fanfic_name = And then he knew...

author = Evi

dedicate = Dedicated to my good friend Sphersian for her help, inspiration and support. She was the one who inspired me to write this story and kept meinterested and motivateduntil the end. I would've never written this story without her. Thanks for your comments, suggestions, input and for being my beta! Rick Hunter and I are very grateful!

Rating = AP15

Type = Angst

fanfic = AND THEN HE KNEW...

By Evi

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Note: This is a companion fic to "And then she knew", which is also published in this site.

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Why?

It was all he could think of that night, while laying on his couch, staring absently at the ceiling above him. With his arms folded under his head, and his blue eyes shinning in the darkness of his living room, he couldn’t stop wondering why… why he was laying on that couch while Minmai was sleeping in his bed just a few feet away from him.

Wasn’t that what he had always dreamt of for as long as he could remember? Minmai had always been his one true love, his greatest fantasy, his most beloved dream… he couldn’t remember how many times he stared at her photos, wishing, hoping and praying that some day she would come back to him and tell him that she loved him.

That night hadn’t been very different from any of his previous nights. After a long shift he had come back home alone, still wondering about Lisa…

Lisa… she was still mad at him and he could understand why. They hadn’t spoken to each other since the picnic incident. He had made his best effort to find her, to try to talk to her, explain things and try to earn her forgiveness. But she had been avoiding him in every way she could… and he knew Lisa was a very resourceful lady, and a very stubborn one, for that matter. She had managed to arrange her shifts in a way so they would never run into each other over the tacnet or even on the base. She wouldn’t answer her phone or return his calls… she seemed to have disappeared from the face of Earth.

He had been trying to find a way to see her, to talk to her… he went as far as talking to Claudia, begging her to talk Lisa into seeing him. Of course it wasn’t an easy mission either. Claudia had yelled at him and told him things that really hurt, but he knew she was right.

At the end she agreed to speak to Lisa, but she didn’t guarantee anything to him. If there were two people in the world who knew Lisa, those were them, thus they knew perfectly well that if Lisa didn’t want to see him, nothing would change her mind.

“I know Claudia, and I know she spoke to Lisa…” Rick’s thoughts drifted from Miss Macross to Captain Hayes without him even noticing. “I was pretty sure she would come to see me tonight. I asked Claudia to tell that to Lisa for me… I was even preparing her favorite tea… I was sure Claudia could convince her to see me… but if she couldn’t then no one could.”

Rick sighed heavily, cursing himself again for the way he had acted that day with Lisa. He had planned that date for a while, since that rainy night when they had opened their hearts to each other and they had decided to give their friendship a second chance. Vanessa’s words still haunted him: “Captain Hayes just happens to be in love with you…”

“In love with me…” Rick thought bitterly. “Well, if she’s in love with me she sure knows how to hide it. Then again, I haven’t been exactly prince charming either… I should’ve never stood her up the way I did that day…”

It was almost painful for him to remember the way she greeted him when he finally appeared in the Seciele Café that evening, welcoming him as if nothing had happened. He thought she’d be mad at him, furious! But she wasn’t. She seemed relieved to see him safe and sound; she had been worried about him all day. Rick could remember the way she grabbed his arm and suggested a walk in the park.

Rick groaned, hating himself for the way he had always acted towards her, taking her for granted time and again. And Lisa… she was always so patient, so understanding, so supportive… and what was he?

“I—I’m only a jerk! Everyone knew about our date… and everyone knew I stood her up… Max was mad at me the next day and I could barely survive Miriya’s rage… serves me well, I guess. I just don’t understand how come everyone seems to be on Lisa’s side… I wonder… I wonder why she didn’t come tonight… I should’ve called her, I should’ve—”

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the bedroom’s door opening slowly. Rick closed his eyes, turned his head and pretended to be asleep. He had completely forgotten about Minmai and that sudden sound startled him.

He could feel Minmai getting closer to the couch and he felt how she picked up his blanket and covered him. Then she whispered a soft: “Thank you, Rick! Goodnight!” before going back to his bedroom.

Rick watched her go and sighed in relief when the door closed again. He didn’t feel comfortable having Minmai around, watching him sleep. He stared at the ceiling again, and remembered her expression on her face that night, when he told her she could take his bed and he’d go to sleep on the sofa. He could clearly see how disappointed she was. He could almost tell she was expecting them to sleep together that night.

“Sleep together.” He thought. “Sleep with Minmai…”

He had long fantasized about that. It was every pilot’s dream… to have her for him, all alone, all night… he knew every pilot in the base would give anything in the world to trade places with him that night… except for Max, of course.

“She’s just across that closed door…” Rick thought. “All my dreams, all my fantasies, all my hopes, all my wishes, all the plans I had for Minmai and I—and she’s here… she’s with me tonight. What am I doing here, sleeping on this uncomfortable couch when heaven is waiting for me across that door?”

He stared at the closed door for a while, unable to gather enough strength to force himself to leave the sofa and walk to his bedroom. He sighed almost painfully and closed his eyes.

“Minmai… what should I do now? I can’t go there, knowing that tomorrow you might leave me again. That is not what I want for me… for us. I love you; you know I always have… that’s why I just can’t do this… not like this.”

He turned to his side and hugged his pillow. When his eyes closed, he couldn’t help but think again about the conversation he had with Claudia that morning.

“Tell her I need to speak to her… Claudia, if she doesn’t listen to you, then I just don’t know what I’d do!”

“You should’ve thought about that before leaving her for Minmai that day, flyboy. Don’t you think it’s a little late for regrets now?”

“Claudia… please!”

There must’ve been something in the way he asked her that… something in his eyes, something in his voice, he didn’t know. All he knew was that Claudia had stared at him for a long time in silence, almost studying him… and then she had nodded weakly.

“I can’t promise you I can convince her to talk to you but I’ll see what I can do… but you better not blow it again this time. Otherwise you’ll be on your own.”

“Thank you Claudia.”

“Don’t thank me… I’m not doing this for you.”

“I guess it was useless.” Rick thought. “Lisa must be really mad at me… what if I never see her again? I can’t let that happen… I must talk to her. I know she’s on duty tomorrow… and it’s my day off. Maybe I could go to the base and I could—”

Rick stopped, remembering Minmai again. He couldn’t leave the house if she was there with him, it wouldn’t be polite; she was his guest after all.

His guest… he remembered the night before, when she had appeared right at his door. He was hoping for Lisa to show up, he got Minmai instead. She looked sad, hurt, and vulnerable and his heart ached for her. He always had the urge to protect her, to look after her… but that night he was disappointed… he was waiting for Lisa to come by!

“Why?” He wondered out loud, shaking his head furiously. “Why can’t I get her out of my mind? Minmai’s here, for God’s sake! And all I can do is think about Lisa!”

Rick let out a frustrated sight, remembering the moment Minmai had asked him to let her stay with him… no, she hadn’t asked him, she had begged him! Rick felt miserable, thinking about the way she was asking for his help and protection… and he couldn’t reply to her because he didn’t know what to say to what she was asking from him. He didn’t know why, but her request made all the red alarms in his head go off.

“Why this didn’t seem to be such a great idea?” – He asked himself. – I mean, it’s Minmai… she’s my friend and—and then why does this feel so wrong?”

Rick closed his eyes and tried hard to fall asleep. He was tired and he felt every muscle in his body aching, and the one that hurt him the most was that restless muscle pounding almost painfully inside his chest.

“Why does she have to be so stubborn? Why do I have to be so stupid?”

That was his last thought before falling into a deep yet uneasy sleep.

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Christmas morning…

Rick got up early after a long, restless night. He felt sleepy and tired but he couldn’t bear his couch anymore. He took a warm shower and when he came out, he found Minmai preparing breakfast for him. She greeted him with a smile in her lips, but Rick couldn’t reciprocate.

“Are you feeling fine, Rick? You don’t look too well.”

“I’m fine.” He wanted to say more, he wished his words hadn’t come out of his mouth in the harsh way they did.

“I’m making breakfast… would you like anything special?”

“Black coffee is fine.”

He sat down and rested his chin on his hand, while occasionally eyeing the phone. He knew Lisa was on command watch, he could call her then and she would have to answer his call.

“Rick, are you alright?” Minmai sounded honestly concerned about him. “You seem to be very distant since I got here last night… are you sure it is ok with you for me to stay here?”

“Of course.” He hurried to reply. “You may stay here for as long as you need, Minmai. You know you can always count on me.”

Minmai didn’t reply. Things sure feel different with Rick now. He seemed cold, absent, worried… she tried to figure out what was going on with him, but she couldn’t. All she knew was that, since the night before, she hadn’t been able to capture Rick’s attention in the way she used to. She was used to him paying full attention to her, to listen to her every word, to talk back and be nice. Now he was different. It was hard for her to get him to speak a full sentence and when he did, he never looked at her.

Minmai handed a cup of coffee to Rick and he thanked her.

“Do you want some sugar with it?”

“No, that’s ok.”

Minmai went to the stove and returned with a plate with some maple syrup covered pancakes. She put them in front of him and gave him a cute little smile while standing in front of him.

“I hope you like them.”

“Oh…” Rick looked at them and grabbed his fork. “Huh… thank you!”

He wasn’t very excited about the pancakes. He didn’t really like sweet food in the morning. He’d always go for his black coffee and maybe some eggs when he had the time… otherwise just his coffee and a toast would do it for him.

“Lisa is the one with the early sweet-tooth.” Rick though. “She would love these pancakes… with a good cup of latte.”

“Rick!” Minmai’s voice brought him back to reality. “Aren’t you going to eat those?”

“Uh… yes, of course.”

Rick took a bite of his pancakes and looked up at Minmai, who was staring at him, waiting for his reaction.

“Are they good?” She smiled.

“Oh yeah!” Rick lied with a fake smile.

As soon as Minmai turned around, Rick put the plate aside, grabbed his cup of coffee and pretended to be very interested in the newspaper that was on the table. Minmai announced she’d prepare lunch and they could have a special Christmas dinner together that night.

Rick nodded to her words, not really paying much attention to it, for the news in the paper were important ones, about the military and about the political tension growing between the Government of the United Earth and the autonomous cities.

“I never knew he was interested in politics before.” Minmai thought, passing him by on her way to the bathroom.

When he saw her disappear into the bathroom, he sighed in relief. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t seem to be very comfortable around her. He didn’t know what to talk about, what to tell her, how to reply to her words.

He went to the phone, but he couldn’t bring himself to call Lisa. He couldn’t talk to her on the phone, he needed to see her personally, but that would have to wait until Minmai left. But when would that be? What if she stayed for a long time? What if she actually never left? The thought scared Rick and put in him a fear that he didn’t even feel when he went into battle.

Rick went to his bedroom and turned on the TV. He didn’t know what else to do, but he knew that once Minmai came out of the bathroom, he wouldn’t know what to say.

“So maybe we could watch TV together or something.”

Without even realizing it, he thought that when Lisa was around, he never turned on the TV unless they were going to see a movie together. He always knew what to say when she was with him… he’d talk to her, he’d tease her, he’d make her lose her patience just so he could see the fire shinning in her green eyes. She looked beautiful when she was upset… Rick couldn’t avoid the soft smile that appeared on his lips when he remembered her.

“With Lisa I always have something to say.”

As soon as Minmai came out of her shower, she went to Rick and started to talk about her latest concerts. She changed channels from the news to a channel where they were showing some of her latest music videos. Rick had to watch them, while listening to her complain about how awful Kyle was and all the problems they had over the past months. He could only nod; he didn’t know what to say to comfort her or to advice her.

Then he realized that Minmai never really listened to anything he said. For as long as he had known her, she was the one who always did all the talking… and he was the one who did all the nodding.

He could hear her voice, talking endlessly… but he didn’t really understand what she was saying. Suddenly he had started to feel nervous… as a combat pilot, he had developed some kind of sixth sense when it came to trouble… and there was something in the air that morning, something he didn’t like.

He looked at the window and he had to fight the sudden urge to call Max to ask him if everything was alright at the base.

“Rick!” Minmai’s voice brought him back to reality. “Are you listening to me?”

“Of course!” He hurried to reply. “I’m sorry about what happened, Minmai, I really am.”

He had no idea what she had been telling him, but that was the best reply his brain could provide. She stood up and walked to the kitchen. She seemed down and disappointed.

“I’ll make some sandwiches for lunch.” She spoke softly.

“Minmai…” Rick stood up and went after her. “Wait up… I—”

“Yes, Rick?” She looked at him with eyes full of hope.

“I—I just… I—I’ll help you out with those sandwiches.”

“Oh…” She was disappointed again. “That’s alright… I can take care of it. Why don’t you go to your room and… watch TV while lunch is ready?”

Minmai went to the kitchen and Rick sighed heavily, feeling angry at himself. What was he doing? It was Minmai! He couldn’t be so cold and distant with her… this was the moment he had been waiting for all his life: to have Minmai with him, in his house, all for himself.

Rick stood still in the hallway, his eyes going from the kitchen to his room, unable to decide which way to go. He hung his head and shook it softly, feeling confused and somehow depressed, without even knowing why.

He went to his bedroom to turn off the TV so he could go back to the kitchen and be with Minmai. Maybe it was just that she had come into his life in such an unexpected way that he just couldn’t assimilate it. The fact that Minmai was there with him that day hadn’t fully sunk in him yet.

Or maybe there was something else…

“Christmas day.” Rick stopped in his tracks. “Last year… I spent Christmas Day with Lisa.”

The memories of the year before came to his head like a flood. He remembered the dinner he and Lisa had shared on Christmas Eve, the gifts they had exchanged, the conversations they had… he remembered everything! That’s why he expected her to show up at his door the night before… because he was hoping she’d forgive him and they could spend Christmas Eve together again.

“Darn it, Lisa!” Rick went to the TV to turn it off. “I should’ve called you!”

Before turning off the TV, almost as a reflex, Rick sat down and changed the channel to the news. Even if it was his day off, he always liked to keep an eye on whatever was going on in New Macross.

“Special bulletin just in…” The newsman announced with urgency in his voice. “The Zentraedi attack forces believe to be concentrated in the industrial section of sector one…”

“A Zentraedi attack? Sector one?” Rick’s alarms went off immediately. “But—that is… that is my sector!”

“… Why wasn’t I notified? Lisa knows where to find me, she was on command watch!”

Minmai was startled by Rick’s words coming from the bedroom. She didn’t know what was going on, but he sounded alarmed, even upset and that frightened her. She stayed in the kitchen and less than two minutes later, Rick came out of the bedroom, dressed in his military uniform, informing her that they had a situation going on and he had to go to the base right away.

“Rick… don’t go!” She pleaded him. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Don’t worry.” He told her in his most reassuring voice, while putting on the coat he had gotten from Lisa as a Christmas gift the year before. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Rick…” She stopped him. “If something happens to you I don’t know what I’d do. Will you please promise me you’ll be careful?”

Minmai’s words were echoing in Rick’s head as he drove a military jeep he had borrowed from one of the guards of the military neighborhood.

“What would she do?” Rick thought bitterly. “Since when does she care? It’s been over four years already… why is she so concerned now?”

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The Battle of Christmas Day was one Rick could never forget. It was long, it was hard and it was painful. Khayron wouldn’t stop until he had gotten what he wanted: the protoculture storage matrix. Over twenty five pilots were wounded or missing and the damage in the industrial section couldn’t be estimated.

Worst of all, after Khyron had stolen the protoculture he wanted, the Zentraedi mothership had landed in the city and after picking up all their battle pods, Khayron had launched a surprise attack, detonating the bombs that had been previously set all over the city, as part of his plan, preventing with this the RDF pilots to go after him and providing him with an easy escape.

Captain Hunter ordered his squad to give up the pursuit of Khyron’s ship and go back to the city and put out the fire. The civil population needed them right now and right there, and that was something Rick couldn’t overlook. For him, the well-being of the people had always been more important than anything else. Max wasn’t very happy with his new orders, but he followed Rick’s command, as always.

Rick’s squadron went into the city to control the fire, help the victims, evacuate the population, reunite families and do whatever they could do for the people of New Macross. It was a long night, but they were finally able to put the fire under control and make sure the civilians were taken care of, that families were installed in the shelters and the victims were translated into the emergency centers.

When Rick landed, Max and Miriya were waiting for him. He only had to look into the eyes of his friends to realize how sad and frustrated they seemed. And he knew those feelings were mirrored in his own face.

“Good work, skipper.” Max patted him on the back.

“Go and have some rest.” Rick commanded them. “Little Dana must be wondering where her folks are.”

Max and Miriya nodded. They turned to leave but Miriya stopped and looked back at Rick.

“Merry Christmas, Rick.” She spoke softly.

“Merry Christmas to you too.”

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When Rick was left alone, he went to change. There was something he had to do… something very important that couldn’t wait any longer. He knew Lisa was in the base and he was mad at her… mad for not calling him when the attack had started… mad because she didn’t contact him when the order to scramble was given, even when she knew that the sector under attack was his… most of all, he was furious because during the attack, she hadn’t been in the Tacnet at all.

He knew she was on duty; he knew she was supposed to be there to guide them… but she wasn’t. Rick hated to admit it, but going into battle not having her to guide them through the enemy fire always made him feel unsure and even a little frightened.

“I need you, damn it!” Rick was thinking as he was heading to the communications room. “I needed you there… where were you, Lisa Hayes? Why did you leave me alone?”

When he entered the room, the first thing he saw was Lisa’s empty station. He didn’t know why, but he felt rage creeping into his chest. He was tired of running after Lisa, tired of her running away from him. He had enough. He needed to see her, to speak to her… even if only to have an argument, but he needed her.

He left the communication center and went to the gates of the base, where he stopped short when he saw Vanessa, waiting for Kim and Sammy at the entrance.

“Vanessa!”

His sudden voice startled her.

“Good night, captain Hunter. What can I do for you?”

“Vanessa… where’s Lisa?” Rick forgot all formalities.

“Captain Hayes just left, she—”

“She was here during the attack?” – He almost yelled at her. – “Then why wasn’t she on the Tacnet?”

“I’m sorry sir, I—”

“And WHY wasn’t I notified when the attack started! It was my section under attack, Vanessa! You should’ve—”

“Captain Hunter, I’m sorry.” She cut him off. “I don’t think I’m the one you should be talking to… captain Hayes said you were in bed with a miserable cold, that’s why you weren’t notified. This was your day off, after all.”

Rick gave her a sharp, almost killer look.

“Lisa said what? Where’s she anyway? Did you say she just left?”

“Yes sir, she—”

Rick didn’t stay to hear the rest of Vanessa’s response. He left the base and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. When he crossed the bridge that separated the SDF1 from New Macross, he spotted a lonely figure walking slowly by the pier.

He stopped in his tracks and grabbed the railing, trying to catch his breath, his eyes set on that woman he knew so well: the proud and self-confident Captain Lisa Hayes… and his heart ached when he realized that the woman he was looking at that night seemed someone completely different from the one he had known for so many years.

Lisa seemed tired, lost… defeated. For a moment rage disappeared from him and he wished he could go to her and make things better. But then he remembered her stubbornness and how she had refused to even look at him in the past days. That, and the fact she hadn’t notified him of the Zentraedi attack in his sector that day enraged him again.

“Lisa!” He spoke almost to himself, before screaming for her. “LISA!”

He ran after her. She didn’t seem to have heard to him, or maybe she just pretended she didn’t, for she continued walking, not even turning her head around.

“LISA!” Rick kept on yelling. “LISA STOP!”

Rick was very close to her. It was impossible to her not to listen to his yelling at that short distance. He knew she was ignoring him and that only fueled his anger.

“Lisa, I’m calling you, damn it!”

Rick grabbed her by her wrist, forcing her into a stop. He immediately released her and stepped back, all of a sudden losing his courage. Lisa just stood there, not facing him. Her head was hanging almost in defeat and she just wouldn’t turn around.

“What’s wrong with you, Lisa?” Rick almost yelled, trying to hide the concern that threatened to escape with his voice.

She didn’t reply. It almost seemed as if she hadn’t heard him; as if he wasn’t there at all.

“Lisa, I’m talking to you! The least you can do is look at me!”

Captain Hayes turned around and lifted her face. Rick couldn’t help but take another step back when her eyes met his. She looked sad and hurt and Rick felt his heart breaking at the sight of her. It wasn’t like Lisa at all. The woman before her was nothing like the proud and strong captain Lisa Hayes. She looked fragile and vulnerable and Rick felt his heart reaching out to her.

But at the same time he felt frustrated, knowing that even at that moment, if he dared to offer his helping hand to Lisa, she would turn him down again. Why did she always have to be the brave one? When would she accept that she was a woman who could be vulnerable around him?

“Maybe when you show her that she can trust you… that you won’t let her down… and face it Hunter, right now you can’t expect her to trust you… not after all the things you’ve said and done to her lately.”

Rick frowned, feeling mad at Lisa but furious at himself. He hadn’t seen her in days and it had been an eternity to him. He wanted to let her know he was sorry about what had happened before… he wanted to mend things with her. Instead, all he could do was to complain about not being notified about the battle they had that day.

“I talked to Vanessa.” Rick’s voice was stern and full of resent. “She told me you said I was sick in bed… that was a lie, Lisa! I should’ve been notified at the very first order to scramble!”

Rick couldn’t stop himself from raising his voice, which was dripping rage. Lisa lowered her eyes as he was speaking and he knew she was ashamed of her behavior… or so he thought. She closed her eyes and she seemed to be fighting back tears.

The immediate and spontaneous reaction from Captain Hunter was to step forward and hold her. As much as he was trying to fight it, he felt his heart flooding with tenderness for her. It was when she showed her vulnerable side to him when he realized how much he really cared. But he didn’t do it. He just stood still, staring at her, trying to figure her out. Then she spoke in a tone of voice which completely disarmed him.

“You should be more discrete when you have people coming over.”

Rick expression changed from mad to confused. For a moment he didn’t know what she was talking about. It wasn’t like Lisa to change the subject like that… until he heard the rest of Lisa’s remark.

“Last night I came by and your door was open… I know all about Minmai.”

Rick’s rage instantly abandoned him and was replaced with shame and remorse. Lisa knew about Minmai… Lisa went to his house the night before… Lisa, she—

He looked at her, but she was looking away, her eyes shinning with contained tears. What could he do? What could he probably say then that could change things between him and Lisa? First he had broken their date… and now he had Minmai at his house…

Then he couldn’t help but remembering Claudia’s words to him when he had spoken to her: “You better don’t blow it again this time. Otherwise you’ll be on your own.”

Rick cringed, realizing the way things were. Claudia had spoken to Lisa the day before, she had convinced her to go and see him… he was sure Lisa had fought bravely, but at the end she agreed on going to see him, to talk to him, maybe even to give him another chance… and as soon as she got to his home, it was Minmai the one she found there… it was almost like an evil prank from destiny. It almost seemed as if he had planned everything just to hurt her… to make her feel bad… again!

“Lisa…” Rick almost whispered. “If you only would listen to me—”

“What for, Rick?” Lisa’s words were full of pain. “I guess everything is very clear now… you shouldn’t keep her waiting, it’s Christmas night after all.”

As if summoned by Lisa’s words, all the Christmas lights that had been installed in the SDF1 started to shine beautifully, reflecting themselves in the lake and illuminating the faces of Lisa and Rick, making it only more obvious the fact that their eyes were full of tears.

Lisa turned around to leave, but Rick stepped forward and grabbed her by her wrist again and when he did that, he felt like a thunderbolt going from his hand, up to his arm and directly into his heart. His entire body trembled unexpectedly reacting to that touch… knowing it could be their last.

“Lisa!” He tried to stop her. “Please, listen to me!”

“Let go of me, Captain Hunter!” She commanded.

“Lisa, don’t do this!” He almost pleaded. “You’ve got to listen to me, please!”

Lisa pulled her hand to free it from Rick’s grasp. When she did that, he felt as if a part of his heart had been violently ripped out of his chest. He tried to recover her hand, but she shot him with a killer look and warned him with a stern voice:

“Don’t touch me!”

“But Lisa…!”

“Don’t you dare, Rick Hunter!” She turned around. “Just… leave me alone.”

She started to walk away and Rick stayed behind, his arm stretched, as if trying to keep her from leaving. He couldn’t move; he just couldn’t make himself go after her. As she was walking away, he was feeling furious again. Why did she have to be so proud and stubborn? Why didn’t she give him a chance to explain himself?

“Explain what?” He thought sourly, watching her disappear in the darkness of the empty streets of New Macross. “Explain to her that you just ditched your picnic date the moment Minmai called you? That while you’re here, trying to talk to her, Minmai is waiting for you at home? Would she believe you if you told her that while you had Miss Macross in your bed, you were spending the night on the couch thinking about HER?”

Rick sighed deeply and started to walk to his house, praying for the road to go on forever, for he didn’t really want to get home. He knew Minmai was there, waiting for him and he appreciated it… but what would happen next? What would he do now that he seemed to have lost Lisa for good?

“I deserve it.” He thought, as he was walking home. “I don’t think Lisa would fall for someone like me, no matter what Vanessa says… or Max, for that matter. I’m just not good enough for her… she has every right to be mad at me, but what the heck; I have every right to be mad at her as well! She’s stubborn, she’s a workaholic, uncompromising, bossy… and God, she’s got the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen in my life!”

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Rick stopped right outside his house and looked at it. Some dim lights could be spotted from the outside. Minmai was waiting for him.

“She did come last night!” Rick realized. “Claudia did convince her to stop by and—and when she did… the only thing she saw was… Minmai.”

Rick closed his eyes and his hands closed into fists. He clenched his teeth, feeling a deep pain in his chest but at the same time feeling frustration and anger flooding him. Why did she always have to come at the most inappropriate times? – And he didn’t know if he was referring to Lisa or to Minmai.

“Why do I feel this way?” He thought, as he was walking to his door. “You’re a stupid man! Why are you torturing yourself? Lisa doesn’t love you… it was just a gossip from the Bridge Bunnies. She obviously doesn’t care… why should you? You have Minmai in your house… don’t be an idiot and try to work things out with her instead! Now it’s your chance… maybe your only chance. Take it!”

Rick entered his house but save for the living room’s lamp, the rest of the house was in darkness. He went directly to his room and opened the door. There he found Minmai, looking at the window, waiting for him.

“Rick, is that you? Oh, thank goodness!”

“Hi there!” He greeted her, trying to sound cheerful.

Minmai was looking at him, smiling, with tear-filled eyes. She was trying hard not to cry but for some reason, it didn’t seem to affect Rick at all. Her tears didn’t seem to have the effect Lisa’s tears had on him.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, smiling softly at her.

“I’m sorry…”

“Hey, I told you I’d come back.”

“I can’t help it… I’ll be right back… I’m going to wash my face… I must look awful!”

Minmai stormed out of the room. Rick watched her go and then he noticed the table she had set in the middle of the room.

“Hmmm… what’s this? She made a Christmas dinner… a cake too! Looks great!”

Rick really appreciated it. He was hungry and he was in the mood for something sweet. His mouth had been sour since he had seen Lisa that night and he wanted to take away that bad taste. He was so interested in the food that he didn’t notice Minmai walking back into the room.

“I made it for you.”

She said, noticing him glancing at the food. She put her arms around him and rested her cheek against his back.

“Hmmm… my sweet Rick! I was so worried!”

Rick couldn’t help but smile softly. Wasn’t this what he had always dreamt of? Having Minmai waiting for him at home after a battle? Having her having dinner ready for him? Listen to her telling him she was worried for him? Having her hugging him like that… caring for him like that? Most of all, having HER all for himself, even if only for one night?

He was still thinking about all of that, when he felt Minmai’s embrace tightening around his torso, and her soft voice speaking again:

“Do you think you could ever give up your commission with the defense force? Please think about it, because I never want to lose you, Rick! Never again!”

“Never again, uh? She doesn’t want to lose me never again! When did she lose me? She never had me… I was all hers… but she never wanted to have me!”

Rick freed himself from her embrace and walked to the bathroom.

“I need to change.” He spoke, not wanting to reply to Minmai’s comment.

He took a shower… a long, warm shower…

While the water ran down his body, comforting his sore muscles and warming up his cold body, he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened that night… he couldn’t take out of his mind the image of Lisa running away from him… telling him to let go of her. And then Minmai, waiting for him, hugging him… asking him to resign the one thing that had given meaning and purpose to his life: his commission with the RDF.

He leaned his head against the cold wall, resting his forehead against it, thinking about all of that. He couldn’t give up his commission, not now that the RDF was in need of experienced pilots. And he couldn’t give up on Lisa either… but if she wanted to play that game, then he was up for it! He was tired of begging for her forgiveness, tired of trying to get her attention, to plead for her to even look at him, let alone talk to him…

“Minmai is here.” He thought as he was getting dressed. “If Lisa doesn’t want to see me, then I guess that’s her problem… I’m just tired of spending my time running after her. If she doesn’t want to see me, then fine… I’m not the one who’s alone on Christmas night.”

Rick leaned against the sink, supporting his weight in his arms, his head hanging down and his eyes wide shut, as if in pain. He let out a heavy, almost painful sigh and immediately regretted his last thought as his heart felt suddenly cold… painfully cold.

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Dinner was delicious; he had to admit Minmai was an excellent cook. He always knew she was. But even while they were eating, he couldn’t make himself to keep a decent conversation.

He just didn’t know what to say, as his thoughts were flying back to Lisa again and again… why did she have to be so willful? He hated it when she addressed him by his rank… of course there were times when she did that out of fondness, he knew it. But there were times like that night, when she pulled rank on him, knowing it made him go mad.

The thought of Lisa being all alone that night made his heart ache. There he was, enjoying a nice dinner, company and the warmth of his home… while she was… where could she be? Rick hoped and prayed that Claudia or the Sterlings had found her and invited her over to their houses… he wished with all his heart and soul for Lisa not to be alone that night.

“Rick…” Minmai spoke. “Would you like a piece of cake now?”

“Oh… yes, of course!”

Minmai lighted up the single candle that decorated the top of the cake and smiled at Rick.

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Rick!”

He stared at her with a dumbfound expression in his face. He realized he didn’t really have anything to say.

“May we have a million more like this.”

Rick heard himself speaking those words, not really knowing why he had said that. He didn’t want another Christmas like that one… never again!

He wished all of his Christmas could be like the one he had spent with Lisa the year before… peaceful, quiet and full of promises and hopes… but now there were only broken promises and lost hopes, he thought… and all because of their stubbornness.

He was so absorbed in his own thoughts, that he didn’t notice Minmai closing her eyes and getting closer to him… searching for a kiss.

A kiss?

Rick stared at her in disbelief and for a moment he couldn’t react. He just didn’t know how to respond to that. Was it right? He hadn’t kissed her since… since that time aboard the SDF1, before the final battle… right after the entire planet had been destroyed, when he was about to leave for what could be his last battle, and when he thought Lisa had died on Earth. He couldn’t believe she was there now, claiming for his kiss… not after such a long time…

Rick closed his eyes and leaned forward to meet Minmai’s lips. When his lips touched hers, he felt empty and cold… yes, there was a coldness running down his spine… it was a feeling that made him freeze right where he was, unable to deepen the kiss… but unable to break it either.

It was Minmai who moved around the table, to slip her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss herself. Rick wanted to respond to it, but couldn’t make himself do it. He felt her hand running down his right arm, to touch his hand and put it gently around her waist. Then he felt Minmai’s hand getting under his shirt, caressing the bare skin of his back.

Rick arched his back, surprised by the sudden feel of Minmai’s hands on his skin. It made him break the kiss. He looked down at her, his eyes wide open, not knowing what to make of that. Minmai was looking up at him, smiling softly and her eyes were shinning with tears again.

“Stay with me tonight.” She spoke softly. “Please Rick… don’t go… don’t leave me alone… stay!”

He didn’t know what to say. That was the moment he never thought could come, not in a million years. Not in his wildest dreams… Minmai was asking him to spend the night with her… and all he could think about was Lisa, walking away from him, telling him to leave her alone.

Minmai, the always absent Minmai was with him that night, pleading with him to stay with her… while Lisa, the one who had always been with him in good and in bad times, had commanded him to stay away from her. His life was full of irony and contradictions. Now that he finally had what he had always dreamt of, now he couldn’t stop thinking about what he always had and always took for granted.

He couldn’t prevent his thoughts from flying back to Lisa… where was she? Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind? He didn’t want her to be alone that night, despite of his previous remark, he couldn’t stand the thought of Lisa, all alone in her house… it just didn’t seem right. Deep inside of his heart he wished it was Lisa the one who would be there with him that night.

“Why does she have to get in my head in a moment like this?” Rick thought, enraged.

He couldn’t think anymore, for he felt Minmai pulling him to bed with her. He didn’t fight it anymore; he just closed his eyes and decided to go with the tide. Minmai was kissing him again and he responded to it, feeling the heat and the desire building up inside of him as they deepened the kiss.

Minmai was tugging on his sweater in an almost desperate way while he was feeling himself losing control. But for him it was much more than just need or desire… he felt the urge to release everything he had in his chest, everything he had been storing there for so long and that had been painfully searching for a way to get out.

Minmai could feel it… she could tell Rick wasn’t entirely with her that night, but she didn’t care… she needed to show him how much she cared, how far she was willing to go with him… how much she was willing to give to him… because she needed him to stay with her.

She knew how much he loved her and for how long he had wanted to share something that intimate with her… and she was hoping that could make him consider her request… she was expecting that after that night, he’d be willing to give up everything and follow her to the ends of the Earth.

She pulled him closer to her, willing to give him everything she had, everything he wanted and needed from her that night… in hopes he, in return, would give her everything she wanted and needed from him the next day.

Minmai tried to kiss him, but suddenly his lips felt cold and lifeless. He turned his head, breaking that kiss and hiding his face in Minmai’s neck. She held him tight, feeling his muscles tensing and his heart pounding against her chest.

“You’re not alone… wherever you are, I want you to know you’re not alone!” Rick couldn’t control his own thoughts.

His heart had been so cold for so long… his body had needed her touch for so long… her warmth, her closeness, her presence… he desired her for such a long time… everything about her was perfect, her honey-colored hair, her delicate and smooth skin, her lips, her tall and slender athletic body… God, that perfect body that drove him mad every time!

Rick groaned, as if trying to control something that was threatening to escape him… he closed his eyes shut and Minmai could hear him gasping for air against her neck. She held him closer, if that was even possible, whispering his name into his ear to let him know she was there… she was with him… even if he seemed to be so far away, somewhere else, or with… someone else?

He had dreamt for so long for that kind of intimacy, that closeness with her… it was her he missed… her he wanted and desired… it was her the one he had dreamt of having in his arms like this, feeling her close to him, after all they had been through together these past few years, to have her skin against his, her mouth on his…

He wanted to drown in her aroma… he wanted to get lost in her, to give pleasure to her, to make her feel loved and protected, something he knew she had lacked for so long, the underlying reason why she had always been the “Ice Queen” that people had called her.

He wanted to let her know how much he really cared, how much he really loved her, even if he couldn’t be sure she loved him back. It didn’t matter. Just a moment of intimacy with her would be enough for him… a moment stolen from heaven.

That night all he wanted was to lose himself in her… make her his… give himself to her in heart, body and soul… he wanted to love her as if there was no tomorrow, as if they were the only two people alive on earth… as if she was the only woman left in the universe.

Minmai felt Rick’s urge and desperation. She was holding him, trying to reassure him, to make him feel all he wanted to feel… to make him believe all he wanted to believe. Her eyes flew wide open when Rick groaned against her neck and she felt his muscles tensing in anticipation.

Rick moaned, unable to keep those feelings and sensations to himself anymore… feeling all his emotions overflowing his heart, sending him over the edge… a single word, a name, her name escaped his lips and then his trembling body collapsed heavily, while his heart was pounding furiously in his chest… and before he lost all sense of reality, his only thought was that if there was a heaven, he was sure he’d find it someday… in those beautiful emerald green eyes of hers.

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The dim winter light entered shyly in Rick’s room. Everything seemed cold and dull, touched by the grayish light of the early morning. Two motionless figures laid in bed and their soft breathing was the only sound that altered the silence of that morning.

Minmai was sound asleep, curled up, her face turned away from Rick. He was awake, his arms folded under his head and his eyes set on the ceiling above him. There was a noticeable distance between them, a distance Rick didn’t seem to mind, despite of the coldness of that morning.

“I wonder where she is now.” He was thinking. “I should call Max and ask him if he saw her last night… she was very upset when she left… I should’ve gone after her… I shouldn’t have let her go like that.”

Minmai moved a little and until then Rick seemed to notice her laying next to him. He looked at her and a preoccupied expression appeared in his face as he remembered the night before.

“Minmai…” He thought. “I didn’t want things to be that way… I never expected things to go that way… I—I’m sorry, I…”

Rick sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling again. He remembered all that had happened the night before after dinner… he remembered the feeling of having Minmai in his arms, her soft skin and her sweet lips… he remembered how her hair felt between his fingers and how much he enjoyed her touch… she was perfect in every way.

He had Lynn Minmai, Miss Macross in his bed… and he was making love to her. Only it really wasn’t her that he had in his heart and mind… it was someone else… someone who he feared he might never see again.

Rick stood up, feeling ashamed of himself. Even though it was early morning and he had the day off, after he had gone out to fight in his day off during the attack of the day before, he decided he couldn’t sleep anymore… he just couldn’t stay in bed any longer… not with her and not after what had happened the night before.

He walked to the bathroom, to take a shower… and when he saw his uniform hanging from a perch in the bathroom, he decided he’d put it on, just in case. Before he walked into the bathroom, he stopped and leaned against the doorframe, staring at Minmai for a moment.

He remembered the passion, the need and the urge he felt the night before… he felt he was going crazy, it was just too much for him… he had fantasized about something like that for so long… he had needed something like that for so long…

But he could never make himself open his eyes to look at Minmai… he seemed to be lost in a different world, where sensations and feelings were coming from somewhere else… or from someone else.

He could hear Minmai whispering his name, but he couldn’t speak. And when she kissed him, he couldn’t return the kiss. He had just turned his head, hiding his face in her neck as he was gasping for air… feeling his heart about to explode.

And then… then he couldn’t hold it anymore… then it escaped from him, even though he fought it back fiercely… he reached a point where all control was lost and he couldn’t restrain it anymore.

It was only one word… just one word which violently escaped his lips… a single word that came directly from his heart… right out of his very soul.

“LISA!” He heard himself groaning in a ragged voice, making that word sound like a plea… or even like a prayer.

He remembered the world seemed to stop for a moment… he had vague recollections of Minmai’s quiet sobs afterwards… but he couldn’t be sure of anything.

All he could remember was that moment… that eternal second that seemed to hold in it all the answers he had been looking for so long.

Because that single word pronounced at that very moment was more meaningful than all the conversations they had… than all those long nights he spent awake trying to figure out his feelings or to understand things.

That word told him all he needed to know, all he yearned to know… now everything seemed to be crystal clear. That morning the world seemed to be a different place… suddenly everything had a meaning and a reason in his life.

After all that time, after all those doubts, after all the pain, the fear and uncertainty of the previous years, it had only taken a word… just a single word…

… And then he knew.

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State = Fin/The End

feedback = Sí/Yes

email = evi021ATgmail.com