tell me that I’ll make it, that I was a fighter and I noticed such a fear in his voice, he was so scared of losing me, so I held his hand, trying to take away some of his fear, trying to tell him that no matter what I’ll always be with him. That made me decide that I’d only treasure the good moments that we shared, the happy moments, because I don’t want to take the bad with me, not on this trip.

He started to talk about the plans that we had together and as he did it I heard his voice start to vanish, like if the sound of his voice was disappearing and my eyes became heavier, to the point that it was hard for me to keep them open, then I heard again Rick's voice, he was shaking me and when I opened my eyes I saw that he was crying, and his eyes were so incredibly sad, that I could feel that my eyes started to fill with tears too, so I had to ask him why he was crying. Because it couldn’t be because of me, it couldn’t, I thought. And I put one of my hands on his face, trying to calm him down.

He told me in the middle of tears that he loved me, that he didn’t want to lose me and there was so much pain in his voice, it was as if it was so real, that he really cared for me and I felt like if my heart had a reason now to beat, at least for a few more minutes, just to look into his eyes, to brush away his unruly hair, that I loved so much, from his eyes and look into them.

He looked me in the eyes and I saw it, I finally could see what I looked for in Rick eyes all this time, I finally saw in the middle of the tears that it was there, that it was hidden at the bottom of Rick’s eyes like if it was the most precious treasure of all, he did love me, he really was in love with me, and in his voice and breath I realized how much he regretted what he had done, and I couldn’t avoid forgiving him, I couldn’t. I loved him too much, what happened didn’t matter any more, I only could look into his eyes, let the love that he hid in his eyes fill me with life, life that I noticed was slipping away from me, look into his eyes and feel the warmth of his love in my heart even when I felt that my body was getting colder.

I asked him to hold me, I wanted to feel him closer to me, to smell his cologne, to hear his heart beat maybe for the last time and as I heard him say the reason for why he came was that he wanted me to stay with him, I felt the pain in my heart, I felt his pain and fear, God how much I wanted to stay with him! To stay in his arms forever, but I knew in my heart that that wouldn’t happen and I couldn’t avoid starting to cry, I wanted to fight but I couldn't and my heart definitely was broken when he said that he should be the one who died

“Don’t say that” I said trying to hold my sobs, trying to stay awake

“But it’s true”

“Rick” I said and my eyes started to close even when I was fighting to keep them open

“No, no, Lisa open your eyes, don’t leave, please don’t leave!” I heard his desperation, God if I could take that with me

“I can’t keep them open” I said, “I just can’t, I just don’t have the strength, but I’m trying Rick, I’m trying with all my strength”, I thought

“Of course you can, we have too many thing to do and with out you I just don’t want to do them, come on Lisa hang on, PLEASE!! I felt his warm body start to disappear even when I knew that he was holding me tight, I was losing the fight and I knew it

“You have to take care of Roy” I said using all the strength that I had and all my thoughts were for Roy “honey forgive me for not waiting for you, I tried, I really tried honey” I thought

“I need you to ….” I only heard half of what Rick said, his voice just started to vanish, I only heard this last sentence well “ I love you”

“And I love you, I always will” I said and held him using all the life that was still left in me, “oh Rick if you only knew how much I love you, I love you so much, so much” I thought and tried to hold him even tighter but I had no more strength, so I just lay there in his arms and for the last time smelled his cologne and heard for the last time his breath “Rick, if I only knew sooner that you had always loved me the same way that I loved you, if only I had known that before………”

+++++++++++++++++

Rick

“I’m sorry, the Lady has passed away” said the paramedic, touching Roy’s shoulder

“No, that’s not true” yelled Roy and went down on his knees next to Lisa “Mom, Mommy, talk to me please, open you beautiful eyes!!” said Roy with one of the hands of Lisa between his, crying, until his face fell over Lisa’s lap

The words of the paramedics and Roy’s actions appeared in slow motion for me, everything was so confused “Lisa has died, Lisa…...has died” What was that supposed to mean? How could that be? How could it be possible that she was no longer here?. NO, no, it can’t be, Lisa come on open your eyes, I know that you are joking, you can’t be dead, no, please God don’t kill her, not her! not Lisa, please I beg you!.

I stood up frrom inertia as Aurora walked next to Roy

“Roy” she said and bent down next to Roy and put one of her hands on Roy’s shoulder

“It’s a lie Aurora, tell me all this is a lie”

“Roy…”

“Not my mom, she can’t be…” Roy hugged Aurora and started to cry inconsolably

“This is not happening Max right?” and turned to see Max and the tears were running down his cheeks “tell me this is a nightmare”

“I hope so Rick” said Max and hugged me

“She can’t be dead Max, not my Lisa, she is just sleeping, I've seen her sleep and that’s how she looks when she is sleeping, she’s sleeping Max, Lisa is sleeping” I said and held onto Max, crying, we both cried and Aurora was holding Roy and crying with him.


++++++++++++++++++++++++

The light filters between the closed curtains of the room, creating a penumbra that makes even more heavy the air that breathes in there. Far a way a whisper could be heard

“Today is a very confused day for the army and for all earth too, finally today will leave the earth the last generation ship that takes human civilization to the most distant corners of the universe, but today there are also is another leave, one that fill us with sadness, and that opaques these celebrations and leaves a deep emp...”

One hand turned off the television and the silence filled the room completely, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the clothes as he put on his white gloves and took his cap in his hands, with that he completed his full uniform. He tried to comb his hair, but what case it was, he would never make it, he only put his cap on and took a deep breath……

-------------

Rick

It was time to start the show and I’ll do it just for her, just for Lisa, she deserved that I say goodbye to her as is meant to, with all the honors and the formalities that was necessary. It would be the last time that I see her and it has to be just like she deserves it, just for her. I’ll have the strength and will be able to walk straight again, to abandon the house and go out into the world again.

The church where the funeral would take place was full of Lisa’s friends, of the members of the council and of the representatives of the planets that formed the alliance. Outside it was crowded with soldiers and common people that admired her and that had come to give her their last goodbye.

I was sitting in the first row and a few seats away from me was Roy, who didn’t talk or even look at me, he was sitting next to Aurora and next to me was Max, Miriya, Jean, Vince and Dranin who had micronized to come to the funeral.

The priest said the service, service that I wasn't able to listen to, then some members of the council and representatives of the army spoke, but I don’t hear them either.

Finally it was my turn to say some words and I stood up and started to walk wondering what would I say? Which are the rights words to give the last goodbye to my love? Do the words really exist?

“It’s hard for me stand here today, trying to give the last goodbye to Lisa, trying to find the right words, on one hand I have to say goodbye to Lisa Hayes the general Admiral, the person in charge of the entire fleet and on the other hand I have to say goodbye to Lisa Hayes my wife, the love of my life.

I think I’ll say goodbye first to Lisa Hayes the admiral. The first woman in history to be the first officer of an SDF class ship, the first woman to be captain of an SDF ship and the first woman to be admiral of the Fleet, the only person ever that had been nominated Supreme Commander of the interstellar army, because nobody ever would receive that nomination again. I heard her once say, that she has accomplished all these things thanks to luck and some credit of her own. I can say that luck has nothing to do with all this. Lisa was the most capable, intelligent, brave and dedicated woman that I ever met, thanks to her silenct work, with no personal pretensions, battles that decided the future of human kind were won, thanks to her cleverness I can say that almost everyone that is here is alive because of her.

She dedicated her life to her work, to search for peace and here is one of the ironies of the destiny today we have to say goodbye to her and to her last great effort for the universal peace, today the SDF-5 will depart, a ship that, thanks to her, and to many sleepless nights, is qualified as the most advance ship ever put in orbit, with a technology that will allow us to expand the message of peace and of human kind to all the galaxy. And it’s in honor of her that this fleet will be re-named as the Hayes Phantom Fleet” I said the first words calmly ; trying to hide the best I could the knot that I had in my throat.

“But I have talked too much about Lisa, the admiral, of who we all know. Now I’ll talk about Lisa Hayes, the woman. One woman like few, the kind of woman that when she came into a room dominated it immediately, gorgeous, sweet and above all things with the biggest heart

There are so many of Lisa’s great qualities that I could be here all day just nameing them. Those who had the pleasure of meeting her will always have her in their hearts, it will always be in us, the memory of the woman that was able to give her life for the people that she loved and to make great sacrifices to accomplish the dreams of her loved ones.

How could I said goodbye to you Lisa, with out saying you how much I’m going to miss you, with out telling you that you were the love of my life, the sun that illuminates my days, and that give me strength to wake up everyday, because there will be nobody that makes me laugh the way you did, nobody else know so much of me like you did, nobody else is capable to share my sadness, my pain and dreams, only you had that gift of knowing how to listen me and fill me with peace.

Only you were capable of doing it in silence, without words, with only a look, nobody like you gave me protection and helped me to walk, nobody else understood me the way you did, there are so many things that I’m going to miss about you, so many...” I said and my voice started to break, the knot in my throat started tighten with every word “I can’t say goodbye without asking you for forgiveness for all the mistakes that I made, for causing you the pain that I caused you, for not knowing how to value all the qualities that you had, because with every discussion that we had you made me grow, you opened a new world for me and I never was able to take all the good from them.

You were so many things to me at the same time, you were my best friend, my partner, my cornerstone, my strength, my lover, my love, and I made so many mistakes, I fell so many times, but you were always there to pick me up, to help me….., forgiving me ….., but you are not here any more” I said in the middle of a sob

“You are not here and you left me with so many dreams that won't come true, with out you I don’t want to make them happen, because with out you they won’t have any meaning, without you by my side they don’t matter.

You left me, and I had so many things that I never told you and you don’t know how much I regret that, because I never told you how much you meant for me, how much you mattered to me and I know that I doesn’t matter anymore if I tell you this now, that now it’s too late," I said and my sigh became blurry because of the tears that filled me, I had to end up talking soon or I wouldn’t be able to resist all the pain and remain standing up.

“And certainly I don’t want to say goodbye to you, I can’t accept the fact that you are not with us anymore, I can’t accept the fact that you are gone, it hurts me” I said and made a pause to breathe “It hurts me too much, its such a deep pain here in my chest every time that I open my eyes in the morning and I don’t see you next to me, every time that I think that I won’t see your beautiful green eyes, that I will never hear you laugh again, it hurts and I can’t accept it, I will never resign to the fact that you are gone, that you are not here by my side, because always, in every thing that I plan in my life, in all the dreams that I have you are always there, always the two of us, always together and now its just me and I don’t know how to move on alone

I’m going to miss you more than you could ever imagine, there’s not a moment of the day that I don’t think abou you and I always, always…. am going to love you” I said and the tears started to fall

“You are always going to be the love of my life, my only true love and every time that I look at the stars, stars that you always loved, I’ll see in them your eyes, some day we will find each other again and I’m only going to live for that moment, forgive me for all my mistakes and wait for me where ever you are, because I’m going to find you sooner or later we will meet each other again, because not even death is able to separate us. I love you, and I always will” I said and came down from the podium with out looking at anybody. I sat again and then I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was Miriya, she just looked at me, with her eyes full of tears and then took Max's hand.

The ceremony was over and it was time to take Lisa’s coffin to the hearse to take it to the cemetery, I stood up, slowly, trying to defer the moment as much as I could. But eventually the time came. I stood in front, in front of me to the right side of the coffin was Roy, who without even looking at me raised up the coffin, behind me was Max and in front of him was Vince, behind Vince was Bela, who had insisted on carrying her sister and friend's coffin and in front of her was Dranin. We put the coffin in the hearse and we left to the cemetery.

Once there the priest gave his last benediction and we all stood still, like if we where expecting something, with out knowing what to do, with out wanting to do what was next, what had to be done, none of those present wanted to give the last goodbye.

Finally Roy walked to the coffin and got on his knees in front of it.

“Goodbye Mommy, I’ll miss you so much, I love you, I love you very much” said Roy and started to cry “I’ll always remember you, you’ll always be in my heart” said Roy and when he was more calmed down finally added “Bye” and stood up with the help of Aurora.

It was all said and it had been done what it had to be done. But I didn’t have the strength to look at what was going on, I could not see when the first handful of earth covered Lisa’s coffin, I looked away and noticed that Roy also wasn’t able to look at the scene, he has tightly holding Aurora’s hand and resting his head on her shoulder, almost all the people there had tears in their eyes and there were so many people. When the coffin was finally all covered the people started to come closer to me to say goodbye, between the more affected persons were Jack, Karen, Jenssen, Bela, Scott, Marleen, all our friends had so much sadness in their eyes. After saying goodbye to all of them I came closer to Roy, who was surrounded by a group of young officers, I recognized a few of them, there was his squadron commander, Dranin, Anderson his copilot, the first officer of the SDF-5 and his mechanic, the moment that I arrived at his side all the officers left and only Roy stayed there

“Roy” I said fearfully

“Admiral” said Roy almost with disregard

“We need to talk”

“I have nothing to say to you admiral” said Roy and started to walk away from me

“Roy this is not the time to behave that way” I said and Roy turned to me immediately and look at me in the eyes with fury

“Don’t you dare talk to me about how I must behave Sir” said Roy and came closer to me “of all people you are the last person who has the right to talk about how to behave, admiral”

“I know that you are angry with me about what happened”

“I'm not angry with you Sir, I'm furious, I’ll never forgive you for what happened”

“Roy I know that I made a mistake, but I’m just a man..” I was saying but Roy interrupted me

“I’m also a man and I’d never ever would be able to do that to the woman that I loved, you know what you are Sir, you are a hor…” Roy was about to say but suddenly he remained silence “I’ll shut my mouth, but only out of respect for my mother, only because she didn’t like that I talk bad about you”

“I made the biggest mistake that I could make, but my feelings for your mother never changeed, I always loved her”

“You could fool other people but not me, your speech was really nice Sir, but I don’t believe you, not a single word, I’m not like mom, you can’t manipulate me or use me as you like, you know what was my mother's biggest mistake, she loved you too much that’s why she forgave all your mistakes, but I’m not going to forgive you, because you don’t exist anymore, you are a perfect stranger to me”

“You can’t been so unfair” I said hurt by my son words

“Until this moment I have been respectful with you admiral, and that’s all that you are for me, one more admiral, all other kind of relationship between us doesn’t exist anymore, you disgraced me and I’m not going to keep tolerating your presence, you made my mother suffer more than any other human being deserves, you made her last days the most unhappiest days that she lived, and for that I’ll never, you better hear me well, I’ll NEVER forgive you and I don’t have to keep talking with you Sir, you stay here playing the role of hurt widower for the rest of the crowd , we'll see how long your performance lasts until you run again to sleep with that b****, after all there’s nothing to stop you now, well played Sir” said Roy and then he left

Everyone started to disappear and I just stay there sitting, looking at Lisa’s grave, I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to leave her. I knew that when I left, I’d have to accept the fact that she has died and I don’t want to do it, I couldn’t accept it, I couldn’t believe that I’d never be at her side again, I needed to stay there.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t take my eyes off Lisa’s grave

“Rick let’s go” said Max

“Leave me alone” I answer coldly

“I know this is hard, but it will be better if you rest a little, today has been a very hard day, why don’t we leave?”

“I said leave me alone” I said angryly

“Rick don’t be stubborn, it would be better if we leave”

“Go away, leave me alone!!” I yelled standing up and throwing the chair that I had been sitting on. “Leave alone with my wife”

“Rick” said Max fearful

“What part don't you understand? I want to be alone with her, go away!!” I yelled again, turning my back to Max

Finally Max left and I stayed there standing and when nobody was there anymore I let my self fall next to Lisa’s grave and started to cry again.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ROY

I was watching the Forrest where the ruins of the SDF-1 were, feeling the cold wind of the Artic against my face when I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

“I knew that I’d find you here” said Aurora

“It was my mother's favorite place”

“The ruins of the SDF-1 are supposed to be here”

“That’s what they said” I said and turned to see Aurora

“How are you?”

“I’ve been better”

“I thought that you had travel with your squadron to Saturn’s rings, on the Daedaleus mission”

“I guess that I missed the plane”

“Are you thinking of quitting?” she asked worried

“I don’t know, its just that I’m not ready to fly yet, not yet” I said and Aurora carefully took one of my hands

“I can’t even imagine what you are going through Roy, but if its worth something you can always count on me, for whatever you want, I'll always be here”

“Thanks” I said and took Aurora’s hands in mine and we looked at each other’s eyes for a few seconds and then we both look down embarrassed

“Have you seen your father?”

“No, and I don’t want to talk about him”

“Roy you can’t avoid the subject for ever”

“Yes I can”

“Roy” said Aurora and her soft voice let me see a reproach

“He is feeling guilty for all this, if he hadn’t…”

“You can’t be that hard on him, after all he is your father”

“But it’s the truth”

“He is punishing him self enough,must you continue to punish him too”

“He is to reap what his sows”

“You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“Why do you say that?” I asked a little worried

“The sadness has overcome him Roy, you should go to visit him”

“I won’t”

“He is the only one that you have”

“Then I’d rather be alone” I said stubbornly

“He is the only one who could understand what you are going through, he knows how you feel”

“No Aurora, he doesn’t know” I answered mad “he never loved my mom, so he doesn’t have the slightness idea of how I feel”

“Don’t be unfair Roy, you know that that’s not true”

“I’m not going to keep talking about this with you” I said and started to walk furiously to my car

“You promise to your mother” said Aurora and I was frozen “you promise aunt Lisa that you would try to make peace with him” continued Aurora

I wanted to answer something to Aurora, her words had made me furious, but I held, bit my tongue and just kept walking to my car, I got in it slamming the door hard.

I drove for a while trying to clarify my ideas, but I didn’t get much and suddenly I found myself at my parents home, I went in and the simple fact of crossing the door caused me some pain in my chest. The memories of my mother seemed to fill the place, it was like if I almost could hear her voice, her laugh, but all of it was just an illusion, mom had already gone. And I noticed the weird smell of the house, a smell as if the house was been unoccupied for years, the air was heavy, the lights turned off, the living room was a complete disaster, there were bottles on the floor and pictures among news papers announcements thrown all over the place. Suddenly a sound caught my attention and I started to walk to my parent’s bedroom, when I crossed the door I saw on the screen images of my mother, there was a home video that my father made of us during our first vacation on Earth. My eyes were filled with tears and I tried to turn on the lights, I only managed to have it turned on for a few seconds

“Turn it off” yelled a weak but intimidating voice at the same time, that later I recognized as my fathers voice.

“I didn’t know that you were here” I said with a neutral voice

“What are you doing here?”

“I was near here” I said and walked a little in the middle of the darkness trying to find where my father was

“Shouldn't you be flying the Daedaleus mission”

“I miss the plane” I said and then I saw my father, sitting on the floor with a bottle in his hand, showing me his back and then I added, “You shouldn’t drink so much”

“I’m surprise that you care about that”

“I couldn’t care less what you do with your life” I said hard

“It’s a way to try to forget what happened, but nothing works”

I stayed quiet, I didn’t know what to answer, certainly I had tried to mitigate the pain with alcohol but that only made it worse

“She always had a little sadness in her eyes” said suddenly my father was taking one of my mother’s pictures in his hands

“Maybe because she knew that the man that was married to her didn’t love her”

“I always loved her, but she never seemed to understand what she meant to me”

“Because she always was afraid that you would leave her for another woman, as you finally did”

“I never left your mother” said my father and before I could notice he had taken me by the neck of my jacket “that b**** Graham never meant anything to me, the only woman that I have ever loved is your mother, Is that Clear?” said my father to me with anger and then thanks to the lights of the TV I could see my father, he was pale and his eyes were red with huge circles around his eyes, he was thin and the gray seemed to cover all of his hair, he looked tired, in pain, he looked like a lost soul. Finally I was released from his hands.

“Don’t you think its a little late to say that?” I said looking at him straight in the eyes

“Go away Roy” answered my father with a tired voice

“As you wish, I’m only here because I promised mom, I promised her that I'd try to make peace with you, but I can’t, not even for her”

“I know, to you I’m nothing more than a pig”

“Pig is too little, believe me, I have so many bad words to refer to you, what you did to mom is unforgivable, she gave you all her life and you, you should be the one..” I couldn’t continue

“Go on say it, say that I should be the one that died in the bomb attack, isn’t that what you are going to say?” said my father defiant

“Yes” I answered him

“And you believe that I don’t wish that everyday?, You think that I don’t want to be dead instead of Lisa?” said my father and stood up and looked at me in the eyes, with eyes full of tears “I was the one who deserveed to die, I should be dead, not her and there is not one moment of the day that I don’t blame my self for her death, there’s not one moment that I don’t hate myself” I just stayed there looking at him , the pain in his words was so real, and his eyes so sad. But no, I wont be trap in his game as my mother had been, he can’t fool me. Those aren’t real tears, its just the guild that makes him cry, nothing more, right?, I asked my self.

“But you are the one that is alive whether you deserve it or not”

“I know that I don’t deserve to be alive, and I hope it’s not for long”

“What do mean?” I asked a little uncomfortable

“I prefer to be dead”

“If you keep drinking like that your wish will come true”

“The only thing that I want is to be dead so I could be at her side, with out her there’s nothing to live for” said my father with a weak voice, a voice that reflected more than sadness and he let him self fall onto the floor, he sat resting his back on the bed and with one hand he took the bottle and with the other he covered his face “That’s my only wish, my only wish is to die so I can be at her side again”

I stood there standing without knowing what to say to him, his words had caused a knot in my throat

“She always was the stronger of the two of us and without her I’m nothing, without her there’s nothing for me, there is only you and I know that you hate me, and I also know that you will never forgive me and how can I ask you to do that when I’m not even capable of forgiving myself” continued my father

“I don’t hate you” I said finally looking at him, but still standing

“Yes you do, I see it in your eyes and believe me I understand you, finally your mother was the only thing that kept us together”

“I don’t hate you, I don’t know if someday I could forgive you for what you did to my mom, but I don’t hate you, it’s like she said after all you are my father” I said and sat next to him “You are all that I have” I said and my father turned to me and looked me in the eyes

“You are all that I have too” said my father and we both stayed in silence and turned our views to the images of the TV where mom was.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

RICK

“Hi Lisa, How long has it been?” I said as I left the flowers that I had bought “a little more than three years since the last time that I saw your beautiful green eyes and it seems that every day I miss you more than the day before, I know that it sounds like a song phrase but you are the air that I breathe and now there’s no air in this world for me to breathe. And even when everybody thinks that I'm this big hero, this brave person, I’m nothing more than a coward, that I haven’t done what is necessary to be by your side. But finally I guess that staying here alive, alone, is my punishment, it’s the way that destiny chose so I could pay for all the bad things that I did, to pay for the pain that I caused you. As people said, all the sins are paid for here on Earth and I'm paying for mine by the fact of being alive, I’m alive because if you breathe and move you are alive, but I stopped existing at the same moment that you left, now I’m just getting by. But I hope that sooner or later we will be reunited, that we will see each other again and that we will be together, but I guess that I have to wait” I said and a voice interrupted me

“I figured that I’d find you here father” said Roy

“Things are better between us, so don’t worry” I said to Lisa's gravestone before Roy came to my side

“Have you been here from a long time?” asked Roy

“We arrived just a few moments ago” I said and turn again to Lisa’s grave “ I have to tell you something Lisa, in these last few months somebody appeared that has helped me to get over your loss, she in someway has helped me to live again, to have the courage to get up every morning, and even when we have recently just met each other she has become a very important part of my life” I said and took a few steps back and saw the grimace on Roy’s face “She came here today and I feel like it's the right thing to do and introduce her to you, maybe she will help me make reality some of the dreams that we couldn’t, and definitely she has taken a part of my heart” I said and made a pause “I introduce you to Elizabeth Katherine Hunter, our granddaughter” I said smiling and put of my hand on Aurora's stomach

“We decided to name her like that in honor to you, aunt” said Aurora smiling and looking to Roy, who looked at her with his eyes almost closed

“The sun is killing me, I can’t see a thing” said Roy

“And it’s the most beautiful girl of the world” I said

“Of the universe father, of the universe” said Roy “We brought her here so she could meet her, just today they told us that she was a girl and we immediately decided to name her Elizabeth”

“And uncle Rick was just as happy since he find out that she was a girl” said Aurora

“If it was a boy I would be just as happy as I am now Aurora” I said but I didn’t sound very convincing

“It’s a shame that you couldn’t teach her how to fly uncle” said Aurora

“Of course I will, the fact that she is a girl has nothing to do with that, you will see as soon as she is old enough I will take her for a ride in my plane”

“Excuse me father, but I’m the one who should take her for a ride”

“Oh no son, I have more experience than you have”

“Maybe, but I’m her father and I should be the one who takes her flying”

“And I’m her grandfather and I don’t crash the planes that I fly” I answered funny, fighting with Roy remainded me of much how it was to fight with Lisa

“That has nothing to do……..

THE END

----------------------------------------
Author’s note: ok I’m pretty sure that by now all you want to kill me for the end that I gave to this fanfic, but please do not think that I don’t suffer writing all this, I was the first one in cry when I read it, so yeah I suffer with this one too. And I also hope that the translation is a true reflex of what I wrote in Spanish because it took me a long time to this.
I also want to thank specially to Sphersian, because with out you I couldn’t do this and I know that I took a lot of time for you, and that you have to leave your own stories a side for helping me on this, so I will always be thank to you for This.
Author’s note 2: some things that weren’t very clear on the fanfics
First: No, Rick don’t sleep with Sue two times, the second time that he told to Max was the time when he left Sue’s house running
Second: The explosion of Lisa’s ship is cause by the resistence, is a terrorist attack.
Well I think that’s all, I really hope that you don’t want to kill me, I’m to young to die, and I really hope to see some reviews even if they are death treats.

-----------