Bittersweet Destiny Home

Chapter 21: In the Shadows.

When he entered the room, the cold of the ambient hit his skin like a cold slap in winter. A natural chill ran over his back, but it was the look of her in bed that make every little hair on the back of his neck stand up in agony alert. The light was dimmed and the neon bright gave her even a paler look as her hands lay down next to her in a ghostly way. His senses didn't get any external signs. The only sound he felt was the errant pump of his own heart. The only thing he tasted was a bloody and salty feeling in the back of his throat. The only thing he felt, was how his legs and arms where losing energy, like the steam running away from the boiling water. The only thing he could see was the reason of his life, lying in a cold bed, alone, holding onto life just by a miracle of science and God.

He stood there for minutes, but the feeling was like a lifetime had past over him, and somehow he felt old and tired. His lips were dry, but he couldn't feel them. Slowly he stepped in, scared because that action felt like his first move inside an unknown reality, but he did it anyway. His second step was there, and after just five of them, then he stood next to her, and watched her in slow motion from her feet to her face, lying unmoving and covered with white unwelcome sheets, like she was just another one there. Another body waiting for the final sentence of destiny.

Suddenly, the blood rushed through his body until he felt the dangerous pumping of blood in his ears, trying to escaped from the prison of his skin. The cold air filled his lungs like the first breath of a newborn and hurt him from the inside and his legs couldn't take his own weight and he collapsed on the floor, next to her. The dumb feelings in his chest of the past hours finally broke free and filled him with sadness, agony and guilt.

His face was just inches away from hers, but the distance was growing every second, because her soul was slowly flying away from his presence. He almost couldn't feel the warmth of her body, because it wasn't there anymore. His face lay on her bed, and the only thing he could do was watch how she was trapped inside her own biological nightmare. With unknown strength, he moved his hand and touched her left hand, feeling the cold of death around her. Feeling how his vision was blurry suddenly from hot tears, he moved all his being to hold that hand, so unprotected like the hand of a child, and tried to give his own warmth to it. He prayed for a miracle, asking the gods and every good thing on earth to give him a second chance to show her what she meant to him. It was in vane. Like a crystal statue she refused to open her eyes and after a few minutes he felt how a frustrated scream was captured inside his throat, screaming so loud that it could make the whole hospital tremble. But when he opened his mouth, no sound came from him, as another proof of destiny that his fate wasn't in his hands anymore.

Kneeling next to his wife, holding her hand, he cried and screamed in silence, feeling how his own life was escaping from every pore of his skin in every breath that he exhaled. Absolutely lost without her, Rick cried one more time, asking no more for help, but only for the heavens to take him with Lisa, if that was what the skies decided.


Rick woke up breathing hard and sweating. His neck was so tight and his body so heavy that he couldn't move for a minute. Almost scared, he tried to breathe normally. With eyes wide open looking at the ceiling, he tried not to go back to sleep. He couldn't remember the nightmare, but he was sure he didn't want to remember it or go back to it again. Suddenly a panic feeling grew inside him and almost with fear; he moved his right hand and touched tentatively next to him. With relief his hand touched Lisa's hip. She was sleeping next to him, like every night the past year. Letting go of the air inside his lungs, Rick barely smiled, but could breath again. Lisa moved in her sleep and turned over to face him, turning her beautiful sleeping face to his side of the bed. Rick watched her sleep and smiled a little more when he listened to how deeply she was sleeping. He turned around and they were face to face. Rick just watched her, like she was a precious treasure, and she was, because after all that time, Rick learned how to appreciated the sleeping beauty next to him. Not just for her looks, but for her feelings, her logic, her personality...her soul. It was almost a year since he married her for all the wrong reasons, but tonight, he thought, tonight he knew that it was a good choice. However, there was something inside that still held back for her, a silly feeling that still remembered his own insecure feelings. There was a small part of him that still refused to accept the obvious fact, that this woman was the right one for him. Maybe it was because of how they ended up together, a reason so bizarre and hard to accept. Maybe it was because it was from morning to night that everything happened. Maybe it was because deep down he still had feelings for another woman. Maybe it was because he was just scared of the mysterious way that life works, that left him hanging around on an emotional cliff sometimes. He didn't know the reason, but just thinking about that gave him a chill that had nothing to do with the cold England weather. He nodded and put his arms around her waist, moving her closer until they were nose to nose. Feeling the tender feeling of his nose against hers and the warmth of her presence, Rick closed his eyes; sure that just the contact of her was enough to make his own demons run away for the night.


It was a cold day, the sunlight fought against the deep gray clouds in the sky, but the clouds were winning the battle. Dana looked with her cheek against the cold glass of the window of the kitchen, in the main area of the house were everybody hung out. The little girl sighed, knowing that as much control as she had over everybody in her very unusual family, they weren't going to take her out this day. It was Kim's day to take care of her, so Dana smiled widely when the short hair brunette entered the kitchen. Both girls smiled to each other, fully knowing that in the morning they were going to dance in the living room with the music as loud as possible. In the past year in England, Dana had not just grown like a weed in the country; she also took on the English accent in her now complete sentences. The funny thing was that everybody in the house had taken the accent, so nobody noticed it.

"Good morning everyone," said Kim stretching and walking straight to the coffee machine.
"Cloudy Morning," answered Sammy with a yawn.
"Why so depressed Sam?" asked Kim sipping her coffee and walking next to the always burning fireplace.
"Ohh, you aren't going to freeze outside today!! You want to switch with me today?" asked Sammy with stars in her eyes. Kim made a face and showed her tongue.
"No thanks, Dana is mine today," said Kim holding the little girl who loved to be spoiled by the "grown-ups" of the house.
"Good Morning," said Roy coming into the room and taking Dana in the air from Kim's arms. Everybody laughed when the girl giggled. Roy kissed her cheek and put her on the ground and she ran to her toy box.
"Aren't we in a good mood again?" said Vanessa raising an eyebrow in his direction. Roy smirked showing his white teeth.
"Yes we are," he said sitting in the chair.
"Save me the details," joked Kim rolling her eyes.
"You wish I gave you details," answered Roy and Vanessa almost choked on her tea.
"And who told you I already don't know... 'Mr. Big'" answered Kim and this time it was Roy who almost choked.
"What?!" he said looking almost pale, but Kim laughed.
"Man you are easy... after 'Sex and the City' every guy's nickname is Mr. Big...don't flatter yourself that much Fokker" said the brunette as she drank her tea with triumph.
"Are you two fighting again?" said Lisa coming into the nook, fixing her jacket. "Honestly, you both should test your DNA, I can bet that you are related to each other," she said rolling her eyes.
"Funny Mrs. Hunter...where is your husband anyway?" asked Roy having a foot fight under the desk with Kim until they both hit it and Vannessa's tea jumped.
"He is in the shower. He didn't sleep well last night, so I let him sleep a few more minutes, he didn't have a good face..." she commented sitting at the table, after kissing Dana's head.
"Maybe he has the flue or something," offered Sammy looking at Lisa.
"Maybe, I don't know...but he seems quiet, worried about something," explained Lisa looking at her reflection in the dark coffee of her mug.
Roy bit his lip, thinking. He noticed this behavior of Rick lately and was worried, but he couldn't talk about it yet, there was more important news to share with his little brother, but he made a mental note not to forget to ask if he was all right.

After everyone was done, they said their goodbyes to Kim and Dana and were on their way to the base. Dana looked at the cars until they weren't in sight anymore. The little girl had a serious expression on her face, and sighed sadly as she looked at her own tiny hands. She felt something wasn't right, but she was too little to even know what it was. Kim came next to her and took her in her arms and soon Dana was laughing and forgot what was probably her first premonition.


The day went normal between patrols, meetings and reports. The usual discussions, the usual jokes, but Lisa saw everything in slow motion. She had a weird feeling and somehow she felt more awake than ever in her life. She put special attention to every little detail around her, every funny face Sammy made, every detail in Miriya's questions and the way Max looked at his wife, with wisdom within. Lisa smiled almost sadly and wondered why this day was like the calm before the storm, like the sweet goodbye in a romantic movie. She laughed at herself and concentrated on finishing her reports to send back to Macross City. A new plane of officers and civilians was going to arrive that night, and she had to be present. After finishing, Rick picked her up and they returned home early with Claudia and Roy, who looked a little anxious about something. Between the chat in the car, Claudia, who sat behind with Lisa, took her friend's hand and smiling whispered "I need to talk to you in private". Lisa nodded, more curios than worried, because Claudia was smiling and looking strangely calm.

The wind started blowing hard when they reached their home, and the lights of the little chalet welcomed everyone inside. Lisa was the last one to get inside. For an unknown reason, she walked a few steps into the garden and let the wild wind hit her in the face. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, letting the air fill her with life.

"C'mon Lisa!! Come inside!" said Rick walking behind her and taking her hand. She turned around and smiled sweetly at him, and both ran inside.

After a little chat with everyone, Claudia found the perfect moment and excused herself and went upstairs with Lisa. Roy, for his part, took the opportunity that the Sterlings were playing in the living room with Dana, and the Trio was gossiping in kitchen, to take Rick into the library.

"What is it?" asked Lisa excitedly when they were in Claudia's bedroom. Claudia made her sit on the bed and she walked in front of her anxiously, trying to find the right words. Lisa looked at her in a funny way as she waited.
"Well,'s just....I have to tell you something..." said Claudia moving her hands.
"Then tell me!" said Lisa smiling, waiting anxiously.
Claudia looked at her and smiled back. She sat next to her and took her hands.
"Lisa, honey...Hmm, a few month ago, Roy and I decided something...I...I haven't told you because I thought, well...I think it was because...I don't know! I still don't believe it yet myself..." she said errantly.
"Believe what?! C'mon Claudia! You are killing me here!!" said Lisa holding the hands of her friend stronger.

Claudia looked at her smiling.

"WHAT?!" shouted Rick from his chair near the fire. Roy smiled proudly.
"Yes," said Roy walking around, holding a glass with scotch in it and smiling like a fool.
Rick sat there, eyes almost jumping out of their sockets. He was sure that he missed hearing it or something. Even in a thousand years, he never thought he would witness this.
"Well? Say something...or you are going to sit there forever?" asked Roy impatiently.
"I...I...don't know what to say," said Rick truthfully.
"Congratulations would be a good word right now Hunter," offered Roy jokingly.
"Oh...yeah, sure," said Rick drinking his own glass of scotch at once.
"Don't act like it is so weird," said Roy sitting in front of him in another comfortable old chair.
"Isn't it? I mean...aren't you surprised at all?" asked Rick finding finally some words.
"Of course, but not that much. Actually I was getting worried that we hadn't had success sooner," explained Roy and drank from his glass.
"So you planned all this?" asked Rick dumbly.
"Sure! What? Did you think after so many years together this just happened?" asked back Roy, raising an eyebrow. Rick turned a little embarrassed by his own stupidity.
"Sorry," he said and drank the rest of his scotch " I need a refill".
Roy laughed at his reaction.

"Oh My God!!!!!" said Lisa with her hands over her mouth and eyes filled with tears. "I am so happy for you!!" she said and hugged her friend so hard that they almost fell from the edge of the bed.
"Thanks Lisa!" said Claudia, crying too "You are the first person I told, well...except Roy of course."
"And you said you two planned all this?" said Lisa cleaning her eyes and looking for a tissue for Claudia.
"Yeah, I was worried actually, but looks like everything is all right," said Claudia blowing her nose. Lisa laughed.
"I bet Roy was out of his body in happiness," said Lisa, sitting in the edge of the bed again.
"He cried!"
"No way!!"
"Yes, just don't tell him I told you," said Claudia coming into the bedroom with a glass of water.
"Don't worry...Oh, that is so sweet!" said Lisa and then concentrated on her friend, "How do you feel?"
"I am fine, just the morning sickness is awful and I've been having trouble controlling it, so you guys didn't find out. I want to ask Miriya for some advice if she has any".
"I am sure she has. Oh my god...this is so many month are you?" asked Lisa placing her hand slowly in Claudia's stomach.
"Four weeks," said her friend smiling, "Roy thinks it's a girl," she commented to Lisa and she laughed.
"I bet...what do you want?" asked Lisa taking her hand away and feeling so strange to be asking these things to Claudia.
"Doesn't matter, I will be happy with anything, but between us...I don't know why, but I think will be a boy," said Claudia smiling. "Poor Roy, he is just completely sure it's a girl".
"A boy, a girl, WHO CARES!" said Lisa enthusiastically "I am just so happy for both of you! This is far away the best news I ever had," said Lisa hugging Claudia again.
"Thanks friend, really...thanks," said Claudia, and both women started crying again.

"Wow, I am still in shock," said Rick holding his drink and looking into space.
"Tell me about you imagine me as a dad?" asked Roy between joy and worried. Rick finally looked at him and stood up, placing a hand in his back.
"You will be a great father, Roy, you were almost like a father to me, that kid can't be more lucky," said Rick patting his back. Both man hugged each other.
"Thanks bro," said Roy, holding his own emotions.
"Thanks to you for sharing this with me," said Rick smiling proudly.
"Well, wow...what about you?" joked Roy sitting in his chair. Rick raised an eyebrow at him.
"What about me?" asked Rick back, sitting in his own chair.
"When are you two going to get pregnant?" asked Roy smiling.
Rick's eyes grow wider and he sat quiet, not sure how to answered to that.

"Us? I don't know...I don't even know if Rick wants kids," said Lisa standing up and walking around the room suddenly nervous.
"Well, do you want kids?" asked Claudia crossing her legs and looking at how Lisa was visibly nervous.
"I...I...sure, I would love to have a baby but I don't know what Rick wants," said Lisa walking to the bathroom and taking another glass of water, feeling thirsty all of the sudden. Claudia smirked.
"I am sure he wants kids," said Claudia when she walked back again. Lisa stood in the doorframe of the bathroom looking at her friend.
"You think so?" asked Lisa, like a little child.
"I am sure...he hasn't thought about it, but I am sure he would love it," said Claudia, patting the bed next to her. Lisa walked over and sat there.
"This is a huge step, I and Roy are together since forever, but Rick and's a completely different story," explained Lisa looking down at the glass in her hands, feeling insecure and a little sad.
"Nonsense Lisa, I know you want a baby, and I know it because you look at Dana the same way I look at her. You want your own, and it's like a's like I felt there was something inside me telling me it," said Claudia softly, taking Lisa's hand and making her look into her eyes.
"I wanted one for a long time Claudia but...I don't think Rick is ready for something this big".
"What about Max? When Miriya got pregnant, he was even younger!" said Claudia and Lisa nodded.
"But there is a huge difference Clau...Max was and is IN love with Miriya...and I am not sure Rick is in love with me".
"Don't be silly, he is...he is still young and stupid sometimes, but I don't have any doubts about what he feels for you," said Claudia.
"Then why do I still doubt it Claudia? Why do I feel that he is keeping a secret?" said Lisa walking in the direction of the door and stopping there.
"Because...because..." Claudia tried to say, not sure what she was trying to explain. She looked at Lisa and saw the truth in her green eyes "He is not..."
"Forget it Claudia, this whole thing. This is your day and we are going to celebrate it. C'mon, lets go back and look for the guys" said Lisa and forced herself to smile, taking Claudia's hand and walking downstairs.


"You must be out of your mind," said Roy not sure if he heard it right.
"I know Roy, but in all this time, I know I am crazy for her, and I love her...but there is something holding me back and I don't know what it is," said Rick walking until he reached the fireplace and lost his sight in the fire.
"You are telling me that, after all this time, after everything that happened, you aren't sure of what you feel?" said Roy trying to calm himself and standing next to him.
Rick didn't answered, just nodded.
"My God..." said Roy looking at the ceiling and covering his mouth with his hand.
"I am a bastard," said finally Rick, throwing into the fire the empty glass and walking away.
"You aren't Rick...this isn't sane are just confused, man, you were born confused!!" Roy tried to joke, but didn't work.
"This is not confusion Roy. I have the most amazing woman next to me, caring, lovely, brave, sexy, intelligent but it's not enough...there is something missing, and I don't know what the hell it is!!" exploded Rick holding his head in his hands.
"Rick..." said Roy suddenly but he didn't listen.
"Don't tell me I will know with time Roy! I don't know!! I feel a thousand things; I wondered a thousand possibilities. It's like my life isn't in my hands and I'm someone's puppet! Why did I end up like this? What if I took a different path...what if I never married her? What would have happened to me then? Were I would be now? With whom? Doing what? Maybe I would not be having these feelings of...of losing something!! Roy...maybe I would be just looking at some strange woman's legs and that would be my biggest problem and I wouldn't even be thinking about kids at this age!! I...I don't know!!..."
"RICK! STOP!" commanded Roy in a harsh voice and just then Rick looked up to watch Roy's tense face. He was looking straight to his left and Rick followed his eyes and when they finally reached their destination, his own heart stopped.
"Lisa" he murmured as he looked at her in the doorframe with the most intense look of pain in her emerald green eyes.

Lisa forced herself to breathe again, trying to realize if she was inside a nightmare or if this was actually happening. Her eyes were fixed in the blue worried eyes of Rick, standing a few feet away from her. She could feel her heart in her ears, but the worst sensation was how the energy was escaping from her, leaving her weak. Claudia probably thought that she was going to faint or something, because she grabbed her arm, holding her.
"Lisa" she listened to him murmur, with so much fear and her pain hit against her like a wave hits the rocks in the sea.
"Roy, do something!" begged Claudia watching how Lisa was paler every second.
"Lisa..." said Rick walking next to her but she held herself onto Claudia.
"I am fine, don't worry" she said breathing hard and feeling embarrassed for the situation.
"Are you sure?" asked Roy also concerned of how pale she was.
"Affirmative daddy," Lisa tried to joke as she smiled at him. Roy smiled sadly.
"Yeah, I will be a daddy" he said and then Lisa hugged him, in part for moral support, in part to hide how her heart was breaking right then.
Looking at Claudia, Roy held Lisa as hard as he could, feeling how she desperately held onto him. He just wanted to die in that moment.
"Congratulations Roy," said Lisa trying to focus on that topic and put behind the sour memory of her own problems.
"Thanks kiddo," said Roy with a sad smiled.
"Hey, cheer up, it's both need to celebrate and I think you should tell this wonderful news to the guys...I can imagine the face of the Trio when they find out!" said Lisa forcing a fake cheer.
Claudia looked at Roy and realized she wanted to be alone with Rick.
"Lisa, we can stay..." said Claudia but Lisa shook her head.
"I am fine Clau, c'mon on, I told you, this is your day, go and celebrate, I...we need to talk," she said and both Claudia and Roy left the room with worried expressions on their face.

The wooden door was closed, and both Rick and Lisa were facing each other. Rick was completely lost wondering thousand of things at the same time, and praying that she hadn't heard, but it was a silly thought, because it was obvious that she had heard enough. Lisa was against the closed door; her eyes lost in the floor, not knowing what to say or do. She was so absence of everything that she didn't realize when her own tears started falling from her eyes in silence.

When Rick saw her there, completely vulnerable with tears falling from her eyes he cursed himself and walked until he held her in his arms.
"I am sorry, I am sorry," he repeated over and over again, but Lisa wasn't there. She felt his arms around her and felt nothing. Her tears were falling freely from her eyes, but her feelings were shut down. Rick held her so hard that he was hurting her, but she didn't feel it, and he didn't notice. His own tears were falling now.
"Lisa please, I am so sorry...I didn't meant it...I...I am confuse, I didn't meant it," he repeated and then Lisa finally listened.
"No you weren't," she murmured softly, "and we both know it," she said looking into his now scared eyes.
Rick couldn't read the expression in Lisa's eyes, they were hurt, obviously, but also had a glint of acknowledgment in them. She knew, he thought bitterly.
"I love you," he said with a trembling lower lip, meaning his words and scared to death of losing her.
"I know," she said and slowly moved her hand and touched his cheek. Rick felt the warmth of her hand and his heart squeezed in his chest when his brain asked himself what the hell he did, that he ruined what was the only good thing that happened in his life.
Lisa moved her hand and with her thumb, she touched his lower lip. Rick held his breath, feeling more scared in his life than he ever had before.
"I love you, I do," he said taking her hand and kissing her palm.
Lisa was in a calmed state, almost like she was walking in her sleep. So calm that Rick was scared that she was going to disappear from his arms.
"We can't fool us Rick. We settled the rules of this game a year ago, we confused," she explained, her eyes fixed on his trembling lip and talking almost automatically.
"Don't leave me....please," he begged almost crying aloud, like a lost child holding onto his blanket.
"I won't...but we can't pretend to have something that we don't," she said softly, feeling how every one of her words hurt her forever.

Rick cried and hugged her, asking forgiveness with his actions, for his words. He wasn't sure why he said all that before, he just felt more scared of the possibility of being away from her than all the 'what if's" in his life.
"We are fine," said Lisa in his ear, but still not hugging him back. "We just aren't going to pretended anymore. I..I..." said Lisa walking away from him, looking for the right words "I am sorry for pushing you so far with this. We can't control our feelings, and if I was responsible of you saying what you didn't feel, I am sorry," she said truthfully. Rick wanted to kick himself, because after a long, long time, he saw the pain in her eyes again, that pain he saw for years and he just refuse to notice. That hurt feeling was there again, the almost unbearable pain of her life was back in those blurry green eyes that weren't bright anymore. Rick blamed himself for it.
"You aren't responsible for anything is me, I am the one who doesn't know what I want in life, I am the one who is questioning things, not you!" he said walking and taking her in his arms, in a way she had to look at him.
"It was just about time Rick. I told Claudia once, that to love and to be in love were different things," she said looking with no hope into his blue eyes. This time it was Rick who looked down.
"Just think about the positive side of this, it's not lost...we, we still have a chance, we just...well, you just need to find your answer and when you do, I am going to be around..." she explained with a quivering voice, holding her own tears.
"I don't want to go..." he said scared like a child.
"You don't have to. The answer you are looking for is here.." said Lisa, touching his chest, where his heart was. Even when she knew that her own words were possibly going to let him go away at the end; she just couldn't lie to him. "..and when you find it, then with no pressure, and for all the good reasons, if you decide you want it...we can be together again, but this time for real, with children and everything," said Lisa, trying to joke and smile, but her words and the idea of the children that probably wouldn't be there ever, made her gulp a little.
Rick held her one more time, crying in her neck, fully knowing that he screwed it up forever and just hoping that at the end of the journey, she was going to be the choice he would make.

"I...I have to go," said Lisa, cleaning her tears.
"Where are you going?" asked Rick worried.
"I have to be on the base when the new crew arrived tonight," she explained.
"I am going with you," said Rick not wanting to be away from her right now...not ever.
"No" she said softly but firmly. "You stay, I will go...I need the time away too. I will return around 5 AM so don't wait for me, ok? Go and get some sleep," she said putting her hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body, one more time.
"You can't drive in this state, let me take you there," begged Rick, holding her right hand against his heart.
"It's ok, there is a driver waiting for me outside now, probably. He is going to take me there and bring me home," she whispered, losing her voice.

Rick didn't want to let her go and kissed her on the lips, in a bittersweet kiss that made his heart stop with a sudden feeling of lost. He didn't want her to go now.
"Don't go," he whispered against her salty lips, but she nodded a no.
"Goodbye, Rick," she said finally and before her tears ran away from their prison she opened the door and left the house.

When Rick stop listening to the car engine because it was too far away from home, a sudden cheer and happy exclamations could be heard from the kitchen, were Claudia and Roy probably let everybody know about the news of their baby. Rick stood there in the library alone, with the sound of his happy friends in the background and an emptiness in his heart that was almost unbearable.

"Ma'am, sorry for asking, but are you all right?" asked the driver looking at her in the mirror of the car.
Lisa was lost in her own thoughts, far away from reality. The voice of the man sounded so far away that she barely noticed him.
"I am fine, private. I think I am getting a cold" she lied to him, not wanting to worry anybody else.
The driver said, "Yes ma'am" and concentrated on the road.

Lisa looked away from the window and couldn't think at all. Her brain had so many things to think about but was unable. It was like she acted just for her biological functions and nothing more. There weren't anymore tears, there weren't any more feelings, everything was just shut down.

The night was cold and dark. The only light on the road were the lights of the car that Lisa was in. The silence was so intense, that it was like they were in space and not on earth. Somehow everything fell into place in that moment, in that day, because as a line in a play, from behind Lisa's car, a new car came from nowhere and started accelerating until it reached the position next to them. Alert suddenly of the car, the private accelerated their speed, trying to lose this menace.
"What the hell?" cursed the driver, when this unknown car finally reached them on their side of the road. Lisa reacted and tried to see inside the opposite car, but it was too dark and she couldn't see a thing.
"Slow the speed!" ordered Lisa, but before the private could obey, the car pushed Lisa's car, trying to take them away from road dangerously.
"Stop now!! Stop!!" shouted Lisa but the car only needed another harsh strike to push them away from the road and out of control.
Lisa felt how the car was jumping on the way down. She couldn't see how high they were or if there was a cliff at the end. The darkness surrounded her and she knew she was going to die right then and there. Lisa put her hands over her head, and then over her knees and asked God to take care of Rick, before a huge crash was heard and Lisa couldn't think or feel anymore.

Rick listened to the distant ringing of a phone. He was too deep in his almost drunken sleep to notice the steps at 2 AM of someone who ran to pick up the noisy telephone. After Lisa left, Rick drank half of the bottle of scotch and fell asleep in his bed...their bed, he thought sadly. He lost conscience again, until a few seconds later the shout of Sammy woke up even the dead. Rick jumped from his sleep and felt a wave of nausea that almost made him throw up. It was obvious that everyone had jumped from their bedrooms by the steps down the stairs. Rick touched the bed next to him and didn't find Lisa. After a few seconds, his brain began to work and remembered the awful scene earlier and felt again a new wave of nausea.
Standing up, he went to the bathroom and realized he wasn't drunk anymore, just with the effects of a hang over. Quickly he splashed some water on his face and ran downstairs to find out the reason for the commotion.

When Rick finally reached the first floor, Vanessa and Kim were holding Sammy who was crying on the floor. Max was holding Miriya and Roy was holding Claudia, who was on the edge of hysteria.
"What happened?!" asked Rick worried as he walked to the group. Everybody looked at him and the silence involved the ambient, all eyes focusing on him. Rick knew something bad had happened, but couldn't think straight. Sammy sniffed again and everybody cried not knowing what to say.
"Tell me!!" said Rick desperately until Max held his arm.
"It's Lisa, Rick," he said seriously. Rick felt how his heart stopped as he listened to her name.
"What happened ? Where is she?!" demanded Rick.
"She had an accident on the road Rick, she is in the not alright" said Max before his own blue eyes filled with tears again.

Rick felt like he was falling and all his functions stop. His soul wasn't in his body and he was living only for mercy of nature. Processing the information took him minutes.
"It can't be...possible," said Rick after a few minutes but then Claudia hugged him the way Lisa had hugged Roy earlier.

Rick was speechless and Roy took him to the car and somehow after 15 minutes he woke up and realized they were all halfway to the hospital. Sammy remained with Dana in the house because she had taken the news too badly. The rest of them were on their way, Max driving. When Rick awoke from the shock, images of Lisa came into his mind. Images of when he saw her for the very fist time and she gave him directions to land. Then he remembered when they had their first fight over the technical channel and he called her an 'old sourpuss'. Then he remembered when they were trapped inside the SDF-1, the movies, the coffee, when he rescued her from Mars, when he rescued her from Alaska base. Then his mind jumped from those times to more recent ones, their wedding, their fights, their lovemaking...her laughter, her jokes, her tenderness, her voice, her eyes...her soul.

The car stopped at the entrance to the hospital and all of them rushed inside the building. It was a nurse who stopped them half way.
"You can't run in here like that! Please behave yourself"
"Where is she?!!" asked Rick hysterically to the nurse who was trying to control him.
"Please calm down sir!" Shouted the nurse at him, but he was out of control.
"Where is Lisa!! Tell me where she is!!" cried Rick, hurting the nurse's arm.
"Let me go!!" shouted the nurse and Max and Roy held Rick from each side of his arms.
"Lisa! Lisa Hayes! where is my wife!" shouted Rick at the top of his lungs, almost feeling dizzy.
A doctor come to see what all the shouting was about and helped Roy and Max hold Rick, who was out of his mind.
"Easy, Easy there! She is in surgery right now, you can't see her yet!" said the doctor until Rick finally stop moving and fell on the floor.
"How is she?" asked Claudia to the doctor. Rick was still sitting on the floor, looking nowhere.
"She is not fine Miss. When they found her, the medical team had to do CPR on her, then we almost lost her in the emergency room." explained the doctor, who still had an eye on Rick.
"Why is she in surgery?" asked Miriya worriedly.
"Because when she was stable, we realized that the hit of the car caused a Cerebral Vascular Accident and if we didn't precede at once, she was going to die for sure Ma'am," the doctor said truthfully.
"What do you mean for sure?" asked Rick standing up with the help of Max and Roy.
"What I mean, sir, is that the surgery is very risky. It's an extreme situation. I am not going to lie to you, there are very good chances for her to make it, but the possibility of losing her is high too," explained the doctor to everyone. Rick listened to his words and felt himself drowning in desperation.
After the questions were made, and they were waiting for the surgery to end, Rick had time to calm himself. Hours past and they waited, Rick in silence, holding his hands and touching his ring on his left hand. The world suddenly changed for him and he opened his soul for the real truth, what Lisa meant to him, how deep her essence was in every pore of his life and his body. Somehow in all the pain he was going through, he saw the light of the truth and found his answer. Fully awake to reality, Rick closed his eyes and accepted the responsibility of his own actions, of his own words. Listening to the far away humming of a thousand machines, Rick realized what was real love and that he had lost it.

Eight hours since they arrived, the surgery ended. Another doctor came to see the family and friends and informed them that they had helped Lisa and that she was alive, only by a miracle. The doctor explained that the next hours were crucial and that she wasn't breathing on her own yet, but it was about time for her to wake up. Roy hugged Claudia, crying like a baby and this time it was her who comforted him. Max hugged Miriya who was thanking God, but Rick was in his tracks, enable to speak.

"Sir, sir...are you the husband?" asked the doctor to Rick until he nodded a yes.
"You can see her if you want to," explained the doctor and Rick followed him not saying a word.


Slowly he opened the door of the room, and he saw her, lying in bed with machines all around her. Her head had bandages but she still had her long hair and he thought that she would be glad for it when she woke up. After walking next to her, holding her hand and feeling it cold, and after screaming in silence, for what was ages, Rick was brave enough to look into her sleeping face and touch her cold cheek.
"I am in love with you, Lisa Hayes. Do you hear me?" he said softly, kissing her hand again. "I need you like the air, like the water. You are essential for me, do you hear me?" he begged, sniffing hard. "I love you so much that it's killing me, baby...and I was scared of that, because it is so great and scary that someone is so vital for someone else, but you are that for me Lisa.." he said, his face wet with tears as he cleaned the lines of blood away from her face "...I am in love with you, and I know it, because I want you to be happy, more than anything else in the world. It is true that I need you Lisa, God knows I need you, but I want you to be happy baby.." he said and his voice broke for the tears, fully knowing that his next words were painfully true "...and if you want to go now, my love...if your soul wants to go away to be free and happy Lisa, I want you to do it...because I love you" he said against her hand, inches away from her face and then he couldn't talked anymore. He fell asleep crying next to her, dreaming that this whole day was a nightmare and that he would wake up touching the tip of her nose with his own one more time...

Disclaimer: BITTERSWEET DESTINY is a fanfiction written by Carla Aguilar (nickname Carla “Fox”). ROBOTECH and all other related characters, names, and indicia are trademarks of Harmony Gold USA, Inc. This fanfic was written for noncommercial purposes. Any other popular private references, belongs to their owners. No infringement is intended. Santiago de Chile, Online since 2003.
About my original characters.