chapter 4
The dreams are broken
Lisa

I sat in front of the screen and turned on the video and in front of my eyes the images startedd. Images recorded the day that I announced to the council the new technology on board of the sdf-5. The door of the conference room was closed and Graham with her sexy walk and with a honeyed voice

-I'm sorry that your wife got angry- she said

-It’s ok, don't worry- said Rick

-Doesn’t this situation remind you of something - she asked as she stood in front of him

-What could it remind me of? - Asked Rick nervous

-Come on, I know you remember- she said coming a little more closer to him

-Sue- said Rick stepping back from her

-This reminds me of that time in the conference room in Tirol, the time that you almost were mine- she said and put one of her hands on her waist

-That was a long time ago- said Rick clearing his throat

-For you, but not for me and believe me this time I won't let you escape- she said and walked to the door and put key to the door

-What do you think you're doing Sue? - Ask Rick as he came to the door

-What you heard Rick, this time you will not escape- she said and her voice was charged with sensuality

-I remind you that I'm a married man-

-That wasn't a problem on Tirol-

-Nothing happened on Tirol-

-Just because somebody always interrupted us-

-Sue...- he said but she put her hand over his mouth

-I know that you want me as much as I want you- she said near to his ear, almost in a whisper

-Sue somebody could come-

-The door is closed- she said and started to walk in his way making him stepping back and hit the table

-Lisa could cme back-

-She is to worry with her new ship, just like she was on Tirol-

-This is not good Sue-

-Come on Rick I know that you feel things for me, I see it in your eyes, they are the same eyes with you look at me in the conference room in Tirol where you took me in your arms and kissed me with such a passion, that I never felt before-

-So many things had happen since then Sue, I'm not the same-

-You don't fool me Rick, they are the same eyes of hidden passion, the same eyes that look at me that time, and if it wasn't for an Invid attack we would have ended up making love on a table just like this-

-Listen Sue; what happened on Tirol- said Rick trying to get away from her

-What happened on Tirol would not happen here, this time I wouldn't let you go- said her and suddenly she kissed him

-Sue somebody could come- said Rick with difficulty because of her kisses, that at the beginning he tried to avoid but later he responded

-The door is closed, nobody will come-

-What if there’s an emergency? - Said Rick with difficulty and now he had taken her face in his hands

-They can make it with out you, right know there just is you and me- she said and started to unbutton her jacket

-This is a mistake Sue, I'm married-

-shhh, that doesn’t matter now- she said and kissed him again, and this time Rick answered her kiss, the one that turns in to a passionate kiss. At the same time her hands travel across Rick uniform's jacket unbuttoning and slipping it across his arms.

Between kisses they fell into the table throwing a big part of the stuff that were on the table, in a few moments their where half naked and murmuring things that I couldn't understand because of the passion.

I turned off the tape, I didn't need to watch what was next, I knew perfectly well what it was.

I closed my eyes trying to not be aware of the truth and with my eyes I also closed my soul, it was like doing that I could avoid feeling so vulnerable, like if doing that I could stop feeling so betrayed. And at the same time I was trying to find the words to classify what I felt, it was like all of a sudden a bucket of cold water revels me that all that I suspected was truth and everything tears apart in front of my eyes, my marriage, Rick, my love for him and even my mind seems to go away in middle of the fine tears that with out notice started to fall from my eyes. Everything appeared in slow motion to my eyes or for my mind, I'm not sure anymore. And the rage, the sadness, the hate, the anger, the pain, everything became present in me, I felt like in one hit somebody has taken something away from me, or maybe break something that squeezed my chest, that was stuck in my throat and that full my eyes in for of tears that now I refused to let go. And suddenly like a revelation I felt that the truth finally was given to me, It was like all the lies or better said the big lie that I lived in all these years disappeared in front of me. Rick never was in love of me, I only was his right choice. And with that all the pain that filled my chest and that didn't let me see well disappeared, it was like in change for the truth all my feelings were taking away from me or at least that was what I try to convince me. I stood up and dried my tears, I don't let any body see me like this. I could be dying in side, in fact I felt like my soul has died, because I don't have anything of what I fight to get at Rick’s side, but nobody will find out.

I took a deep breath and with that breath I hid in the most secret part of my body my broken heart and the pain that the images have caused me, I don't have feelings anymore, just a cold shell protects me and that was all that Rick has left for me.

I walk to the door and order my hair and uniform, I breathe again and open the door. As I get through the door I felt, like I separated from my self, that the ingenuous and credulous stay inside the room and that the Lisa that comes out was someone with of indestructible shell, that it couldn't be break, because it was completely broken.

-Who else knows about the tape? - I asked when I was in front of Jenssen and van der Roehr with such a calm that it surprise me and left the two officers in silence for a few moments. Finally Caroline reacts

-Nobody else knows, ma'am-

-What’s about the operators of the cameras of surveillance? - I asked

-We didn't get the tape from the surveillance cameras ma'am- answer the lieutenant

-Then how? -

-The surveillance cameras were turned off when the meeting of the high command took place and the only people with authority to turn the system on are the admiral Hunter and his aide- said van der Roehr

-Then How did I watch the tape? -

-I work in communications and espionage, I hacked the security system and made and codify filmation of what has happening in the conference room- said van der Roehr-

-So no body besides you two knows about the tape?- I asked

-Yes ma'am- said Jenssen

-I wait for your absolute discretion. Nobody else should know about what's on that tape- I said seriously

-You don't need to say it ma'am, nobody will know but us what's on that tape- said Jenssen

-Yes admiral, you can be sure of that- added van der Roehr

-I trust in you two, and above all I trust in your discretion- I said

-We won't fail you admiral- said Jenssen

-Well, then it's time to go to the council meeting, just like was planned- I said and started to walk to my office

I arrived to the council meeting like nothing had happened; I salute my friends, and only saluted Rick formally. The officers started their speeches. Baker spoke about the versatilities of the new alphas and the defense system and Penn do the same about the escort fleet. Scott speaks about the surveillance of the resistance and Rick talk about the crew that will go on the ship.

Now it was my turn to speak and I announce that the sdf-5 was completely ready for take off, and that in 2 days will arrive here on earth and from there it will made the jump to mars, for pick up more troops and from there will made her final jump.

After the meeting ends I stayed sitting in my chair

-Rick and Scott could you stay for a few moments? -

-Sure- said Scott and he sat again

-What’s happened? - Asked Rick

-I'm worried about the resistance, it has been very quiet lately, I think they are up to something- I said looking Scott

-Intelligence thinks that too that's why we have been watching them closely and we are almost sure that they are planning something, but we don't know exactly what- said Scott

-You think that their are planning to sabotage the sdf-5? - I asked a little worried

-Maybe, maybe they plan to attack the ship in flight- said Scott

-We can't allow that, nothing can outshine the take off of the sdf-5, and certainly not the resistance-

-Don’t worry about that Lisa, my people is doing everything that they can to be a step ahead of the resistance and besides the security of the sdf-5 is in charge of general Grant and he ask protocols of security very high- said Scott

-That’s true, Vince has asked standards of security never seen before, besides you know how dedicated is Vince to his job- said Rick

-What about the truth? - I asked

-I've done what you ask me, all the crew has been check 3 times, for me and for intelligence- answered Rick

-Good- I said and then looked at Scott -Scot now if it doesn’t bother you Can you leave us alone? -

-Sure Lisa, if you'll excuse me- said Scott and salute us and then leave the room

Rick remained in his seat and I stood up

-You still haven’t given your list of guests to intelligence- I said with no care

-I haven't thought aobut who I'm going to invite, I think that we'll make the list together- said Rick

-What’s about the rest of the guests? - I ask trying to not reach the point

-Vince and intelligence are checking them-

-Good, then I don't round about more and let you know that I'll be the one who will give the welcome speech to the sdf-5-

-Aren’t you going to give the take off speech? - Ask Rick a little surprised

-Maybe, maybe someone from the council can give it, I was thinking about it and I want to be the one who gives the welcome to the ship-

-I think it's fine, besides you know that I'm not good to make speeches-

-Good- I said and pick up my documents

-Good- said Rick and pick up his documents too

-One more thing- I said when I was by the door -the next time that you decide to have sex with Graham try not to do it in a public space- I said and was surprised to hear how calm my words came out

-What are you talking about? - Said Rick surprised

-Don’t even try to lie me; I know everything about you and Graham-

-Lisa between Graham and me nothing ever happened - said Rick and stood up and started to walk in my direction with such a security and trust, that I think if I hadnt seen the tape with my own eyes I would have believed him

-How can you be so shameless- I said almost with scorn and took the tape in my hands -here maybe you want to put this in the documentary that she is making about you- I said and threw the tape onto the table and left the room slamming the door.

Jenssen was waiting for me outside and when she saw my face, I think she understood what had happen or maybe it was the slam of the door, the thing is that she didnt say a word and started to walk behind me in silence to the car.

There I talked and asked the driver to take us to my house. Once we were there I walked straight to my bedroom opened the closet and took several uniforms, as long as Jenssen follow my instruction and bring 2 suitcases, I filled the suitcases and then I left the room. I stopped a few moment to watch the collection of family pictures that were all around the house, pictures of my marriage with Rick, of our anniversaries, of the mission together, of Roy, of the 3 of us faking been a happy family, I think. I don't ttake any of the happy family pictures, I only took a picture of Roy and I, sitting together in the copilot of the modify Fokker of Rick, one of the few times that Roy and I came to fly together and the only time that I fly, that It must been when Roy has 7 years.

I couldn't stop to turn when I crossed the door of the house, the one that I know I'll never cross again, the sadness squeezed my heart when I remembered all the false moment of happiness that we have lived in there, the memories seams like cruel hallucinations that makes me hard to breathe and that clouds my sight.

Finally I closed the door, looked at Jenssen and say to her that I don't leave in my personal transportation, that I want to be alone and that I used my own car, I walk to the garage of the house and found there the last generation jeep that Roy convince me to buy, Jenssen and the driver put the suitcases in the jeep.

And after say to me a lot of times, Jenssen and the driver, that I shouldn't be driving alone, that it was dangerous and that the resistance could attack me, finally I could get in the jeep alone, not with out almost scream to they that leave and let me alone.

I turned on the engine and run away fast, like if been in that jeep and drive fast could bring me away of everything and turn the pain off. I drive for hours, thing that I notice only when I stop because my arms start to hurt. Just then I notice that I wasn't in the city, I was outside of the city limits, near to the beach, the start and the moonlight the night and the sound of the sea fill the air. I went down of the jeep and look at the sky, look the stars, stars that I always had admire and that had guide my life.
Like and echo in my head I hear the words "we will reach the stars and beyond" I couldn’t stop a smile, how ironic that sound now, certainly we have reach the stars but not together, or at least not in the way that I imagine. We just been together in a journey with thousand if adventures, full of dreams that I had force to accomplish, that mean so much to me, but for Rick never had mean something.

And the shell that I put to myself, the feelings that I believed had been taking away from me and that I force to froze after seen the tape came back again and the tears start to run trough my cheeks. I couldn't keep lying to myself; I wasn't so strong like everybody think and certainly I couldn't keep hiding my feelings. I cry with no shame to be discovering for somebody, I had hide my feelings for so long, that I couldn't take it anymore. And anyway has no sense at all that I keep hiding them, I had nothing to feign, I had lost everything, I had nothing to lose, everything appear in front of my eyes with no sense. After cry for a while felt dizzy, with my sight cloud, breathless. I walk for a while for the beach in the dark, with my shoes on my hands and leaving that the cold water of the sea touch my foots. Finally I get in the jeep and discover that I don't have anywhere to go, I was completely alone.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rick

I saw the tape fly across the table and land in front of me, I was frozen and the only thing that made me react was Lisa slamming the door when she left the conference room.

A cold chill travelled across my body and the words of Lisa repeated over and over again in my head "the next time that you want to have sex with Graham". Lisa couldn't have found out, she couldn't have, I thought and tried to convince my self. I repeated in my mind everything that had happened that day with Graham, when I had made the mistake of letting myself be tempted by the girl, I was completely sure that the cameras of the conference room where turned off, just like the meetings protocol said, in fact I was the one that after leaving the room a few moments after Graham, had turned the cameras on, so there was no way that Lisa had find out. But if she had, what would happen now? I asked myself with fear.

Finally I took the tape that Lisa had thrown on the table, turn on the screen that was in front of my chair and put the tape in the machine.

In front of my eyes started to show the images that showed detail after detail what had happened that afternoon between Graham and I in the room, as I saw the images pass in front of my eyes I took my head in my hands, this couldn't be happening, it couldnt, it was like a nightmare.

The frustration became faster in anger, I was furious with my self, with Graham, with the world. The anger became stronger and I ended up hitting the screen where the images where showing, the screen came out of it's place and ended up on the floor. Everything seemed so surrealistic to my eyes, the only thing that was on my mind was where did these images come from. How the hell did Lisa get this tape? How can I be so stupid to have sex here with Graham? If only I could turn the cameras on, and I was sure that Logan, my aide hadn’t turned them on, then How was it possible that this tape existed? And suddenly everything was clear for me, and only one word came to my mind. Graham. I stood up violently, opened the door with out even pull the doorknob and saw Logan with several reports in his hands waiting for me outside the room

-Where's Graham? - I asked trying to not let out my anger through my voice, but it was useless

-I don't know Sir- said Logan look at me with surprise

-What do you mean you don't know? - I said and looked at Logan who stayed in front of me -but don't stay there looking at me, find her now- I yelled making Logan jump and that all the people that was near turn to look at us

-Yes Sir, immediately- said Logan and started to walk away

-When you find her call me immediately- I said as I walked away. I arrived to the parking lot of the general quarters and there I found my driver a few meters away from my car. I was so desperate that I didn't wait for my driver and took myself his place in the car and left for the generals quarters at high speed.

I arrived to the house that was assigned to Graham, parked my car and got out of it with my fists clenched. I knocked on the door with such strength, that I think if Graham hadn't opened the door as fast as she did, I probably would have broken the door down

-What's happening? - Asked Graham with surprise as she opened the door

-What the hell does this mean? - I asked showing with my right hand the tape and with my left hand I open completely the door and went in the house

-What means what? - She asked closing the door behind me

-Don’t play the fool with me, I know you too well- I said looking at her and throw the tape over a close table

-Listen I don't know what the hell are you talking about, but I don't like the sound of your voice- answered Graham upset

-You listen to me. I said and grabbed Graham by the arms with strength -you know perfectly well of what I'm talking about, How can you do this to me? -

-Of doing what? - She asked with a mixture of hate and fear

-this- I said and with out letting her go I take her to the table where the tape was and took the tape with one hand and put it in front of her face, and with the other I squeezed her arm -the tape, What the hell do you think you were doing? Who the hell do you think you are? -

-I don't know what's on that tape; I don't know what are you talking about? -

-Did you think that I'm stupid? I know that it was you, that you made this tape and gave it to Lisa-

-Tape of what? -

-Of the two of us- I yelled and if it was possible I squeeze more her arm and throw the tape away, an it hit a wall and broke in hundreds of pieces -of the two of us having sex in the conference room-

-What? - She asked me with surprise

-Don’t play the fool with me; I know that you are behind all this and you better not lie to me-

-I have nothing to do with that and let me go Rick you're hurting me- said she releasing from my arm

-No? And tell who else would know that Lisa watched that? You are the only one interested in seeing me and Lisa separated, I know it was you, that you gave this tape to Lisa-

-You think I'm that stupid, you really think that I'll send a tape to Lisa? -

-I believe that you are capable of everything-

-Well you are wrong this time, because I don't have anything to do with that-

-Of course you have something to do with this, all this is your fault- I yelled from the other side of the room

-My fault? - She answered and walked to where I was -you think that I was alone in that tape? You are so responsible for this like I am-

-What do you mean- I said looking at her with anger?

-I didn't force you to have sex with me, you did it because you wanted it, so don't you dare to blame me for everything-

-You where the one that chased me-

-And did you reject me? You were so crazy for me like I was for you, so don't play the roll of the victim with me, I know you very well also and you don't fool me-

-Listen to me, what happened was a mistake and I'll never leave Lisa for you, you never can compare with her- I said taking her by the arm again

-And I don't try to, if you betrayed her must have been something that she's not giving to you that I can, because she's not the woman like I-

-Don’t you dare offend Lisa, you're not even half of woman that Lisa is, you could never be-

-Still though, you cheated on her and sooner or later she would find out or do you think that she never notice that you were crazy for me? -

-Listen to me, and listen to me well, if Lisa leaves me because of you I'll.....- I said and raise my hand

-You'll what? - She answered me challengingly, I made the biggest effort to not to hit her, I was furious -you will pay for this, I'll be the one that makes every one of your days miserably-

-I'm not afraid of you-

-I'm not going to lose any more of my time with you- I said and let Graham go and started to walk to the door -I don't want to see you near of the general quarters again-

-You’ll be the one that comes looking for me-

-And why should I do that? You never have meant anything to me- I said and slammed the door, I got in to my car and drove fast to my home, I needed to speak with Lisa, I needed to find her.

I arrived after driving for like an hour, during the way I called to the general quarters to know if Lisa was there, but they told me that she wasn't there and that they didn't know where she could be, so that made me think that I'll find her at home. I entered the house running, but I didn't find anybody, the house was in complete darkness, I called Lisa by her name aloud, but nobody answered me, I ran to our bedroom and then I noticed that the closets were open, I was frozen, the worst scenario that I had imagined when I was on my way home was becoming truth.

I looked in the closet, but there was almost none of Lisa's clothes, then I entered the bathroom and all Lisa's stuff had disappeared, I searched all over the house and I couldn't find any of the stuff that Lisa loved, there wasn't the picture of her and Roy in the Fokker, there wasn't her decorations from the sdf-1, even some books were missing. All the things that she loved were missing. nothing, she hadn't left not even a note, she was just gone. I let my self fall to the floor of the dark living room of the house, I took my head in my hands, and looked at the picture of our marriage that was over the fireplace, what was I going to do now with out her? Why hadn't she left anything for me? Even if it was a letter telling me how much she hated me. But she was just gone, she has taking with her all the things she loved of the house, but none of the things that she loved of us.

I squeezed my eyes with the palm of my hands, trying to take out of my head all the sad and desperate thoughts, trying to avoid the tears that had started to fall. Tears of anger against my self for being so stupid to involve my self with a woman that wasn't worth a thing and lose for the same reason, the woman that meant everything for me.

Tears of desperation fell because the more I thought about it, I realized more that probably I had lost Lisa forever and with out her, I didn't have anything, I was completely alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Lisa

I drove for a long time, and suddenly I found my self in a familiar place, I got of the car and took one of my suitcases. I knocked on the door with out giving me time to think about what I was doing, because if I started to thinking about it I probably would run away

-Yes- said a male voice and then opened the door -Lisa what are you doing here? And with a suitcase? -

-I had nowhere to go- I said and my voice breaking -Max, I'm so sorry I don't mean to cause tro...- I was saying but I couldn't finish and started to cry

-Lisa- said Max and he held me, then he guided me into the house and took my suitcase

-I..- I started but Max interrupted me

-You don't need to explain anything to me- said Max and guided me to the couch -sit down and I'll make tea for you, for you to calm down-

I just nodded and Max stayed there sitting by my side a few moments with his hand on my back, trying to comfort me. Finally he stood up and when he was coming back the door opened and Miriya came into the room

-Lisa what are you doing here and so late? - She asked when she enter the room and theen she froze when she saw me -What has happened Lisa? - Asked Miriya andd bent down in front of me, with worry in her voice

-Mir, why don't you leave Lisa to drink this tea so she can calm down and then she can explain to us what happened- said Max and Miriya just looked at him and sat by my side

-It’s ok Max, I feel better- I said and took the cup of tea in my hands and took a deep breath -Rick and I had a fight and I leaft the house- I said with a neutral voice

-You left the house? -Asked Max surprise

-What did Rick do this time? - Asked Miriya a little upset

-He had an adventure with Gra...- I said but my throat stuck and I couldn't continue

-With that..- Said Miriya and then she clenched her teeth and then she murmured something in zentradi that I couldn't understand

-Are you sure? - Asked Max and came closer to me and took one of my hands in his

-I saw it with my own eyes Max- I said with my eyes lost on the floor

-Lisa, I..- Said Max and made a pause and squeezed my hand -I don't know what to say to you, you... you can count with me for anything you want-

-Thanks Max- I said and put my other hand over Max's hand

-And me too Lisa, you can always count on me- said Miriya and put her hand over mines and Max’s

-Thanks, I... felt so lonely... had no where to go- I said and the tears filled my eyes

-Max why don't you leave us alone for a moment- said Miriya and she hugged me softly

-Of course- said Max and stood up and when he reached the door frame he added -if you need me I'll be in the library

I held Miriya too and after crying for a second I look at Miriya again

-I felt so tired Mir, I feel like I'm going to fall apart in every moment I... Rick breaks my heart- I said finally between a sob

-But what happened? -

-I, I saw the surveillance videotapes and Rick- I said and took a deep breath -Rick lay there with her-

-There? - Ask Miriya almost scared

I just noded, there’s nothing else that I could do, the pain and the anger were mixing in me

-Bastard- said Miriya and started to walk from one side of the living room to the other, she finally sat next to me and put her hands on my shoulders tenderly -when did you find out? - She asked more calm

-Today- I said and wiped the tears that had started to fall -everything happened 3 days before and Rick cheated on me all this time, he lied to my face-

-Lisa- said Miriya and held me again and I broke into tears, I remember how Rick had lied to me, I remember how he has promised me that he would never put his eyes on Graham, just after he had had sex with her

-I.. Can’t keep living with him, I cant even see him, it... it hurts me so much-

-You can stay here, you can stay here as long as you want- said Miriya and looked at me and her eyes were filled of tears too

-But I don't want to cause any trouble-

-Lisa dont be a fool, you are no problem, for Max and I you are our best friend and you are part of the family- said Miriya and took my hands -it's an honor for us to have you here-

-Mir, I.. Don’t know how to thank you- I said in middle of sobs

-You have nothing to thank Lisa, that's what friends do right? -

I nodded and held her tight, we stayed there holding each other for a while, until finally we heard the knock in the door of the living room and Max appeared in the room

-Can I come in now? -

-Sure- I said with a smile, a sad smile

-Lisa will stay here for a while- said Miriya wiping her tears

-Of course, she can stay in Dana's bedroom- said Max

-Oh no, I couldn't-

-Of course you can, you'll stay there- said Miriya and stood up and took me by my hands making me stand up too -come I'll take you to your room-

-And I'll take your suitcase- said Max and took my suitcase

They guided me to Dana's bedroom and Miriya turned on the lights and closed the curtains -this will be your room and don't worry Dana won't get mad, you know that she loves you-

-Thank you very much- I said and sat carefully on Dana’s bed

-Lisa, for God sakes, you have nothing to thank, you are part of the family- said Max and he sat by my side

-That’s what I said to her- said Miriya and sat to my other side

-See Lisa, now is there something you need? Something that you want? - Asked Max

-ah.. I- I said and made a pause -I left one suitcase in my jeep-

-Give me the keys and I'll go for it- said Max and stood up, I gave him the keys

-And I'll go make you another cup of hot tea; I think you need one- said Miriya

-Oh, no Mir, don't worry- I said and stood up

-Nothing to worry, I'll make you another cup of tea and that's all- said Miriya and left the room

I started to walk in the room, watching Dana’s stuff and suddenly I heard Miriya's voice

-Listen to me Max, I know that Hunter is your friend but for his own sake he better not come here, do you understand? -

-But what happened? - Asked Max

-The fact that he has cheaedt Lisa with that bitch is not enough for you? - Said Miriya angry

-I'm not asking about that, I mean what did Lisa tell you-

-Woman things, but I only tell you this, if I see Rick Hunter close to Lisa again or to my house I'll forget that he is my superior, I'll forget that he's your friend and I swear to you that I'll take his eyes out and I'm going to- said Miriya and then she started to say things in zentradi

-Calm down Mir- said Max and made a pause -I'll take care myself of keep Rick far awaay from Lisa and from the house-

-Fine, because if not, I swear that he... pain Max, he will experience the pain from the hands of a zentradi warrior- said Miriya and a few moments later she came into the room with a smile on her face -here, here's your tea- said Miriya

-Thanks- I said and sat in the bed again

-I put your pajamas to warm up, so you don't have a cold tonight- said Miriya and opened my suitcase

-Here’s the other suitcase- said Max coming into the room. I felt so sleepy, still dizzy from crying so much and for the love of my friends

-Thanks to both of you, I.. Heard you conversation a few moments ago and- I took some air, the lump in throat ha appeared again and it makes it hard to breathe

-Don’t worry Lisa, Rick wouldn't come here, I won't let him- said Miriya

-It hurts so much Mir, he took everything away from me- I said and the tears started to fall again

-But you have us, you have Roy, Lisa, you're not alone- said Max and put one of his hands on my shoulder

-Roy- I said and stopped crying -Roy doesn’t know, I don't want..-

-We won’t tell him a word Lisa, don't worry about it- said Max

-How can he do this to me? What did I do? Where did I fail him? - I said and covred my face with my hands

-Lisa you..- Said Miriya and she just stayed quiet and held me

-Lisa you didn't have the fault in this- said Max softly

-He never loved me Max, all these years Rick never was in love with me-

-Don’t said that Lisa- said Max

-If he loved me, he wouldn’t be doing this to me, no...- I can't continue the sobs wouldn't let me. Miriya held me tight and Max sat next to me

-Lisa don't think about this anymore- said max softly

-I prefer to be dead, I prefer to die and not feel this pain- I said

-Don’t even think about it Lisa, please don't talk like this- said Miriya looking me in the eyes

-Lisa- said Max and took one of my hands and made me look at him in the eyes -I can't imagine how you feel, but please don't do any crazy thing, we will be here to help you in all that we can, in all that you want, but please promise me that you won't think like this again- said Max and his eyes were full of tears

-I'll try Max, but it hurts so much-

-But we're here, we always will be here- said Miriya

-I don’t know what to say- I said and hugged Miriya and then Max

We stayed there in the room for a long time. The 3 of us sitting on Dana's bed, finally Max stood up and gave me a kiss on my forehead and left the room.
Miriya stayed longer, she gave me my pajamas and opened the bed for me, when I came out of the bathroom she was still there and she held me tight, she made sure that I was in bed and that I was comfortable enough and finally left the room and turned off the light

And there I was, hugging the pillow, not able to cry, with such a strong pain in my chest that I think that I'd die, because my heart just stop beating because it had nothing to beat for and I hoped to fall sleep and wake up and realize that all this was a dream, praying to God that when I wake up all this would be a dream, a nightmare. But deep down in my mind and heart I knew it wasn't, that everything was truth, that Rick changed me, that he never loved me, that all my life had been an illusion and that now the truth hurt me and caused more pain that I have ever felt, such a strong pain...... What did I do wrong Rick? Where did I fail you?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rick

I was sitting on the couch, with all the lights turned off, with my jaw tight and my fists closed. I had drunk almost half a bottle of whisky and not even the alcohol was able to take away my anger, the anger at my self, I hate my self and Graham above all things. But her words resounded in my head, after all she was right, she hadn't forced me into anything, I was the one who had fallen into her arms, I was the one who had searched for her kisses and caress.

And how I regret that now, how I regret having betrayed Lisa, to cause her so much pain. Because I cant even imagine the pain that Lisa must be feeling right now, it hurts me the fact that she wasn't by my side and the idea of losing her caused a lump in my throat, I can't even think of what she must be feeling, of what she had felt when she saw the images, of me and Graham having sex in the conference room. How can I have been able to come that far?

I hate myself and feel so powerless, I think and think of how to erase the Lisa's pain, of how to turn the time back and not make the mistakes that I had done, but there was nothing that I could do, and only the feeling of powerlessness remains with me. I was so mad, that the only thing that I could do was throw the glass that was next to me to the wall and watch how it broke

-Danm it- I yelled as the glass broke in pieces

What was in her that was worth cheating on Lisa? I asked to my self and I couldn't find any answer, there was nothing in that woman that could compare to the qualities that Lisa had, absolutely nothing. That woman wasn't worth a thing and Lisa meant everything in my life, she was what helped me go on everyday, but I wouldn't have been able to valorize all that she means for me and I had let myself be tempted by the beautiful body of a woman, that was just that, and Lisa was so much more things than just a beautiful body.

I felt so small, so ashamed, so powerless. I let my self fall again to the couch and all my anger and shame became tears, and the blame invades me from every side. I was the only one responsible for what was happening, I was the only one responsible for Lisa's pain and I knew perfectly well that she never would forgive me for what has happened and how can she do it after she saw the images, I had done to her the worst thing that I could do and I can't forgive myself. How can I ask her to forgive me?
Finally I held myself, the house was so cold, so dark, it felt so empty, I felt so cold, I was scared and sad, I was alone and it was all my fault.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa

I decided to go to work even when Miriya and Max asked me to not go, to stay home and rest, I didn't listen to them. I needed to do something if I wanted to avoid the sadness and the pain. If I stayed there sitting and thinking I would die of sadness. And work always has been my way of dealing with pain and problems, and what else could I do now? now that this big pain filled my chest, and they needed me, the interstellar council, the sdf-5 and jack needed me, more than ever and I had to go to work.
I avoided Rick all the day, and went to all the installations of the generals quarters so I didn't cross him and I had success. I worked as much as I could, and when I had nothing else to do I stayed there sitting in my office, but I felt tired, tired of being here, with fear that Rick found me and for the first time in a long time tired of work.
Finally I decided to leave my office and leave the generals quarters and drive again alone in my jeep with no direction.

I found my self suddenly out of the jeep, watching the cliff and feeling the cold wind against my face, that seemed to freeze my tears.

Images of my life on the sdf-1 came to my mind, memories but not of Rick or the adventures that we lived together in that Ship, no. The memories that came to me were of my friends, the girls from the bridge, Kim, Sammie, Vanessa and of course Claudia and the captain Gloval. My friends, the best friends that I ever had, the friends that gave their lives because they thought that I had a chance, because they thought that I could be happy. And the captain, who was like my father and the person that I tried to follow and honor in my entire military career.

The moments on the bridge, when they forced me to get in of one of the escape pod, made the tears start to fall again, just like it had happened when I saw then through the window of the pod, holding each other as I left. The last time that I saw them, the last time that I saw my best friends and the man I loved like if he was a father. I think and I couldn't stop the sobs as I questioned my self

Was it worth it that the girls gave their lives for me? was their sacrifice worth it so I could be happy? And between sobs and the cold wind of the winter that hit my face I realized that my friends, the ones that I loved the most, had given their life’s for nothing, that happiness in my life had just been a lie.

And the pain filled my chest, I felt like if somebody was stabbing me in the heart, like somebody was squeezing my throat so I couldn't breath, I was responsible for the loss of their lives, and they had giving it for nothing. I started to questioning myself about what would have happened if I hadn't gone to Rick's place, I hadn't gotten in to the escape pod, I thought about all that life promises to my friends and that I had taken away

But suddenly the sound of my cell phone took me out of my thoughts, I guess it must have been ringing for a few seconds, but just now I've noticed. I took it in my hands and saw the small screen before answering and his name was there, it was difficult for me to see his name cause of the tears, but there was Rick, Rick was calling me, I let the cell phone rang until it stopped, but it started again a few seconds later and it was clear that it would keep ringing until I answered. just the fact of seing his name there on the screen, hurt me, it made that the pain in my chest deeper and in a way of taking the pain away I took the cell phone in my hands and threw it onto the cliff, I watched carefully every move that it made until it hit the bottom of the cliff, in the middle of a rock and stop ringing

In that moment I asked to my self if maybe at the end of that cliff there wouldn't be the calm that I needed, if on that cliff next to the rocks there wouldn't be what put an end to my pain, just like it was the end of the ringing of the cell. Turn off the pain that makes it hard to breathe, that suffocates me and with every tear that leaves my eyes my feet came closer to the edge. The wind came up with more strength from the edge of the cliff and made my tears fly away. the only thing that I could think was of calming down the pain, I don’t feel anything else than the pain and watching the cliff, standing there on the edge, until suddenly a voice from far away and like a hallucination came to my ears and made me step back a few steps, but always watching the cliff, only then I heard with more clarity

-Mom there you are, I knew I’d find you here- said Roy with a smile when he was by my side. The sun set at our backs and the unruly hair of my son flew with the wind

-How did you know that I was here? - I asked with a weak voice

-You always like to come here, when I went with dad to fly you always came here to write- said Roy and looked at me closer -what’s going on mom why were you crying? -

-it's nothing Roy- I said trying to avoid him and I looked again in the direction of the cliff, but this time I watched the forest that was far way and where the ruins of the sdf-1 were

-Don’t lie to me mom, I went home and I couldn’t find any of your stuff there, I know that you fought with dad and that you left the house- said Roy and softly put one of his hands on my right shoulder

-I wasn’t crying because of that, I was crying because I remembered here were the friends that gave their lives on that ship so I could be happy- I said and couldn’t stop breaking, but I held the tears, took some air and continued -you’re right Roy, with your father, we aren’t in our best moment and I think its best for us if we take some time off for a while to think, that’s why I left-

-It has to do with that woman right? - Ask Roy serous, with no second guess

-Why do you say that? -

-Because you and dad have been nervous since she appeared-

-Roy- I said a little angry, I was afraid that Roy had gotten into ours minds

-It’s not what you think mom, there’s no need to be a psychic to discover that this woman makes you feel uncomfortable and that dad was very nervous when she appeared and I also know about the rumors that were on Tirol

I don’t know what to answer him, to tell the truth or tell a lie

-Mom tell me the truth, what did dad do to make you leave the house? For you to be so sad? - Asked Roy with his eyes full of preoccupation, of sadness asking me for the truth. Taking a deep breath and taking strength from a hidden place...

-I don’t know, I don’t know if I want to tell you- I said with fear

-But mom, I’m a grown man now I don’t need you to protect me like when I was a kid-

-I don’t want to tell you this, but I guess that you have all the right to know- I made a pause to breathe again -and definitely I think its better if you know this from me than from somebody else-

-What happened? - Asked Roy finally taking softly my hand

-I…… left the house- I made a small pause and looked away from Roy’s eyes -I discovered your father is having an affair with Graham- I said the last word with courts, with sadness as I saw that the face of my son changed with every word that I spoke, I could feel how the image of his father was breaking in peaces and I punished my self for having to tell him the truth, a lie would have been so much less hurting. Roy stood there watching me, frozen, blinking once in a while. I took his face in my hands -Roy listen, Rick is your father and like all couples we have our problems, but they don’t have anything to do with you, Rick is human and everybody makes mistakes, but you are so important to him like you are to me, don’t let that what happened between us, between he and me, affect your relationship with him- Roy looked at me and took my hands tenderly and took them away from his face

-I can’t believe that you are defending him-

-I’m not, it’s just that I don’t want that you judge your father, it’s a problem between him and I, that lamentably affects you, but that only he and I can solve-

-You still love him, don’t you? That’s why you defend him-

- love doesn’t end over night Roy- I said softly

-How could he do this to you? And with her? she almost my age- said Roy angry, walking to one side and the other

-Roy- I said and took his hands between mine -Roy, your father made a mistake, a mistake that doesn’t have to affect your relationship with him-

-But mom he..- said Roy but I interrupted him

-He nothing, he is your father Roy and no matter what you must respect him, Rick may be having doubts about his love for me but he will always love you- I said and took Roy’s face between my hands and looked him in the eyes, his eyes like mine were full of tears -I don’t want to hear you judging him Roy, you’re his son and your love for him should not depend on what happens between him and me-

-I’m not as good as you mom, I don’t know if I can..- Roy took his eyes away from me and looked at the ground

-I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, I… it hurts me see you like this, it’s my fault I shouldn’t have told you the truth-

-Mom don’t said that, nothing of what has happened is your fault- said Roy tenderly

-I don’t know, it’s just that I don’t want to see you fight with your father, he loves you very much and that will never change as your love for him shouldn’t change either, he is your father Roy and I don’t want that you do or say something that later you might regret-

-I don’t have your calmness, what he does… I..- Was saying Roy; I took his face in my hands

-Son please don’t make fast judgements, think of all the good things that your father has done for you, don’t let this mark your relationship with him, he is your father, you owe him respect and I know that you love him very much just like he and I love you and that will never change- I said and held him, we stayed there holding each other for a long time, finally Roy separated a few steps and said

-aren't you cold mom? Because I’m freezing- he asked rubbing my arms softly

-Well yes-

-What do you think if we go? -

-I think its a good idea, I almost can’t feel my hands- I said and Roy took my hands between his immediately

-I love you so much mom- said Roy and held me again

-I love you too sweetie- I said and the tears filled my eyes again, but I held them and changed the subject immediately -what do you think if you drive? -

-Great, I wouldn’t lose the opportunity to drive your gigantic Jeep- said Roy and I gave him the keys

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rick

I had tried to talk with Lisa all morning, chasing her to all the military installations of the command, but I didn’t have luck, just like yesterday, Lisa had found a way to get way from me.

I needed to find her, explain to her what had happened, to tell her how sorry I was and I also needed to know how she was, I imagined that Lisa would be badly off, but I don’t know how bad she would be.

It was late, almost dark, when my aide told me that Lisa was in her office. I didn’t even let him finish and left my office running in the direction of Lisa’s office, this time I wouldn't let her get away, I needed to see her like I never needed to before

I arrived almost breathless to Lisa’s office and found there were two men from her personal guard and her aide Jenssen in the lobby of Lisa’s office

-Is she in her office? - I asked to Jenssen and she immediately stood up and blocked my way

-The admiral is busy right know- she answered me serious

-I need to talk to her- I said trying to continue to walk but she blocked me again

-I’m sorry sir, but the admiral doesn’t want to talk with you, what ever you have to tell her tell me and I will give her all the information- said Jenssen following every move that I made trying to stop me from going forward

-Lieutenant I need to talk with her, not with you- I said a little bothered

-I’m sorry admiral but cI an’t let you go in, those are my orders- said Jenssen and just stood in front of the door blocking completely my way

-Lieutenant step a side please, because I’m going to go into the office whether you like it or not- I said now completely mad

-Sir please don’t make things more difficult, don’t make me order the admiral's guard that take you out- she said almost begging

-Then don’t make the things more difficult and move away from the door- I answered

-I’m not going to let you go in; I’m sorry- answered Jenssen now secure and defiant. I was sure that she wouldn’t move away from the door, I knew that the soldiers loved me and identified with my person, but it was Lisa who they respected and admired, I know that the loyalty of her staff to her was something with that I couldn’t compete, Jenssen if it was necessary, would die before letting me in the office. But I needed to see Lisa, more than anything in this world and if I had to pass over the personal guard and over Jenssen I would pass. So I started to walk trough the door and when I was face to face with Jenssen and just a few centimeters away I said

-Move away from the door Jenssen-

-Guards- said Jenssen and the two guards start to walk in my direction, I tried to open the door of Lisa’s office, but before I even could grab the dim the guard had taken me by the arms and I was fighting with them and yelling that they take their hands off of me

Suddenly the office door opened and an angry Lisa asked

-What’s going on in here? Then she saw me and stayed in silence as long as I still fought with the guards and finally she let me go into the office

+++++++++++++++++++++++
Lisa

I was checking some protocols of command of the sdf-5 and the last plans for the landing ceremony and troops boarding when I heard a lot of noise outside of my office, I heard Jenssen call the guards and then I decided to stand up and open the door

When I opened the door I noticed that it was Rick who was outside of my office, fighting with my guards, who in order to that I have command wouldn’t let him go into my office. I didn't want to see him, I had been hiding from him all the day, knowing that he was looking for me, but I couldn’t let the guard take him by the force, after all Rick was an admiral and someone important

-It’s ok Caroline, let him come in- I said finally stepping out of the door

-Are you sure ma'am? - Asked Caroline still blocking Rick’s pass

-Yes Caroline- I said and she slowly moved away from the door to let Rick come in, who almost entered running into the office and stay looking to the door until Caroline closed it. I stay in silence behind my desk, serious.

-Lisa we need to talk- said Rick coming closer to me

-What could we have to talk about? - I asked avoiding him

-About us- he said almost in a whisper

-About us? - I said sarcastically -I think that doesn’t exist since the moment that you slept with Graham-

-I need to explain Lisa, what happened with Gra..- Rick was saying before I interrupted him and as he spoke he came closer to me until the point that I had to step back to avoid that we touch

-What are you going to explain me? - I asked angry, speaking louder -that you were so crazy for Graham that you couldn’t wait and had sex with her in the conference room, that’s what you are going to explain me? - I said and now I was the one who was coming closer to Rick -or you are going to explain me that these 20 years of marriage don’t mean a shit to you when you saw her, or maybe that during these 20 years you never stopped thinking about Graham and at the first chance that you had you jumped all over her-

-Lisa things are not like that- said Rick with difficulty

-No? And then can you tell me how the things are? - I said and made a pause -because to me the images made things very clear-

-Lisa, I…, those images not…- said Rick trying to hold one of my hands

-Don’t even try Rick- I said avoiding him -you lied to me Rick, you lied to me shamelless and in my face and there’s nothing that you could say that changes what happened- I said, I felt again the heat in my throat and the pain in my chest

-I know that what I did was wrong, but let me explain to you; things are not like what you saw in the video-

-I know perfectly well what you are going to tell me Rick and I don’t need your explanations or your reasons, things are pretty clear for me.

Lisa just listen to me- said Rick and held me by the shoulders before I could step away

-Rick- I said and the pain that produced in me by the touch of his hands, hands that had belonged to another, in my body reflected in my voice and in my actions, because I escaped immediately of his hands -there’s nothing to said between us, please go-

-But Lisa- said Rick with a strange voice in him

-Just leave- I said looking to the floor and walking to the door, when I was In front of it I took the dim and opened the door -please leave- I said begging and trying for all the to hold the tears. Rick looked at me and stayed frozen for a moment, until finally he started to walk through the door and got out of my office with his head down, avoiding my look and before closing the door he turned and said -forgive Lisa, I never wanted to hurt you-

I heard the words, but they banished quickly, it was like I couldn’t understand their meaning. I walked to my desk and took a deep breath before letting myself fall into my chair, I decided to start to work immediately before startting to think about what had happened, to think of Rick’s words, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t not think of what had happened, couldn’t avoid thinking that Rick needed me by his side, not because he loved me, but because I was what gave him stability and comprehension, after everything there was never love between us, I ended finally and grabed the informs of the sdf-5 quickly before my sight became more blurry because of the tears. That had filled my eyes, but that I refused to let go.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rick

I came back walking to my office slowly, for inertia, I felt so numb, felt like all my body was too heavy, and hurt me. I felt like if I was in some kind of trance, my senses didn’t respond, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t hear or smell anything that was around me, I only could hear the words that Lisa had said to me, saw her eyes and felt her perfume, but all full of sadness. Her eyes were more sad than I have ever seen before, her voice was so full of pain, that hearing her was like if my heart was tearing apart, even her perfume felt sad today.

How could I hurt her so much? I asked my self over and over again, sitting at my desk

-Hi Rick- said Max coming into my office, I don’t know if the knocked before or not, I only saw him come in

-Max, my friend you don’t know how happy I’m to see you- I said and stood up and saluted Max with a hug

-How are you? - Said Max as he sat in a chair in front of my desk and I sat next to mine watching him

-Bad, Lisa and I had a fight and things are very bad between us, in fact she doesn’t even want to see me- I said trying to sound calm when the desperation filled me making me speak faster

-What do you want her to do Rick? Said Max and I just looked at him -don’t look at me like that, I know everything; Lisa told me why she left the house- said Max serious

-Then you know where she is? - I asked anxious

-Yes, but that’s not the point-

-Max, I know that I made a mistake, that I was a complete fool, but I need to talk with Lisa, I need to explain to her what happened. I said choking with the words and bent in Max direction in a beg

-I don’t think that right now is the time, Lisa needs to think, needs to calm down a little- said Max and made a pause and then looked at me with a mixture of sadness and anger

-she’s very bad Rick-

-I know, I could see it in her eyes today I tried to speak with her but she won’t let me, that’s why I need to explain, speak to her and tell her that I love her, beg her to forgive me-

-And can you tell me what exactly are you going to explain to her? - Asked Max serious

-That what happened with Graham was a mistake, that she doesn’t mean any thing to me- I said and stood up, walking in circles around my desk trying to control my emotions

-Well you should have thought about that before you slept with her, don’t you think? - Said Max following me with his eyes

-I know, but I wasn’t thinking, listen Max I made a mistake and I want to fix it, I need that Lisa forgives me Max, I with out her…- I was saying but couldn’t go on, something squeezed my throat strong. With out Lisa I’m nothing, with out her I… I can’t go on, I thought to my self.

-I know that you love her, but you must give her some time Rick, she needs to think about what happened, or you think that was to easy for her see you in that tape having sex with that woman in the conference room? -

-I’m a bastard Max, I know that I don’t deserve Lisa, that I had made her suffer more that she deserves and I conscious that this time I could lose her for good, but that’s why I need your help to bring her back Max- I said taking Max hands in a gesture of desperation, I need the help of my friend. If Lisa has spoken to him, then she trusts him, because she listens to him and that’s the only thing that I need now, that Lisa hear me.

-Listen Rick, that’s a decision that has to take and I think that nobody except you two can solve the problem- said Max and take his hands away and avoided my look

-I know, I know, but this time I don’t know what to do Max, I was wrong this time and in big and don’t know what to do to bring Lisa by my side, she’s all that I have-

-Well you have to try hard Rick, I think that this time you really hurt Lisa- said Max and made a pause and stayed looking me fix in the eyes - I just don’t understand how after all that you have been through with Lisa you could sleep with Graham? - Ask me Max with genuine curiosity, with out judging me just with curiosity

-I- I said and made a pause - I lost control Max, I let my self blind for this girl that was crazy for me and let my self go, I don’t think in anything, in those times I only, only couldn’t control my self- I said and took my face with my hands avoiding Max sight, like if taking my head in hands I could erase from my memory the images of my affair with Graham and that way make it disappear

-Those times? - Ask Max almost reproaching me -are you telling me that you sleep with her on more than one occasion? -

I bent down even more my head and if it was possible and sink more my sight in my hands, I could feel the reproaching look of Max and almost in a whisper I answer -there where just two times, but the second..- I tried to say but Max interrupted me, I was so ashamed that I don’t have strength to talk

-But are you idiot Rick or you play one? For good sakes Rick you’re almost 60, how is it possible that you can control your self not even a little? You aren't 18 year any more- said Max and stand up and started to walk through my office in a way to calm down his anger - haven’t you grow up in all this time? How can you do this to Lisa? How? After all that she has done for you Rick-

-I’m human Max, I make mistakes, what do you want me to do? - I answered mad and hurt. Max words hurt me, because like the clear shots that Max made into enemy ships, his words hit me in my weak point, in the things that I know I have made wrong

-That you grow up Rick, you can’t continue behaving with Lisa in the way that you do when you where still in loved of Minmei. She is your wife; it supposed that promess her fidelity, for good sakes man, all this years with her hasn’t mean a thing for you? -

-Of course that they are meant a lot for me Max, all this years with the good and the bad have been the happiest years of my life. But Graham just blind m. Are you going to tell me that in all this years or marriage with Miriya you never looked another woman? I ask, trying to find a fail in Max so I can’t feel so bad with my self

-Never Rick, because I loved Miriya, because I don’t need anybody else- answer me Max angry

-I love Lisa too and no body cares more for me than she but…- I said and fall again in my chair, I felt so bad, so idiot, I felt like if I was the worst human being of the universe

-Well, what’s done is done, and you can’t turn back time- said Max and put one of his hands on my shoulder

-Believe me if I only could turn back time, none of this will be happening-

-But you can’t Rick-

-I know- said and step away from Max and look trough the window and I dry the tears that I don’t want that Max see. All the frustration for how dumb I was it express in the tears that with out warning stat to fall

-Lisa can’t find out that you slept with Graham on more than one occasion- said Max serious

-Of course not, if she does then I lose her forever-

-If you haven’t lost her- said Max and let him fall in the chair that he had been sitting in

-I need that she listens to me Max, I need that she knows all that she means to me- I said looking straight to Max with out fear that he saw my red eyes and the tears that filled them

-Give her some time Rick, Lisa is very hurt still, I…- said Max and made a pause -it break my soul seing her when she went to my house Rick-

-That bad is she? - I ask worried, wishing that I were the one in pain and not Lisa, wanting to hit my self for what I have done

-What do you want? -

-I’m afraid of let too much time pass Max, you know Lisa maybe this time she takes a decision that maybe later she regrets, but that she won't step back-

-You think that she wants a divorce-

-I'm almost sure Max- I said with my voice breaking when suddenly the door of my office opens

-Roy son, what are you doing here? - I ask when I saw my son come violent in to my office, clearing my voice, I don’t want that he hear the pain in my voice

-How could you? How could you betray my mother? Said Roy when he arrived to where I was and then looked at me with despise -How could you betray her with that woman? With her, she's almost my age? -

-Roy listen- I try to say

-What do you want me to hear? That you lost control, that she blinds you, don’t you dare to tell me that- said Roy full of anger

-I think its better if I leave- said Max walking to the door

-No uncle Max I’m the one who’s leaving, I don’t have anything else to do in the admirals office, I don’t even know why I came here, there’s nothing that he could say that makes me forgive him- said Roy with despise

-Son- I try to say in the middle of the pain that Roy’s word cause me

-Don’t call me that, I lost all the respect that I have for you, from now on to me you are only admiral Hunter, because right now I’m ashamed of being your son- said Roy and looked at me from the corner of his eyes and left the office with the same violence that he came into

I let my self-fall into the chair again, I had no more strength and covered my face with my hands and stayed there frozen, only moments later I could say a few words

-He’s right Max, I don’t deserve his or Lisa forgiveness, I’m a bastard. I said with broken voice, trying to hold the tears and made me the idea that for and stupidity I had lost the woman of my life and my son

-Calm down Rick, Roy is just a boy, impulsive like all the boys of his age, you see that soon he will change his mind- said Max and put one hand over my shoulder, for a moment and then left

In the loneliness of my office, I sank more and more in my regret, in my sadness, I have lost everything, absolutely everything.

To be continued…